Need to Say something....but How??

It's not a matter of "how", it's NOW! You HAVE to say something. I don't remember which show, but it was either GMA or the Today show, where they filmed going into a store to get milk....entire time was 6 minutes and the temp in the car rose tremendously high! The reporter stayed in the car with the windows up and he even had a hard time staying there. See if you can find it on their website or Youtube and watch it....you won't feel bad saying something after that. You could simply say you just wanted something on TV and wanted to share it with her....if you want to be polite about it.

I don't think this has to be complicated, about judging her or anything. Most parenting/safety things are not as cut and dry as this. Regardless of how anyone feels about doing it (I know some people have no problem, when it's not hot, leaving a child), in many states it is against the law to leave a child unattended in a car. I know in MA we've had a couple cases where the parent was arrested and it happened really quickly, in one case the mom was running into the post office and was away for 2 mins or something. The cops didn't care, leaving is leaving.

I have to think she is a caring gm and has no idea what the risks are here. I imagine if you mention that to her she won't do it again. I definitely wouldn't call CPS or the cops on her, really, if I had the opportunity to stop her from doing it. I think addressing it to the entire group may not be helpful if she is the only one. I'd rather have someone take me aside than make a big group announcement when I knew I was the offender.

I am a member of a mommy group and if an issue ever comes up it is addressed to everyone. Maybe you could say something about the weather heating up and go on about safety in the sun. If she doesn't get the hint, then I would talk to her privately.

I live in a place where it gets very cold if you aren't out of the wind.
I left my sleeping kids in the car numerous times in the driveway and went to check on them.
There were times we drove to the beach but never got out of the car. We just sat and relaxed and I read while the kids were warm and out of the wind. It was so nice and toasty in the car....we loved it. I would often bring blankets and sleeping bags for us to lay down and rest in the back of the jeep in the warm sun and out of the wind.
There were times I left my kids in the garage in their carseats asleep while I brought in groceries, etc. It never harmed them.
Of course I always made sure they had ventilation and weren't covered up with blankets to overheat, but they weren't much for traditional napping and if they were happy sleeping in the car, I let them.
Never for long periods of time and never when it was hot enough to roast them.
There were plenty of days I brought my son home from school and we stayed in the car, both of us, and talked about his day, etc. We were outside, with a lovely view, in a nice warm car out of the wind.
I think things will be okay, I mean, it doesn't sound like Grandma is off her rocker and forgets the baby is in the car or anything.
I guess you can tell her you aren't comfortable with her leaving the baby in the car and asking if you can go get her. You may have a grouchy baby on your hands if she likes sleeping in a warm car.
I do understand where you're coming from with the dangers, but you stay with your kid in a warm car. I've done the same. We obviously know about the dangers of our kids being cooked to death, but it doesnt sound like she leaves the baby long enough for that to happen.
You can just ask her to bring the baby in and lay her down in your room or somewhere that she can continue to nap.
That way, if she wakes up, you won't have to worry about IF she cries and no one hearing her.
If you like this woman, handle it with kid gloves, so to speak, because it doesn't sound like she leaves the baby for hours while she's getting tanked up at the bar or anything.
Mention you'd feel safer if the baby was inside.

I wish you the best.

Apparently I'm in the minority here.

If you want to stay out of this and I can totally understand why, I would call CPS or next time she does it send your husband a text and he can call the police so that she doesn't think anyone in the play group did it. If she is doing it at your house then she is doing it elsewhere too. They can tell her about the report and then educate her on not leaving the child in the car.

You are in a tough situation. My son has always been a light sleeper and would never go back to sleep once woken, but I would still get him out of the car as soon as we got home. I try to keep an eye on him and keep talking to him when I see he is getting sleepy in the car. Maybe even stop so he can walk around so he doesn't fall asleep while we are out.

I really can't believe all the responses of people leaving their kids in the car to sleep alone (it is different if someone is with them). Here in Texas it is illegal. And lord forbid someone's kid get snatched from their vehicle while no one is looking--only takes a moment for a predator to do it.

