Not Ready for Pre-school?

He is not ready. Keep him home with you. That's where he wants to be and there is nothing wrong with that. Enjoy him while you have him home.

I think you throw in the towel now. He is telling you as plainly as he can that this isn't working for him. He won't fall behind in life if he doesn't attend preschool at age 3.

First, don't feel the need to apologize for having him with you. You will have a great bond and it will be over so fast.

Second, he will be spending so many years in school. There is no need to start it now. My appendage didn't start until he was almost 5. I wanted him to get used to the school setting before kinder. A few rough days and he was fine. Just get into some parent/kid programs and have some fun! The Y offers alot of fun things to do with little ones and so might your local library.

Have you asked for feedback from the teachers? That's what I would check in on. How do they feel during the times he's not crying?

I have had a few kids who had a hard few first weeks, and I really had to 'nest' them in... cuddle them up when they needed/wanted it. Gave them control over if/when they would join the group gatherings or activities. I also had parents NOT come in to say goodbye, they said goodbye outside the classroom/preschool area, which helped them gain some independence. If I were a preschool teacher in this situation, I'd want to try it for at least four weeks before deciding that a child 'wasn't ready'. This usually does get better as the routine becomes more predictable, the teacher and child develop their own relationships, the child learns the teacher CAN meet his needs and can be depended upon in a caring way. But all of this does take time.

Kids can need a lot of help for the first few weeks or so-- I know it's hard for you, hard ON you, but do give it a try for a few weeks and then see what the teachers have to say on the matter. Hang in there!

It takes time for a child to adjust. 2 days is simply not enough time. If you are asking for opinions, I see where your husband is coming from. I wonder if it isn't time to allow your son to function a bit away from you. I would keep trying. If in 2 weeks he is doing the same thing, maybe wait until he is a little older.

I think you might have to consider, that you bred the situation, by making him need you constantly.

ETA" I am a stay at home mom, too. Please don't turn this into "I'm actually raising my kids thing." We ALL are. My son is with me just about all the time, but he doesn't feel frantic when I am not there. You have to foster independence, not create crutches. I would think a regular babysitter would be cheaper then preschool, no?

He's not ready. Wait another 6 months or a year. You are a SAHM, there's no point in putting him through it.

My daughter had the same reaction at that age, and I couldn't bear to force her to endure it. I put her back in when she was 4, and at that point she did fine.

He's still a baby, that's why you "baby him." Good for you for listening to your gut.

And as J.C. says, this does create more independent kids, not the opposite. I wish my daughter would stop throwing herself out of airplanes and rushing off to Europe.

He is still so young. He wants you and needs you. For me this would be an easy call. If he is not enjoying it I would keep him at home and do swimming classes, pottery painting, activities at the library etc.
I believe you can make more independent kids by making sure they are totally secure when they want you not by forcing them to gain independence before they are ready. Soon enough he won't want you hanging around😀

3 is a very tough age. I actually found that starting them at 2 works much, much better.
I know it's too late for that. But of my 5, the ones who started at 3 had adjustment problems. Starting at age 2, they did not.

3 is super clingy and they are smarter and more aware than at 2, hence more issues starting school.

I would send him each day, calmly. There is a girl who SCREAMS at ours and she'll be fine. Mom will keep taking her. Eventually they stop crying. They really do stop.

Well its really up to you if you keep trying or not.
Each kid is different.
Thing is, per your situation... it SEEMS like you don't HAVE to send him, now. ie: you are a SAHM.
Versus other working parents, would not have that choice.

