Not Ready for #2

J.:
I know exactly how you feel. I am currently pregnant with baby #2 (unplanned). Tight on money (ugh aren't we all) and living in a 2 bedroom (that we just signed the lease on 1 month before I found out I was pregnant) I'm now 6 months along and am finally just starting to be ok with the idea of having this baby. When they say every pregnancy is different man they aren't kidding. I found that the more I could feel #2 moving around and started to get a sense of her personality the better I started to feel. Plus I try to get my first child as involved as I can with the pregnancy. I'm a little more lucky in the fact that #1 is 5 and in all day kindergarten, but I know all to well the worries you are probably feeling. I plan on taking it day by day, thats really all a person can do I think. Don't let anyone tell you that what you are feeling is wrong, life is hard enough most of the time as it is and all these extra hormones sure don't make it any easier. Take a deep breath I'm sure you are going to be just fine, besides other people have told me that having 2 really isn't that much more work than having one. I guess we'll see about that. :)

J.,

I'm sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed and discouraged a bit. I want to acknowledge you for putting this out there despite the possibility of being "put down" for your feelings. (Just ignore the "negative-nellies")

A little over 5 years ago, I went to the doctor for a UTI and discovered I was pregnant. I hadn't had regular periods in my entire life despite using birth control for 8 or 9 years, I was on BC...I had NO reason to suspect pregnancy. I was DEVASTATED! I cried for a week. I didn't want to tell anyone because I knew they would be excited and I couldn't bear that. It was bad! I even had concerns about attachment because of how I was feeling.

5 years later...I cannot imagine my life without her. When you are not expecting a baby and life is good, it is a shock. Definitely show yourself some grace. Allow yourself to feel a little "self-pity" for lack of any other word and when the shock wears off and the hormones quiet down, everything will fall into place.

Children are a blessing, but I also feel that it's OK to feel the way you do. It's hard to think of going back after you've come so far with #1. I think what you are going through is perfectly normal and OK and I would allow myself to feel those emotions, if I were you. Trying to "fake it" or deny them will only give them power.

I'll keep you in my prayers, J.. Hope your pregnancy goes well.

I am now a mom of 3. Our second and third were both surprises. We have a 3 bedroom home, but until very recently one bedroom had been used as on office. You're right in that part of the fear is just part of it. Our first two are 17 months apart and wonderful friends. They have shared a bedroom since #2 was born and it worked amazingly well, despite my apprehension. As a matter of fact, we recently moved #3 into the same bedroom, as to make the office-turned-bedroom into a toy room. We wouldn't have it any other way, but like you, the additions certainly were not part of the plan. Relax. Kids are amazingly flexible. Yes. Your life will change. It will, in the end, be for the better : )

I think you hormones are talkin'. You are stressing about the little things. Such as the bedrooms, there is nothing wrong with children sharing a room. We also lived in a two bedroom home when I became pregnant with our second child. My son slept in a cradle located in our room for the first few months and then moved him in with our daughter (different beds of course.) It worked out great. They are twenty-two months apart in age and I think them sharing a room for the first 2 years was the best thing. They are so close and really enjoy each others company. Now all three kids have seperate rooms and occassionally I will find my daughter sleeping in my son's room. I think it is great to see they are close and can count on one another. As far as the money, it will work out for you. I do not know if you have daycare expense or what but think of the money you are saving right now with your husband being laid off. He does not have the commuting expense, food, clothing, daycare. There maybe some things you like to do that you will not be able to as often but when you look back on this time in your life, those crazy days and sleepless nights are going to be some of the best times of your life. It is all going to work out for you. Hang in there you will see.

I totally know what you are talking about! I love my husband and have wanted to make babies with him since we met. We had our daughter and she is now 15 months old. When I found out I was pregnant, due in October too!, I think I took it the hardest. Everyone expects me to be sooo happy, and deep down I am. Of course I will love this child. But I am the one who has to carry it, go through all the not-so-joys of pregnancy, figure out where everyone is going to fit, etc. We joke about getting bunk cribs. We live in a two bedroom apartment too and have a 16 year old who really doesn't want to share his room with a little toddler girl.
On the good days, we get creative and talk about lofting the room so he has his own space and she lives below him. On the bad days I wonder what the hell I was thinking. I know some people have trouble having babies and I feel for them, but shaming you for your hormone rushes is mean. Don't feel bad. It will all work out. As parents we are already superheroes and figure out how to make anything happen. Keep your chin up and your Mom cape on!

