New Baby Almost Here- Am I Being Selfish?

Hells no! it should be totally up to you. february is close enough and anyway newborns are pretty boring; by the time february rolls around, the baby will be more interesting.

BAby will be 2 weeks old and you will be 2 weeks post-abdominal surgery. It's not a consideration. HAve your doctor explain to your husband that traveling 6 hours 2 weeks after surgery is not an option - especially caring for 4 kids and your husband. no way. You are not being selfish - your husband and his family is.

Two words: hell no. Last year we decided to have Christmas at our place because our DS was less than 2 weeks. It was just the best not having to pack everyone up, pack gifts, and drive on Christmas morning. It went so well we are doing the same thing this year.

I do not think you are being unreasonable at all. Best of luck with your upcoming birth.

No you are not!

Stand firm in your decision and do not let him guilt you into going!

I think your husband is nuts for even SUGGESTING that you go up there. I'm with you. He's more than welcome to go up there himself and take the older kids with him, but you should DEFINITELY stay home.

You are not being unreasonable.
Heck, I would not even go to your parent's house.
You will have just had a C-Section and have a newborn - let everyone travel to see you.
Or just wait a few months until the baby is older, and you are healed, then go visit.

Absolutely not- that sounds horrible. Everyone will be a disaster trying to sleep with the baby in the room. I like Robyn's idea of saying the doctor advised against it strongly. Or maybe warn them that you'll see how it goes but aren't committing, and then a day or two before the trip let them know your recovery hasn't been going as well as you hoped- or that this baby is more difficult or might be coming down with something, and then apologize and send your husband and kids without you- that sounds way better. I think they're being selfish, not you. Does your husband understand how you feel? I got drug around with family for the holidays after my 2nd was born (on Dec. 21st) and people, even family, just don't "get" it. Even when they've had babies- I think maybe we block out the difficult times from our memories.

Your husband and his family are the ones being selfish in this case! You need to stay home during this time; not be travelling six hours away on a bumpy road trip. I'd even be leery about the short trip to your parents!!

I think it would be wonderful if he took the other three kids and went for the visit. This would be a great break for you only having to take care of the baby instead of everyone else! Because I know, if you're like any other mom out there, even tho you're supposed to be getting rest, I would bet you'd still be doing a lot!!

If he does choose to go, I hope you have someone close by just in case you need someone!!!

Good luck!!

Wow, you are a saint to even think for a second that you're being selfish in not wanting to go. No, you are not selfish--you are wise and realistic, know your limits, and want what's best for your family. I've also had 3 c-sections, and it DOES seem like other people don't take it seriously enough (even though I also heal well).

2 week old baby spending time in a cold house? Nope! A 2 week old has no immune system already, and cold weather suppresses the immune system. S/he will be around lots of people who will be passing her around. I bet none of the adults will have had up to date DTP shots, so there is a very real risk of contracting whooping cough.

Furthermore--6 people in 1 bedroom? An up-every-2-hrs newborn in the same room as all the other kids? I think no one would sleep--I feel stressed out just THINKING about that scenario.

It is not selfish at all. And a baby that young doesn't need to be exposed to so many different people that soon anyway. Send him off with the 3 older kids and tell him enjoy this visit and that you will bring the baby next time. Stay home and recover. a 6 hour car ride that soon after the surgery will be awful.

You are being smart.

My 4 were all vaginal and I would NOT go there 2 weeks after that kind of delivery, even! A 2-week old can so easily catch a disease and die. It happened to a friend's child. Pertussis. How could you be sure EVERY person around the baby has been RECENTLY vaccinated against it? It's cold season, too. And you will be recovering!

At the 2 month mark when most shots have been given, I breathe easier.

I would not want to go to N. Wisconsin in December b/c the driving conditions are terrible.

Ugh.....seriously? Being un-reasonable not wanting to travel 6 hours after having a c-section! You horrible woman.............LOL

I am always so amazed at how people act like a woman should be able to give birth, let alone have a c-section then get back to business as usual in no time...Forgetting the fact you will be recovering from MAJOR surgery, possibly enduring sleepless nights, nursing woes etc etc

Your husband is being selfish! I undertand the excitement of a new baby. I understand everyone wanting to see each other for the holidays. But the most important thing at that time will be YOU the BABY and your recovery. Period!