Now per my son, at that age he was not ready for Preschool. Versus my daughter at that age was. SHE even told us she WANTED to go.
And she loved it.
But at 3, my son, was NOT ready. I was a SAHM then too.
So, I did not enroll him in any preschool at that age.
BUT, I did go around visiting various preschools WITH him. I did not, by default, just send him to the one my daughter went to. They are 2 different people. (and my son told me, he did not like the one my daughter went to, even if it was very good and nice). BUT, one day while visiting Preschools (my son was 4 at that time), my SON told me "Mommy this is the one! I LOVE this one!"
And they had an opening, and I enrolled him. He attended part-time, half days. And he was happy and excited. It was a one-room Preschool of varying ages, and they even accepted non-toilet trained kids no matter what their ages were. And they were very nurturing, they have at least 4-5 Teachers per day for all the kids. There was no more than say, 18 kids. And they taught some Kindergarten readiness, but they were more play-learning oriented.
My son, LOVED it there. And he, was ready for Preschool, at that time.
So basically, I went according to my son's, cues, per "when" to send him to Preschool. Versus my daughter at 3 was already ready and TOLD us she wanted to go.
Up until my son was 4, he even said he did not want to go to Preschool. But about 6 months after turning 4, he told me he wanted to go to that particular Preschool he chose. And fortunately, I ALSO loved that Preschool. They were very good. And so sweet and on top of things and handled the various personalities of the kids, very well. Even the ones, that cried hysterically and had a hard time adapting or were not toilet-perfect nor trained yet. They were very nice and very on top of things.

Anyway, so that is my story. Hope it helps in your decision.
I know its not easy.

My son was also my appendage and home with me everyday and was very attached to me. But at the time he went to Preschool, HE wanted to go.... after finding one that he just loved and clicked with. And he had a good feeling about the Teachers. He even told me, they are so "sweet."
He only went to Preschool for about 6 months. Then he went to Kindergarten. And he did fine. Even for that brief time in Preschool, it really enhanced him in many ways.

he is not ready. Wait till next year, or even just till janurary. Around their third bday, they get really clingy, but it tends to go away just a few months later. I couldn't believe the change my son underwent from just 3 to 3 plus a few months!

Being a F/T working mom, I can tell you that this reaction is normal for a child that hasn't yet been exposed to a preschool setting. Until the trust is built, it's understandably stressful. I went through it with my two, as well. Both of mine stayed with grandmas until they were almost three. When they entered preschool, I knew it was in their best interests to be with other children in a group setting- emotionally and socially. There was crying and really pitiful faces involved, but I just left. I didn't hang around or call the school throughout the day. I knew it had to be an all in for them and me. If I wavered, they would sense it and really kick it up a notch. Hugs, I love you, be good, and a kiss, hand them over to the teacher, and out the door. After a couple of weeks, they were making friends, going to their new friends' birthday parties, and having a great time. I was also getting to know the parents, teachers, and loved the sense of community I felt.
Growing isn't easy! You know this already. Give it a chance to work.
Also, if you are paying for this preschool, I would get pretty irritated if the school called me to pick him up early just because he was exhausted. This type of behavior can't be new to them. I would question whether this is the right school for him if that continues.
Good luck, mama. Hang in there.

I have never really understood why people put their kids in preschool so early. I mean, I see what people say, they have their reasons, they really want some time on their own....but there really isn't a reason if you have playdates, library time, and are hanging out with other families.
I think your boy is too young. Keep him home, find other people to hang out with that have kids, then put him in the year before he starts kindergarten just to get him used to a classroom setting.
L.

As others note -- time takes care of this. Please realize that many, many children go through this when they start preschool. Your son may be the one kid at his particular class who is doing it right now but please be assured that this happens ALL the time in most preschools at the start with the younger kids.

That day that you couldn't get away for 20 minutes? Frankly, the teachers should not have let you stay anywhere near that long. If he was fussing and crying, the way to deal is to leave, swiftly. Yes, it's hard! Yes, you will feel like a criminal for leaving your child yelling for you. But the teachers should have been able to deal, and should have encouraged you to drop swiftly and exit even more swiftly.

Some kids do not do well with preschool just one day a week. They do not yet have an adult's sense of days and weeks and what to expect. When you take him, the previous preschool day seems like a million years ago in his mind -- he figured this whole school thing was over and done with and, whoa mom, you're dumping me in a strange place again?! He might need to be prepared with more talk before going -- or might actually do better with two days and not one.

I think you have a couple of options...

#1: Keep sending him for a few more weeks. Did he start preschool at the beginning of August or did school start after Labor Day? If it started after Labor Day, try it for a few more weeks. When you drop him off--just put him down and go--don't linger--it will only make it worse. (Our 3 year old started Pre-K on August 7. There is STILL a boy that is sobbing every day at drop-off...I want to tell his mom that he's just not ready!...but, I digress).

#2: Try again after Christmas.

#3: Try to find a babysitter to come into your home for 2-3 hours a week (that should cost the same as a preschool). That way, he's in his own environment, but with someone else.

