Newborn at Family Events

If I were you, I would be staying home with the new baby. People will be more understanding of that than of being asked to get a vaccination. I didn't go hardly anywhere with my baby until she was 3 months old. I'm not anal about germs, I just was busy taking care of a new baby.

I just took my babies places and they were fine. Yes I let others hold them, we flew on airplanes, we went to large gatherings, the grocery store and the doctor's office. They were seldom sick and quite social as they were used to being out and about.

Unless you have a premie, it is fine to see others as soon as you feel up to being out.

I think you are over reacting. You know you can be exposed to pertussis out and about like going to the grocery store. I have also read that the most recent out breaks are in those who have been vaccinated against it, so I wonder if the virus has mutated.

I would be more concerned about being in the hospital and getting exposed there then being around family and friends. I have read so many articles about staph infections and other stuff that are 100% resistant to antibiotics and most of the people got it at a hospital.

Relax. Seriously. We flew with out 8 week old baby last month because our pediatrician let us know that it was safe to be out-and-about. In fact, it is OK to be out in "familiar" places at 6 weeks as long as there are no smokers.

If my sister asked me to get a pertussis booster to attend Thanksgiving at my parents house I would think she was crazy. Yes, it's serious. Yes my husband and I both had it in the hospital when my youngest was born, but I would not think of asking people to get a shot (not covered by insurance in most cases) to be around me.

For what it's worth, when my son was 18 months old, we were supposed to have Thanksgiving at my MIL's house. My SIL's children had swine flu the week before. My husband called his mother to be CERTAIN that his sister and the children would NOT be coming to dinner because we didn't want to expose our son. The morning of Thanksgiving MIL called to say that SIL needed a break and the kids were going to come over to get out of the house. Needless to say, we didn't go. That was our choice, but I would not ask someone else to go out of their way to ensure my child's health.

It's reasonable to ask people to wash their hands before holding the baby... reasonable to ask young children to touch ONLY the baby's feet, reasonable to even ask people to tie back long hair. Get a vaccine? Not reasonable.

If you are so worried about "germs" you might wan to rethink a hospital birth. Do you have ANY idea how many diseases are in a hospital??? OMG - that's where the REALLY sick people go to be treated. If you aren't worried about that, then you shouldn't be stressing about the flu and pertussis.

It IS your first baby and the reality of the situation is that you can't force people to have a medical procedure (vaccination is) in the event they don't have immunity....not that the vaccines for pertussis works, since 80% of the people who get it are up to date on their vaccines...and don't even get me started on the flu vaccine. You need to do some research. The flu vaccine still contains mercury AND they are almost never right on the strain that rears it's ugly head during "flu season".

That being said, stay home. Trust me, after 4 kids, you have more to worry about than pertussis and flu with family members. Breastfeeding will increase your baby's immune system function to fight things off. In fact, new research has shown that when the baby latches on, it's saliva triggers your body to manufacture specific antibodies that are necessary for the baby at that moment. THAT is immunization at it's finest.

Hi, N.:
You can give all the excuses you want but if you become
overly protective, it will turn people off towards your child.
It will affect his/her relationships as long as he lives. I have seen
mothers who have experienced trauma giving birth, kept the child at a diistance. The chilld grew up without having formed loving relationships with family and friends.
Relax. Enjoy the baby, enjoy the family enjoying your baby.
Be proud that people care, you might need them later on in life.
All the Best.
D.

I don't think you can ask people to get the vax and booster.

However, as a mother of a newborn, you CAN be as anal/wacky/neurotic about things as you want.

Tell the family that you are worried about large gatherings with the newborn and that this year you will stay at home. You can't expect them all to get the shots, and you can't go but say, "Stay away from me and my beautiful baby."

So - if you are worried - stay home.

Also - before making a decision - ask your pediatrician what he/she thinks.

Well, you can ask. However, if I was asked...I would just not go. Which, I guess would work out for you. If I don't want to get a medical procedure or vaccine, I am not going change my mind, because someone asks.

