No One Went to 7Yr Olds Birthday Party.

I always try to go to the parties my kids are invited to for this reason. You never know and more often then not there are only a few kids there. The one party we went to in December only had 2 guests, my son was one of them. I felt bad for the little guy!

I would try to do that. Set something up.

That is so sad. Poor guy! Call the mom and arrange a play date. You can apologize for not RSVP'ing then. :)

Awwww, breaks my heart!! Breaks my heart in half!! :(

A lesson learned for not RSVPing. Yes, call the mom, apologize and schedule a playdate or an outing.

Poor kid!!

Why didn't you RSVP? Sorry -that is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. I don't care if you know the people or not -if you get an invitation that has an RSVP on it -you RSVP! Also, why didn't you ask your son about it? You say you hadn't heard him mention the kid and you hadn't gotten him a present, so you didn't go? When my son has an invitation in his backpack, I ask him about it. I ask him if he wants to go or not -and then I RSVP. Quite honestly, if I were those parents, I would be looking for a new school or a new community if my kid was surrounded by 20 some-odd families who are so rude!

If your son likes the kid and has an interest in playing with him, by all means call and set up a playdate.

And for those who aren't looking in their kids' backpacks -I get that when they're older, but a 7 year old? You should be checking out the backpack regularly. They could have ANYTHING in there!

Why did no one RSVP? That is so rude. The whole mess could have been 'fixed' for that little boy if the parents had RSVP'd appropriately. Sure, maybe no one could go, but at least the mom would have been forewarned that no one was coming and they could have made other plans for their son, rather than sitting there ON HIS BIRTHDAY, WAITING for kids to show up, who never would.

The responsibility is NOT on the mom to call around and find out who is coming. And who's to say that she even could?! Where my kids go to school, the parents are not supplied with contact information for other students. That is considered personal/private information that they are not allowed to release without consent.

If it were me I would call up the mom and invite her and her son for a playdate at a park and lunch after. And apologize for not RSVPing.

I have always encouraged my kids (when they tell me they have a new kid in class) to be nice and include them. To think about how it would feel to be "the new kid" themselves and not know anyone. My daughter is very reserved and slow to make friends. My son, otoh, is wonderful at this as he is very much a people person and quite empathetic. He has BEEN the new kid a few times and is well aware of the challenges of being the new kid, and he is very welcoming to others, remembering what it is like.
Please encourage your son, regardless of what you do about a play-date/not a play-date, to make a real effort to include this boy at school. Picking teams on the playground, telling jokes, asking about his weekend, talking about the latest movie they've seen or favorite video games, or whatever. Even if they don't become best friends, it may open the way for another student to open up to the boy and THEY might become best friends.

Good luck. And please please, everyone, recognize that --- RSVP translates to "Respond, please." (NOT, let me know only if you plan to come.) There is NO understood "not coming" if you don't reply. There just isn't.
Poor kid.

Completely heartbreaking.

People that are saying the parents should have called.. Give me a break.

Yes, they could have, but this is a new family to the neighborhood. They may have come from a place that phone calls are not necessary because people do not blow off a gracious invitation.

Parents teach your children well.

Their actions really do affect other people. I LOVE the idea of inviting a few classmates and making it a small surprise party, I also hope you will write an apology letter to the mom.

This is incredibly sad.
And I don't understand WHY you didn't RSVP? Don't you understand how important it is to let people know whether you are coming or not? I can just imagine that poor family sitting around saying, oh don't worry son, I'm sure they are coming they just forgot to let us know.
Absolutely reach out to him, that kid will remember this for the rest of his life :(

To the couple of folks blaming the boy's parents for how they sent the invitations -- Many schools do not provide a school directory with classmates' names and contact information, and won't give that information to parents who ask. It's a privacy thing. So realize that these parents may have had no way to contact classmates' parents other than by sending paper invitations home in backpacks. All parents should check kids' backpacks regularly for reasons like this and to ensure they're getting all the paper from school they're supposed to get.

I would definitely contact the mom and say what you said here: You thought this was a case of "inviting every kid in class" and you should have RSVP'd and were wrong not to do so. Yes, set up a play date and then more than one.

