Needing Advice on Mom That Refuses to Stay at Home with Sick Kid...

Unacceptable! She needs to actually be a mom and take care of her baby... especially when he's sick. I know when I was young and sick, all I wanted to be was with my mommy. Such a shame that she doesn't even have time to be with her kiddo when he's sick... makes me very, very sad!

Runny noses, even yellow or green ones, can last for weeks. The child isn't sick enough to stay home for weeks. My daycare keeps them unless they have a fever. If you have kids together, they are going to get sick. Kids in daycare get sick, they have runny noses, coughs, and pass things around. How can they not? I think your rule is a little strict. If I had read your handbook, I may have passed over that part, or not taken it seriously, but if that's what you would stick to, I would HAVE to find another sitter because NO working mom can take off everytime her kid has a bad runny nose, even though they may want to! sorry.

Ok, first of all, there are many different types of viruses and colds a person can be talking about. There are also reasons for chronic yellow discharge that are not contagious. More and more percentages of kids are coming up with allergies of all kinds. Children that live around smoke or other pollutants (maybe their parents burn candles or use strong cleaners) often have discharge.

Let me say I am NOT making any excuses for a parent that is taking an actual sick child to daycare. But the common cold should NEVER keep a child home. A child that is eating well, does not have exploding diahrea or vomiting, does not have a fever over 101, does not have green discharge from the eyes, is not sick enough to send home.

I sympathise with the idea that when we have to take our kids to the doctor and get an antiobiotic for them, we have spent the money we were supposed to be making for that child that brought in the illness. But, we need to realize that our family is just as often likely to pick up a virus that gets passed to the other kids. When we operate our small, intimate home daycares, we can NOT guarantee that the spread of virus and illness will not be spread. We will share these germs. If we cause our parents to lose their jobs we won't have any income ourselves will we?

In my daycare I take every child, every illness and every circumstance into consideration. The first time a child gets sick in a week or hopefully several weeks, we may not know exactly what we are dealing with. The first child may need to go to the doctor depending on the symptoms. But lets say 2-3 children come down with a little stomach bug all in the same day. Well now we know that we are dealing with a virus that does not require a trip to the doctor. There are a lot of young moms that take their children to the doctor over every sniffle. I used to be one so I understand. But, it's not anyone elses fault if you tend to take your children to the doctor when it's not necessary. I figure if it's a small stomach bug that is causing minor distress but not slowing them down too much, then no one goes home because it's too darn late to be sure that it won't spread. I'm willing to go the extra mile to keep all my kiddos comfortable. But I'm not willing to stress the parents out over nothing.

How many of you know that many illnesses are the most contagious before the first symptoms show up? You would be surprised.

On top of all these considerations, there are other considerations even more important. Children need to have a number of illnesses in order for the body to learn how to make itself well. AND, they need to learn how to get well without too many rounds of antibiotics. Do we really want for 2/3rds of our country to be wiped out someday due to a super strain of virus because we have collectively abused antibiotics as a society?

Do a google about daycare and illnesses. You'll find many wonderful articles that talk about when they should and should not be sent home.

Suzi

I think you are being way too harsh. I would put yourself in her shoes. I have been on both sides of that fence. Neither is desirable in this case. However, a little compassion goes along way. I would kindly ask her if he has allergies. Perhaps suggest giving the child an antihystamine or decongestant of some sort to stop the runny nose. Chances are every one would get it anyway. If the child is running a fever that would be a point to draw the line. IF it is a virus there is nothing that any doctor can or will do for the child they will just tell you to make the child comfortable and keep them doped up with tyelnol or advil. It really isn't that big of a deal. If it is really that big of a concern for you though and you think that there is a "disease" floating around your home I would call your doctor and ask him or her if there are any bugs going around and what the protocol is for caring for the children under the circumstances. You are getting paid pretty good to take care of the child I wouldn't risk taking an income loss unless you can really afford it.

I do in home daycare and if it was me I would let her know that if she brings the child to your home one more time with any symptoms of a cold or anything else you will no longer be able to watch him. Do you do home daycare on your own or are you licensed? I am licensed and my contract states very clearly that if you knowingly bring your child to my daycare sick I can terminate the contract immediately, with no two week notice! I have children of my own as well as other daycare kids. You are definitely not being too picky. It's common sense. J.

I feel, being a daycare provider, that if a mother CONSISTENTLY brings her child to daycare when he is not feeling good then maybe she should make one appointment to have that child checked. Maybe it's allergies which could be helped with medication, but maybe it's something else if he keeps getting sick. I know these mothers are my customers and this is my job but it wouldn't matter what job I had MY children would always come first. A child with a cough every now and then is one thing but a child who constantly has a cough or colored discharge from the nose is another. If you don't think you can have a backup person to look after your child when sick then you should try to find a provider who will take of your child when he/she is sick. Some say it's not fair to the working mothers but how is it fair to the daycare provider.

I'm just asking, would you want your child at a home daycare with another child who comes there a lot with cold symptoms and not knowing if it's contagious? J.