Yes, you can ask. I just find it a little demanding and self important. But, you can ask. I think it's more important that people wash their hands, and not come if they've been around any sick people in the last week. What will you do in grocery stores, parks, malls, any public place?

that made M. laugh=) i thought I was a crazy first time mom.
I think if you're that worried J. dont go. Your baby is going to be exposed to tons of stuff and at 8 weeks he's plenty big enough to be held. my daughter was 12 weeks her first thanksgiving and my sil's was 4 weeks and they were fine. i also took her to my sil's baby shower at 2 weeks.
the doctor said she was fine to be around people until mid october with strangers (cold and flu season) and after that J. family...which included extended fam at thanksigving. have that spray on hand if your that nervous

I think it's a little much to expect your entire family to get a vaccine........I know you want your child safe and healthy - we all do. But this would be quite over the top. Asking someone to wash their hands before holding your child is acceptable...or giving someone some anti bacterial hand gel, but to ask them to get a vaccine, too much. I know this is their family too and we all want to do what's best for our family but please keep in mind the world does not revolve around your child - yours, yes, but everyone elses-no. If you don't want your child around germs, keep him/her home.

I don't get vaccinated for anything unless I'm going to a foreign country and it's recommended or required.

If you asked me to get one for a "just in case" scenairo, I would polietly decline to do so, and would probably still go to the Thanksgiving dinner with the rest of the family.

I think drug companies really play and get paid on the fears of people like you. Remember Swine Flu and how bad that was predicted to be. My doctor recommended that I get vaccinated and when I declined to do so he asked me why I wouldn't and I said right back to him, "Well did you get it." His response was "Oh, no we don't get vaccines in my family." I don't remember very many people coming down with the flu that year or dying from it, moreso than prior years.

Please enjoy your babies childhood and don't fret about the "what if's".

Ah, Typical first time mom. By the time you get to the third you happily hand them off to anyone that had 2 hands. What will you do when you have more than one child? Let me tell you that they are germ factories and will bring things home to ur newborn. Unless u plan on separating any future siblings you will need to lighten up. Besides, why not let your family enjoy this newborn, it doesn't last long-this period.

Thanksgiving with a tiny infant eight weeks after giving birth? I wouldn't go. You will be exhausted anyway and can use that as an excuse.

There was an article yesterday that indicates the pertussis vaccine may actually be causing the outbreaks! It seems true because more people are getting the shot and more people are getting pertussis, and most of the people getting it are vaccinated for it. Plus vaccines can "shed", so the more dangerous persons to be around are those who have been recently vaccinated, not those who haven't unless they're coughing! And many people I know who get the flu shot get sick too, introducing toxins to the immune system lowers it actually. Please feel free to research more on your own as I have, the immune system is strongest naturally! Www.thedoctorwithin.com

I don't know how I feel about that. I'm 20 weeks along, and I won't be asking people to get vaccinated just so I can attend events. I think that's tacky. It's definitely another thing if people are coming to visit the baby. But I'm of the mindset that I don't get to require people to get vaccinated (and that costs money) so I can go to their house. Doesn't sit well with me. At that point, I'd just keep my baby home if I felt that anxious about it (which I don't, I'm SO far from germophobe). But then again, maybe you & your family are close enough that they wouldn't feel put out or offended by your request. Only you'll know for sure.

Won't the baby be almost 3 months old by Thanksgiving? At what point do you plan to let the baby be exposed to any germs? His immune system will have to be allowed to build up at some point.

In any event, I think you should do what you're cool with. There's nothing wrong with having a holiday at home with just your own little family.

Sorry but I wouldn't have a booster for you either. I'd probably just stay at home so you could attend.

You really can't dictate what others do. If you feel unsafe taking the baby--the easiest thing to do is to stay home.

I can see asking your parents, or anyone caring for your child (I did), but you cannot expect that many people to get the vaccine. Even if you ask them to, guarantee most of them won't. You could let it be know that no one without the booster will be allowed to hold, or touch baby. I had a miserable time with an emergency room visit and high fever for my first newborn and with my second made the decision to stay home and not expose baby to much of anything.

