Not Being Tolerant with Cats

If only I could "divorce" my 18 year old whiny cat. Times used to be good.. but after the baby came- the tolerance for my long time cat dwindled.
Then there's the dog.
Is there an end to all the pet hair? How did I tolerate it before??
And after reading all the responses.. isn't it a relief to know you aren't alone?
Hmm. Maybe my husband should read the responses so he can see that I am not the only one!

I LOVE my cat . When I got pregnant my cat suddenly seemed dirty and needy. My daughter is now 8 months old and I am more tolerant and loving towards the cat especially since my cat is tolerant of my daughter pulling her tail. My sister went through the same thing and after 4 years she finally found a loving family for the cat she can no longer stand.

Hi J..
I hate my dog. Haha, sorry to be so blunt, but the same thing happened to me. My dog was my world, had little outfits and everything, boots too! But once I had my son, my love for the dog ended (and my ex's love, well at the time we were together, ended too). I can't stand him and can't give him the love or attention he needs. I want to get rid of him, but I feel bad about it. My son is 2.5 now and he has a good relationship with the dog, so I feel awful about trying to get rid of him. But at the same time, it is best for both of us. Don't feel bad! I hope it works out for you!!

I also have two cats and have had them for 8 years.I also have a three year old Boxer and a son who is 8.I had more time and patience also for them in the beginning.Luckily since getting our dog(who was a total pain at the puppy stage)they hang out in the basement and only venture up to say they are hungry.They are scared of the dog.One is and always has been afraid of everyone including me.They were already a year old when we got them.Although I don't have the time or patience I really do try to take 15 min and brush them or pet or whatever.(I have tons of toys for them in the basement(which is finished)They do also make messes down there mostly hair balls and litter box messes but I really feel I have to make the best of it.They would be very hard to give to someone else and there really is no place to send them.I also made the committment by taking them. Maybe your vet could give suggestions for the peeing where they shouldn't.Csn you isolate them a little so they can't get to the furniture? It's a tough situation.Good luck T.

Hi,

Before I had my oldest daughter, I loved my little springer spaniel, but after the baby was born, the dog would wake us up at night howling (after the baby had finally fallen asleep!), need to be taken outside at the worst possible times, track mud into the house after I had just finished cleaning, etc. We muddled through until I became pregnant with my second, and I realized that I just couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't fair to the dog, either. She deserved a family that could love her like crazy and take her for long walks, which we just didn't have time to do anymore. Anyway, my brother-in-law had just gotten married, and he and his wife were looking for a trained dog. They adopted Madison, and now we still see her periodically when we visit! We have 4 kids now, and I really think that we made the right decision about letting Ken and Sara take Madison. I'm sure everyone's experiences are so different, and maybe as your kids get older you will have more tolerance for the cats. This is just my personal story, for what it's worth!

I hear you. I've had cats all my life and babied them - couldn't imagine life without them. I was surprised to find all my nurturing instincts toward the cats turn toward my human children when I had kids. Plus - you just don't have the energy to care for the felines when you are sleep deprived and overwhelmed by the 24/7 demands of young children. Don't feel guilty. I suspect your love for the cats will return as your youngest gets a little older. And the cats are a great education and outlet for the kids.
The timing of our cat years just sort of worked out (sounds terrible) - but both cats were old and sick and had to be put down before my second was born. She is now two and I don't plan to get more cats for at least another year. I just can't deal with taking care of one more thing right now. I know the family will have cats again when the time is right. My guess is - when the youngest is out of diapers and needs less constant supervision, and can play nicely with cats, we will get them.
Just wait it out and Good luck!

Yes! I feel so bad, but we have a cat, who my husband has had since the cat was 8 wks old and he is now 14 yrs old. We both adored him and are now so irritated with him all the time. I feel so bad for the cat, and he gets a lot less attention than he used to. It's hard because he meows a lot - he always has -- and now it is just totally unacceptable because he actually wakes the baby up if he meows in our room at night or during daytime naps. It's a major guilt trip for sure. Uggh.

