Not Eating His Food

With my 3 yr old we have him sit at the table until he eats at least 1/2 of his food. He has sat there til bedtime, but when he see's he's missing out on something he'll usually start eating.

I always give my kids a plate of whatever I'm eating. If they don't want it, the only other option is a peanut butter sandwich. That way they eat something at dinner time, with the rest of the family. Even if they refuse to eat at all, they need to sit with us for dinner, with all of the TVs off, until everyone is done. I do agree that after dinner time, especially after a refused meal, there is no more food offered at all.

We also have an almost 3yo boy that does this on occassion. To cut back on fights we done several things. I make sure I serve meals that include foods I know he likes, no snacking in the afternoon (he takes fairly long naps and isn't hungry at dinner if he gets snacks after nap), before he gets down from the table he has to try a few bites of each food, and the rest of us have to be done eating before he gets down. If he doesn't eat at dinner then he goes hungry. He'll just eat a bigger breakfast the next morning. We stopped telling him his food was good for him and stopped arguing with him, we tell him the rules and then ignore him if we have to.

My son started being the same way. I started making at least 1 thing i knew he would definately eat for dinner than i would incorporate a couple new items and eventually he ate everything i put in fornt of him. I'm with your husband though, if he doesnt eat then he doesnt eat. Thats how I was taught growing up. Ans its easier if they're on a schedule. Like dinner every night at 6 or whatevers easiest. Good luck!

Hi J.:

Your situation sounds a lot like mine. About a year ago (when my son was 3), he started to do the same thing. He ate fine for me during the day, but come dinner, he wanted to just take a couple bites and be done. My husband and I would argue about it, b/c I don't think they should be force fed or forced to eat something that they don't like (as long as they have tried it). I would either say I'd make him something else, or save his food for later, but my hubby would get mad saying he needed to eat at dinner time, etc. etc. etc (I'm sure you guys have had similar discussions)

Anyway, I gave in and tried the go to bed w/ no dinner thing. Needless to say, my son started losing weight. He developed more problems and issues by not eating than when I gave him something else or saved his food. He even got to the point where he will simply ask to go to bed at dinner b/c he knows he doesn't like or want to eat what's on his plate. I spent the first 5 months of this year going through several different tests and specialists b/c my pediatrician was worried about him not gaining the weight.

I've learned to make things at dinner that I know my son will eat. Even if I make things that he doesn't, I'll cook extra just so there are things he eats (this cuts down on the disagreement b/t my husband and me). I also make sure he eats lunch early enough that by dinner time he is hungry enough to want to eat all of his food. I started making sure he drank more milk (even things like pediasure for the calories) and ate larger portions during the day when he was doing fine. And at dinner, I know that the majority of the time he isn't going to finish what he has, so I just put more on his plate than I would normally do. That way he eats the right amount, but no one gets mad when he doesn't finish all his food.
Sorry this is so long, but I hope it helps out some. Tons of moms on here have great ideas for things like this, so I'm looking forward to hearing what others have to say. Just try to be patient with your son. Good luck.

We have 3 kids, ages 7, 5, & 3 and dinner time is the most challenging for us. I've found that if they snack alot in the late afternoons they usually won't eat their dinner (which us most of the time). Our rule is, if they don't eat at dinnertime, they don't eat again until breakfast. They are okay with that and most times, end up eating a really good breakfast. They are healthy and aren't starving to death. I think as long as they are eating two good meals a day they are fine. Good Luck!

I would have to agree with your husband. My son is three and if he refuses to eat his dinner, he just doesn't get anything. He needs to know that me and my husand are the parents and he is the child. When it is dinner time, that is the time to eat, not when he wants to. When I start to take his food away, because he doesn't want to eat, his changes his mind very quickly and sits right back down at the table and eats all his meal. It may seem harsh, but you have to set boundaries with your child, or they will just walk all over you.

Hi J.,

I feel for you...When I had my kids, they would eat a variety of foods...as they got older though, their interests changed and they did not like to come to the table to eat (except for special occaisions). SO my hubby would cater to them...fast food, pizza, and basically junk food, even taking it ot them in their rooms. Now I have a son who is 17, does not like veggies (except corn) won't eat spaghetti, eats pizza rolls for dinner, corn dogs, and grilled cheese sandwiches, ice cream and grilled cheese sandwiches, and steak.....My daughter on the other hand has tirned vegetarian since last year, reads the labels on everything! Eats only veggies, bread, pasta, and fish and salads, and peanut butter for protein. My husband grazes through the kitchen, he does not like to be served, and will get his own snacks...Occaisionally he will eat something I have fixed. So, to make my point, I don't cook a family meal, rather just make things I know the kids will eat, I hate the kitchen...it is not easy being a short order cook.

With your 3 y/o I would say, just make sure he gets a big lunch and a good breakfast in the morning and when he does not eat dinner...don't worry, he will not starve...but I would offer him something he really likes for a snack before bedtime...

Blessings,
Cj

This is the solution that my husband and I came up with for our 2 year old daughter (and my mother - of four, two boys, said it was brilliant *grin*): She gets dinner at dinner time. If she doesn't eat it, we eat ice cream in front of her, and when she says she's hungry, she gets her dinner again. In the morning? Dinner again. Because I refuse to have plates and plates of dinner in my fridge, she gets the food until she eats it, or until it's passed the time of being "good".