(I'm also not a fan of visitors in the hospital unless its family. Thats just something they do in the moves. In reality, its just a bad idea, you need to rest in the hospital, encourage visits after the first month.)

I wouldn't ask this of anyone, and I wouldn't do it if it were asked of me. I would, however, keep my distance from your baby because that's your call. If it were my baby, and I felt the way that you do, I would put my brand new baby in a sling and wear him covered the whole time. Just keep him on you, like he's in a kangaroo pouch. Don't take him out or coo at him until you are away from them. That tells people that you don't want them touching him or breathing on him. Don't talk about baby. If they ask, just tell them that they can visit with him when he's "feeling more social" or "he'll be up to visiting later on". Expect them to be offended, because they don't have your family's experience. Don't let it affect your parenting choices, though. Just show them super kindness otherwise so that the issue with the baby isn't ALL they get from your time together.

PS. I wore my baby like this in settings away from home, and I turned away people who insisted on "peeking" and turned the conversation in another direction. I let them know that my baby was not part of the entertainment. He just happened to be strapped to me, and these people were mostly strangers, so....

Sheesh. I must be the worst mom ever. My kiddo was 3 months at her first Easter and I was happy to take her to a family event, knowing that I would be able to actually eat a meal with both hands! My husband asked me where she was at one point and I was like "eh, someone will bring her when she cries or needs her diaper changed." I mean, I asked that people wash their hands, but I didn't insist everyone have vaccinations.

Well, I can see this both ways.

My son was born at 27 weeks; 13 weeks early. He was a tiny little dude who weighed 2lbs 8 oz at birth and had a compromised immune system. We were borderline hermits this past winter, and will probably be repeating this again this winter, as his doctor has already told us to be prepared for respiratory issues again. My little guy can catch anything people bring around. For this reason, anyone who spends a lot of time with him or babysits must have the flu and pertussis vaccines. If they choose not to vaccinate, that is by all means their choice, however, we will not be around them all winter. I do know that I can pick up and bring home anything from anywhere, especially since I have a 4 year old in preschool. However we still take precautions. We change our clothes when we get home, wash our hands very often, and use Purel like crazy. We do this because we have to. Little dude was in the hospital twice last winter even with all these precautions, and his care team was PLEASED that it was only twice!

However, if my child was "typical", I probably wouldn't do any of this. Obviously I would try to make everyone wash their hands or Purel up while he was tiny, but being exposed to a certain amount of germs is OK for "typical" kids, even babies.

For the record, I don't think you are being self centered. I think you are a first time mom who hasn't experienced this yet, and wants to take the best possible care of your new baby! My advice is to be cautious, but try and relax a bit too :) By Thanksgiving your baby will be almost 3 months old. He/She will be old enough to handle a normal amount of germs. Try and relax and enjoy the holiday with your family. Besides, by that point, you will probably be ready for some other people to hold and spoil the baby!

If your child is reasonably healthy, I see no reason to skip Thanksgiving, etc. Have people wash their hands, not hold him if they are sick, and take normal precautions. My DD was born in August and did all the family events in the fall and was fine. It is normal to be protective, but you shouldn't sequester yourself with a healthy infant, IMO. You can also wear him, which will keep him close to you and not be easily traded around.

You may try something like finding an article about how pertussis is making a comeback, and how deadly it can be to infants, the elderly, etc, and e-mail that around with a note that says, "Wow! I hadn't realized this - what great information. I wanted to let you all know, and remind you to put a DTaP booster on your to-do list if you haven't had one in a while." From there, you can hope your family will be on-the-ball enough to go get their booster shots. The children under age 12 are probably the most vaccinated people your baby will be around, actually. Any older folks will likely have had boosters recently as well (doctors tend to encourage that sort of thing when you're in the office getting cholesterol checked, etc.). It's everyone else you need to worry about - those of us from 20-40 who tend not to be at the doctor's office very often. But I think that if someone in my family with a newborn on the way sent me an article about it, I'd get a booster shot.

