New Twin Grand Daughters Are Not Being Allowed over Until 2 Months Old

do I see a problem with newborns going anywhere --no.. but I know that it is exhausting to take care of 1 newborn let alone twin newborns.. I bet the mom is tired... I bet she is overwhelmed. Just getting through the day with the babies is hard.. Let alone packing up everything you need to leave the house with 2 tiny babies.. I remember that each trip out of the house felt like an expedition.

Go visit the babies.. it will be easier for you to go see them than for them to go see you.

Hello?!?! There is a child who now has two newborn infants to take care of. Figure out routines for. Figure out how to bathe, dress, feed, diaper, play with, get to sleep little new born infants. Not one, but two of them. And take care of herself -maybe squeeze in a shower once a week. THEY ARE 3 WEEKS OLD! Give her a break already! Maybe you've forgotten exactly how tough it is to have an infant, much less two. It's rough. And to be a minor and not have a whole lot of life experience to fall back on....she's probably beyond overwhelmed.

JMHO you're being extremely petty and self serving. You want to see the babies, put your butt in the car and drive over. And bring a casserole.

Ouch -- This is gonna be tough. But they do tell new parents to keep the babies close to home for the first two months especially during winter. I think their primary concerns are RSV and Flu.

If the two families can begin working together on a care plan for after the first 2-3 months w/o courts ordered custody/visitation, that would be best. And as soon as you start asking for a formal arrangement, be prepared for the mother's family to ask for formal monetary support and health coverage. Keep in mind that the courts do prefer for children to have a primary physical residence...One where they spend 60%+ of their time. Oh - And make sure your son's name is on the birth certificates.

Yes. As a mother of 7, I would tell you I didn't allow the babies to go visiting with or without me until they were at least 2-3 months old. With it being twins and the mother being so young, I would guess the babies are smaller than normal. Therefore, I would probably say at least 3 months. As for the second question, all legalities should be handled now, including the support your son should be paying.

Expecting a mother to leave 3 week old babies is a bit much to expect. This is a young mother who is not living with her partner, and trying to figure out the care of these two babies. I think you need to cut her some slack, she is the new mom. It's very possible that the pediatrician does not want these brand new babies (esp if they were not full term) being taken outside unnecessarily in the winter. I think with 3 week old twins, the mother is not being unreasonable in expecting people to come to her.
It sounds like your son has unlimited visitation. Visitation does not mean that you (grandma) get time with the newborn babies without mom, at your house.
When my kids were 3 week old babies, they did NOT go visiting (and they were June babies, not winter babies) and they did not get left with grandma, either grandma.
This isn't about whether grandma is getting time to be in charge of these babies, it's about a very young mom with two newborns, making a huge adjustment. I think things need to be done to her convenience. It certainly does not sound as if your son is being denied access to his daughters

Without knowing details of your home (do you have pets, for example? Are there smokers in your home?) I'd say mom is right on base not allowing babies to go anywhere for a while. They don't have healthy immune systems and if she is breastfeeding, they're getting a germ-fighting boost from things in their own environment, but introducing them to a new place is a whole host of new bacteria/ viruses/ potential disaster that can be avoided until they are stronger.

I really understand your frustration because you are excited, but you have to put them first. And the parents second. You're a distant third at this point, despite the fact that you're still raising daddy. Support your son's baby's mom in every way. Those babies need for her to feel supported. Your son needs his future with her and his kids to be bright, so please do not create any problems for him no matter what your feelings. You're really the last person that matters at this point. Sorry to be harsh, but it's all about the little ones now.

All the best.

Hi Amy. Do you mean you want the babies to come over without their mother? There's no way I personally would go for that as a mother of 3-week olds. For the first visit at your house, why not invite everyone over, even the other grandma, to try to establish a good relationship with them in person? Or, see if they would mind if you could go over there for a visit. (And I like what a previous poster said - bring a casserole.) But yes, if you're talking about them coming over without the mom, I do think that's too much to ask right now, and even at 2 months, if they're breastfeeding. But I wish you all the best with your new granddaughters. Congratulations.

Hi there,
Legal and relationship issues aside, it may be simply to risky for the babies to go out right now, especially if they came early as twins often do. They have not been immunized and are very vulnerable. Don't take it personally, it may simply be doctor's orders. Plus their mother, who is just a child too, is probably overwhelmed with the babies -- I have five kids and my last two were twins and I found it challenging to nurse and care for two, whereas singletons are a cakewalk. Try to be patient with and supportive to the mother -- even if she isn't perfect -- because you will want to see those little girls a lot when they are more fun.