I can tell you that I am absolutely NUTS about this issue!!! I would never go and leave my children in the car for even a minute...much less leave them and be completely out of sight!! You don't address how old the child is but I can tell you that it is against the law in most states to leave a child unattended in a car and she could very well be dealing with the Child Protection Division of her local police department if someone reports her!!!
I agree with what some of the other Moms have said...kudos to this Grandma for being willing to take on the raising of her grandchildren...and the fact that she is coming to a Mommies group is really wonderful!! (This is not something that we had when we "grandma's" were raising our children so this isn't something that comes naturally to her I am sure). You might meet her at the car the next time she comes, if the child is sleeping, offer to help carry the car seat(I am assuming here that it is a toddler or infant that we are discussing) around to a shady spot that you have picked out in advance for this very purpose!!! Have a blanket there in case you need to lay the child out on it...and just explain to Grandma that you and your husband have been concerned about the baby staying out in the car alone. Tell her that it gets SO hot so quickly in a closed up car, and if she HASN"T closed the car, then there is always the danger of someone snatching the baby when no one is around to see.
One of my customers at work is dealing with the heartache of losing her youngest grandson. She was caring for her grandchildren while the daughter was at work and when she came back from the store, she was having medical issues with her diabetes and simply forgot that her 2 year old grandson was still in his car seat...by the time her blood sugar leveled out and she realized that he was no where to be found...he was dead in his carseat from the heat of being shut up in the car!!! Can you imagine the pain and guilt that the precious woman lives with on a daily basis? This is something that you need to address NOW....no matter how uncomfortable it makes you. Don't go at it with the attitude that she just doesn't care...but be positive...tell her how much you admire her for caring for her grandchildren..etc etc...and just gently guide her to the knowledge that what she is doing is unsafe and illegal!!!

Are we that intent on keeping our child asleep that we leave them in the car? I never understood this. . .even with the windows down. I saw friends doing it all the time and even my sister in law. We traveled 10 hours to visit them and when she got home, she left her son asleep in the car for about 2 hours (in the garage). By the time it was time for my kids to go to bed, he was finally awake. Nice visit. . .I always carried my kids in, asleep or not. A car would be a scary place to wake up alone in, I would think.

I vote with announcing it to the whole group. Do you communicate by email? You could send an email to the group with some new mom advice with that being one of the main topics. Or do you have an announcement time during your playgroup? Our playgroups in town would have 10 minutes while the kids were having snack to hand out information, share advice, make announcements of upcoming events etc. Maybe it could be worked in there. You could say something like, "with the heat settling in on us, it's a good time to remember how hot a car can get inside and how quickly a child can succumb to overheating." Give statistics to make it real, hand out info, etc.

Whenever this happens offer to go with her and sit in the car and chat until the baby wakes up. It's a perfect opportunity to discuss the heat in the car, waking the child for the play date, coming later when she wakes up etc. As a grandmother now rearing a 10 month old she needs lots of support and a piece of that is time to chat with others. Her friends don't have any idea what she is going through. They probably aren't interested in reliving baby time and if her friends are grandparents themselves, they can hand them back She can't. Congrats to her for taking on the next 18 years. As for the woman who suggested that her daughter may have had her child taken away because the grandmother was a bad parent, shame on you and pray your children are 'perfect'.

Next time, go to the car and see for yourself. if its hot open the door and feel the baby. if she wakes you can bring her out and say oh she was awake. Older people dont feel the heat. Ever notice how they wear sweaters in the summer? You need to tell her that babies feel the heat more than adults. I'm sure you can find a way to tell her without causing a scene. if not, cause a scene!

