New Baby Sister Coming This Summer

A family friend sent "I'm a big sister now" to my daughter when my son was born. It helped her to understand her role as big sister and made her feel special too.

Also, get him a doll, something so that he can mimic mommy.

I would say just to keep talking to him and include him when you can. Find some books at the library about being a big brother and about babies and use that as your cuddle up and read time. Talk to him about all the things that he will be able to help with when his new baby comes home. Maybe you can go and spend time with a friend that has a newborn so he can get more of an idea. Even with all the talking to my daughter (she was 21 months) about the upcoming baby (which turned out to be twins, only given a week's notice before they were born...so double whammy) she still wasn't that thrilled with me bringing those babies home. She was extra clingy to her dad, but it didn't take long for her to some around and be my big helper. Best wishes. Oh yes...and the gift from baby works great too!

Hi J.,
Our first was 23 months when our second son was born.

The thing that helped him the most *after* the baby came (yeah, he had NO idea what he was in for - LOL), was he got a baby-doll to play with a few months before the birth. After, any time I was feeding, changing a diaper, etc. if he started to feel "left out," I tell him: go get your baby and (feed, change, dress, etc) him!!! He loved it. He'd also hug and kiss the doll. It also gave a very firm-handed 2 yo something to do besides man-handle his baby bro.

Today, they will both still carry it around and take care of it: very sweet :)

btw- I got a very non fru-fru doll that didn't offend my husband's "masculine" image of his son (ha, ha!)

Good luck!
T

There are lots of great kids books out there on having a new sibling. I would start with that. Make sure to tell him that the new sister is a permanent thing. I've had some friend say their kids thought the baby was only staying for a week. Also, let your son know that it'll be a long time before he can play ball or games with her,but that he gets to be a helper and let him know what things he can do. Let him know that you will still be able to read books to him, even though you may be feeding the baby. I always kept a basket of them by the couch.

You should recognize that you are doing a great thing by giving him a sibling. He now has to learn to share the most important thing to him... you! That will be of great benefit for him.

The gift thing is great, because everyone's so excited about baby it will help that he has something new. Have him receive it when he first meets the baby, my boy got a little car he used to drive around my hospital room, and my other boy loves stuffed animals so that was better for him. They got their picture with the new baby, and saw how fragile he was, then opened their gifts! Also letting him go to the store and pick out a toy or book for the baby is great. Tell him how this is just for the baby and it's a special gift from her. He'll pretend to read the book to the baby or always be running to put that special teddy in the crib.
For nursing try setting up a special seat next to you. My kids always want me to read to them, but at first I can't hold the book very well, so find some little ones that you can hold w/ one hand or that he can hold and turn the pages himself.
In some ways the second is easier than the first, and if you're lucky when they're older they'll play w/ each other and give you a break ;)
Congratulations!

While I was nursing or giving baby a bottle I would sit my son on the couch beside me. He would pick a story to read or a short veggie tale movie to watch. He would even help hold the bottle when she used it. I would rock them together so they would both get mommy time and not feel left out. When she was napping I hugged him and read to him more. I found a book about being a big brother too. I just cant remember the title and I dont think I have it any more. Just keep making him apart of it all.

Imagine your husband bringing home a new wife and saying,
"Isn't she just adorable? Don't you just love her? She is going to live with us now!" Then people would come over and just ooh and aah over her and tell you how lucky you are that there is another wife in the family!

Just be sensitive to your son's feelings. He may want to be involved but sometimes, being a boy, he may just want to go do his own thing. If you ever have to have him wait for your attention, be sure to reassure him that you will play with him when you are done giving the baby a bath, for example. Then ask if he wants to help.

Reward him every time he shows good behavior. Point out the things the baby likes when he does something loving. And spend as much time with him alone as you can when the baby is sleeping or quiet.

Enjoy!

J.:
You sound like you are doing such as awesome job already. I think if you continue to include your son and make time for him, he will be fine. Just relax and enjoy your time with both of them when they baby comes. My best recommendation would be to know it is ok to sometimes let the baby cry, or get someone to help you with the baby, so that you make the time for your son. The big brother thing is great, but don't forget he is still a baby and needs your time and attention too. You sound like you are sensitive to this already, so I think you will be just fine.

Take care and God Bless You,
K.

HEre are a few tips I read/heard that I employed and they seemed to work well for us. First, we really prepared my son and told him all about it and read books about the new baby. We practiced with a doll I bought him and showed him soft and gentle his hands could be. This still helps when either of them want to hit or take something. I ask them to show me how soft and gentle their hands can be and they start stroking each other's heads.