Honestly, I do not think you're overreacting at all, as some have suggested. I will never forget when I was in college, working at the campus daycare center, and there was a pertussis outbreak (several professors had decided not to vaccinate their children, and these are the children who all came down with pertussis). It was terrifying. There were several times when we had to call 911 because the children had blue lips and fingers - they were coughing so hard they couldn't breathe. And these were 2 year olds! One of my kids had RSV, which isn't nearly as bad as pertussis, and I've never been so afraid for my child's life. With a newborn, you can't be too careful.

You can ask, but you can't require people to get vaccinated.

All you can do is wait and see how you feel a few days before Thanksgiving and you either attend or you don't. If you were to tell me that I had to get a vaccination in order to attend Thanksgiving at my inlaws because you were coming with a baby, I would be upset and tell you to stay home.

I myself am very germ concious. Once my inlaws hosted a multi-birthday party for 30 people. One of the birthdays was for a 1y child. My BIL (no one in his group were the ones the party was for) called to say they didn't know if they were coming because his son was sick and had vomitted 2x in an hour. They were taking him to the dr. and would let us know. I called them and said why is this an issue, you son has been sick, it doesn't matter what the dr. says, your son should stay home (ya know, the 24 hr rule!). He proceeded to tell me to mind my own business. It was my business because I was already at the house waiting for other guests to arrive. The BIL and group were the LAST group to arrive. I told my inlaws that if the sick nephew showed up, me and my kids were leaving. Long story short, inlaws wouldn't tell him to stay home. He showed up, sick kid in tow. (guess NOTHING stands between BIL and free beer and ribs!). He and son walked in one door and me and my kids walked out the other. Then everyone was mad at ME because I ruined the party by not letting my kids stay. ?!??

It might be time to have a quiet little Thanksgiving at home with just you, Hubby and the kids this year.
Next year you can continue with some big get together s.
The littlest ones are the most susceptible, and even without whooping cough, RSV and pneumonia are still pretty scary.
We all got booster shots when our son got them to start middle school.

In the end, you have to do what works for you and what makes you comfortable. YOU are the mom, no one else. For me, I'm a little less worried about germs. My very best friend from high school was getting married 3 days after my due date with my first baby. She had asked me to be in the wedding the previous year, before I was pregnant. We just took a wait and see approach. I figured if I was really late I could walk (shuffle?) down the aisle for her. My daughter was born on a Tuesday and the wedding was Saturday. I was in rough shape and there was no way I was going to be able to walk down the aisle. But there was also no way I was going to miss my best friend's wedding. We brought my little girl in her carseat carrier. During the reception she slept almost the entire time under the table. I wasn't much in the mood for walking around, so I just sat right there with her. Of course people came to see, but I didn't take her out of the carrier. I worried about "stealing the bride's thunder" but that didn't happen. Actually, I think many people were unaware that there was a 4 day old baby under the table. We have some cute pictures of her under there. Today that baby is almost 11. She is perfectly healthy :)

will you breastfeed? If you do your antibodies will go to the baby and protect him from so many germs.

My brestfed kids never got sick as infants.

My parents are deceased.. and my inlaws live states away.. I would love to have family nearby to love a new baby. A newborn at a wedding probably not.. there might be 100+ people there.. you will not get to enjoy the wedding as the baby will need constant care -- unless he is sleeping..

but thanksgiving when he is almost 3 months old... I would absolutely attend and enjoy it.

my pediatricain said babies do not have a fully functioning immune system till they are 2 years old.. can you keep him away from folks for 2 years?

Do what you feel is best for your baby!!!!

Thanksgiving????

I think it should be fine by then...

I will save you the horror stories of my MIL and my babies. What do I know now, that I wish I had known when I had a newborn?

It's okay to turn down invitations to events. Newborns are a the perfect excuse not to go anywhere. :) Or, if you go, strap him in a Bjorn or Ergo Baby and keep him there all night. A simple, "isn't it great? He loves being in there!" Works every time.