I have never had a c-section, but I know how hard it was recovering from 3rd baby's birth and it was un-complicated. He sat in the birth canal for weeks prior to delivery. I was beyoned comfortable way before he was born and also in my 30s at this point. He was a terrible, terrible sleeper right from the beginning. I remember on the 1st day home my MIL who plays the sweet, unitentional intruder pretty well called me hours after getting home asking if she could stop by w/ come visitors. I told her I didn't think so. I was exhausted, could barely walk and the baby was nursing constantly. That I wasn't up for any visitors. I went and took a nap w/ the baby and when I got up my husband informed she had called his phone and asked him and he said it was fine. I FLIPPED my lid. I was angry! LOL He got the jist and called everyone and said we would let them know when I was ready for visitors. ME ready, not him!
Hold your ground. You cna always visit later when you are ready!

I think you're OK. You will have had surgery, the baby will be extremely young, and the weather won't be too friendly. Both of you need rest and warmth.

Encourage your husband and the older children to go - it's not the best sort of family Christmas with the family divided, but if it gives them a chance to be with his family, you can certainly handle it.

Have a pre-Christmas gift opening party with your husband and kids before they go. If you and your in-laws both have Skype, you can have some Christmas Day time that way. If not, there's the telephone.

If I were your MIL, I would feel unhappy that you and baby were not there, but I would understand completely.

It's not feeling uncomfortable that's the issue. Many men do not comprehend this "feeling uncomfortable" business. It's the long travel, the crowd of people, the winter temperatures, and the whirl of activity along with a brand new baby and a convalescing mama. So say it. A little discussion about the real issues and you all may come up with a satisfactory solution.

You're not being selfish at all. Talk to your OB/GYN and I'm sure s/he'll back you up medically that you shouldn't be travelling too much so soon, especially if you end up not feeling well or have complications following delivery. You'll only have been home for a couple of days and will need the bonding time with the baby and as a family. I would see about rescheduling holiday gatherings with extended family to a later date, even if it's doing them around the New Year.

EDIT: I just thought of something else. Unless you have someone reliable to take you and the baby driving as needed if your husband leaves you home to take the older children with him, you will NOT be cleared to drive yet. Even if you delivered vaginally you wouldn't be cleared to drive just yet... it's longer when you have a c-section.

No No and No!! Infact the best thing you could do as a mom for yourself and the new baby - is to stay home.I am sure the family will understand , this year is not the same as every year. You will have a 2 week old baby this year! Also how far is your parents house? If it's a short drive in the same city, go for it. If it's not , then it would seem like you are favouring your family's get-together and avoiding your in laws.If that's the case, maybe have just the hubby and kids go for both parties.You know people can understand you need rest etc but if they feel you are ok driving to one place but not the other, then they won't think it's fair.

I wouldn't feel comfortable with any of it. The drive, the temperature of the house, having all of you in the same room, which means that the baby would wake the entire family all night. No thanks, I wouldn't go either!

I seriously doubt your doctor will clear you to drive that far away that close to major surgery. Yes - it is "just" a c-section but that is major surgery. I would would absolutely not be going that far. I would let DH and the other kids go so they can enjoy the family time but I would rest and enjoy your time alone with the new baby. Just tell the in-laws that this is on the recommendation of your doctor and the pediatrician.

You are not being selfish, I am sure if another family member had their abdomen cut open from major surgery they would not be traveling hours away from home. As much as everyone wants to see the baby have them come visit you and the baby when you are ready. You will also be able to say you are welcome as long as you are not sick. From the due date 3-4 months will be Spring/Easter and everyone will be able to see the baby then if they did not see the baby before hand.

Oh my goodness, have them come to you if they want to meet baby around Christmas time. In fact, I think everyone should go to your house for small visits to meet baby, instead of you traveling around. Your kids can go with Dad for the other visits outside the home. You have every right to relax and heal for as long as you need. I can't imagine traveling right after giving birth and I didn't have a C-section. That sounds like it would be very uncomfortable. Plus, all kinds of weird stuff happens to your body after baby and I'd be more comfortable closer to home in case you need to get to the doctor. I had a breast infection and other infections and wouldn't want that to happen if I was out of town.

Congrats on the new baby!

This may be the Christmas, things will need to be different. If people want to see you guys, they can go by for SCHEDULED visits during the holidays. .