You've gotten some great advice already. I think you'll just have to be patient with the mom and understand that she's under stress, she's got 2 babies, is just a kid herself, is tired, and has hormones going crazy. Plus, it is Winter, and the babies were probably early. The doctor probably recommended that they don't go anywhere for at least 8 weeks.

At least they have given you a timeframe, and you're only 5 weeks away now. I know it is hard when you've planned a nursery and want to spend time with your grandkids, but it will come. This is going to be a lifelong relationship with that mother, so you really need to try your best to be understanding and give her extra slack right now. The good thing is that she is trying to do what is in the best interest of the babies, so that's a really good thing.

As long as she isn't dragging them all over the place unnecessarily, I think you should be patient and just go over to see them and help out. It will take her some time to know that you are able to care for them and know their routines, etc. I'm sure as they get older you'll see them more and more. I'm glad they are letting your son over to see the babies- that says a lot. Hopefully when they are several months old they will start letting you take them. I would start off with taking them a few hours during the day, and work your way up to taking them overnight. That will be less traumatic on the mom. There is something weird about your baby not being with you, even if you know they are being taken care of.

My parents went through the same thing with my brother's child. At first they weren't allowed to have my nephew over at all, then rarely, then more often and sometime after he turned 1, the mom relaxed and they got to see him all the time, even for a whole weekend.

I hope this helps and gives you hope that things will work out just fine...even if it wasn't what you had planned.

I don't have much advice to give.
Just try to understand why they don't want the babies to go over. If they allow you there, then they are not trying to push your or your son out of the picture. (in fact they seem to want your son involved as much as he can)

I don't know the details, but for example, if the mom is breastfeeding, the first few weeks are hard and you spend a lot of time just shirt off trying to have them on the breast, not feeling at your best, and you don't feel like leaving home at all.

Then, in many cultures, babies are not supposed to go out until 1, 2 or 3 months. My own grand-mother freaked out when she learned that I was going to the park everyday with our baby. Not for medical reason, just because "you're not suppose to do that. Poor thing!" I checked with my pediatrician and she confirmed that a baby doesn't have an immune system until 4-6 weeks old and should avoid going to places like malls, crowded areas. But she was OK with the park as long as nobody would touch him (important to wash hands before touching newborn)

In general, moving babies from house to house in winter (coats on, coats off, heating in the car...) is not very good for babies.

I understand you're disappointed after doing all these effort to prepare the nursery. But good relationships will be easier for everybody. Before going to court, just check if they do it "against you" or genuinely in the best intent for the babies.

Are they saying that they cannot come over at all even with the mom? If you are wanting the babies to come over without the mom then I think you are asking a little much too soon , she is a minor so still learning to adjust , plus she has 2 of them , I found it hard with one the first time round & cannot even immagine having 2 and being a minor aswell. Also if the weather is that cold then it isn't the best idea to be taking them here , there and everywhere just yet , they probably suggested 2 months old as they will have had some shots and the weather should be better by then. In the meantime make every effort to take your son to see his babies , offer help in other ways like getting some groceries in , buying diapers , wipes for the babies and make sure they know that once the babies are older you want them to come over and for you to be able to watch them and give them all a break .

Hope it all works out for you & your son

Go to court and get child support and visitation established now - it is easier in the long run.

You need to be dealing with the courts, Keep a record of every day and time that your son is not allowed to see the children or bring them over to your house. You have rights, The most important thing you can do right now is keep a record on paper of everything that happens and don't fight! Paper trail and proof will get you a long way!

I would go ahead and get visitation set by the court to protect your son as well as his children.

i would not take newborns to walmart or a mall, but this is a different story. do they let them leave the house at all? if those children have left the house since they came home from the hospital then that argument is complete bull.

The more you fight them keeping the babies at the other grandparents house the more problems you are going to have. Getting the courts involved will only add more problems. Be patient.

With newborns it's best to keep them away from public. Yes, your house is public because you are not the current house the babies reside in. Don't make this a power struggle because you will lose in the end. Whether your son is legally married, in God's eyes he is married to that girl. Therefore the leave and cleave thing happens. If you force the issue he will leave and cleave to the new family, leaving you out in the cold.