H1N1 was the big scare when our newborn was too young to get the vaccine. We made sure *everyone* we exposed him to was vaccinated. A healthy infant died a few cities away from us, at the time, due to H1N1 exposure. Some people thought I was going overboard, but interestingly, none of those people were parents of infants.

Do what you feel you need to do and set the standards you feel appropriate. You're this baby's advocate and protector.

FIRST let me say that I am a germaphobe and proud of it! I would probably cancel christmas if I had a newborn. Seriously, they will get over it. If you don't want them to judge you, wait till the day of the event and 'call in sick'. you're just not feeling good. or hubby isn't. what can you do?!

For those things you just can't miss, I second baby wearing!

Personally, I wouldn't go if I were worried. Mostly because I don't trust people.

Your family, as you say, is used to universal precautions and extra measures taken around those who are immunosuppressed. Most people these days just drag their sick kids and themselves everywhere, justifications buzzing around them like flies.

So you DO have a safer option, in going there.

There's a big difference between being a germaphobe and microbe-conscious. YES exposure on a limited basis (the proverbial playing in the dirt) is good to build the immune system's library. Doesn't mean intentionally being around sick people is a good thing. Especially not for those with compromised or immature immune systems.

Your family gets it. Most, who aren't in healthcare or have compromised systems in their loved ones, don't. And furthermore, can't be trusted to even NOTICE exposure, much less minimize it, nor tell the truth. Instead "It's JUST___________."

So if it were a concern, I'd stay home or stick with those who understand and minimize exposure.

I think having your inlaws get boosters for pertusis is a good idea because they will be doing caretaking of your new baby. But, when I had my son a year ago, and I was considering asking my parents to get one because they see my kids once a week, but, my ob and pedi said that as long as they didnt' see them all the time, it wasn't really necessary. My mom works in a pet store with the public, so she got one for her own protection as well as the kids.

Having had 2 newborns in the last 2.5 years, I do think you are over reacting a little bit. It seems like its going to be such a big deal, but really, its not. They are not as delicate as it seems. I would leave the baby in the carseat/carrier as much as you need to. But, also, keep a bottle of hand sanitizer with you and if people won't wash their hands, then ask them to use it, OR say that you have a hand washing rule. I have NEVER had anyone tell me no. And, if you tell a few people, then they will tell each other as they pass the baby around.
My dd was born on Oct. 25 and while she didn't go trick or treating that first year, she did go to Thanksgiving with about 40 people and we had no problems. This was the year that we had the H1N1 scare and only my husband and my mom could come into the hospital baby wing because of the fear of contamination. But, we were all fine.
I know how scary it is to be a new mom, but really, you will do fine, and you don't have to worry so much! I love the joke about the mom who makes everyone wash hands, keeps the first baby clean all the time, and would never let her/him eat something that dropped on the floor. By baby #3, the mom says, 10 second rule? what's that? I go by the 1 minute rule, they aren't made out of glass you know. :)

I think your over thinking this, I don't think you should miss out on family events. I have three and have always brought all three of mine out and about from the get go and I had a 36 wk old born in November too and still brought her to take Santa pictures. I took the NiCu nurses as well as the pediatrician's advice. Have people wash hands before holding baby and you could also drape a blankie over people to lay baby on(just say he spits up). Breastfeed, and when in public wear your baby or drape a blanket over his carseat. Obviously if someone looks sick don't hand baby over. None of my kids have ever been sick (aside from a cold here and there) thank God. Good luck and congrats!

1st. Dont worry about anything if you decide you don't want to go. Always keep that option.
2nd Get a sling---wear your baby and when people ask to see--- you open it up a little so they can see baby's face and then you still have the distance where they aren't touching etc. If they ask to hold---you can say no--
3rd. Go with your gut instinct on everything. If it doesn't feel right to you or your not sure, don't force yourself for the happiness of others. Being a new mom is hard and you need to figure out your journey on your own.
4th. Yes!! Handwashing, coughing in your arm, getting the booster shots etc are all valid and very smart. Definitely encourage your family to do so.

Good luck!

