Not Sleeping and Tantrums

Hi,

My daughter is 9 years old and has allergy and major health problems her whole life. I went through a lot of what you are describing and just dealt with it all. When she was 7 after years of many allergy tests it popped up that she was allergic to dairy ans soy. After removing her off of dairy it ALL STOPPED!!! For years I had Moms tell me to take her off of dairy but without proof I never did. I felt like I had enough to deal with and that was too hard. I should have!!! She is a different child now. Her sleeping was better in a week. I know removing all dairy from his diet is a scary and exhausting task but try cutting it in half and see if things get better. Taking him off the dairy before bed might make a huge difference. Another this could be he could have silent reflux and it hurts he is waking up acting out due to not sleeping well unhappy due to not sleeping well.

I hope this helps hang in there it will get better.

gin

Hi T.,
You say he is "generally happy" so that is great!! A lot of this sounds like normal toddler development to me. I am a mom w/a 9 yo, 13 yo and 15 yo. It is too early for Nathan to talk so 1-2 words is fine and your doctor said development was "normal". Little boys can get really active as toddlers. Does he have rough and tumble boy toys to get out energy and aggression in healthy ways? At this age, both my sons loved the little toy push lawn mowers. Toddler boys also like stuff they can manipulate and figure out like lights and faucets. Do you have baby legos or toys with knobs and stuff he can move/push about (trucks,puzzles, etc.) Is your hubby active with Nathan, as in gentle rough housing, throwing/rolling a ball, taking him outside in a wagon, etc.? Nathan might need to be physically tired out more. Since he is large for his size he may need more physical stimulation/activity than your average 17 month old. You might have a future athlete on your hands! We had a nightly ritual for bed that your son might enjoy (mine loved this as he too was fascinated by lights and fans). My husband would take my son around in his arms and together they would turn out every light in the house (put them all on just prior). My husband would say: "Lights off, turn out the light, everyone is going to bed, good night light" and let Nathan turn off the light. Then we would keep the house dark and quiet for about 15 minutes until my son was asleep. My husband and I would sit calmly together during this time and it was nice for us also. My son thought we were in bed too and that helped him. ALL 3 of my kids fought diaper changes! We also learned you can put a diaper on a child while the child is standing. Have Nathan stand with a toy/drink and slip the diaper through his legs and tape the sides. It doesn't have to be perfect. We also let our kids run naked for a bit if they were not ready for a diaper change. It feels good to them and after a bit they are more ready to have the diaper back on! Wouldn't you fight if you had to wear that hot plastic pant in FL all the time? You said you don't have a schedule but it sounds like you have a good one from what you wrote above. It would be nice if you could join a mom's playgroup or get some alone mommy time. Neither of my 2 boys were easy when toddlers but they are easy now that they are older (9yo and 15yo). I really think it all comes full circle! Hang in there. You sound like a wonderful, caring mom. If you need an older mom for support/friendship my email is: ____@____.com.

Hey T.,
First of all I wish you lived close by (I live in Vernon, FL) so that we could be friends and just hang out some because I really think you need a good friend and some strong support (other than just your husband). But since we don't here goes some advice. I am not going to tell you to call Super Nanny, he is only 17 months, you can do this, it is just going to be a little hard and take some determination, patience and consistency. On the tantrums when changing diapers, I don't know what your discipline methods are but you need to get on top of the behavior ASAP, be firm but gently and DO NOT let him get by w/his bad behavior. Also I don't know if you change him on a changing table or what but you might try doing it on the floor and giving him something to occupy his time (paci, toys, etc.) while doing it. My son likes it so much better than doing it on the changing table. As for the night time problems,I would start by making sure he is completely healthy, no problems of any kind and after you are completely satisfied w/the results I would honestly try letting him cry it out (only if he is totally healthy and you determine that this is just a bad phase or habit, etc that he is going through). I know how hard that may seem and believe me it is but in the long run it is soooo much better for everyone. I understand about your husband but he might have to realize that he may loose some sleep for a couple of nights in order to get this night time problem under control. When my first child was a baby (he is 27m and I have a 8 1/2m old girl) I had a horrible time letting him cry it out but eventually I did at 10 m and it took 3 days. I cried every time w/him but in the end he got over it and has been sleeping through the night ever since. With my little girl I had to do it sooner (at 5 or 6 m) and she is doing the same. It can be sooo hard but it is sooo much better for all involved if you just do it. If the cold turkey method isn't for you that is okay, you can do whatever works for you but one thing I can say is don't pick him up or give in to him. I would go in make sure he is okay (no lights, quiet hush tones when talking and only say things like night night, I love you, you are okay, etc.) and then go out if he starts his tantrum wait a few minutes go back in lay him down (do not pick up) say the same thing, either go out or sit down close by but don't talk or respond to him in any way (your just there for comfort) keep room dark and the way it is for bed time ( I don't know if you use music or a fan for him but you might consider them, I personally use both for both of my children all night and at nap time, it helps drown outside noise and comforts them). Wait longer to respond to him this time and do the exact same thing when you do, as little stimulation as possible, repeat each step until he stops. I will tell you this sometimes you going in or being in the room actually makes things worse and just fuels his fire, some kids (like my son) do better if you do not go in and just let them cry it out. Check first time to make sure they are okay but then no more. This can be very tough especially to a new mom and seem terrible but the end result can be soooo wonderful and it usually doesn't take long to accomplish. You should know also that the fits of crying can last for 2 or more hrs sometimes just depending on the will of your son but he will be fine. Okay enough of that if this is not for you then that is fine and don't feel bad for it you have to do what works for you and your son, you are his mother and you ultimately know what is best. The one thing I would strongly say is that what ever method you try or what ever you do do not let him get up and play or turn lights on and stimulate him anymore than absolutely necessary, he needs to understand that it is night time and bed time not a time that if he wants to he can get up and play for a while, you will have to be tough about this and stick to it. Doing anything else will give him mixed messages and just make things harder for you and him. If you would like to talk more or talk over the phone please feel free to email me and I will give you my home phone my email is ____@____.com Also please remember to take some folks with a grain of salt some, mean well and some are talking out of there rears so don't let every post get to you. This is a great resource for us moms and a lot of women out there are great but some forget their manners sometimes or they are wired wrong but just remember to laugh at those posts and move on to the better women. Hope things get better for you and please don't hesitate to contact me. God bless you and your family.
T. W