I feel so bad for this grandmother. She has taken on the responsibility of raising her kids children again after she has already raised her kids. How nice of you to let her join your playgroup as well. She is obviously exhausted and not thinking straight. The next time she comes over have a pack-n-play ready for her in your house, or a blanket on the ground, and help her transport her grandbaby to the napping spot. You need to insist she move the baby out of the car into your house. If the baby wakes you need to help her out by holding the baby, feeding, whatever. Can you imagine doing what she is doing at her age? You are a huge blessing to this lady that you care so much about her grandchild's wellbeing. Kudos to you. :-)

Hi H.,

The grandmother is probably doing it elsewhere too. She needs parenting classes. Here are some confidence boosters to help you speak up:

http://www.kxan.com/dpp/news/crime/Child_left_in_car_in_b...
"Drivers need to understand that a vehicle is not a babysitter, but it can quickly become an oven," said Tareka Wheeler coordinator of Safe Kids Austin led by Dell Children's Medical Center "A child under 10 should never be left alone in or around a vehicle, even for a minute. When it comes to the safety of a child, there’s just too much to lose."

Heat is much more dangerous to children than it is to adults. When left in a hot vehicle, a young child’s core body temperature may increase three to five times faster than that of an adult. This could cause permanent injury or even death.

"A completely closed car is just like an oven," said Dr. T.J. Milling. "If a child is in a car in bright sunlight, their temperature is going to go up drastically in just a few minutes- within 20 minutes they could be at 115 or more degrees."

Heat stroke occurs when the core body temperature reaches 104 degrees. A core body temperature of 107 degrees is considered lethal.

"The inside of a vehicle can rise 19 degrees above the outside temperature in just 10 minutes," said Tareka Wheeler. "After an hour, the temperature inside and outside of a vehicle can differ by 45 degrees or more – even if the window is left open a crack."

http://search.yahoo.com/search?ei=utf-8&fr=slv8-ytbm&...=

http://www.myfoxny.com/dpp/news/national/Florida_Mother_C...

I am looking at the safety issue here only. All the other opinions about what we would do or not do, if we would leave our children in a car in the garage, or let them sleep, etc, etc, are irrlevant and cloud the issue.

#1 A child should not be left unattended in a car. #2 No child (or living thing) should be left in a car with out air conditioning in 89 degree heat because the temp will rise to over 120 degrees in a matter of minutes and they will die.

I would just be very frank with her, nice, but frank. Tell her that she should not leave the baby unattended to socialize and that the baby should not ever be inside a stopped car without the air on, because that is deadly. It is also not legal.

I like the suggestion that you would gladly go to the car and socialize with her while the baby sleeps, and maybe, you could offer to find a time for play group that is not during the baby's nap time? She probably needs the outlet, and you need to be firm about safety.

If your husband were to have called 911 when he saw a baby in a car, I can tell you exactly what would happen, because that happened to me. I was grocery shopping with my two year old, and it was very hot, and I had a young man taking my groceries to the car, so while he put the grocerieis in the back of my suburban, I put my two year old in her car seat, I started the car and turned on the air, gave her a bottle of water, turned on her tv and then and went to the back of the car with his tip. As he shut the back door, the car locked. Not sure how, but it did. I called my husband, he had his keys and was out of town, so I called my father in law, who relayed the information about my car to a lock smith, and was on his way to bring me a new key within 15 mintues. I never left the car, and my child was sitting in her seat, drinking water in the air conditioning, watching the Aristocats. The man who put my groceries in the car thought it might be helpful to call the police for help once he got back into the store. He failed to tell them that the car was running with the AC on and that my daughter was never unattended or that I had reached a lock smith and had a key on the way. Every emergency vehicle within ear shot of the call pulled into the lot with full sirens blaring, and two tow trucks with cars attached pulled in brakes screeching, and all of them came running with crow bars to bust out my child as quickly as possible. The poliece were ready to arrest me, thinking I had left my child in the car to go shopping! It took a minute or so for their adrynilen to come down as they all came ready to whitness a tradgedy of the worst sorts, one that they had seen before. It is an emergency, and had your husband called the authorities, it would have been treated as such, and yes, she would have been arrested if the authorities found the baby in a car without her being there.