Hi J.!
I have three kids. The rule of thumb around here is "if you can't make a sandwich or wipe your own behind by the time you're 4 years old, YOU CAN"T LIVE HERE."
Keeps things simple and clearly defines the learning curve.
Sounds like the cats are adding aggravation and stress to the household, it's time for them to go. Don't you have enough laundry to do with four people in the house without having to clean up after cat piss???
Guilt is counterproductive, besides it sounds like you have a great bunch of PEOPLE to really enjoy at your house! :)

I can't say that I personally have experienced the same feelings, but a very good friend of mine has. She has one cat in particular (she also has two) that she would LOVE to get rid of now that she has had her second child. For her its because he is affectionate and always wants her attention, but she is too busy now with 2 kids and doesn't want to give him any. I think its the overwhelmed feeling of now having to care for too kids that created these feelings. Pets are like children so it probably feels like you have 4 kids at times. I had two dogs, now I only have one due to one biting me, and they were a handful. I love them dearly though like they were my children, but I can understand why you might have a change in heart.....especially with cats....don't get me wrong, I like cats, I just don't think you develope as close as an attachment to cats as you can dogs.

Hi J., I know where your coming from! I had a chihuahua named Loise. Before I had my children she WAS my baby. After I had my daughter I quickly realized there was no greater love in this world than the love you have for your children.
So sadly Loise stopped being the center of attention and was no longer to sleep in our bed since we had a newborn in a co-sleeper. Then when my daughter was 7 mo old I was pregnant again. Thats when I started losing all patience with the dog. I think she may have sensed another baby coming and started going the bathroom in the house. My daughter was starting to crawl and would pull her tail and I was so afraid she may get bit one of those times. I felt so guilty about yelling at my dog all the time and hardly giving her any attention. I new I had to find her a better home and thats what I did. A friend of my grandmother's has a daughter who was very sick with cancer and she had been wanting a chihuahua. When I went in the hospital to have my son we arranged to give it to her then and she is soooo happy with her and sleeps with her every night! I know I made the right choice. I hope this was some help to you!

It is so funny to hear someone else say this! Yes yes yes I have gone through exactly what you are doing right now, during my first pregnancy my cats went nuts, and I used to love them but after urinating everywhere and in or on everything and just plain old driving my nuts I couldnt take it anymore! It got worse with the new baby, and worse yet again with my second pregancy. I just couldnt do it, I decided my sanity was more important so I surrendered one to a shelter and made the other and outdoor cat, which has worked out really well for us. No more litter box! I am so much happier now, I felt a tiny bit guilty but I got over it fast, good luck!

Yes! This happened to me too! It was so strange, I loved my cat so much until my pregnancy, and then literally couldn't stand the sight of him. The more I ignored him, the worse his behavior got. Finally when I found him clinging to my bathroom window after I put him outside while I showered, desperate to get in to me, I knew it was time to give him up. I had all kinds of violent nightmares about killing him, that were completely unreasonable and totally out of character for me, and the only thing I can think of is that the maternal protective urge was kicking in strongly.
We gave the cat up because he was very jealous, and I didn't want to wait to see what he would do to my little one, or what I might do to him ;) Do you have a relative you could give the cat to during this unreasonable period? I must admit 2 years later I have nostalgic memories of my cat, but have never regretted giving him up when I did.
I hope it works out for you...I know it is completely insane isn't it?
Angela

My first question is- did they urinate in "odd" places (outside their litterbox) before the baby? If not, it is most likely a "rebellion" against your time being taken up by the new baby...it could also be (believe it or not) a medical condition, such as a urinary tract infection! Is the litterbox always clean? If not, that too, could cause them to "go" in other places....
If you decide to get rid of them, it can teach the children that pets are disposable, and that wouldn't be a good lesson to teach them, pets should be coinsidered members of the family, and treated as such...my suggestion is to take them to the vets and have them tested for some sort of problem before getting rid of them...
I have worked with animals all my life, in Vets offices and for a groomer...Please feel free to email me privately if you have any further questions!

J.,

Let me just say I know how you are feeling and know exactly where you are coming from. Our cats were like that too after we brought the baby home, it's almost as though they sense a change and something different so they "act out." We have now gotten a dog and they are doing the same things, scratching at the carpet, urinating in spots they are not supposed to be urinating. As annoying as it is, they are cats and we've kind of got to take the good with the bad. I am not sure how old your cats are, but if it continues, well the urinating every where, you may want to have them (or if it's just one) checked out for diabetes. We had a cat that started going to the bathroom every where and it turned out she had severe diabetes and that was the cause of her going every where. I wish you luck, mother hood alone is tough and any added issues to that become very frustrating.

Hi J.

It's funny that I happened to read this. I thought that I was the only one! I am a 1st time mom to an incredible 13 month old boy, and though I was fine through my pregnancy, I have hated (strong word, I know) the cat since I came home with my son. The moment I walked in the door, things were different.