oh mama! this is hard!
I would go to your pediatrician and if s/he blows you off telling you it's all normal, REFUSE to listen!
Get EVERYTHING checked: ears, throat, etc.
Does he have a history of respiratory issues? ear infections, etc? I keep posting about MILK but you know, it affects a LOT of toddlers! I mean the PROTEIN in cow's milk...gas and respiratory issues can point to issues w/ digesting milk proteins...anyway:

get a FREE evaluation through the 0-3 program. my computer is acting up or I'd do it for you: just google the words EARLY INTRERVENTION FLORIDA or just put in your city in florida to make it a better search

I would also look at his diet. I mentioned the possibility of milk protein intolerance but there could be more. it's hard.

hang in there & FIGHT for your baby! you can do it!

pyloric stenosis : this is not uncommon in infants and adults, as well. Is your pediatrician following this?
Your little guy is brilliant, so read to him, do puzzles and other brain increasing games; but no tv...and have his digestive trac monitored. He's hurting...

read the happiest toddler on the block by harvery karp
he may grow out of the screaming too.
make sure you monitor his diet really well too. cut out all sugars and red dyes. we did that and saw such a difference.

I am not well versed in autism spectrum disorders.. but I am hoping that if that seems possible with your child, some of the other moms on here will respond. It just sort of grabbed my attention that you said he "has his own language" but refuses to communicate with you through sign language, etc. What is his mood/personality/behavior like when he is NOT upset? Does he play happily with you and interact with you with toys? Will he sit in your lap and enjoy you reading him stories? Does he maintain eye contact with you and understand your facial cues (happy, sad, mad)? I do know that it is not uncommon for kids with one of the ASDs to have sleep disturbances, both in falling asleep and night-time waking. Also, many can be hyper-sensitive to sounds, textures, and light. I certainly do not want to worry you needlessly. You only gave us his "abnormal" behaviors, so I may be WAY off base here, and if I am, I apologize profusely in advance.

That said, it may be that he needs a better schedule. Better probably is a poor word choice, maybe, "consistent" is more appropriate. Some kids NEED the structure more than others. As the parents, you can't "push" this or that, you have to DO it. Decide what the rules/routines will be and stick to them. If you want him to go to bed without giving him milk, then don't give it to him. Just don't tell him he can't have it, then after he throws a tantrum you decide to give it to him THEN. Either give it or don't, but decide beforehand what the routine will be and stick to it. One or two days does not a routine make. Taking charge usually is hardest for the first 2 or 3 days, but consistency works wonders in the long run. What exactly is he throwing out of the crib at night when he has the tantrum? All he really needs in there is a special "lovey" (transition object) and a blanket. That's it. No milk/water. No pillow. Nothing else.
One other question: After he cries 5-10 minutes and you go in rub his back and leave (responded to by a full blown scream).. THEN what happens? Do you go back in? Leave him for another 5-10 minutes? Ignore it altogether? How do you respond? Just curious.