My heart is breaking for this poor child. Yes, call for a playdate. Make it a little extra special with cupcakes and a small gift.

This is one of the reasons why RSVP is so important. This situation is 100% preventable. We go to birthday parties, regardless of whether or not my son talks about a child. He's got 18 kids in his class- talks about 4 of them. Unless we have a family event, we RSVP and we attend. They're little and their birthdays ARE their most important days. Toys R Us is open on Sundays... I know this because we have stopped more than once on our way to a party.

You didn't rsvp? Why? Not cool.

anyway, we (almost) had a very similar situation TWICE.
1. My son almost wanted to respond "no" to O. particular child's invite last year. He just didn't like the kid. The kid had come to my son's party so I kind of swayed him by saying "John came to your party....how "bad" could a party possibly be?" We rsvp'd yes. He went and so did O. other kid. THREE kids total. That's it.

2. We rsvp'd & went to another kid's party and my son, the birthday boy, b-day boy's brother & mom & dad were "it" -- for bowling. Turns out it was just a bad, busy day for everyone else. SO glad he went.

Maybe if you had called to rsvp--if EVERYONE would have rsvp'd the whole situation could have been avoided because the parents would have known NO O. was coming. Sorry--don't mean to harp--the not rsvping is a GIANT pet peeve of mine.
How sad. :(

DEFINITELY set up a play date & buy the kid a gift! Have your son give it to him & apologize for not being able to make it to the party.

S.:

What is your excuse for NOT RSVPing? I don't get that. People come on here and complain all the time about people not RSVPing OR NOT RSVPing and showing up...

Hopefully you won't let this happen again? You can't make other people show up nor can you control what other people do. But you CAN control your actions. You should have RSVPd.

Call the mom - apologize and set up a play date.

I can't believe people didn't RSVP. It's one thing if you don't want to go, but it's another to leave the family hanging. Yes - I know you forgot - we all do, but EVERYONE forgot? That stinks for the poor kid.
If your son likes this other boy, I'd certainly set up a playdate.

Wow, I have this knot in my stomach over this post. I wasn't going to respond but man this is tough. This poor kid....I just feel so awful for him and his folks too. I think a great thing for you and your son to do would be to offer a playdate or a lunch date at a location where the kids can play together while you and the parents get to know each other. You can't fix the party but extending a friendly gesture sure would do a lot for this family.

And yes, always RSVP even if it is 'regrets'.

Oh, the poor, poor kid! I completely agree about a playdate. If it seems feasible, you could take it one step further and set up a mini surprise party for him. Just call 3-5 other parents, explain the situation, and ask if they can come over on X date. Give the boy's mom a heads-up, and then invite him for a simple playdate. Pick up a cake somewhere, and you're done. That could turn a heartbreaking memory for this little boy into a wonderful one, and really, it would just take a couple of calls and a cheap grocery store ice cream cake. It'd be a great lesson for the boys who participate too. I feel so bad for this little boy, *I* want to throw him a surprise party, even though I don't know him, I live several hundred miles away, and my son is two years younger....

If I was that other mom, I'd appreciate you contacting me and setting up a playdate for our sons. Bless you for being honest and wanting to make things right. I hope you and your son discover some great new friends as you reach out to this family.

I would call his mother and invite them over for a playdate. At the playdate, I would give him a little birthday cake and gift. I would also give the mother a welcoming gift . Who knows, you could make a good friend this way, as well as your son!

I also thought of throwing a very casual surprise party for the little boy asap. Just a few of your son's friends and a cake. It's so sad for this boy. It's so hard to be new as it is. A little party is something you can do to make up for it. I bet it'd mean to the world to the boy and his parents. I'd be very surprised if a few other mothers don't feel terrible when they hear as well and would be glad to help. If you can't have the party at your house, maybe someone else will if you get the ball rolling.

I always go for this exact reason. I always rsvp as well. DS went to a party in December and we were the only people to show up. I really didn't feel like going b/c the little boy was a friend from a school he only went to for 2 months. They were good buddies at that school but I hadn't talk to his mom since. I was really glad we went and she kept saying how thankful she was we came.

