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If you can't get a "meeting of the minds" and condense all the festivites to JUST a nice shower prior to the wedding, then let the bride know that you can NOT be her matron of honor.

FYI...The rehearsal dinner expense is up to the groom or his parents.

You might want to re-think the relationship and who you consider to be a close friend.

Blessings......

My best friend asked me to be in her wedding. I wouldn't have been the MOH because I live way too far away, but needless to say, I turned her down. (one reason being we were deciding if we wanted another baby and I didn't want to be pregnant and unable to come)...But I also turned her down because I know my friend. It would have ruined our relationship. She expects too much, from everyone. I loath bridezillas. I think it's the most ridiculous thing in the world. Marriage isn't about throwing a party. I just want to shake young couples and say "save your money! You will need it for more important things! Flowers, food, center pieces are not important!"

I did everything myself when I got married. My wedding, my responsibility.

You certainly haven't characterized this person as a best friend (usually the case when you're asked to be a MOH) -- so if you are not very close to her, I can see why this whole thing is extra irritating.

Certainly, one person stuck throwing a bridal shower for 50 can be tough financially-- sorry you are in that situation (but amazed you can do it for $200 - so congrats on that) . And it's definitely overbearing and insensitive -- for her to ask you to throw both the shower and the bachelorette party ! Good for you for putting you foot down there

And yes, it is a flurry of activities in a brief amount of time , and overkill to add the engagement party at the end (I would not want to devote that much time in two months to one couple -- unless it were my best, best friend).

That being said -- I wouldn't be so up in arms about there not being a rehearsal dinner (I'd actually be relieved I didn't have to attend another event with this crew!)

She certainly sounds ungracious and ungrateful in how you've described her, but focusing on whether she's getting you a gift or not, just seems sort of petty.

Bottom line -- doesn't sound as if you're being appreciated, which isn't right and never feels good. But expecting to be "repaid" with a dinner and gift, is viewing this more like a business transaction than a friend's event

Again -- don't know what your relationship is with this person -- but I might reevaluate after the wedding as she doesn't sound very considerate.

Since she's a person who can't wait more than 3 months to get married, it might be that she just isn't so diligent in thinking about how her rash choices might make it harder on people. Let her know what you can and cannot do and leave it at that.
And, not sure what gifts to you would really play into it. My maids of honor didn't even know that I was giving them anything until the rehearsal dinner.

Well is this your good friend? I mean my MOH was my best friend of like all time so I think she was glad to help me with things. I never mentioned giving her a gift, but I did give her one of course and it was at the rehearsal dinner. I never planned a rehearsal dinner bc that was my husband's family's deal. But I did get with my MIL to find out what was going to be done. If they hadn't been planning anything I probably would have done some kind of low key meal at the church. But I don't think my MOH expected a rehearsal dinner as a thank you either. When another BFF of mine married, I talked a lot with the other bridesmaids about dresses, called the dress shop myself, immediately starting thinking on her shower and what gift I could give her and all that stuff. I always take my role as a MOH or bridesmaid as a responsibility that I will be involved in showers, dress shopping, parties, gifts all that. Especially if I am MOH, that is a big responsibility. I am not saying she isn't being a bit rude asking you about a shower, but at the same time I think you should have assumed you would be throwing one when you accepted the role of MOH, regardless of when the wedding was. Good luck, hope your event turns out well!! p.s. on an aside, at one wedding where I was bridesmaid, it was out of state and I spent about $2000, on everything and I wasn't even the MOH, it is costly to be involved and you have to consider that when you say yes. Take care :D

I think that being a bridesmaid is typically not a very positive experience. Most people I know (myself included) are unhappy with the amount of events to attend and money to spend. But, in the end, we do it because we are obviously close to the bride and want to make things special for her.

In any case, I have never heard of discussing bridesmaid gifts in advance. Typically, they are presented at the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, or the morning of the wedding when everyone is getting ready. So don't assume you aren't getting something just because she hasn't told you about it. I did not tell my bridesmaids in advance what they were getting and never heard about it in advance the five times I was a bridesmaid either.

