So I've started to try to take the pacifier away from my nearly two year old daughter. She hasn't been allowed to have it, except for at bedtime, for probably about a year now. Well, she is all over the place while I'm trying to get her to calm down to go to bed. We do the same routine... dinner, bath, teeth, reading books, same bed time... she is fine going through the routine, but she won't even sit down for 5 seconds while we are reading books--overly hyper--which then gets transferred to her in her crib. She has a blanky now (which will hopefully replace this pacifier) which comes out when its time to go to sleep, but she still won't sit still. She wants to get off the couch, climb on the table, climb all over me, etc-- I can't get her to sit still and "calm down." Any tips? I'm fearful I let her have the pacifier too long that she doesn't know how to soothe herself without it.
UPDATE she takes a nap immediately after lunch (maybe about an hour or two) and she is in bed between 7:30 and 8.
Well, I started putting a couple pacifiers up on her dresser (she can reach them from her crib) and I would put her down without the pacifier--and if she REALLY wanted one, she could find one up there (I also put the brand that she doesn't normally use). And most of the time, there I found her with a pacifier in her mouth! I guess maybe she's not ready and I will wait until she is a little older so I can reason with her. I cannot take the pacifiers totally out of the house because her younger brother uses them :( Thanks for all the advice, I'll probably be asking for more tips in a few months when I try again!
If she only needs it for bedtime and isnt wandering the streets with it in her mouth, let her keep it for now.
She still needs that comfort from sucking. she will eventually find what she needs...fingers, blanket corners, etc...and those fingers are much harder to take away. If it's this much battle then she needs it, not wants it, needs it. Pacifiers will eventually be put down and not used anymore. Fingers are still there even into adulthood.
Why do you want to take away the pacifier? In our culture, we often do what is socially approrpriate rather than devlopmentally appropriate. Unless your child has a speech problem, why is it nevessary?
Also, my son's preschool teacher said all three of her children had pacifiers until 4--only one needed braces.
Honestly, she might not be ready to let the paci go. My son was a paci sucker until age 4. We tried at age 2 to get rid of it, but he cried for over a week, plus I was preggo at the time and my Mom said to give it back to him because the changes in our lives were probably too stressful for him. At that point he was only using it for naps and night time. Plus he didn't have any other way to soothe himself, a blankie or a stuffed animal that he cared for. The only thing he had to self soothe was his paci. We gave him the paci back and life went on as usual. He was always a great napper, eater and sleeper so he immediately went back to a normal schedule. After our daughter was born we tried again when my son was 3. We told him that God was sending a Paci Angel was going to give his pacis to another little baby boy who needed them. After another week of crying...we finally gave him the paci back after he heard on the radio the Christian song where it says "He gives and takes away, He gives and takes away"and he broke down crying saying that he was mad at God for taking away his Paci. We didn't want him to be mad at God, so the paci came back. We just told him he could only use it for night time, not naps anymore. Then on the day of his 4th birthday we told him it was time to send the paci's to his new boy cousin. He said "Okay, I will send them to Bryce. He's a baby and needs them more than me." So we put them all in an envelope and took them to the post office and I let him give it to the post office worker and gave him money to pay for postage. Then I called my best friend and had my son tell her that he was sending his paci's to her new baby. HE was ready to let the paci's go. He asked about his paci once or twice after that, but didn't shed a tear and was totally okay with it.
So I say for now, let her have her paci. Just set the ground rules that it's only for bed time.
He is now 6, and totally fine. His ped dentist says he probably won't need braces. He is very smart and very sociable. I am glad that I didn't give into the social pressures to take away his paci when he wasn't ready and listened to my gut instinct instead.
My now 3 year old daughter has been a thumb sucker from the very beginning. I am totally not stressing about getting her to stop. She will when SHE is ready.
And really, in the grand scheme of life, does it really matter if your kid sucks their paci or thumb into adulthood? For me, I think there are many more important issues to worry about and thumbsucking or paci sucking just isn't one of them. But that's me.
Just go with your gut instinct on this no matter what anyone, including me, tells you. You know your kid the best.
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For your sanity, give her the paci! My daughter was almost three and completely potty trained before we started working on getting her off. When we thought she was ready, we told her it was completely up to her but when she was ready to get rid of it, we would take her to this children's science museum that she had gone to a party at. Within a week, she came to me and said she was ready to give it up and never asked for it again. We took her to the museum and made a huge deal about what a big girl she was. I think she just felt like we were giving her the option instead of telling her she was done with it. Worked great for us.
You have to decide which is more important to you right now - getting her off the paci or your own sanity. There is nothing wrong with letting her have it a little longer if it makes your life a little easier.
My daughter (@ 26mo) was so attached to hers that we attached it to her with one of those ribbon clips. She used it all the time to soothe herself. (she is my 3rd child so i'm ok with a little extra peace) We sent her to her grandparents house for the weekend and my husband forgot to send her paci with her so she went all weekend without it. She fussed for it and cried a little but we used it as an opportunity to try to get rid of it. Then when she got home we said she left it at 'pappys'. After a week or so she didn't ask for it again.
