Need Sympathy Gift Ideas!

I'm so sorry - but I'm so glad you had the opportunity to know this lovely man. I live on Long Island and if you PM me and tell me where they live I might be able to recommend a place to order food to be delivered to their home.

Another option is to give to a charity or non-profit group he was affilliated with or supported himself. His church maybe? How about the American Heart Association? Did any of his grandchildren have disabilites? We have a close family friend whose granddaughter who was severly disable and when the grandfather died we donated to a foundation that helps kids like his grandchild. We recieved a lovely note from his daughter-in-law thanking us for the gift in her FIL's memory.

As for flowers - after that first week and all the rush of family & relatives, people in from out of town, etc when it all comes to an end the grief really hits - and hits hard. Maybe that's the time to send flowers to his widow's home. A nice floral arrangment - not big - would be a sweet way to let them know they're in your thoughts.

Finally - a note telling them something sweet about Frank. Years ago my co-worker died quickly after being diagnosed with cancer. I wasnto able to go to the funeral or wakes so I wrote a note to her grown kids and told them all the awesome things about their mom from a friend / coworker's perspective. When i ran into the daughter many months later she thanked me and told me ethat the letter was one of her very favorite gifts she had gotten and that she keeps it in her Bible to this day. flowers fade - but a handwritten note is something that can be read, and re-read for eons to come.

I want to say how very, very touched I was by your post. Family isn't just blood, it's affection, and you clearly held this man in great affection.

Your idea of offering maid service, or another service to help with jobs that were "his" as someone noted, is a good one. As you note it's not the time now to ask about it. But please be aware -- doing something like that a month or more down the road is perfectly fine. There is no statute of limitations on expressing your care for the family. Also, it will be a while before the wife realizes how much she needs to do and how much the regular housework will overwhelm her now. So please do not stress yourself over having to arrange something or a gift immediately, this week! The written content of your card, or better, a handwritten letter detailing good times you had with him and why you loved him, would mean so much to the family right now. Do write them. Send them copies of photos of your son with Frank, or other photos you have. They will love this and treasure them.

If he loved one particular cause or place consider a donation in his name. When dear old family friends have died in recent years, old friends of my late mom's, we've given to the ASPCA in the name of one friend who adored animals, and to a local geneaologicial society in the name of one friend who was an accomplished amateur geneaolgist. If the gift is really personal, the amount does not matter; the family will be so touched that you thought to connect your donation with something that really mattered to this dear man -- Did he love his church? A civic organization of which he was a member? A charity in which he was involved? Was there a local park where he walked regularly or a local historic landmark he loved to visit? Think about donating to those.

Your concern here speaks volumes about you as a considering and caring person.

I'm so very sorry for your family's loss.

It is very sweet of you to want to do something meaningful.

I suggest perhaps that you consider contacting a local catering company there with good reviews and set up the food for after the funeral. You can work with your brother on the time and place it is to be delivered. Sandwiches, chips, fruit and veggie plates, a dessert and drinks should do it.

Blessings,

C. Lee

I am very sorry for you and your family's loss.

My suggestion is a bit practical - but in my experience, boring, practical gifts are always appreciated. Was there a household job that was "his?" Perhaps you could find a service to help with that job? I am NOT suggesting that you are looking for a replacement. No, no. But I remember when my grandfather died, my grandmother realized for the first time that she had no idea how to change the oil in the truck or where to go to get it done, and didn't know how to put gasoline in the lawn mower - my grandfather had always been responsible for those chores.

So maybe you could find a lawn service, or a handyman network you could set up an account with, or a trusted mechanic? I love the idea of a cleaning service, too. I'm sure the local family could find someplace reputable? They might even help out with setting up an account - this would be something that might make this difficult time easier for everyone, knowing that she is taken care of, and has some things made things easier, at least in one aspect. My dad and his sisters ran themselves ragged, trying to figure out how to get Grandmother the help she needed.

For something a bit more immediate, write a letter. Write down all of the things you remember about him, and send it to her. She might not open it now, but she might appreciate it later.

And send her flowers, on HIS birthday.

In my opinion do not send plants. I know when someone gets you a plant it is an act of love and I appreciate that. But my Mom died 15 months ago and my uncle and cousins got me a peace lily, beautiful plant. But everytime I look at it all I see is my Mom lying in her casket.

Instead I would check out local restaurants on Long Island and see if you can buy an e-gift certificate and if they deliver. Even having a local grocery store deli make up a tray of sandwiches and adding some salads and a desert or a veggie tray or fruit tray, I heard the East coast is supposed to get cold over the weekend and next week so some nice hot soup might work too, you should be able to pay by credit card over the phone.

Lastly I am soo sorry for the loss in your family.

How sad. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I've lost two close family members and I've had to plan two funerals and it sucks. So I would say this...either go to the funeral and make yourself useful b/c there will things for you to do as long as you are assertive and a tiny bit pushy. :)

Or, wait at least a week or two and start sending things like meals and cleaning services. You have to sort of just do something. She will need things and she may ask for help but there's only so much you can ask for. I think the ham thing sounds awesome and she can always freeze part of all of it if necessary. Also consider sending some food to the daughters. They will also likely be stressed, sad, and involved in helping their mother clean, etc. So their own families may take a back seat and they may appreciate some easy meals. Even if you send a few gift cards for restaurants or something in the mail, that would be nice.

For the wife and daughters I agree that a card with a personal note saying how much he meant to you is worth more than anything else. When I lost my dad that was the most special thing to me was to know how he touched others that I didn't know or memories from his cousins, etc.

Finally, and I think this is the most important...never ever stop talking about him or bringing him up. Never feel like you shouldn't mention it because you don't want to make them sad, etc. Trust me, they will be thinking about him more than you can imagine and they will missing him and mourning events that haven't even happened yet because of his loss. For the first few months (maybe even all year for this first year), a quick text or phone call on the anniversary of his death can mean a lot. At a year, and every subsequent year there after, do the same thing. I have found that most people when they lose someone want to talk about that person a lot but other people feel uncomfortable with it.

I second the note or letter. It's almost better than being there. When they are missing him or just down, they can pull out that letter and prove to themselves again that everyone's life matters. That it's worth the trudge.
Have your own son write a sentence. It will be a treasure.

Oh boy. Sounds like quite a loss.
Flowers for funeral, cards to each family, share your fondest memories if heir husband/father etc. VERY meaningful.
Honey baked Ham delivery stuff is awesome. Definitely don't hesitate to use them!
If you still want to do more, what about an angel throw for your bro's MIL? It would be something she could have & hold.
Or bibles for the families?
Sorry for your loss. :(

i didn't read all the answers you have gotten but my first thought was to pay for several dinners delivered to the house for the family. you can go on line and look up places that deliver around them and call the place and charge it to your card but deliver it to you brother's home!! having a meal planned and delivered is a big help especially when you have small children and trying to take care of others!!!

Sadly, there isn't much more you can do. This is something your BIL has to manage on his own. Grief is lonely, no matter how crowded the room is.

I would suggest that you write your BIL a letter. Tell him how you felt about his Dad and how you feel about him and your SIL and the family. Let him know he is in your thoughts and, if you pray, your prayers. Sending him love makes a big difference, but honestly I don't believe there is much else for you to do!