M.

I would do something! That baby is going to Die one of these days! I'm sorry, but kids die more than they should due to people being ignorant! It is horrible. You need to say something. Even write a letter. Or like another post on here, print out papers on it saying how dangerous it is and the risks. Death, Brain Damage, Dehydration, etc... She will realize that someone has an issue with it and is concerned for the child. I honestly think that maybe it would be better though to talk to her in person but in private. Let her know that you commend her for taking on the responsibilty of her granddaughter and that she is doing a very good job at everything else. Tell her you are just a little worried about her leavin the baby in the car alone, especially on hot days. Good Luck

I don't think the issue is whether you choose to leave your child sleeping in the car, so much as whether you monitor them closely and are realistic about the temperature in the car.

I live in a very safe neighborhood with a very long driveway leading up to my back door, and have often left my toddler asleep in my car at the top of the drive for 20 or 30 minutes when the temperature permits (or even a few times left the AC or heat on in the car, which I'm well aware is not environmentally friendly, and is not the point here so please don't bother to slam me for it). When I do it, it's generally so I can run into my house and pee (I'm pregnant again!) or let my elderly dogs out in the yard so they can pee. I'll then sit outside in the yard, or at my kitchen table; I can see my child very clearly from both places, have some much-needed peace and wait for her to stir. If more than 15 or 20 minutes pass and she's still asleep, I'll go and get her. If she wakes up on her own, I'm there very quickly and she has never become upset in any way having to wait a few seconds for me.

From her infancy she has been an extremely light sleeper who would never transfer and would never go back to sleep when woken from a nap, even if she has only slept 5 minutes. That means not leaving her there for a reasonable amount of time if she happens to fall asleep completely ruins the rest of her day and mine.

It sounds like the situation with this grandmother is different, since you've implied that it is often quite warm on the days you've seen her leave the child, and it seems she isn't monitoring well while the baby sleeps. So I completely agree that you would be remiss not to say something to her, but I'd be wary of attacking her, "judging" her as so many people have condoned and vilifying the practice altogether. I think it's OK to say that you're concerned about the baby overheating or being scared by being completely alone, and to suggest that she stay close to the car, open all the doors, etc. I think the fact that she doesn't see it as a problem is likely generational and you could wind up just insulting her or having her dismiss you as overly cautious if you're not tactful, which in the end won't help the baby.

I would not let this go another minute. You need to talk to the grandmother and tell her that its against the law to leave the baby in the car. That you do not want anything to happen to the baby or her. She just might not know, I do not know why she wouldn't but she might not. Its only going to get hotter out and the baby will die if left in a hot car. Now your delivery can be one on one talking to like you really care and I am sure you do. Tell her please do not leave the baby in the car, ask her to bring a stroller. This is serious. Your a good person to help her.

Well you can see that her daughter turned out as responsible as her. I would imagine that the driveway isn't the only place she leaves that kid. If she shows up at your house with that baby in the driveway let her know she can't leave that baby in the car. I would document this and give her 1 chance then call the local authorities.I can't believe someone found her competent to raise this child

It's against the law to leave a child unattended in a car here in Nevada. You may want to check to see if Connecticut has a similar law on the books. You can probably just call your local police station ot find out. If it is the law, just tell her that's the case. If she argues with you or there are no laws about abandoning a child in a vehicle, then print her a print out of all the news articles that you can find on Google about children who have died as a result of being left in a parked car due to heat exposure. I know you want to be tactful about it, and I do try to be tractful most of the time, but when it comes to the safety and well-being of a baby (or any kid), sometimes being blunt and to the point is more effective.

Do your research... print out an article on how quickly a hot car heats up and how a child's body shuts down in the heat. many children die every summer over this.

Where I live, the police advised us to break the window of the car and get the child out while waiting for the police to show up to take the child for observation and investigate the parent. People leave toddlers, young children and sleeping babies in their cars all the time here and many die or end up brain damaged.