No, I don't believe you're being too picky. It will cost you money if this child spreads his disease to the other children, whether it be to your children or not. She needs to step up and be a MOM. Your role as the daycare provider is to insure the safety of ALL the children in your care. I have a son that had heart problems and we had to keep him out of daycares because of this possibility. Diseases spread fast enough without our negligence, she should abide by your rules or find someone else. Good luck dealing with this situation.

A.,
As a daycare worker in a center environment, I would definately give the mother two weeks. Not only is she endangering you own children, the children you care for, but your own health. Whether you are licensed or not should not make a difference. If you have given the mother a handbook and had her sign a contract, then she is the one breaking it by bring her child to you continually sick.

My son's preschool's policy states that a runny nose must be clear, not yellow/green for the child to attend. I don't think you're asking too much to have the child stay at home until his nose runs clear. The child could get your own children sick or the other children you babysit for sick. She probably wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of someone else's germs either.

This is what I think: I think that if you take kids like that, the other moms will not want to bring their kids over. Who needs it? So you might keep that kid, but lose another.

However, part of the problem might be that this mom may not have or know of other options when her kid is sick. When I lived in Phoenix, one of the children's hospitals actually offered sick-day care. I don't know if that's available here or not. I suggest you put out a Mamasource Request asking if anyone knows of sick-day sitting services, and then write up a flyer for your customers giving them the exact symptoms you don't want to see (green mucous, fever, whatever) and any information you can find on sick-day alternatives. And let them know you feel you must refuse an obviously sick child at the door, or call on one you "figure out" after the tylenol wears off! Say you owe this courtesy to your other customers.

It's hard being tough. Good luck!

Hi A.

I don't think your being ridiculous for asking that because you did make her sign a contract and you told her about this. You have to look out for your kids and the other child you watch. She is the one being ridiculous and thinking she is the only one that has to work and make money. She needs a wake up call if you ask me, so if I were you I would give her two weeks notice, I would also make sure she knows why your letting her go.
J. (Mother of a beautiful 16 month old little girl)

You are absolutely NOT being rediculous. As a mother of 2 and plenty experience of my kids being in in-home daycares I completely agree with you. It is not fair for you and your family to be exposed to whatever virus this child has. You are going to have to be stern with this woman and let her know that you mean business. You can't continue to allow this in your home and if she doesn't take you serious then I would proceed with the 2-week notice. Anybody else would have to take off work or find plan B. If she had this child in a daycare center, they wouldn't allow it so why should you? Good luck and God Bless.

I am now a stay at home mom that does in home childcare and I remember when I use to work and how guilty my boss made me feel when I took off because one of my kids was sick...so I sympathize with working mothers. However, you need to follow your rules. Nothing make me madder than when I bend the rules and let a sick kid stay or come into my house and then my own kids get sick!! There are to many people out there looking for childcare if someone can not follow the rules get rid of them and find new ones. I don't mean to sound cruel but you have to put your own children and family first, that is why you probably decided to stay at home to begin with, don't be afraid to stick to your guns and good luck!

I would follow the rules that the schools and daycares in the area have. If it is a fever...or vomiting..they may not return till they have no fever or have not vomitted in 24 hours. I used to have the mentality that I would go to work no matter how ill I was - but have realized that it is not fair to my co-workers - not fair of me to get them exposed to what I have. I am a working mom...and well you have to have a game plan for sick kids. I had a network set up for my 3. It is NOT fair to get other kids sick just because you don't have a backup for care for you kids. It doens't have to be family. I had a varity of systems in place. Mine are all HS age now and can take care of themselves...but even now there are times....and I also couldn't always rely on dad because he was traveling a lot. Those that are saying you are to harsh....well it would be harsher on your daycare kids if you where to ill to watch them for a week or so...

I think many of these responses are too harsh on the working moms. There are a LOT of working moms out there who do not have health insurance for themselves and their children AND a lot of them don't even get sick days. And, ladies, these working moms are YOUR customers. Without them, you don't have income rolling in. How many of you still charge for your daycare even when the child isn't in your home? I understand that you keep those slots open and it is reasonable to charge even for the days you aren't watching the children, but it seems like both "sides" would do better to work together on this problem.

Face it, kids are going to get sick, and they will spread it around. Colds never killed anyone but they are really messy in children. If there is no fever, take care of the kids. If there is a fever, you have the right to refuse to care for the child. Maybe you should encourage your customers to have a backup sitter in cases where their children are sick (if there is no Sick Day Care in the area)...maybe grandparents or a friend, etc.

Good luck, and I hope it works out ok for all involved.

I have ran a daycare out of my home in the past and if a child has a runny nose that isn't clear, it's an infection of some sort. Whatever your policy is, stick to it. It's not fair to the other parentsthat adhere to the rules. It's not fair to your kids either. This mother would probably be the first to throw a fit if it was someone else putting her child in that situation. I would stick to the policy that I had them sign. Even if it meant giving her 2 weeks notice.