Hi Moms,
I recently had a second child (last week). My older daughter is 21 months and has been trying to adjust to a new baby in the house. She absolutely adores her little sister and wants to help out any time she can. The biggest issue I'm having is when I am nursing the new baby. She is curious about it, and gets very jealous when the new baby is eating and taking up all of my time and attention. My husband tries to read and play with her while I'm nursing, but that doesn't always work. I'm home with both kids until at least October 1 and need some advice to help my older daughter understand that this is how the baby eats. The pediatrician told me that sometimes the older kids want to try nursing again after seeing a younger sibling do it. I do not want to do that. But I wanted to know what experiences everyone else has had.
Thanks!
K.
Thank you for all the great suggestions! I started getting my older daughter involved in an activity that she could do by herself (like coloring), made sure to have her favorite books by me on the couch, then started nursing. Whenever she got jealous, I had her get up on the couch with me and I'd read her a book. She is a big Elmo fan, so when things got really rough, we would watch Elmo. She has gotten so used to it, that whenever I tell her I need to feed her little sister, she actually hands me the boppy and burp cloth! Then runs off to do her own thing. Oh, she has also been "helping" me pump (I let her hold the bottles with me), and I have explained that this milk is for the baby. She seems to get it, at least as much as a 21 month old can!
Thanks again for all the responses!
I got my daughter her own baby doll, when i was having my son (they are 23 mos apart). when i would feed him, she would sit next to me and feed her baby - i bottle fed, so she was using a bottle to mimic me. we changed diapers together, she either used her doll, or she would hand me the wipes and diaper for her brother etc. i tried to include her in whatever i could with her brother.
I went through this, my boys are 18 months apart. I would try to let the older one sit with us and drink his milk. Sometimes this was satisfying, not always. It was a struggle but it didnt last long, he lost interest after a while and was happy to do other things. My sister-in-law decided to nurse her older one again. While she tasted the milk, spit it out and it solved the problem, I didnt want to chance it. It worked for her though, if things get too tough you might want to try it. Just remember time flies!!
I had a 2 1/2 year old and a new baby last fall. My midwife gave me a few suggestions in preparation for bringing the new one home. I didn't really think about it all and how it would affect her until she mentioned it. The suggestion she gave me about what to do when it came time to nurse was to have a basket of goodies such as her favorite snacks, or dollar store stuff, just something that the older one would find fun. She would choose something out of it that would keep her occupied for a little bit and make her feel special. I used it for when I first brought the new one home and it really did work most of the time. Good luck!
Hi K.
I had the same problems and the same thoughts (I am not nursing my 2.5 year old child-yuk!)
The doctor explained that he would probably hate it since it is warm and not cold like refrigerated milk like he was accustomed to. He said-just grin and bear it for once and he will probably not ask again. I did this (reluctantly) and he said-yum-Good! I cringed planning on what I would say to the doctor-HaHa! But he never asked to try it again.
Just offering my experience.
Good luck!! There are always more challenges to come!!!
J. H
Oh boy, I have no answers, but I'm about to deal with this myself in another month.
Maybe give her a sippy of milk and have her join you while you nurse? You can explain that the baby is eating/drinking just like her? I think that would work with my DS, he just might want to sit in my lap while he drinks his cup.
Our kids are also 21 months apart, and we never really experienced this issue when our daugther was born. So, I don't have a ton of advice for you.
But, my best recommendation would be to give your older daughter "jobs" to do to help you during the day so she feels like a BIG sister and helper. I'd have our son get me diapers, wipes, help throw diapers away, etc.
He also loves his sister. They're now 2 and 4, and I couldn't have asked for two kids who love each other more. It's not always peaches and roses in our house.....but, I tend to believe most of it is personality related vs. anything else (in your situation).
Good luck! Hoping it gets much better.
My DD was 3 when I had our new baby. She loves to read, so I would have her bring me a book, and she would sit next to me and I would cuddle her with the free arm while I nursed him on a boppy. When he switched sides, so would she! After a while, she was happy to go do her own thing.
You have received some good suggestions here, good luck! It's always a challenge...I like the ideas about the special basket with special toys that only comes out at nursing time, or special snacks during nursing time. Good luck! p.s. my daughter is liking to sit with us again while I nurse the baby after his nap (he is now one), and she sits on the arm of the rocking chair and helps us rock, and they hold hands - it is very sweet!
I am having a baby when my daughter will be about 2.5. I plan to figure out how to nurse while the baby is in a sling or moby wrap (something I didn't do with my daughter). I figure that way I could be nursing anywhere while my daughter is playing. I am sure I will want to sit and comfortably nurse most of the time, but if some of the time is "on the go" I figure it will make her happier.
I had the same experience as Elizabeth. I would read to my daughter or she would look at books next to me while I fed the baby. But they start to do their own thing and don't mind as much as they get used to it. Also, during meal times my daughter would be focused on her food while I was feeding the baby. My daughter was 20 months when my son was born. I also put together a bag of special things for her but that never really worked out. I could never locate it when it was time to feed or know how to take the things away from her when the feeding was over. So it pretty much was just one big present to her. Oh well, it had good intentions.
My daughters are 21 months apart, too. When did you wean your older daughter? As long as it was more than a couple of months ago, I wouldn't worry about her wanting to nurse again. Even if she does, you can play the "big kid" v. "baby" card. As for when you're nursing, perhaps some of the time when she's not playing with Daddy, you can read quietly to your older daughter while nursing your little one? The great thing about having your girls so close in age is that within 2-3 months, your older daughter won't really remember life without her little sister. I found it makes for much less jealousy than my friends experienced with kids with a larger age difference and a longer memory. Good luck! They'll be fast friends before you know it.
Could she "nurse" a baby doll while you nurse your newborn? Could she watch a show on tv while you nurse? Maybe say "lets sit and snuggle together and watch ___ - you sit right near me while I nurse." Just some thoughts...
I had the same problem, my daughter was 21 months when my son was born. She used to actually come up to me with her mouth open and point to my breast, but I never let her try it. All I could picture was a mouth full of teeth biting me, especially since she used to bite me as a baby when I tried to nurse her. Eventually she gave that up, but it took quite a while. I guess if I just let her try it then she might have been satisfied and left me alone.... anyway I definitely had to make sure she was all set up with juice, toys, or whatever else before I nursed the baby, otherwise she would be climbing all over me and demanding crackers or juice. Eventually the curiosity will fade, its not easy though in the meantime. Good luck!