I have found if I keep my baby in a carrier or sling it helps to keep people away. First they cant ask to hold to baby, and if they do say sorry, hes happy were he is, maybe next time. Also people feel less comfortable getting in your personal space than they do to a baby in a stroller or carseat. If you dont feel comfortable, dont go. As far as the hospital goes, ask their policy on visitors. A good hospital has you put on a it the people allowed in your room, no one else gets in. I would personally not have any visitors at the hospital, its just too much. People get mad oh well, maybe they wont come visit, lol.
I tell kids not to touch the baby. I tell people to wash their hands. If you are too anxious, just dont go, but dont let people make you feel bad for not letting them hold or touch baby. I say if you want to hold a baby, maybe you should have one, sorry this one is mine.
Nursing makes lots of people uncomfortable, so doing a lot of that helps keep people away. Also you can say you need to nurse and go in another room when people start driving you crazy. I spent most of Easter with my inlaws watching battlestar galactica in our back bedroom.

Adding This: in my State, a 6 month old baby died... because he got Pertussis from a relative. The relative had a "cold" and did not know it was Pertussis. In an adult, Pertussis has different symptoms. But the baby got sick from her, and he died. The parents just thought he then just had a "cold." This was at a family gathering.

You are not being a self-centered Mom nor a germaphobe. You are thinking. And that is good.
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http://vitals.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/07/19/12835335-cdc-w...

This is a very recent article, about Pertusis Epidemic, right now.

My kids are late born.
Because of that, I DID NOT take them to the Holiday family gatherings, nor did I have any at my home. And I didn't care what relatives thought.

You cannot just assume that in November, it will be okay by then or by Thanksgiving. There is no way to predict nor assume, that no one will get sick at that time. And your baby will still be an infant at that time, and not having gotten all of her/his vaccinations yet.
As I said, the baby in my State that died from Pertussis, he was 6 months old! The parents are now, very strongly advocating the vaccination and preventative measures, per Pertussis. My local news stations even had a special presentation on this baby that died and about Pertussis. And even our local Health Department, put out another warning about it to the general public. Advocating as well, the Booster vaccinations for Pertussis, for older children and adults.

Then, for a layperson, if they are sick... most people just assume it is a "cold." They don't go to the Doctor for it and just ride it out. So for the typical layperson, IF they are sick... how would a non-professional KNOW if they had just a "cold" or Pertussis? Only a Doctor can diagnose that properly. But only if a person actually goes to the Doctor if they are sick.

If you are that uncomfortable with it, then feel free to skip the events with so many people there. Make up an excuse...the baby was up all night and we are just exhausted. I do not think that it is reasonable to expect everyone around your baby to get a shot though...

I was pretty germ-conscious with our newborn and there were a lot of unnecessary family events (niece's plays, etc.) that we just opted out of. I see nothing wrong with that. Believe me, if you've had a baby that's caught a cold, etc. ... it's worrisome because you have to constantly clear the nose of mucous, etc. and they are so miserable. I always asked family members to please let me know if they were ill, etc. and we would stay home. For the most part, they did. I think asking extended family members to get a shot, though, is probably not realistic. Grandparent caregivers, though, yes, I would ask.

Oh, I also did a lot of 'baby wearing' at larger family events or birthday parties. Seems to keep people from getting overly touchy or asking to hold baby. I then never had to ask them to wash their hands. :)

I understand the desire to keep the baby safe, and having not read the other responses, here's my two cents.
The best way to develop the immune system is nutritious foods (preferably organic) and to get them around people. Use common sense, if you know someone is sick don't go, but just because someone there may have a sniffle or cough was not a reason for me with my kids. Be sure they wash their hands before being aloud to hold him. Also, although it may be tempting, antibacterial hand wash may be counterproductive, because the immunity to stuff doesn't happen without the exposure, natural or by vaccine.
One of my friends was sick over the holidays, so she took lots of pictures and just set up a closed page and invited family and friends to see the baby on the computer.
What it comes down to is you know your baby, and many of your family members and his. Do what YOU think is best for YOUR family, because that's ultimately the best thing. Just remember to enjoy the time, they are only this little once.