New Baby Coming and 3 Yr Old Is Acting Out at Me

My two year old did something very similiar- but not until the baby was actually here. She tried to jump onhis head, would act out like you described as soon as I was nursing him. It was hard, because she is typicaly very well behave. In our situtaion I found that we were giving her negative attention- which was what it was about-- she wanted attention no matter how she got it. So we set up a merit board with the rules of the house and rewarded her with stars whenever she did soemthing good, the rules were done in pictures and we would go over them (things like sharing with others, giving hugs and kisses not hits, putting toys away when done, and using her manners). It was a strain the first couple of days- I was literally coaxing her into doing the good behaviors so that I could reward her, and if she broke a rule we took a star away, whenever she got to five stars she got to pick a sticker or have a piece of candy. She caught on pretty quick and start wanting to act good because we made such a big deal out of it..... and when she was bad it was very simple- we take a star away and move on--- so she didn't get the attention from acting out-unless she hit then she got a star taken away and a time out. Also, maybe relax on your talk about the baby-- she knows its coming.. try and spend as much 1:1 time with her as you can now-- because it is really hard once the new baby is here to do it. When our son was born I bought a baby doll and had it wrapped up at the hospital for her-- told her it was from him-- and then encouraged her to take car of her baby when I was taking care of mine-- this didn't work with her-- but I have friends whose daughters loved this. Be consistent and be patient this is a transition for her. It took a while, about six weeks, before our daughter was really herself again-- he is now four months old and she plays with him, and trys to love on him.. so it did get better for us.. Good luck and congrats on that new little baby!

You're doing great! letting her kick and scream until she's done is exactly what you have to do. I know it's hard. It's just a stage that kids go though (my daughter just recently got over the tantrums, and my niece has been going through it for the past few months). It's their way of testing the boundary's. She has probably figured out that by complaining about the baby not loving her, that people pay more attention to her. Smart kid! I'm sorry to say, that as far as I know, you just have to wait it out! BTW... When it's time to bring the baby home from the hospital, I suggest you have a gift to your daughter from the baby. That way, she has a moment of being in the spot light on that big day, and doesn't feel like the baby hates her or is trying to take her place. Plus, it makes her look forward to the day, like she would her birthday! just a suggestion! good luck with the tantrums! don't worry, as long as you don't make a big deal about them, they will be over before you know it!

I have a 4 year old daughter, and our new baby was born two weeks ago. Our daughter had a hard time right before delivery with the same type of issues. One thing that helped us tremendiously was a big sister class that Pres hospital has. It cost us 15 bucks, and was the best money I ever spent. It teaches the kids about becoming an older sibling, and gives a "tour" scavenger hunt of the hospital. It helped my daughter understand how her sister would get here, and how she could be the best big sister ever. The classes are listed at phs.org.

Hi A.. Thank you so much for posting this! I have a 3-year-old son, and another one due on Christmas Day. He is acting out like crazy lately. I don't even recognize him at times anymore. I've been wondering if it's because the baby is coming. It's become obvious now because I'm finally really showing, and he can no longer wrestle or play rough with me. I think he kind of resents that a bit because he gets in big trouble if he tries to jump on me or something. I'm getting so scared that he's going to try to hurt the baby when he comes. Does anyone have any advice for me? Thanks!

NO I would say this has NOTHING to do with the new baby. Since the baby isn't here yet, she talks about the baby, but doesn't have an issue with it. Did she have "terrible twos"? I thought my son did until he turned 3........Yeah I called them the "tumultuos threes". She just wants control over everything, and may be having anger issues over who knows what. I just can't picture why this would be the baby without the baby here and taking attention away from her. I found that being a lot more firm with a MUCH louder and firm voice with a LOT of time outs in our room with no toys or books worked pretty good. Just show you have the upper hand. Taking her away from her class was just the beginning. My son is 4 now, and was doing FANTASTIC and then he went to pre school and we are having the same issues. Luckily the teachers are great and here we are at the end of week 3 and he is staying all day with only a minor skirmish here and there to which the teacher reminds him that Mommy will be called. Nine times outta ten, he gets up and cooperates. Yes, I'm TERRIBLE! It took a couple of spanks I'm not going to lie but my kid has a good memory and he knows that disrespects his teachers, then mommy will take over.

I think this may have a lot more to do with her age rather than her new arrival. My son did the same thing at three and that was when his baby sister was born too. However, he loved the baby and was so kind and wonderful to her. I think the best answer is to make a routine and follow it every day. That seems to diffuse a lot of tantrums in my household. Also, with the arrival of the baby, before and after, make sure both you and daddy take a time out for her everyday. Just something for you and her without mentioning the baby. That way, if it is jealousy, then she can be reminded that she will still have your undivided attention at one point in the day and she won't feel like she has to act out to get it. Also, my son got a lot better in just a few months, so hang in there, it can't last forever! :)

I had this same issue with my son when my daughter joined our family. My son was almost 3 yrs old when my dauhgter was born. He went from being this gentle, obedient little boy to this temper tantrum throwing, disobedient little monster!! What I found helped was that I didn't talk to himm a whole lot about what will happen when the baby came. I spent a lot of time with him be for the birth and reminded him a couble of times a week that he was getting a new sister and when the time got even closer I started to tell him when, about, that the baby would come to live with us. He didn't want to talk about it so I didn't push the subject. My daughter was born November of 2002 and my son's behavior worsened and then got better as time went on. All I can tell you from experience is to expect it to get worse before it gets better and to make sure your older child knows that you love them no matter how they act. Try to set some special time aside for yourself and your daughter that doesn't include the baby. Incuding her in taking care of the baby might help too. My son enjoyed feening his baby sister. Also let your daughter know how great it is to be a big girl because she gets to do so many more fun things than the baby get to do. I tried to help my son feel like being 3 was the best age ever. And when he acted out I disciplined him for it but always told him how much I love him and how special he is to me. My kids are now 4 and 7 and they have their rivalries like all siblings do but they love each other in a way that I could never know, being an only child, and I'm almost jealous of them for it!!!! Only time can work it out. I hope this helps. good luck, M.

My daughter started acting out after the baby was here for a 4 months. It was when she turned 3 that she turned in to a terror. It is got really bad when the baby started crawling as she couldn't "control" what she did or what toys she played with anymore. We sent her for a lot of corner time outs, took TV time away, and at one point took all of her toys away. It took some time but they are finally friends. (4 and 18 months). She realized that baby sister wasn't going away, Mom and Dad still love me and spend time with me. And now that my sister is getting bigger, she is more fun to play with. Just be consistent, don't let the tantrums get to you (which I know is really hard), they will run their course and she will eventually get over it. Our daughter got so bad at one point that we took her out of preschool for 5 months just so she could have more Mommy time and it worked. Good Luck!

My 4 year old did the same thing just as I was about to give birth to his little brother. He did it even more after he was born. It was his way of getting attention. No matter how many times we explained to him that newborns need extra attention since they can't do anything for themselves. We talked with our 4 year old and explained that negative attention is not a good thing. He kept acting out and we finally got to the point where we just ignored it. Once we starting ignoring it, he realized that his 'bad' behavior wasn't getting him anywhere. His fits are fewer and fewer so we believe we are on the right path. We also started a 'rewards' program and that is working for us because it gives him something to really try to make sure he is getting positive attention.