You need a break! I also have 3 kiddos (all boys under 8) and Dad travels quite a bit. Family is 15 hours away. We just moved here and I was glad our youngest was old enough for preschool. He goes 7.5 hours a week and that is MY time. Oh, and I wouldn't worry about the dependent/independent stuff too much...he's only 3.

Good Luck!!

He may simply not be ready and your DH has to realize that his children are different people. One may be ready to separate differently than the other. If he is just 3, then maybe it's not the right thing for him right now. My DD was ready by 3.5 but we waited til 4 because of space and potty training.

Do you go on dates? Get a sitter? Take him to grandma's house? Do a library function or tumble class? That might all be good steps to start doing to both foster his independence and get you some time to yourself eventually.

He's not ready. And if you push it's only going to get worse. Is there a mommy and me program in your area? You do need to start the process of being with other kids etc but not like this. I would join a play group and go regularly to get him started being around other kids and then as he is used to it space yourself a little further away.

If you feel you have to do this then drop him off matter of factly and say I will be back at the end of class. Don't say things like "mommy doesn't want to leave you here or I'm so sorry you have to stay" that just plays into the fear. And it might be worth it to let daddy do the drop of and pick up

A few things...
He's only gone a few times. I know it's hard to watch him cry but I'd give it a few weeks at least. Also, he should go at LEAST three mornings a week. They have a much harder time adjusting if they only go once or twice, it needs to be a more regular routine. Our preschool wouldn't even allow that, too hard on the kids AND teachers. My kids did the minimum, MWF 9-12:30 and it was just perfect, just enough time for me to get some stuff done and not so long that they got burnt out.
You say you can't afford a sitter, but how much is preschool? When my youngest was born I hired a college girl to come in twice a week for a few hours, and it cost less than preschool did. Could that be another option?
Also, going forward, be careful about talking too much in advance about changes (school, new baby, moving, etc.) I have found that when you talk about these things it's better to keep it short and sweet. Some kids are made MORE nervous and anxious by all the "prep" we give them ("oh you're a big boy now" or "look at you you're not a baby anymore" etc.) I'm not blaming you for his behavior or anything, just making a (hopefully helpful) observation.

Take him. He'll get used to it. This is the reason he's going, to learn some independence. This is something you need to follow through with.

When our child started preschool at age 3, she cried at drop off for roughly two solid months. As soon as my husband left, however, she was fine. I think you need to give this more than 2 days to make a go of it.

I didn't read your whole story. I think since you are a stay at home mom, you can choose to send him or not. My son did this at one place. i took one look at him weeping and said come here. The place gave me a credit for another activity (gymnastics). I think it was over crowded and someone was hitting him. My son was newly 3 and not very good with expressive language. He is super smart (ABC,123), but I think socially behind. My son did not react this way at he other preschool (I went to the city one for the summer and hoped to switch because it was cheaper). The preschool we stuck with has a ratio of 6 kids to 1 teacher. The state of CA allows 12 kids to 1 teacher. I feel this atmosphere caused his stress.

I have been a SAHM with my daughter. I started going to a church group and dropped her off a couple hours a month when she was about 1 years old.

Since you don't have to do preschool, why not just wait 6 months to a year and try again. The year before Kindergarten is really the only year I'd be concerned with really trying to teach my child to be comfortable in the classroom. Poor little guy! I know if you stick it out in about a month he will be used to preschool and loving it. So, I guess your choices are 1. wait and try again when he is older 2. make him stick it out till he eventually gets used to it or 3. go volunteer in the classroom each time. If you decide to wait I would start working really hard to get him used to others. Have playdates where he is at his friends house without you. Take him to childcare at the gym while you work out. Hire a babysitter once a week. Stuff like that. My son had a little girl who could not stand to be away from her mommy in preschool and so for 2 years this mom came and stayed every day. The little girl was super super shy...barely talked to other people. But by Kindergarten she did GREAT! My daughter is now in preschool and there was a little boy last year who did not want his mom to leave. They were from India and had just moved here so I'm sure there was so much change in his life. They stuck it out and made him go each day. It took him 6 weeks of either crying or refusing to participate before he finally started liking preschool. It was painful to watch and made the classroom kind of a downer. Good luck.