Mentioned before the baby-mama-drama. Now I'm admitting my complicity. I blogged about it on my private myspace account. (It's not like I can talk about it at home, or even on the phone - little ears and all). The Other-Mother (Biomom) got ahold of the blog and shared it with my oldest step-daughter (adult content and all). I know it was stupid. I know, I was bad. But know what do I do? Do I confront the issue, apologize to my daughter, admitting that I was wrong to trash-talk and spill her personal parental business to others? Do I acknowledge the breach in privacy? Do I instead ignore the whole issue, since those were my own private thoughts and feelings being shared with my adult friends in a way that I thought wouldn't hurt my kids? (And obviously, I'm keeping my blog G-rated and light and cheerful from here on out.) Jess hasn't come to me with this, it was mentioned by her little sister.
Sometimes it sucks so much to be an adult. I wish I could be 8 again and just sock mom one. No wait that's no good, she'd tell my mom on me and then I'd be busted....
I'll fess up to Jess and look on the bright side, at least this way she'll get an experience of what not to do. I mean, I know that my mother's a control-freak clean obsessed jew who lives completely in denial, but nobody else better say that, SHE'S MY MOMMY! And I know that Jess is very bright and mature, and she'll get it.
As for hubby, he's a little too supportive. He comes from the old-school redneck world of parenting. "Just tell her, If her mom would put down the crack-pipe and do her job so you didn't have to, you wouldn't be so upset in the first place...." No bueno...but it's nice to be appreciated
I think the one thing that all kids need to know is that we are human and make mistakes. It doesn't matter whether you are a bio mom or step mom. Own up to it and learn from it. It may take you awhile to get back in her good graces, but just work with it.
From what we know about biomom, it sounds like she jumped on an opportunity to sabotage the relationship between you and her daughter. If that's the case, then its unfortunate that she can not be a bigger person.
I think if you talked about her bio mom, and she saw it, you HAVE to address it. That's why we're the adults. If it was me, I would explain to her that you are human, and you made a mistake. Even if it's not actually what happened, you could tell her that you were having a really bad day and took it out on her mom where you thought no one would actually see it. Sort of like screaming into a pillow to get it out. The bio mom shouldn't have shared it with her, but what's done is done, and all you can do is damage control now. I would do my best to just explain to her that part of being an adult is admitting when you've made a mistake or hurt someone's feelings and tell her how truly sorry you are. My kids seem to look at my husband and I in a different light when they realize we're not invincible and that we make mistakes just like they do and then own up to them. It also provides a good model for them to admit to their own actions and take responsibility for them.
I have a myspace page and have it set to private so that only people that I approve as friends can see anything on my page. Maybe you could do that so that biomom can't read your stuff.
I had a similar problem with my dh ex with a page I had on a website called babyfit. She found it somehow and was reading all my stuff, so I cancelled the account. BUT for my myspace page I made it private so that even if she finds me, she can only see my name and pic and can't read anything on my page or blog.
You are only human and have the right to talk to friends. What you said may not have been right, but it wasn't right for her to read it and repeat it. But from reading your other post aout what you are going through with her, it doesn't surprise me. Believe me I share your grief/pain in the situation. I know EXACLTY how you feel. If you don't let it out and talk to someone it will build up. Does your hubby know about what happened? I am guessing he does and if he is supportive of you, I suggest talking to him about it first and see what he thinks. That doesn't mean you can't do what you feel is right in the end, but you can at least get his imput. How old is your stepdaughter? Is she old enough to understand that sometimes grown ups need to talk to other grown ups about things? Maybe you could explain that to her. Does she seem to be upset about what happened? Has it changed your relationship with her? If it does seem to have bothered her or she isn't as open with you as she was before I would approach her and just try to explain that you needed to get things off your chest with other adults. I would also explain that it wasn't appropriate for her biomom to repeat to her what was said.
I know I haven't been much help. But again, I suggest that you set your myspace page to private and do not approve her as a friend, to prevent this in the future.
feel free to email me if you want. I feel for you!
Hugs and blessings! K.
I would be the bigger person and address the issue with your daughter. Perhaps you could explain to her that you were frustrated and trying to vent and that your intention was not to hurt her or her mother. She'll respect you more and feel more open to talking to you if you talk to her about it.
My mother once told me a great word of advice, "Unless you want it published on the front page of a newspaper keep it in your head." Writing things down in a public setting invites that to be shared with anyone. I do however believe it was not right for it to be shared with your daughter.
If you are worried about it, take her out shopping or whatever and just casualy bring it up in a non-confronting way and ask her if she would like to talk about it. If she says no then respect that and tell her you will be there if and when she wants to.