A playdate is the perfect answer! Its hard being the new guy.

OH GOD! I totally feel for the parents AND the boy!

I IMMEDIATELY put my son's (7 year old) face onto this situation.

Call the mom and tell her that you will assist her in bringing cupcakes and drinks to the class. Also, you can go out and get him a good gift.

Invite him and the parents to your house or out for a swim, movie night, to meet your church friends, etc. They are probably lonely too.

No one came to my sister's 7th birthday, either. She was also new, but 2 kids had said they would come and they didn't. More recently 13 people said they would attend a friend's baby shower. 8 of us actually showed up. I have no idea what people think RSVP means.

Even if you had not gotten a present, you still should have RSVPd to tell them that you would not be coming. But beyond that, you don't have any control over the other people. It's a shame no one showed, but the fact that no one did is not your fault.

Does your son want a playdate? And does he want to be this child's friend? I ask because a pity playdate might be even worse. If your son wants to have this kid over, call the parents and say "I'm sorry we did not RSVP and were unable to attend. However, my son would like to have Johnny over for an afternoon if that works for you." Then I'd make it more about friendship than missed parties. I wouldn't mention the other guests at all.

lost one of my daycare kids last summer over an issue such as this. It hurts, it's awkward, & it 100% can be prevented. :(

Absolutely contact the family & try to be a better friend/classmate!

Yes I would try to set up a play date and make it up to the child.

We moved to our town right before my oldest started kind. My son didn't know any of the kids in his class before he started school and I didn't know any of the parents. This was before the "everyone must get an invite" we invited all of the boys in his class. We saw it as a way to be able to meet the kids and get to meet some parents as well. He only has 10 boys in his class. Only one boy showed up. To this day Im so thankful/ grateful for that one boy! None of them rsvp'd either ( not even the one that came). Even now that they are in 9th grade my son and this boy are best friends and have been since that day.

you can't take back what happened, but you can make it up to him.

This breaks my heart. First of all - why would you NOT have RSVP'd - you obviously knew your son wasn't going to attend - how about telling the parents? Sure call them - sounds like this child needs a friend.

YES! Call and set up a playdate for sure. This poor kid! Probably trying to make new friends in a new town and imagine how badly he feels. I almost started crying reading your post. PLEASE invite the kid over to play. :(

I think you got the message to RSVP in the future... You are doing the right think to make up for it.
A play date is a great idea if he and your son would like it. Maybe you know some other moms from the class who are also feeling badly over this. Maybe they and their children could join in.

I LOVE the idea some others suggested of throwing this child a little surprise party if it is feasible. I can't believe how heartbroken this little baby must be. My husband works a job that also requires semi-frequent moves (about every 5 years or so), and if this was my child, my own heart would be broken. Please see if you can do something with some other kids from the class.

When I think of how many posts I have read on this forum about people not RSVP'ing . . . I'm hoping people can see how this happens.

I have failed to RSVP a time or two when I didn't actually see the invitation until after the event had passed (i.e., the invitation was at the bottom of my son's bag). Even then I felt badly.

Maybe we can all try harder to RSVP.

I like your idea to reach out.

Even if it seemed like he just invited the whole class, you should have rsvp'd. It's a common courtesy that many people seem to have forgotten about. I held a very expensive party for my daughter when she turned 7 at an inflatables place and only half of the class bothered to RSVP. I never heard from the other half at all, and it made me furious. It's just downright rude! I always RSVP whether we can come or not.

I think you should definitely try to set up a playdate with the kid and have a gift for him. Tell him, sorry we couldn't make it to the party, but we wanted to get you a present.

This is absolutely awful for this little boy. You also don't know how much this Mom spent on a party and food that no one showed up to. I'll bet that it was really hard for this little boy to come back to school after that. RSVPs are a pet peeve of mine. I realize that I cannot control how someone else acts about RSVPs, but I can control MY behavior with them.

Yes, you should call this Mom and apologize. You wouldn't want your child to be the one next birthday with no one showing up to his party.