I know exactly how you feel as well. I am also pregnant with baby number 2 due May 14th. At the beginning of my pregnancy me and my husband were going through very tough times with money and with eachother. We were on the verge of divorce and decided to work things out. Things are great now, but I felt very trapped. I cried all the time. By the time my second tri-mester came along I was forced to go back to seeing a therpist and am now on Anti-depressants. The emotional roller coaster you are about to go on is going to be hard, but we are here for you. This website has helped me a ton over the years. The second tri-mester will get easier especially if you have a supportive husband. The third tri-mester if you are like me you will be dying to be done. =0) I also have a 23months old who is evry much into her terrible twos and with my husband working full time I stay at home with her and she is awful, but the woman on this site have helped me to be able to discipline her and get through this pregnancy with ease. I hope this has helped and if you ever need to talk I am here for you.

J.,

Hopefully I can ease your worry about sleeping arrangement with the new baby. The two kids can sleep in the same room. My #1 was 20 months old when #2 came and they have slept in the same room from day 1. Usually they sleep through each other's crying (they are 29 and 9 months old now.). Sometimes in the first week or so #1 would wake up, but he'd go back to sleep right away.

When I was growing up my siblings and I (3 of us) shared a room from day 1. So don't fret over this one. It will be a much easier transition for your oldest than you think.

Also remember for traveling every child will be different. My first was not easy to take places, because he couldn't function with out a nap and wouldn't nap on the go. My second is a lot more flexible, he'll sleep pretty much anywhere or at least on the way anywhere.

Also your oldest will want to be very helpful with the new baby. She can "help" with some of the more simple things with the baby (find the nuk, "can you bring mommy this..." plus your oldest will be much more independent and want to do things for herself as well. So that will hopefully help you to be able to feel like you're getting things done.

Hang in there, it will get better. My son is 18months now and will be 22 months when our next son is born.
It was hard at first, but then I found out it was another boy, and that was a relief, just because our money is tight - and now I don't have to buy new clothes.
Also since it's another boy - they will share a room later, so until we have money to make us a master bedroom LOL! We just bought our house, I will have 3 boys sharing a room. My step-son is 6, then I have an 18 month old, and then the baby. It's not so bad because my step-son lives out of state so he is only here in the summer and for two weeks in winter.
I don't think there is anything wrong with kids sharing a room.
Since your daughter is old enough- I would plan time for your husband to take her somewhere to give you time or for you to get out on your own. It takes some planning, but if you are close to a mall - my son love's going and playing there - and it's free!! So then I can get some me time, cause I know when the next one gets here, I won't have that for a while due to breast feeding. Tonight was my first night at home alone! It was great!!
Things will work out - and it's just the hormones talking!
Stay strong!!

J.-
I felt the SAME WAY with number 1 and 2!! Number 1 I was also on the pill so was scared out of my mind. But hang in there, once that baby starts to move and kick you will remember how wonderful that little life is. And then once you see that little face your worries will be gone.
I know that this doesn't help at the moment as you are feeling blah...
But know that it is ok for kids to share a room! Our neighbors have 5 kids (6 on the way) and 4 of them share a room (2 boys and 2 girls). The are actually very generous and kind kids because they know how to give and take when it comes to space.
Just hang in there!! It will get better!! And just remember, the baby days don't last forever and someday that will make you sad too!

Hi J.,

Not only are you dealing with hormones, but with financial stress. Give yourself some grace and remember that in a few months your perspective will be completely different.

My two girls are 20 months apart and I can tell you that I was quite shocked to find out how easy baby #2 was to take care of. It is the blossoming toddler that is the constant challenge and a baby that just sleeps and eats is a piece of cake in comparison. Also, now that my girls are older, they play together and just love each other so much - I wouldn't have it any other way. (they share a room too, btw)

Grace and peace be with you!

Hang in there! I am going to repeat a lot of what people said before me but it is always great to hear another voice. I have a newly three year old and a 16 month old. I actually miscarried twins last summer. We were ecstatic about the pregnancy and would have been in a situation where we would currently have four diapers. I am now three months pregnant (planned) and am having some of the baby blues you are referring to. We currently have a three bedroom house and when not traveling my husband works out of the home. So like you, for some ridiculous reason I am stressing about the layout of our house. We are contemplating have our two oldest share or having one of them share with the baby - who probably will sleep in our room until I am done nursing. I never worried about my body in my other pregnancies but am grieving the loss of my waistline and control of my body. As I tell myself and other moms, this stage of your life is just a moment in a lifetime of happiness and joy (yes - there is some sarcasm here). Hang in there, take one day at a time adn don't sweat the small stuff. It all works out in the end!!!

Good Luck

Ok i know where you care coming from i felt the same way when i was going to have my #2 6yrs ago and when i also was going to have my #3 5 yrs ago.you do feel overwhemed and all and you worry about everything that is seeming to be going wrong at the time.but it does get easier as you get further along.thing always have a way of working out .i wish i can tell you that you will get more time to your self but as a stay at home mom myself it seem like you dont have time to your self but you just have to take it when you can.i promise that it will work out.