When I had the baby my husband brought our son (23 months old) to the hospital and he got to see me first, without me holding the baby (baby was in the bassinet) and I cuddled with him and loved him up and told him that the dr. helped me get the baby out of my belly and asked if he'd like to see her. So then my husband lifted him up to show him the baby, then had him wash his hands and held both of them together. He had my son find our baby's hands, feet, belly, etc, and find his own and told him that the baby had all of those body parts just like him. I also told him that the baby brought him a surprise because she loves him. In my hospital bag I had packed a gift bag for him with a few little surprises I know he loves like cars, fruit snacks, and even a soft little blanky like the baby got. He was so excited and even told the baby thank you. I heard that when both kids are crying, you should tend to the older one first to prevent resentment. The baby doesn't know the difference.

When the baby got a couple months older I would always point out when she was smiling or looking at my son and tell him, "Look how she smiles when you play with her, she must love you so much." or "She thinks you are so funny, look how you're making her laugh." If he ever did anything to help I would also tell him what a fabulous helper and wonderful, loving big brother he was and tell him how happy it made me. He became more eager to throw away diapers and run to comfort a crying baby.

My kids are 2 and 4 now and best buddies. I couldn't have planned it better and love to see them playing constantly together. They fight, too, but that's all a part of the learning. When they are both crying/fighting, instead of refereeing and trying to find who's to blame (they are probably both at fault, anyways) I say, "I see two kids not getting along and I would love to see two kids being nice to each other." This goes over way better than when I tell the oldest to stop being mean. This way no one feels singled out or attacked and I'm not unfairly blaming an innocent person on accident. I always make sure to notice when they are being kind, sharing, loving, etc and make a big deal out how much I love to see that. It seems to encourage that type of behavior.

I did the same thing with my daughters when my second one was born. My oldest was 2 1/2. Everyone told me horrer stories about the older one hurting the younger one and getting jealous and such. But, she absolutely loved her. We took care of her together. It was a good experience that helped bind us closer. I think you just have to take it one sitution at a time. Don't forget that he needs you too. Include him in all the baby fun so he doesn't feel left out. After all, it is his sister, maybe this will help him feel closer to her and when they are older they can continue that relationship. I know, too much to think about. Just enjoy your family and remember each one.

Granted, our oldest was 3 years and 3 months when her sister was born last November, but she was and is still very excited about her sister. We read "baby is coming-type" books and we talked about it when she was interested, but let her take the lead. We did not push the topic when she was not into it. We made a "big sister" t-shirt together that she just loves. She did most of the painting and then I wrote "big sister" over her work.
Our hospital also allowed siblings to visit, and personally I think that really mattered in her case. I had a c-section, so had 4 days in the hospital. That is a long time for a 3 year old to not see mommy. She got to see mommy and the baby, and then went off to have a really good time with her grandparents. She even had a sleep-over there, which was very exciting and fun for all of them.
Since then I let her pick out outfits, blankets, let her help with diapering and bathing, as possible, and things like that. She likes being involved and doing things for her sister.
Like I said, she loves her sister. She just does not want ME to spend any time with the baby. So that is what we are working through since then : ) It does not seem to matter, how much 1:1 time I have with her, it is not enough to make up for any time I spend with baby. I am told by parents who have been there that that is just the way it is and to stop beating myself up over it.
The books I read mentioned that it is a good idea to have a gift for the big kid, but not to make it "from baby". They know there is no shop in mommy's belly, so how can that be?

Hope that helps a bit : )
D.

Do you have pictures or a scrapbook of when you were pregnant with him, in the hospital, bringing him home etc.? You could tell the story with the photos to help him understand what will happen. I had my son help assemble the crib, showed the baby clothes we had and help put them in the dresser, etc. It helped that most of his friends had baby siblings already. He visited us every day in the hospital and played with the bed buttons, phone, tv remote, dry erase board etc., so the hospital was a fun place, held his brother shortly after birth (with many hands helping, of course), helped feed supplemental formula, helped bathe etc. I also got him his own baby doll stroller, swing, bathtub, etc., so he babied his teddy bear just as I was doing.

With my kids I had them involved in my appointments. They were able to hear heartbeats and ultrasounds. I tried to make the whole experience exciting and the up coming sibling more real to them. They also got to feel when the baby kicked... then is when I said baby was saying let me out to see my big (brother or sister). They were also able to come to the hospital to see the baby and were even allowed to hold the baby with help.

Hi J.. Congratulations! I have a daughter who is three and just had a son on March 15th. We have had some tough moments, but it has gone better than I thought. We had my daughter come to see her baby brother in the hospital so that she could understand the process. In the hospital we gave her a gift from her brother. About a week later, we gave her a card from us...lot's of positive encouragement. We have learned we have to be firm too. By that I mean that life goes on and when she misbehaves you have to remain consistant and not get soft just because of the situation. Consistancy is the key and keeping the routine. I would also suggest some special time with dad and with you without baby sister...a bath together, breakfast out, etc. Good luck!