This is why we don't do this. My kids are 12 and 9. They always take cupcakes or donutes or whatever to school on their bdays and that is their "school party with their school friends". Just last year they were able to invite 2-3 friends to do something fun of their choice for their bday. To get around inviting the whole class, I just asked my kid to ask their friend who they wanted to invite, their phone number and I called their moms. That is how I got to "know" the moms of the kids my kids played with at school. I think this is so sad and yes, if I were you, I would call the mom and see if the kids could get together to play. Good luck.

That's one of my biggest fears for my kids. How sad.

Yes I would call her and set up a play date.

Yes to the phone call for a playdate!

I like your question and think this is a good reminder to everyone to pay very close attention to RSVP's on invitations!!! For some reason, our generation has gotten out of the habit of taking 2 minutes to make a call or zip off an email to reply.

I have planned things before and hardly anyone RSVP's but on the day of the event, lots of people show up!!! All of us need to do better and I am also trying to teach my kids that RSVP's are common courtesy that they should not take lightly.

Oh S.-

My heart hurts for this little one!

My first thought was to have you private me your address...and I will send some belated b day greetings!!

I would call for SURE...and apologize for not RSVPing...and make a play date...with a belated card and gift...

Best Luck!
michele/cat

oh, you are lovely. that is so sad i just about can't stand it. yes, call his mom and set up a playdate. the moms who are angry about the unanswered RSVPs are quite right, but a lot of us have forgotten or missed them. most of the time it's not THAT big of a deal, but this surely underscores why it's important.
you rock for wanting to do something nice for this disappointed little fellow.
khairete
S.

I think you should reach out, a playdate etc.
Those saying you should have RSVP, you still weren't going, so the result still would have been the same.
Don't beat yourself up over it. Reach out now and change the future.

How very sad for this boy. Please see if you could get the class together for a 'late' party and apologize or something. Maybe the class could do a 'surprise' party late and try to let him know they do care but......
This makes me want to cry.

Yes, a playdate would be a great idea. My son went to a party one time when he was the only kid who came. It broke my heart....Live and learn...

Ok, so I don't have to tell you that you should have RSVPed right? Always RSVP no matter what. I feel so bad reading this as well. I am surprised they had the party when they didn't know who was coming, to be honest with you. Maybe his parents don't speech English? Anyway, YES set up a playdate immediately and apologize. Who knows...maybe someone showed up at the party?

My son was 4 when we moved here last year. I remember him slumping over in the booth at a restaurant, forehead in his hand, and saying "I just want my life back!" And he was just 4. So yeah...my heart hurts for that little 7 year old. It's not always fun starting over.
For his 3rd birthday, we didn't have him in much of anything: just kid gymnastics, and he'd just started that. But he ASKED for a party (I asked what a party means and he said "Cake, balloons, friends---MY friends, not yours"). I was like "Ack! He doesn't really have friends?" So we took him to see Walking With Dinosaurs (the coolest thing EVER) and then had a little party afterwards with balloons, cake, and we'd invited our neighbor, and 5 other children. 1 person said they couldn't come. The others, we thought, were coming. ONLY THE NEIGHBOR came. And 2 of my adult friends. I was a bit mad, but had to swallow it and be happy for the party. Thank God, it was at a park and there were children around. We grilled hot dogs, had snacks, played at the park. We took the gifts home and opened them there, and had a nice time. Joseph had a great time, and didn't know that it would have been a "disaster" if he'd been older. This past October everyone came at the same time, which was 20 minutes late. BELIEVE that my stomach was in my throat, I was quite concerned that my son's first "real" party was going to be a bunch of no-shows. RSVP'ing is a good thing, and a very easy thing to do.
I think you're very kind to want to invite them over for a playdate though. I think that's a good thing to do. Something where the mom or dad could get a little adult conversation in too would be super nice.

Yes I would call them. Apologize for the lack of RSVP and try to set up a play date. That poor kid!