Also, don't feel like just because you are the MOH you are obligated to attend all three parties. Throw the shower, have a fun night out at the bachelorette, and skip the engagement party (which, in my opinion, is overkill anyway, especially on such a short engagement). Can you combine the shower and bachelorette? Shower in the afternoon and then go out at night?

We had a quicky wedding/engagment. I did not tell the ladies what or even that they were getting a gift. I got them makeup bags and the men coosies from Jon Heart Designs. They were about twenty dollars a pop. But our wedding shower was held at a free location and all that was bought was a cake, punch plates and napkins. Under 100 bucks. For my batcholerett party we started at a friends house. Ended up at a bar. The bridesmaid dresses were what ever they wanted to wear that was a black dress. old, new , i did not care. I asked them to come in what ever they were comfortable with. When your doing something quick like you try to cram it all in at once. We did because my mil had cancer and we really wanted her to be there for the wedding. I personaly think that if your not into throwing partys and the view your having on the entire occasion you should probably back out and not be a moh.

I SO agree with what the others have said...Gigis said it SO much better than I could...
Speak up...if you just lay down and let her walk all over you then you only have one person to blame...YOURSELF!!
Speak up to the Bride...tell her that she needs to be in charge of the bridal party dresses...how can YOU be in charge..it is after all HER wedding???
Speak up to the hostesses of the other two parties...tell them that you have already gotten so deeply into your pockets that you can afford to spend ----- (fill in amount here) for a dish to the their parties...then do something in your budget...veggie and dip tray...fruit and dip tray...make a couple of loaves of home made banana nut bread...it doesn't have to cost a small fortune.
As to the Bridesmaid gifts...sorry but you are starting to sound a bit grasping here....first of all...she doesn't need to make an announcement that she is getting you a gift...maybe it is ear rings to wear the day of the wedding...and you will get them that day...what ever it is, I can almost guarantee you that you wont use it or look at it again after the wedding!!!
Sounds to me like you need to re-evaluate this friendship...it doesn't seem to be based on real shared love and caring.

Cut her off---money wise--she is taking advantage big time!!! Decide what you want to spend and what you can afford and do that. If she doesn't like it--too bad! She sounds very selfish! GL

M

How old is she?!? Too many parties in just 3 months. Why don't you have a sit down with her, and the other two or three people who will be arranging these parties. Discuss how each should be handled. Be honest and tell her that there are too many parties going on and maybe people can't give on all three occasions. Unless she's inviting three different groups for each party. The engagement party is not necessary.
Why don't you step back from some of the responsibilies and talk to her. Let her arrange the bridal shop, and bridesmaid dresses. In the end you're going to get blamed for not doing a good job, or what she expected. Oh, and be a little more demanding since the others are.
Good luck

Did she actually tell you that she wasn't giving a bridesmaid's gift? If she did, that's pretty rude. However, if you asked that question, it was rude of you.

My bridesmaids never asked me if I was giving a present. I never told them I was giving a present. I wouldn't have even known brides give presents if my wedding director hadn't told me, and helped me pick them out.

I know you are bummed about the shower. Truthfully, I think you should have had cake and punch and left it at that. But this business about not getting a present is sour grapes on your part.

Just tell the other gal you won't be doing a dish because you're in the pot for so much money for the shower. Just say it point blank. It'll make you feel better.

Dawn

Its pretty sad that she expects everyone to give her these parties on such short notice. This is her wedding she should be doing all the work. I would not be a happy camper right now.

People share their special day with those they love, they don't use their friends to have that dream wedding. I've seen several lovely weddings given with the help of friends, but the help was given with affection, to make their friends happy at the beginning of their married life.

Why don't you sit down and have a chat with HER and tell her your concerns? If she's being a Bridezilla....let her know it!

If you DON'T want to do the things you agreed to, then back out. Send a note to the people that were invited, that the shower is canceled, or ask someone else to throw the party. Tell her to find a new MOH. If you DO want to be involved then suck it up and say no next time.

that's not the kind of "friend" i would agree to be MOH for.

no you are right, she sounds very self absorbed and entitled. no advice, sorry...but just wanted to let you know i agree with you...(although to play devil's advocate, i wouldn't advertise that i was giving my bridal party gifts either, it would not really be mentioned until "the moment"...so don't count her out yet...)