Mother is really sick and I'm extremely worried and stressed. I need your best jokes. Stupid or not send 'em on.
Thank you to everyone for the jokes. Not only did they make me laught and feel better but I'm going to relay them to my mother as well. BTW her counts are starting to come up. Drs figured out why they couldn't get them up and fixing it. Bone scan showed the cancer on her hip and knee are just about gone, along with the one on her spine and femur. The one in her lung is shrinking and they are continuing to monitor her progress before they let her go home. GOD IS GREAT AND ALL POWERFUL.
My daughter had to find a joke for her kindergarten class:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Little girl.
Little girl who?
Little girl who can't reach the doorbell.
A guy walks into a bar. The bartender asks him if he wants a drink. The guy says, "What are my choices?" The bartender replies, "Yes or no."
Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to the party?
He was a party pooper!
He says to her...... - I dont know why you wear a bra, you dont have anything to fill it.
She says to him..... - You wear pants dont you ?
He said to me . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart
He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me. .... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him . . I don't know; it has never happened.
He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.
He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
:-) I hope your mom gets better Very Soon !!!
Okay, you said stupid or not so here goes!
Q: What kind of bees produce milk?
A: boobies
Q:What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
A: kids won't eat broccoli
What do pirates pay for corn?
A buckanear
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Interrupting Cow.
Interruping Cow Wh..MOOOOOOOOOOOO.
A man walks into a bar.
Which is pretty stupid. You'd think he'd see the bar and walk around it.
From Steven Wright:
I got a tattoo of myself over my body...only taller....
Two potatos are on a corner. Which one is the prostitute?
The one that says "I-Da-Ho".
take care :)
Why did the ballerina quit her job?
because it was tutu hard
Q: Where does (insert tyrant here--Hitler, Bin Laden, etc) keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies!
Q: Where is a dog's least favorite place to shop?
A: A flea market.
Q: Knock, Knock
A: Who's there?
Q: banana
A: Banana who
Q: Knock, Knock
A: Who's there?
Q: banana
A: Banana who
Q: Knock, Knock
A: Who's there?
Q: Orange
A: Orange who?
Q: Orange you glad I didn't say 'banana" again?
A: Orange who
Hi M.,
Your Mother is in my thoughts. I hope these silly jokes put a smile in your day!
Why don't sharks eat clowns?
......They look funny
What did the snail say when he jumped on the turtles back?
........WhooHooo!
Our Highlights magazine has these jokes:
What do tired horses do at night? (A: They hit the hay.)
What did the left hand say to the right hand? (A: "How does it feel to always be right?")
Why did the spider build the web? (A: To search it for information.)
Which bones do dogs dislike? (A: Trombones)
What sheds but isn't alive? (A: An eraser)
What did Mrs Claus say to Santa Claus? (A: "It looks like rain, dear (reindeer).")
What kind of pictures do lambs paint? (A: Lambscapes)
What is the definition of a farmer? (A: Someone who is outstanding in his field.)
How do angels greet people? (A: They say "halo!")
1. Lizzy: Have you heard the story about the unsharpened pencil?
Patty: No. How does it go?
Lizzy: Never mind. It's pointless.
2. Tommy: Why is your dog wearing glasses?
Danya: Because contacts bother his eyes.
3. A book never written: "Math" by Adam Up.
4. Dad: Would you like an apple?
Clara: I don't feel like an apple today.
Dad: That's good. You don't look like an apple either.
5. Regine: What has nine legs, twenty eyes, and pink fur?
Elias: I don't know.
Regine: I don't know either, but it's crawling on your shoulder!
6. Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Canoe.
Canoe who?
Canoe come out and play with me?
I hope your mom gets better soon!
What's a pirate's favorite State Arrkansas
What's a pirate's favorite socks? Arrgyle
What's a pirate's favorite name? Arrthur
what goes 99-thump, 99-thump? Centipede with a wooden leg.
knock knock
who's there?
Boo
Boo who?
no need to cry about it!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Dwayne
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the Tub I'm Dwowning!
What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I was just kidding about the wheels.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick
Two muffins were in the oven. One turned to the other and said, "Wow, it's getting hot in here." The other muffin said, "Ahhhh!!! A talking muffin!!!!"
Hope these silly jokes made you smile and that your mom feels better soon.
How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little "boogie" in it!
Have you heard the bed joke?
It was made up!
I hope it all works out for you!
I recently attended my MIL's party for her club of 50 years. No one was
under 80. The designated speaker was from a rest home facility. His
speech was about laughter. He said, "When you laugh at something,
pay attention to what you laughed at and why you thought it was
funny. Then put a lot more of that in your life, daily." That was invaluable
for me. I have been making a list for myself so that I can give examples
to MIL so she can make her list.
Candid Camera, Festus on Gunsmoke, Barney on Mayberry,
Ellen Degeneres show. For some people, I Love Lucy.
I hope you can find what makes her laugh. Good luck.
This is one of my son's favs:
Knock knock
who's there
interrupting pirate
interrupting p--
AARGH!
Man goes to his doctor "doc I'm a teepee I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee I'm a wigwam, what's wrong with me?"
The doc replies " your two tents!"
Here are some joke web sites:
A group of scientists get together and are discussing the advances of science and technology made by mankind, and come to the conclusion that they no longer need God. They elect one scientist to go inform God of this.
This scientist walks up to God and says, "God, mankind has made extraordinary advances. We can alter biology, we can cure disease, we can even create life with our hands! Therefore, we no longer need you, so why don't you just go on and get lost."
God looks down on the man and says, "I believe that mankind DOES still need me. So here's what we're going to do. Since you can now create life and all, we're going to have a man-making contest. But we're going to do it the old way, the way I did it the first time."
The scientist says, "OK, you're on!", leans down, and scoops up a handful of dirt.
God looks down upon the scientist and says, "No, no, no...you go get your own dirt."