Sit down with her alone so not to make a scene, let her know your concerns and show her the findings to back up your claims. Tell her she is fine to bring the sleeping baby in the carseat inside, that she can lay down in a corner or another room on a blanket.

Also, the fact that she goes to visits with other moms, it would be easy for her to lose track of time. It doesn't take long at all for a child to become severely injured, kidnapped or even die in a hot, unattended car.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009...

Some good references here for you:
http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=8038081

It only took a quick scroll to see how everyone is freaking out over the grandma, but honestly - she's not thinking about the safety of leaving her in the car, b/c that's what they did not so long ago. I have left both of my kids sleeping in the car in the driveway, but I'm within sight most of the time and the temperature is always my consideration - hot or cold. If you live in a safe area - then that's really not a big deal from where I'm sitting, but her being oblivious to the heat is a very big deal. That is an easy thing. If you feel it is so imminent then give her a call and start with a compliment. "You amaze me for taking on a 10 month old after raising 3 all ready, but I just needed to give a call, b/c I kept thinking about how hot it was the other day and leaving 'baby' in the car to sleep." from there you go into that "video you watched on animals in cars" or whatever you need to say to create a comfortable non-judgmental conversation.
This woman needs support.
But a lot to parenting has changed and it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks - if you know what I mean. Not in a disrespectful way, but just old school oblivious. My MIL left my 4 y.o in a huge public library while she traveled up several floors and out a different entrance - then across the street to her car in a lot to get something.
It was terrible to confront her and it caused a lot of conflict at the time, but her "defense" was ""You think she wasn't safe in a library?!"

She just didn't get it initially and was really angry that I was suggesting that she had endangered my daughter. (And I was, oh so gentle!)

So - be upfront and real. It's no big deal, but be gentle and kind and end on a high note, so that she continues to feel welcomed and hopefully - will consider that maybe she could pick up some parenting skills from the youngins' ;-)

good luck.

The next time it happens, I would kindly suggest that she roll the windows all the way down or open the doors- letting her know that you do the same thing so she doesn't feel like you're parenting her.
I would also suggest that you bring a couple chairs out front so the two of you can sit near the car and still be able to talk- since I'm sure that being an older "mom" she could really use the communication and bonding time.
:)
By giving her options to stay near the car and offering to help roll the windows down because "you know how hot it can get so very fast in the car", you leave the option open for her to make the right choice, and hopefully she will.
If not and she simply refuses, then I'd push a little harder, saying you just saw a little baby on the news die because the parents thought she'd be ok in the car for a short amount of time.
In the end, respect for the Grandma won't be worth as much as the safety of the little girl.
Good luck!

How about obliquely?

Next time the baby is asleep in the car... right then:

"Hey, why don't you pull into the garage so the car's in the shade, and the windows can be left down? Brain damage is soooo easy to get from the heat inside a car in the sun."

If she puts up any "Oh, she'll be fine..."s you just start walking toward the garage opening the door smiling and talking about all the news shows that show that a car left in the sun for 10 minutes can heat up to over 120... and it's no problem, her baby's health comes first."

I didn't read the other responses. But you are right you do need to bring this up with grandma. Just remember that in her mind she is doing nothing wrong. When she was raising kids this was a perfectly normal thing to do.
This poor lady is certainly doing the best she can. I'm impressed she found a playgroup! I'm sure she would love everyone in the group to help her out.

Maybe you could invite her over one evening, I would think bringing it up in front of everyone would make her feel terrible. Just tread lightly and be easy on her. Lots of love and encouragement. Put yourself in her shoes.

Can you find some information about the dangers of doing this and then e-mail or print and hand it out to all the mothers in the group? Maybe she's really not aware of the danger. Put in a subject line like, "It's getting hot and there is this danger to be aware of..."