hi there my daughter is also 15 months. and bvusting out of 3t.
im still bf her.. was this hard to wean your son?
sounds like hes going thru terr. 2 sydrome.
zoe did wake everytime i lied her down at 8 30 even if she was asleep... so during nap time.. i let her cry it out twice for 15 minutes.. and then at night she would stay laid down and sleep.(naps too)
but my rule or thought was okay if she wakes at 830 when i lie he down then "she is not tired and we are getting up..!!! At 10 30 pm- she was ready to sllep and slept until 5 or 4 am.. which was great.. so now some nights she is out by 830 or 9 and other nights she goes until 1030. but the trick is to not let her sleep at 5 when she needs a snoozer.
also a nice cold banana helps in the evenings to keep her belly full.. and we turn off the tv for ahwile before bedtime to let her unwind..and relax with out that stimulant blaring. getting on the floor with her helps.. and lately she has acted out.. with screeems when she doesnt get what she wnats.. and we dont know.. I have read that you dont chastize them for this.. but reassure them all is okay.. and give them a hug. so they feel comforted..with all the new things going on with them. walking talking.. exploring..etc.. its tough I know.. i still need to wean.. and she realize heavily on my breast to fall asleep. but I have read where babies need to suck alot at this age..so its natural. but its wearing on me!
I think that if you try this night time of if he not tired at 830 let him play until 1030 and at that point you let him cry it out as this is 2nd chance.. for bedtime.
hope some of these ideas help.. i know it is tough.
she doesnt lie to be changed either.. so i always give her something interesting to take her mind off of it.. while i change her..( diaper, toy etc..)I tuck anther diaper under her while changing to help make it quick.
have you tried probiotics for him.. and his tummy>? google and read about the benefits..good luck.. remember.. this timeis short.. so make it sweet but be firm when you need to be.. my daughter is sensitivwe so i dont have to be too firm.. and usually ignoring works best.. and dont react to these out burst.. if it persisit. I say... mommy is drinving please be quiet let mommy drive.. and she shuts..
they know quickly when its not nice behavior.. and then ignore them. this seems to work for me.. key is dont react..
comfort.. and then be firm .. and then ignore..hope thesse ideas help!!

Dear T.,

Here comes the harder, less pleasant part of parenting.

I am sure the doctor told you, the bottle has to go. Your sons teeth will rot in no time at all with the bottle and he is big enough for cups. You may have to try a few cups before finding the kind that work well for you both. The best way to get you both bottle broken is to wake up one morning, throw the bottles away outside of the house, take a few asprin (your gonna need them) and proceed with your day. There will be many tears over the next couple of days, but it will pass.

If you want the tantrums to stop, then you have to stop giving in to them. It really is that easy. When he has a tantrum, put him in a space of his own and leave him there. Once he is calm again (time on this can vary from child to child, I had one that could maintain a tantrum for hours if she chose to) you can talk to him, let him know what is okay and what is not, etc... If you give him what he wants during a tantrum you are reinforcing his negative behavior.

As parents we hate to hear our children cry and our first instinct is to move mountains to make the tears stop, but that isn't what is always best for our child. Good luck.

Hi,
I have 4 boys. I know how frustrating it is when your child is in pain, you are lacking sleep and don't know how to help him. Something that really stood out in your story is that every 5 days or so he wakes up screaming. I have a friend whose 2 year old,, every couple of days would throw tantrums on the kitchen floor. She could not figure what was going on. She turned out it was the cleaning solution she was using on the floor. Switched to a non-toxic cleaner and Voila no more tantrums. I have seen that is one of my son's and so many others. This sounds simple, but has a huge affect on kids. I did alot of research as did my friend and found something inexpensive that works and is not poisonous. Also, my kids had food allergies. Milk is a big one. Your son may have stomach aches from the milk he gets before he sleeps. Another allergy my youngest son had that made him throw up and get fevers was red food dye. Not only was that in foods but baby tylenol.
Hope this helps.

Hi T.,

Kids this age are usually, and I stress usually, not prone to tantrums yet...and I don't think super nanny is necessary....as I deal with this professionally I want to suggest that you get all the outside interference out before you try to determine the problem. Synthetic chemicals all by themselves can cause behavior like this. Unless you have already detoxed your house and his little body completely, he may just be having a reaction to the chemicals around him. With the problems he's had in the past he is probably even more sensitive to chemicals.

I'm not just talking about cleaning products. We use chemicals everywhere, from our laundry detergent that we wrap ourselves in everyday, to our shampoo,to the pesticides and preservatives that are still on our food when we consume it. The medications that he probably had at 4 weeks are probably still in his system as well. (I realize meds are necessary at critical times but that doesn't make them safe long term. Besides the med, there are carrier solutions that are chemically based as well.) Synthetic chemicals just don't go away by themselves and they will ontinue to contraindicate. They have to be removed and only a strong immune system can do that. It sounds like he may just be on overload.

He's old enough for a chewable multivitamin to build his immune system to fight off these reactions. (I always recommend that you take one that is proven to be absorbable and doesn't cause more damage than good like the Flintstones and the Walmart generics...)Your home also should be detoxed completely. He also needs a lot of water and a lot of fresh air. T., if this is not the "problem" it can certainly exacerbate the problem.

Detoxing is quite simple and surprisingly inexpensive, in the long run it will save you money. And you will be able to really see what is going on with Nathan. I have personally experienced major transformations in family members that were "diagnosed" with neurological disorders come to find out they didn't have....

God bless~

M.
www.squidoo.com/ifyourbabycouldtalk