However, I let my two older kids get rid of it when they were ready. As long as they don't have it in kindergarten does it really matter? :)
Hi J.,
Its funny I just stumbled upon this question because I just went through the exact same thing. I actually just finished this week and my 22 month old son has not had his pacifier for 2 weeks. It was very hard the first 3 nights, but I cut the tip off of the pacifier so when I did give it to him the first night of trying to break him, he would not have that sucking comfort he knows. After the first and second night he didnt want it, so that was a plus, but he still was uneasy about going to bed. So I would rock him and gave him his stuffed animal he sleeps with to show him that he can comfort without his pacifier. It took a good 4 nights, but now he can sit in my arms and go right to sleep. Good luck!
I am thinking she needs to be worn out so maybe a walk at the beginning of the routine (w/ her walking not riding in a stroller) so she will be tired enough to be calm.
Cut back on the nap time and any sugars she may be eating after 6:00. As for the passy problem, I'm really cranky without my cup of coffee some people may think I don't need. It is a gradual process and soon it will be a story of her past.
A dentist once told me that the need to suck is a function of the
teeth and jaw. Everyone is different and some children need it more
than others. My child that kept the bottle and pacifier the longest
needed jaw surgery. May Americans have different upper and
lowere jaws because our heritage is so mixed.
Why take it so seriously? Let her suck a bit. It isnt
such a sin.....
Just a thought
My daughter (34 months today) has been the same way off and on for the past several months. Mostly off because we work with her on sitting still, and in one place, during storytime. Moving around too much will cause storytime to be reduced and/or set aside until next time. We're not mean about it, just direct. Mad's never used a pacifier... she's just a toddler, lol. I wouldn't change what you're doing, other than thinking that it has to be paci-related.
I took the pacifier away from my daughter at the same time and it wasn't that bad, maybe one night of her asking. What I did was put a music box in her crib. She loved listening to the soothing music. Try that it really helped. My daughter was about 21/2 though and she wanted to go to preschool so she threw it out on her own lol. I didn't let her walk around with it either I only let her have it at bedtime and I didn't have a problem with it. Maybe she isn't ready yet. In my opinion it isn't going to hurt anyone. In my case my daughter was ready and willing so it wasn't that big of a deal. Try the music, it worked for us. Let her pick her CD's and maybe she will lay there and listen to music, and calm down. Good luck!!
Some of her activity might just be normal for her age, she might actually be overtired. You did not say what time she is being put down for the night, how many hours of sleep she gets per night, if she still naps during the day, but you might want to try putting her down earlier if it's possible she's overtired and that is making her more wound up.
I am assuming you don't give her the pacifier until the bedtime routine is done - why not just give it that the beginning if it helps her relax sooner? My DD was almost 3 before we were able to deep-six the pacifier - like you, it was only for sleeping, but she got it as soon as pajamas were on, and had it during stories and cuddles (she's also had a certain teddy bear as her security object since she was a baby too). We were able to finally get rid of it just a few months before her 3rd birthday. The "Binky Fairy" took it away because she needed it for a new baby and DD was a big girl who didn't need it anymore. It was a little tough at first but DD adjusted, and it wasn't the end of the world that she held onto it a little longer. You could always just give it more time.
My DD often will get silly at bedtime too and it's not being overtired - just not being cooperative and not "participating", but wanting to run around the room and turn somersaults instead. I have to warn her that any monkey business will earn her a one-way ticket straight to bed with NO stories and a few times I have followed through. She's getting better as she gets older and more mature.
At this age, many kids do better if you just go cold turkey. Our kids never really took a pacifier, but they did have a bottle. Both of them did better when I stopped trying to transition them and just said, "We're done."
I went through the same thing too. If YOU want to take away the pacifier, do it. I told my daughter that there were going to be no pacifiers soon because other babies needed them now and she's not a baby. I told her this each night for about 3 nights prior to doing it. I thought all hell was going to break loose, but it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. Stick to your story, tell dad or other caregiver so they can back you up. She only cried for it the first night, and just a couple of whimpers after that and every now and then. I must tell you I cannot believe how simple it was once I had decided to go ahead. I turn the light off and sing her lullabies that now replace the relaxing stage with pacifier. Somewhere Over The Rainbow etc. I ask her which song she would like to hear, but encourage her to ask in a soft voice, and sing in a soft voice.
I think that your conclusion about self-soothing is correct. Both of my children were very much attached to their pacifiers. So much so that I allowed them to take them until they were two just to avoid the inevitable battle that is sure to ensue. What really work for us both times was actually giving the pacifier to something that cannot give it back. We went to the Zoo for my son and his choice was to toss (I'm sure PETA would have my head for this) his into the Alligator exhibit. He wined a few nights but rest assure he wanted nothing more to do with it because of who had it then. Same thing with my daughter only we gave it to 'Santa' for the baby elves. She was much easier to convince without seeing. Boys are different than girls. My son actually had to see where his most prized possession was going. It worked for me, good luck to you,
Your daughter may not be tired after such a long nap in the afternoon. I had to stop all naps at 2 years old because my son wouldn't go to sleep at night. You can try a nap earlier before lunch and keep it to 1 hour... that might help. Also, your daughter may not be ready to give up the pacifier. If it helps her sleep, then let her keep it longer. My son threw his away on his own somewhere between 2 1/2 and 3. Hope this helps!