I sometimes leave my son in the car (he's 3) during the winter when I pick up my dd from school, but even then I make sure temp and circulation and safety come first. He prefers to wait there and often he's asleep. I know he know where he is when he wakes and he enjoys that alone time. But then, he's old enough to verbalize that. BTW, she goes to a school with just over 50 kids and I park in a secure space, 20 paces from the door of the building which is an old house, not a traditional school building. I would NOT do that if she went to a public or large school.

A child can die in a car even if its only 70 degrees out if the sun is shining. Next time she attends the group and leaves the baby in the car, tell her that it worries you and that she should bring the baby in even if she's still sleeping.

This is for aure a major accident waiting to happen......unless she left the car running with the AC on & the car locked? I actually do this with my dog - I bring two sets of keys - leave one in the ignition and blast the AC and lock all doors with the window cracked a tiny bit for fresh air if I have to run into a store for a minute. BUT I woud never do this with my child.

I don't think it wil be effective to bring it up to the playgroup. She may not connect the dots, depending on her age etc. My MIL is nearly 80 and half the time she doesn't even pay attention to what I say when I am instructing her on my daughter so she'd never pick up on something so subtle. And if she does get it it comes off as totally passive aggressive. A direct, one on one conversation is the best (albeit most awkward) way. Sooner is better - I agree with the idea of starting with a compliment and having some "data" - instances of children dying or becoming brain damaged wihtin minutes of being left in a car etc to prove to her you aren't making it up.

Good luck, I think you HAVE to do something. And actually the hostess of the playgroup should do as well. The mnore people that say something to her the more likely she will register it.

Well the child could die then this ovewhelmed grandmom would have that to deal with.
Sometimes you have to get involved that babies life could be at stake.
On any day in the summer not to have your windows all the way if someone is still in the car is dangerous.
Tell her you know she busy if she needs a night out or has a dr appt you could watch the kids. This might let her guard down..then you have to let her know how serious this situation is.

You got a lot of respopnses and I didn't read all, so forgive me if I repeat an answer. I wouldn't wait till the next time I see her. I'd call her ASAP. The reason being is if she leaves the baby sleeping in the car at play group what makes you think she doesn't do it anywhere else? Therefore this baby is in immediate danger basically anytime GM takes her out. I would just call her and say I know you have a lot going on taking care of your grand daughter and other responsibilities and I think you might not notice that when you leave the baby in the car it's too hot and the windows aren't open enough. Maybe offer to carry the baby out of the car for her, if that might be a reason she is too heavy or something and have the baby with all of you sleeping or not. I'm sure in CT it is illigal to leave a child in the car, you should find out. Then you can tell her it is also illegal and you don't want her to be in trouble. Depending on how old GM is, in the "olden" days you could leave your child in their carriage outside of the store go shopping and come back out to find your baby as you left it. I'm 44 and my mom used to park me outside in my stroller for fresh air as she popped in and out of our town's stores. Plus we were always left in the car when she went into the post office or somewhere quick. Different times.

Please google some articles about how dangerous this is -maybe if you don't want to say anything, you could leave them tucked under her windshield wipers? I know that sounds cowardly, but I understand not wanting to create a scene. HOWEVER, kids die every year from being left in hot cars, and I read an article yesterday about how even in 70 degree weather, a car with cracked windows can heat up to conditions that will give a baby hypothermia! It's REALLY important that she stop doing this. Also, it's important because as long as she's used to leaving the baby in the car, it ups her chances of accidentally leaving her for a long period and it killing the baby! I think it's Good Housekeeping or Parenting that has an article on this right now. Say something or do something because it could honestly save a kid's life.

Being a grandmother doesn't make someone smart automatically. There is some reason she's raising this child and not his mother and this grandmother must be a big part of that problem. I know I'd take it VERY personally if my 19 year old daughter didn't care properly for her son. Thankfully, she seems to be a wonderful mother. But I will be watching out for anyplace that I failed to teach her.

If the child dies because of this, you would not be thinking about respecting the grandmother. Just tell her already and make sure she gets the point. There must be people that don't understand the dangers because this thing just keeps happening.