I do have to add though that the parents could have done a better job getting the invites out earlier and following up. I've definitely slacked off on getting invites out in a timely manner but I always send them to the house and if I'm getting them out within 2 weeks of the party, follow up with a phone call and or e-mail to give the parents a head's up.

yes phone call for sure. That is so sad.

ok that made me feel like I was going to tear up. How sad. He'll remember that for the rest of his life. Please call and set up a play date. Poor thing. I have done the non-RSVP thing before and didn't go. So I can't judge. I'll always RSVP from here on out. But it just goes to show there may be more to a persons life. But how could you have known that no one would show up. At any rate, poor little boy. I am sure he has been trying to make friends. Invite a few of the kids over from class so a bunch of them can hang out together.

Oh that is always my fear! I would be heartbroken for my kids! I would say the surprise party would be great or a play date, anything to make him feel special. Can I also say to all of the responds, leave her alone!!! So she didn't RSVP, whatever!!! When I have a party very few people ever RSVP, yes it would be nice to have that, but jeez you guys are ready to roast her over it! Step back and help this lady who is obviously a good person and give her good ideas for this situation, not just chastising her for not RSVPing!

I would call his mother and set up a play date. My son is 8 years old and has Aspergers syndrome, so he doesn't have any friends. We regularly invite many children to his birthday parties, when he turned 6, one little girl from school came, other than that, no other children EVER show up for his birthday parties. It does make him feel bad, because even though he doesn't know how to go about doing it, he really wants friends. We live several states away from our families, so we don't have anyone else to come. It's a very hard thing to see your child feel that way. I would give anything to have just one person invite my little boy over for a play date :-)

I am often amazed at the power of honesty. What about calling the mom and sincerely apologizing and taking responsibility for not RSVP'ing? Depending on how receptive she is to your outreach, you might invite the new family over for a barbecue or to watch a big game on TV. In this way, your hurtful oversight could be transformed into a real act of kindness.

My heart is breaking reading this and many of the responses. I know we are all busy but please RSVP to invitations, and please attend the parties when you can. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is always important to the birthday kid and his or her family.

Some of the blame has to fall on the child's parents. There are times that something will be in my son's backpack for a week or so before I ever see it. Mom could have probably gotten a few phone numbers from the school directory and checked with the parents of other students.

This is sad, I certainly feel for the poor kiddo!

M

That's terribly sad. But it's not ALL your fault. The parents could've followed up with those they invited to clarify who's coming and who's not (though no one knows for sure if they did this). Like others said, apologize and make an effort to reach out and be friends. They are new. That's very tough on any kid and the parents as well. If they are halfway decent people, they'll appreciate the gesture. Of course we don't know what kind of a person this kid is (I knew somebody who invited her class to her 18th birthday and no one came - but she was an AWFUL person), but everybody deserves a chance. Best wishes to you, your son and the new kid and his family.

You know its good to invite teh whole class so no one gets left out. But when they hit 3rd grade it becomes a problem. I remember the caty pta kids who were the mean kids in my daughters school ripping the birthday invitation up in her face. We still had a big bday party because my daughter has friends outside of school. I'll never forget that who brings up kids so nasty as to rip cards in people's faces. Those parents shoudl be ashamed of themselves. Baring that yes invite the boy on a few playdates and a surprise party would be awsesome but the problem is if the kids didnt come to his original how do you plan to get them to come to his surprise.

For my daughter's 4th birthday two years ago I sent out 35 invites to her preschool friends. I heard back from 10 parents. Turns out only 4 kids showed up. She didn't think anything about it at the time. I wasn't happy over the money spent on food that was turning into leftovers. It wasn't until a friendz birthday the next month when she realized all the people she asked were now ar this party. I'm scared to throw a party for her this year. Call the mom and apologize. It is the best that you can do right now

Wow, there are so many responses here, I don't know if mine will matter! Honestly ladies, how many parties have you had for your kids and people don't rvsp? it happens. I do like the following ideas, call the mom, apologize for not being able to atten, and offer to help! make cupcakes for their class. I wouldn't get into "well, we didn't know him and my son never mentioned his name before..." That will just make the phone call awkward! Cupcakes, and a play date. No present, the party is already over... Just reaching out to mom would be nice!