Go over there to visit. Bring cookies, or a fruit tray for the adults and put away any ill feelings or pride. Humble yourself and allow the relationship to develop without the courts which will make a mess of your life, your son's life and the babies lives.

my cousin and his now wife had their first child at 17. Their parents houses were only nine houses apart. Even with them that close the baby wasn't allowed to spend the night at dad's house till around 3 months. He did occasionally visit during the day, but with it being winter and him having bad asthma it was not very often. However, the dad's family was allowed to visit pratically whenever they wanted.

I think if you can get through these first couple months then things will work out. You should just ask that you and your family be allowed to come to their house to visit.

Ask them why they won't let the girls go over to your house. Be open & honest & tell them your concerns & tell them if there's no change in how much ya'll get the girls that you will take them court to get the same rights they have.
If they have a good reason for why they aren't letting the girls come over, then wait it out till they can come over.
Comunication is KEY

Reading through the responses I am surprised that nobody else has said this (and several have been against it) but I really think you should get a legal agreement. I do pretty much agree with the pp saying that you need to give her a little time, especially this time of year with newborns. It is a huge adjustment to have one baby much less two, but then throw in hormones, lack of sleep, and a lack of maturity (it was hard on me with my 1st at age 28). And it sounds like she has given you a time frame.

BUT, on the other hand, a legal agreement (preferably one that they can come to together) will make things SO much simpler down the road. I've just heard too many horror stories that could have been avoided if a legal agreement was already in place. And yes, an agreement will come with child support, etc, but better to get it in place now than have mom decide in 5 years she wants it and come after him for back support (I've heard of that happening - unfair but true). Whatever happens, it sounds like you just want what's best for everyone and for you and your family to be a part of these babies lives. Good luck!!

That all sounds like a very sticky and sad situation, HOWEVER...I do know that MOST pediatricians these days do indeed say not to take babies out in public til they are about 8 weeks. Mine did and both my boys were full term, not twins which often are pre-term. RSV season is in full swing and there is probably very good cause for the girls not to be out picking up extra germs...that in no way means YOU or YOUR house are germy...

Everyone is probably on high alert for the well being of the babies...unfortunately as adults we are kinda caught up in our own issues that it over takes the immediate issue. I am sure there will be a long road ahead for everyone, for now, it may be best to just listen to the dr.'s advice.
Good luck.

You have already gotten some great advice. I don't think I left the house much with my singleton during the first months or more. She was born in October, the weather was crappy... why take a risk? It looks like your son gets plenty of visitation - sound that this is more about YOU wanting time with these kids.

I would have NEVER let my baby go anywhere alone during the first 3 months of her life, not even with my hubby or my mother. I actually made it pretty clear that my in laws shouldn't even consider visiting until at least 4 weeks after her birth... which they did for a week and I was so relieved when they were gone again. It's just a lot of adjustment during the first weeks, butt out and don't rock the boat between the two of them...

You son and the mother should both consult with a lawyer and draw up a parenting plan, preferable one they agree on. It will eliminate a lot of drama down the road...

You should at least consult with a lawyer. Your son has every right to the children that the mother does. They should not get a total say in where the children go and can't go. You would think that they would be happy that the babies' father wants to stay involved.

That being said remember, you are tied to these people for at least the next 18 years. You don't know what is going on in the other house. The "minor" mother may be going through some post partum depression or the like and the grandmother is feeling the strain. Try to let things settle down and then talk to them face to face, calmly. If that doesn't work, then you may have to fight for your son's rights. Maybe they could even visit with the girls at first, just to feel a more comfortable with the situation.

I think it's great that y'all are so involved and doing what you can to keep your son in these babies' lives. My prayers go out to all of you!

Seek legal visitation! It is obvious that the parents of the girl are interfering and without Legal stipulations in place it is going to continue in this direction or maybe even get worse. What if the parents get transferred out of state for a job? Presently there is nothing stopping them from taking the Mother and her two babies with them and cutting off all communication with your son.

My boys were so tiny we were terrified to take them anywhere for quite a while. They were so early they stayed in the hospitla for 61 days, so when we finally got them home we locked ourselved up for two weeks so we could have them to ourselves for a while. after that I'd say it was about a month before we took them anywhere but the doctor. Give it some time and visit as much as you can.

My first thought when I read your request was why does the other grandma want your son to come over so much? Is it becasue she is handling everything herself except when he's there? Maybe that's when she is getting a break.

Is it possible they are trying to brainwash him into an agreement without you knowing and getting friendly with him without you being around so you can't influence him?