Or you need to be willing to go and stay for shorter periods of time.. With you need a rest go home and let the kids stay, you can call your husband to then pick you up and take you back.

IF you go to his families event, stay in a hotel. Again, you go to the hotel when you need a rest and your husband can go back and take care of the other kids.

OR just stay home. It is just one Christmas.

Ask your Dr. Tell your doctor that you are uncomfortable with it, but feel pressured by your husband and his family. Most doctors will then see that the right thing is done, and you can report to the family that travel that far is not advised.

It's not selfish at all!
Staying home is the sane thing to do.
A visit in Feb should be fine.
Next year you'll have both Christmas AND the baby's birthday to deal with.
Cut yourself some slack this year.

Um when I had number three I refused to go stay at in laws only three hours away for a year. Little one is 18m now and we'll be going for thanksgiving. It's just rough traveling with infants(our babies hate the carseat) and we would all have to share a tiny room with a full bed and baby still nursed during the night, it was just easier for them to come to us. Anyways at a few weeks old you are not being unreasonable at all.

You are not being unreasonable at all. I have had two c-sections and one cyst removed they same way. And after all three surgeries I would not have been able to travel that far that soon. I would say talk to your Dr. Your Dr will probably tell you it's not a good idea to travel that far that soon. If your husband get's upset it's cause he's sad or disappointed that you don't think you will be up to seeing his family but he should be over it. And being in a cold house would not be good for a new born. I do suggest if you do for some reason end up going take a space heater for the room you will be sleeping in and make sure and change the baby in there. And if they have a problem with you doing that too dang bad!!!

Good luck and God Bless!!

NO, your no t being selfish. Giving birth is hard enough, adding surgery to it is Huge.

Have your doctor talk to your husband about the inadvisability of a long distance car trip that soon after surgery. If he won't take the doctors word for it, he's the one being selfish.

Then, your Husband and the kids should go, and you stay home with the infant.

And, you will need to go to follow-up Doctor appointments, and baby too.

GET your Doctor, to WRITE you Doctor's orders, for your c-section and what you can and cannot do.

You are NOT being selfish.

I had c-sections. I would NOT be traveling, only 1 or 2 weeks after it. A c-section, is MAJOR surgery, ya know.

AND personally, I would not want to travel with an infant only 2 weeks old. What if, the infant catches a cold? Or Pertussis?
Baby would not have all his/her vaccinations by then.
In my city, a 6 month old baby... died, due to Pertussis. The family had traveled to the mainland for the Holidays. One of the relatives had a "cold"... and the baby got it. But it was Pertussis. The Relative did not know it was Pertussis, she thought it was just a regular cold. But the baby got it, and in infants and babies, Pertussis affects them a lot worse. Their baby, died.

I REALLY, would not be traveling with an infant, only 1-2 weeks old.
And, you recovering from a c-section.

Your Husband, and his family... should be thinking about that.

You are not selfish.

Go to your Doctor, explain the situation...and have your Doctor WRITE Doctor's orders... stipulating that you NEED TO stay home or whatever the Doc can write, to "order" you to stay home per the c-section and your baby being SO young at the time.

To me, your Husband and his family is being selfish.
Why can't they just SEE that, and instead, maybe go to see you? Instead of them all EXPECTING you/your family, to travel to them?

Your Husband and his family, are WAY out of line.
SHOW HIM, all your responses.

There is no way, I would be traveling, with an infant that is only 1-2 weeks old and you with a c-section.
NO way.
Your Husband, SHOULD BE WATCHING OUT FOR YOU, his Wife... not only looking out for himself and his relatives.

My kids are late born.
When they were born... I DID NOT GO TO ANY FAMILY holiday gatherings. AT ALL. I had had a c-section, and I was breastfeeding, and I STAYED home. And I did not want to expose my kids, at infancy, to any Flu/cold viruses. Either.

I think you are not being selfish. I think going to your parents house is too much. I had c-sections with both of mine, and let me tell you there would be no way I would want to sit in a car for any distance to visit anyone!!! Let them come to you. I admire you wanting to keep things normal for the other kids but sometimes we all have to make adjustments. Why can't your family come to you? Same for hubby's family? I just wouldn't do either homes this year.