Thirteen months later, we still have the cat, but the cat belonged to my partner before we met and got married...and she still loves the cat. It has not been easy and has caused some tension between my partner and me, but we're surviving.

I don't really have any advice for you, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone. Best of luck to you and your family!

Peace,
S.

YES YES YES!! I have 2 cats, and they were my babies... until I had a baby.

It's not that I don't love the cats. I've had one of them for 9 years, the other for 5. But I feel like they are more work than they are rewarding, and I feel horrible about that. It doesn't help that they are acting out by peeing on things (which they NEVER did before). I think they are acting out because they don't get any attention from us.

My daughter is now 16 months, and only now am I interested in petting the cats again, or having them in my lap.

I can't tell you not to feel bad about it, because I feel bad about it, but I just wanted to say you are not alone!

You are DEFINITELY not alone! I feel the same way & so does my husband now. We've got a 10 year old cat & it would crush him to be given away. My husband tries showering him with extra attention a few times a day to curb the feelings of anxiety & jealousy over the new baby. My furniture is getting torn to shreds, but we don't have the peeing issue. Instead we've got a barfing issue. My husband cleans the barf, or we get rid of the cat. That was our deal (it was his cat before we got married, so he's ultimately responsible). I frequently visit upholstery stores for cloth that matches my furniture and try patching things alot. I feel obligated to keep him until the end. It's not his fault we got pregnant & had a kid. We're trying to make the best of it, be more tolerant of the behaviors & hope they extinguish themselves as the baby gets older. Which does seem to be the case a little, since she's old enough to pay attention to the cat now herself too. When kitty's gone to greener pastures, it's all new furniture for mama! :)

The peeing though, that would be a deal breaker for me, and I have to say I wouldn't feel guilty about that one bit. I'd be looking for another loving suitable home if that were the case.

You're not alone!

Oh, I hated my cats when my twins were born! They always lurked at the top of the stairs when I was trying to get the kids downstairs, always running in front of me and 'trying' to trip me. My daughter's first word was "Daisy!" because I was always yelling at the damn cat to get out of my way.

Luckily, in a way, one of our cats passed away in January, after a long, nerve-wracking illness, poor thing. Now we still have Daisy and I try to give her more time, since the kids are in preschool, etc., and she sleeps with me.

It's getting better, but it took a long time. Good luck!

I am so with you! I just keep reminding myself that they are members of my family and I love them, even when they drive me insane. And I feel awful that I have no energy or patience for them. My husband tries to give them a lot of love and now my baby showers attention on them, whether they like it or not. I'm sure we'll all get through this ok.

I think this happened to me too! One day after having the baby, I looked at the cat and thought: he looks different. I think it was partially that I had begun ignoring him being so busy before the baby came. he has been a good cat, caring about the baby and being very protective, but I just don't care about the cat as much. I think it's normal (but sad) that we get really attached to the cat, but then they're not as important, or as needy, as a new baby. also ours seems always to be underfoot, which is annoying! I think the cats and you will continue to adjust, and the kids will enjoy having the cats around for amusement. good luck and don't feel bad that your feelings changed. seems normal.

YES!!! The exact same thing happened to me. It's gone away now. We have four cats...don't ask. It just happened. Anyway, we had to change some of their routines to make having them work. I'm still not ectatic about having their litter box in the bathroom where I bathe the boys, but at least they are not peeing on our laudry any more!

Good luck. Don't give up on them if you love them (the cats, I mean) and take care.

Hello,
I just wanted to let you know that it also happened to me. i have two cats and loved them to death before the baby .... I think the reason I felt impatient towards the cats its hormonal and patience ..... i can only tell to to hang in there bc it gets better. Now I'm back to loving my kitty cats althought I'm not as patient or tolerant with them as i used to be.

J.,

I had the same issue after my daughter was born. I just didn't have the patience to deal with the cat and it seemed like the more I didn't want to deal with him the more he annoyed me. The way we solved the issue was to devote some time just to him. He was used to getting a lot of attention just before we went to bed - petting him as we read in bed. He craves this. Once we paid more attention to him he seemed to calm down and act like his old self.

Good luck,
L. M

Yes it did to me as well. I feel spent at the end of the day and our cat always wants to snuggle with me. Not that I don't love our cat, but after putting the kids to bed I just need not to be jumped on and cried at. He is now 15 years old and we probably will not get another cat for a while.