Now I'm Alone

S.,

You are not alone. Right now, you have got to put your energy into your son. I was widowed last year, I have six young kids. I have days, like you do I'm sure, that I don't want to get out of bed. It is much easier to pull the covers up over my head and forget about the world. The only thing that keeps me going is my kids. Sometimes, chores just wait, and I need to play with the kids. Today, I figured out how to turn on the sprinklers! Something so petty as this made me feel like I had made progress. I never thought I would be so excited about doing this on my own. I understand you never thought you would be in this position, I'm sure none of us ever expected to be single moms when we had kids. Hug your son as often as you want, he will get you through the days. I'm sorry, I haven't figured out how to get through the nights, YET. You are stronger then you think and you are not alone.

If you need to talk feel free to e-mail me direct.

You are not alone! You are so smart to reach out during a really hard part of your life. As others have said, reach out to your friends and family. Get out of the house. Look for a play group. You will get through this! I'm sorry you are feeling lost. Take things one day at a time. Take care of yourself and your beautiful baby boy!

I had no children with my ex, but when he left, I was in that deep pit. All I did was lay in bed and cry for weeks. It was the most difficult time in my life. Even more so than my husband being deployed to Iraq for a year and a half and leaving me home alone with two kids.

What did I do? I clung to my family and the few friends that I had. I clung to my religion, used it as a sort of lifeline. I helped to know that even though I was miserable, I still had family, friends, and the Lord on my side. Don't forget your son. If family, friends or religion don't work for you, use your son as a lifeline. Remember, he is counting on you. You were chosen to be that boys mother, and only you can do it the way he needs it. If nothing else, live your life for him. Think of what is best for him and what his needs are.

Try helping others in need. I know it sound silly because of your situation, but believe me, it helps. I think that was one of the biggest things that helped me. I knew people with a need and I filled it. It does wonders for your soul.

In the end you will come out stronger and maybe even better for it. You will do what needs to be done, (for you and your son), because you have to, and you are the only one that can and will. It is a huge burden, but I know you can do it. You'll learn alot about yourself that you didn't know.

Stay STRONG and keep PUSHING along. ENDURE it well and you will be BLESSED, and GRATEFUL.

You are going to be ok. Not right now, but the time WILL come. I, too, have been there, right along with a lot of others who are posting. Love your baby and love yourself, you did nothing wrong, and you have the proof to hold against your chest every night! Your family is a lifeline right now, and I'm betting that they are there for you. Don't be afraid to let them in, they care, and so do all of us. If you feel like it, you are welcome to email me as well. Best of Luck...

AGAIN, your not alone! I am a single mom of four kids and for the most part (although they all have the same "dad"), I have been a single mom from my first(she is 8). My husband has only been around long enough for me to get pregnant, with empty promises and lies. He is currently out of the picture for a long time.

I currently am in school and my kids are very active in their school and extra curricular activities. Long story short you can do it and it does get better. When I was first going through all of my ordeal I was devastated, but through faith and the love of my kids and family we have survived. Keep busy and get a hobby that you and your baby can get involved in. In a lot of communities they have baby aerobics or water activities or play groups. Get you a support group in your relatives or friends, even if it is just one or two people and unless they say other wise rely on them for your emotional support, especially during those times that you really miss your fellow. GOOD LUCK if you want to talk my email is ____@____.com email anytime and please don't hesitate if you need to talk!

I agree with what the other women say about reaching out to family and friends which is why I am going to suggest this. It sounds like you made a huge mistake in choosing a daddy for your son. You may not need a man around, but your son does need a male role model. Boys learn how to be men from men. So, is there any way possible you can go home to your mom and dad? I realize this wouldn't be the most "fun" situation you could imagine, but it would be good for you and your son to have a stable environment, and for your son to have a good male role model to teach him things that women just can't do. I know in this day and age some women think they can do it all, but in reality we can't. And, when I say male role model, I mean family. Your Dad, a brother, someone positive, not any new boyfriends. Just a thought.

Being a military wife I know what it's like to have someone there one day and gone the next. My husband has deployed for weeks to a year at a time. He missed the birth of our son and was gone the majority of his first year of life. It was just me and my son.

Just be strong. You don't NEED a man around. What helps is having good friends and family around to help out from time to time and have them to talk with.

You'll be just fine. Just BELIEVE that you will and you'll be so proud of yourself when you find out that You CAN do it alone. There are plenty of single moms out there that will tell you the same.

Be strong. Chin up. the pain will fade.

Oh boy have I ever been there! I have been through the same type of situation twice, once with two kids and once with three. It is not easy but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Give your self time and patience to grieve the loss of the relationship and then to heal. For each of us it is different as to how long this process takes. Every time that I would feel like I was at the end of my rope I would look into each of my childrens eyes and see how much they needed me and loved me unconditionally and that made it bearable. If you have any really good friends now is the time to rally them around you and if not find some. Don't sit around and do nothing all day and stay in your house that will make it feel worse and you will find yourself dwelling on the situation. Get out, take your baby to the park, for walks or just go walk around the mall. Hang in there it will get better and you are not alone. If you need someone more to talk to post again and I will keep an eye out. Good luck : )

If you need a friend you are welcome to email me.
I am a single mom, alone with two younger kids. I have been doing it alone for three years now. My ex left the state when my son was only 11 mos old. It is tough, but I found my groove. I have to say doing it alone is empowering and you will be amazed what you are capable of. I have to say I miss compainionship of a man on occassion, but with my kids and taking care of the house and all that, I TREASURE my downtime to myself. I actually finally enjoy my own company and the quiet of the house after the kids are in bed.
Getting through it is up to you. You will have bad days, but know they are temporary. You don't need a man to complete you or your life. It is an added bonus to find a good friend/boyfriend/life mate all in one, however it is and has been done with women on their own for a long time.
Get a routine down, focus your efforts and energy into being there for your son. Get a support system down of friends and family. Do things for yourself without feeling guilty and enjoy this time to get to know yourself again. Do things that you haven't done in a while, visit old friends, take up a old hobby you used to have. Empower yourself with knowing that this is just a bump in the road of life and you will be just fine. Don't go out looking for a replacement or another boyfriend, let love find you. Just be positive and look at it as a blessing in disguise! HUGS!

I am so sorry about your situation. It is really hard at first. I left my ex husband when my son was 3 months old. Even though I left it was really hard. I stayed strong for my little one. I ended up living with my parents, so I wasn't in an empty house, but I still kind of know how it feels. You will get through it and it will turn out okay. My son is now 8 years old and I just got married last summer. It took awhile, but one thing i figured out is it is okay to be alone with your little one. Take time to get to know him and yourself and take things one day at a time. If you want you can email me at ____@____.com.
T.