If hubby wants to visit his family after Christmas and take the older kids then yay but I would not be making either trips this year.

Just my opinion - if you go to your family a week after giving birth you should go to his family. You are being a little selfish.

Good plan. You are not being unreasonable, they are being slightly unreasonable thinking that you would be able to be in the car for 6 hours, share a bedroom with three other children while getting up every two hours to nurse a newborn and having to be "up and ready" each day for festivities... no way.

Send him with the older kids and make sure to invite your inlaws to come down for a long weekend in the VERY near future. I wouldn't suggest that you ask them to wait several months to come meet the baby. That's not really fair either considering the fact that your parents will see the baby immediately.

Don't forget to send along plenty of pictures and maybe try to Skype while they are there?

I wouldn't mind going but the tempature would be an issue for me. Can you stay somewhere else? If not, ask if they would come to you.

I think you are being unreasonable. I also had two C-Sections and know the recovery very well. I don't understand why you want to go to your parents with a new born and stay over. One... the baby is going to be up at 2:00am feedings and more, which will probably wake the whole house. You will be feeding this baby every 2 hours. Do you really want to be away at all? If it was me, I would stay home. My babies slept the night around 4 weeks old. This little guy will be a new born. Do you really want to expose this baby so soon to everyone? So if you are willing to go to your parents, you should be willing to go to your in-laws. Stay at a hotel if you have to that what my husband and I did.

I would go! I made an 8 hour drive to KY to visit both sets of our parents at 6 weeks after my C-section. Our parents came up for the C-section so that they could meet their Grandson, since it was planned. Maybe yoy in-laws could come down for a few days to get some one-on-one.

My doctor told me not to go more then an hour away from his office for the first 3 weeks after I had a C-section. Hint hint.

Blame it on the C-section and the infant's doctor and do not go no matter what. I am sorry but I know how that 6 hour drive can be. Ask dearest mother in law how she would have felt a few weeks after her babies were born sitting on her butt in a car for 6 hours. Tell her it's nothing personal but from your previous 3 babies you KNOW that at 2 weeks post C-section that is just not a possible thing.

Send Daddy with the other kids, have a neighbor or friend that can be on call for you just in case you DO have issues, and enjoy a break. You are not being selfish, you are being smart and realizing that sometimes medical needs trump family needs.

If this were my choice, I would never travel with a two week old baby. I admit that I'm pretty conservative about exposing a newborn to large groups of people in case someone is sick though. I'm also imaging a car ride that will end up taking hours longer than it should because you'll likely stop every 1.5 - 2 hours to feed your baby and change diapers, etc. How will you feel in a car for that many hours after having major surgery? Given the description of your family having to sleep in one small cold room, no one will be getting any sleep so you will be dealing with crabby kids, sleep deprevation, and healing all at the same time. Don't do that to yourself- stay close to your warm home and heal!

Of course you are not being unreasonable. 6 hours in a car with a 2 week old is crazy...and a mom recovering from a C-section? No way. My girlfriend was told to limit her time in vehicles for the first 4-6 weeks after her C-section. That seat belt will NOT be comfortable at best, and what if you were in an accident (on that long, snowy drive) and had real pressure in that region? Nope. Ask you doc at the next well baby visit. Perhaps "doctor's orders" should keep you home?

Regardless of the drive, OMG, stay home! At week 2 you are still recovering from the birth, let alone sooo sleep deprived. I cannot imagine recovering as a guest at someone else's house. You'll also be putting all your other kids through every night time feeding, changing and just long crying session that newborns need to be walked and rocked through.

Is it possible to have your husband's family come to you? Pick an inexpensive hotel and go to Costco and stock up on ready made food to feed a crowd? Have them over during the day, then send them away.

Newborns are an excellent reason to stay home.

Thank goodness it looks like you are staying home.

My daughter was born the week before Thanksgiving (four years ago) and I had a totally non-complicated vaginal birth and I opted to stay home for Thanksgiving. I just did not feel like being out at his families big hoopla (they had a crowd of about 55 that year). Yuck. Did I get a ton of flack from my MIL because she wanted everyone to meet the baby - yes. Did my pediatrician offer to write me a note explaining why I stayed home - YES!.

February will come fast enough.

Stay home. Have a stock of movies for yourself. Give yourself a pedicure. Enjoy your weekend getting to know your baby.