BUT! She helps me with thinking of ideas for dinner (I'm a SAHM), and then we run it by her father on his break. Surprisingly, she only asked for "chicken and fries" for 3 days, and then she started taking "suggestions" from me. *grin* She also "helps" with cooking (mostly stands in the kitchen and supervises me hehe), and we've found that the more involved she feels, the more likely she is to eat it, especially if I've let her stir something - we say "she cooked it, isn't it good?", and make a big deal out of how "good" it is, even if it's only pasta.

I've also found that sprucing up veggies (with cheese or a butter sauce) helps in the eating of veggies, but so does remembering that their stomachs are only as big as their fists - use a little plate to make it feel like "more", and they'll often want "seconds". If she asks for seconds, she gets seconds of it ALL, and the small amount usually is more likely to be eaten.

I agree with your husband. At your sons age, he is well aware of the art of manipulation. And his rufusal to eat at designated dinner times is just him trying to get his way. Have you tried it your husbands way. It does seem harsh when your son tells you an hour after dinner that he is hungry but like I said he is 3 years old and knows what he is doing. You need to be the boss and let him know that this is dinner time, this is bed time, this is nap time, etc etc etc. He will eventually give in once he knows that this is the rule and there won't be anything else. Have you tried bribing him with little things like reading an extra book before bed if you try some chicken or beans. Or extra playtime in bathtub for being a good eater. or maybe chocolate milk for dessert. (I actually bribed my daughter with a couple pennies.....it didn't last forever but it was fun while it lasted and it worked) The most important thing is not to give in to his agenda. And limit all snacks so he is good and hungry at meal times.........this means drinks too. Godd Luck

When I was little my mom made us live by similar rules as your husband. Even if we refused to eat my mom would make us sit at the dinner table with the family until everyone was finished. If we refused to eat everything on our plate we were sent to bed without anything to eat for the rest of the night. Eventually we learned that if we didn't eat with everyone else we didn't eat. If you give in his eating habits will always be bad. my sister has a son who really strugles with eating regardless of what she does. But she sticks to her gun and even though he fights her for everthing she has, she never gives in and he is learning and getting better every day. How much does he eat between lunch and dinner? Is he struggling eating at dinner time because he has eaten to many snacks between lunch and dinner? Part of my nephews issue is that he doesn't want to take time out of his play time to eat but she has also limited what he eats to one small snack between lunch and dinner but he is not allowed to eat anything within a couple hours of dinner and so he is usually ready to eat something by dinner. Hope this little info helps good luck.

Personally, I wouldn't let him eat anything after dinner. I would say something like, 'We will be serving dinner from 6 to 6:30. You many join us or not, it's up to you. And then if he skips it and asks to eat later, I'd tell him, 'I'm so sorry you're hungry, but I'm not serving dinner now. I've done that already tonight and now I'm doing...[whatever].' Anyway, the idea is to give him control over whether or not he eats, but not over when YOU serve dinner. So the control is where it should be. You have control over what you are doing, and he has control over what he is doing. Hopefully, he will begin to learn that there are natural consequences to his choices that are beyond any punishment you may dish out.

Also, (I read your other post) you may find that when he is forced to keep to an eating schedule, his bms will become more regular and you will be able to anticipate about what time he'll be pooping and keep him inside for that hour or two. I have two boys, one turns 3 tomorrow and the other is 4 1/2, and they both poop pretty regularly at the same time every day. The 4 yo just after lunch and the 3 yo just after breakfast.

I love the 'Love and Logic' parenting techniques! (That's what I suggested above.) It really helps me to remain calm and in control with my two VERY active and mischevious boys. :)

Best wishes.

M.

I remember one meal when I was young, my parents told me I had to stay at the table until I finished eating. Being the stubborn person I am, I sat there all evening and didn't eat a thing. What did that accomplish? Nothing.

So I promised myself I wouldn't do that to a child. I taught Montessori school, 2.5-6 year olds, for 5 years. In my classroom, we had lunch from 11:30-12:00. If a child didn't eat in that time, he still had to pack up when lunch was over. Children who made a fuss about their lunches were usually the first to eat the next day--they learned from how hungry they were that afternoon.

They didn't starve--just went a few hours without eating--since they got an afternoon snack.

I think the same thing might work at dinner. If your child is picky, then you might try making one thing he likes at each meal, but also serving a couple of new things. For example, serve spaghetti (food he likes) with broccoli and garlic bread (things he might not like). Encourage him to try everything, but even if he doesn't, serve it to him again another day.

I've read a child sometimes has to see something many times before (s)he will try it. You don't have to MAKE him try things, but at the same time, don't just give up.

I don't know if this will work for you, or if you've already tried this, but it worked for me.
Since my son, now four, was just starting to eat at the table my husband and I would give him everything that we were eating. Brussel sprouts, carrots, peaches, broccoli, anything. If he didn't want to finish and said he was full, he had to wait at the table with everyone else until everyone else has finished. Then if he got hungry later he had to finish his meal before he could get his bed time snack. We never have expressed dislike for vegetables or fruits, even though I very much don't like carrots or peaches.
We pushed the fact that the polite thing to do when someone gives you something you think looks yucky,is take a bite anyway. You might like it. After you take your bite, and if you still really don't like it, just tell them, "I'm sorry, but I really don't like (blank)." Then they will probably make you something else.
Unless you think his pickyness is behavior related then put it in the fridge for later.
My son still throws a fit in the grocery store but its for broccoli and he ignores the candy aisle.

Hope this helps!