He really does need to start giving her money, now. In form of a check, in his name, labeled "support". Can you keep the bank statements so they won't get misplaced? My daughter got support from one of ker kids daddies and it started from day one, he never missed a week, never saw the child more than a few times, ever, but when she applied for a medical card at DHS the State took him to court for back child support and the Judge decided he had not been paying enough and he now has thousands of dollars of back child support. You may be able to call your local state social services office and talk to some one in child support enforcement and get a standard rate for the amount he may be expected to pay. If he's still in high school and even when he goes to college he may have lower rates than an adult working a full time job. If he does work the State will expect him to carry insurance on the babies too.

They may also be thinking if they let the kids come to your house you won't give them back. You said that she said "They aren't going house to house". That sounds final to me. I say get an attorneys advice, lots of them give 30 minute free consultations.

If she is taking them anywhere then they should be able to visit you at your home. They could just drop by for a little visit during the day while they are out. If she is really keeping them secluded then wait a month or so before forcing the issue.

Talk to your son and ask him what's going on. Then see if the other grandparents and the babies mother will visit with your family about visitation, do they have any concept that you are the only ones that are not getting to visit these babies?

As a new young mom, I busted out crying at my son's 1-month check-up when a woman coughed over him in the doctor's waiting room. Baby's immune systems are not developed - - and they really shouldn't be going anywhere.

Also, I loved my own mom, but never left my child overnight with her or anyone else, until he was 1 year old.

Just be patient. My advice is back off for at least a year. Continue the visitation at the mom's house. When the mom is ready, just be there for her, ready to babysit whenever she asks - - even at a moment's notice. You may start to feel taken advantage of as a babysitter when they are toddlers. Remember this - - "A mom won't take a million dollars for her little baby, but just wait 3 years and you can buy 'em for a dime!"

I would say she is being a good Mom if she is keeping the babies home. It is cold and flu season. Alot of twins are premature which can make their immune system weaker.

This is a very emotional time for all. Remember when you had your son. You are now the Mother-in-law (married or not). Try not to take things too personally. Your son going over there is great but unless he is there 24/7 he is not going through all the lack of sleep and stress of taking care of TWO babies. I'm sorry the other Mom called over being rude. I would hope it was due to lack of sleep and not intended disrespect. She is still a Mom wanting to protect and help her daughter, just as you are still a Mom wanting to protect and help your son. You have a lifetime with this family.

Go over to their house and ask what you can do to help. Show them that you are capable so when they reach the age that the doctor says they can go out you are the first person they think of.

I hope you find the answer you are looking for.

Part of me says yes fight it, although that really doesnt do much and takes about two years to settle, and then all that time passes, so if you can go visit, in this world it would be better. Let them see you and how much you love them. Of course if you feel like legal stuff, well that is the appropriate thing but it takes a long time, money, etc. So the best would be to visit. I know that sounds unfair but people are not very nice sometimes. Just hang in there. Oh and like the other poster you might have future things to deal with so make sure son is on the birth certificate and that he has his rights.

I don't know the whole situation here, but I know that I refused to take my triplets anywhere until they were older. Even my pediatrician told me to keep them home. No errands, no church, nothing except doctor appts, per doctors orders. Also--any exposure to additional people, even if they are relatives, carries the risk of exposing the babies to additional germs. I allowed very few people into my home, none of them touched the babies, regardless of whether or not they were allowed near the babies, everyone who walked in the door was asked to wash their hands and use antibacterial spray. I'm not sure if these twins were preemies, but if so, any precaution that can be taken should be. Also, if you are a smoker, or if anyone in your home smokes, this could compromise the babies. Try to be patient, and ask if you can visit the babies there. I know you must be disappointed, but if you can make it through the next few weeks, hopefully things will improve.

Yes, your son will probably have to legally get some visitation rights for his twin babies. I am guessing if they are being this closed off to you and to the son as well...seeing how they only want him to come to them...they might not be that eager to extend some "fair" visitation.

I think that they are not being very nice to you grandma...they at least could have been kind enough to bring the babies to you for a special visit. Being the grandma you can always go over there and visit them at their house...I think it is your right! ~Lucky grandma! You got twins!!

3 weeks old is awfully young...especially seeing how they are twins....were they small? I wouldn't expect any long/over night visitation till the girls are much bigger though....

My DH didn't get to keep his youngest son overnight- more than 1 night in a row -until after his son was 2 yrs old?

Congrats to you all!

yes, it will only get worse sorry to hear that. goodluck