Need Support from Moms with Big Families

Don't worry about being an "older" mom -- I was 37 with my first and 39 with my last. It's not as bad as you might think ;) Congratulations.

S.! Congratulations on baby number 3, child number 4! You will love it.

You're just like me! I had one step-son then launched into serial pregnancy. I freaked out and felt like I'd never NOT smell like old breast milk again! I had three under five just as my step-son hit the Hell-on-wheels portion of puberty! And - this is the kicker - here I am, alive and better for it.

Now, listen, I'm going to be honest. A lot of the golden gleam to these years may come through the power of retrospect, but there are a LOT of golden moments that you will notice straight away, as well. Four gives you a degree of fun that you just can't have with three. I know that because - obviously - I had three before I had four. Honestly, four is way better.

Four balances out the numbers. Four means that two and two can play, there's never an odd one out. (And since the odd one out always ends up on Mom's hip, back or breast, this is a good thing.) Four means you might have time to shower again, but quickly. Four means an extra mouth to tattle on the one who's climbing the china cabinet. Four means you have enough kids to play Red Rover without it feeling lame.

Four means that no one is lonely. Everyone learns how to share, how to look out for each other, how to feel compassion, how to nurture and comfort each other and be a team. Four means that when the movie is funny you have intoxicating child-chortles in stereo, around you and through you, and it will fill you up.

Four means that three of them will crawl out of bed at 4 a.m. and when you walk into their rooms in the morning you will find them nested, like kittens, all in one bed. (Once I found mine in the closet.)

Four means that one can zip all three others into Daddy's giant suitcase for the Wednesday afternoon circus performance. Four means there's always one outside the suitcase to let Mommy know the zipper's stuck. (Always buy breathable luggage!)

Four means eight extra hands to dig for change in the sofa and van-seats when you're out of milk AND out of paycheck. Four means that three will play patty-cake adorably when you push the stroller to the store because you're out of gas - and the fourth will be busting with pride to be Mommy's helper. It means that all that walking with all that weight will give you the hottest set of legs you ever had. Four means that giving "Trot trot to Boston" rides on your knee qualifies as a full cardio workout.

Four means that in a few short years they will be in the same school on the same playground. Four means that even when two are home sick, two are at school and that neither of them is truly alone. Four means bullies are GOIN' DOWN.

Four means that when each has a friend over it's actually a party. Four means that the good days are ALWAYS a party.

Four means that the bad days will test your mettle and forge you into the powerful, life-changing, dynamic woman you are destined to become. Four means that when your grandchildren arrive and your own babies look at you, terrified - tears in their eyes and holes in their confidence - you will look into their hearts and pull from them precisely that piece of courage they forgot they had - that enduring strength which they have because you gave it to them.

Four means that when they call you at 4 a.m. panicked because their children are missing, you will ask calmly if they are nested like kittens in the closet. And you'll laugh together, dreamy, remembering how wonderful it was when you had Four.

You can do this. You don't know it yet, but this is your birth, too. A new You is coming into this world. She is magnificent. She is indomitable. She is the single greatest hero her children will ever know. She will surprise you daily with her feats of endurance and grace. And in 14 years when you look back you will laugh from a place so deep and so true - a place you never knew how to find until you'd had Four. When you get there, look for me. I'll buy you a coffee. :-)

Lots of love, D.

I have a gigantic extended family and I'll say this...even when we aren't together or haven't talked in a while, we are the BEST support system for each other.

I have ONE son and can't wait to have more, but alas my focus is on the one I do get to have. I think times are tough no matter how many kids you have. Plan out a budget, get a grocery list together and estimate added cost, find ways to pinch pennies now and make the most of the new addition!

Just know that your heart is capable of amazing things and that EVERYTHING happens for a reason!

Good Luck.

Look at it this way - do you ever avoid meeting a new friend, because you think, "I love the friends I have. How can I stretch that love to another friend, especially one I wasn't planning on?" Chances are, you don't. Love is not something that you have in a set amount, and will run out of some day. It doesn't just stretch, it GROWS.

We have 4 kids and 1 income. We've been foster parents 3 times (and trust me, the stipend for foster parents wouldn't even cover all the needed groceries, much less anything else.) We've discovered that there's a reason you hear the phrase, "The more, the merier." The times we've had the most bickering and the most frustration have been when there's only 2 kids in the house - when all we had was 2, and now that we're down to the last 2. When there's more kids in the house, each child can always find someone who wants to play what they do. If one, or two, or even 3 aren't interested, quite often another one is! There are more hands to make messes, true, but there's more hands to pitch in - to clean up, take a turn cooking, tend the pets, tend the younger kids.

My older two are grown and out on their own, and they make time (without being asked!) to come pick up the younger ones (our "baby" is 10) and take them to the movies or lunch or just over to play with the dog.

My mom was 36 (and my dad was 56) when I was born. Yes, I'm the baby. :) (There are 4 of us, too.) Sure, my parents were tired, but when they had to do the labor intensive stuff - potty training, teaching me to drive - the older kids could help out. I adore my older siblings. :) Plus, when I was the last one left at home, they could agfford all kinds of things for me that they couldn't afford when they, and we, were younger.

Yes, there will be bickering and jealousy. That's because people are human. Only children bicker and feel jealous, too.

As far as money, we never had enough when I was a kid, and things are tight with my own. That's OK! Nobody ever can afford everything they want, no matter how wealthy they are. That's part of being human. We want to teach our kids values as well as budgeting. So, we decide where we can cut costs, and what we want to splurge on. We are perfectly happy buying second hand clothes and furniture and driving older cars. Our splurges are things like vacations and summer camp, because we think they're important! Other families we know are willing to skip vacations in order to have a newer house or fancier clothes. You'll figure out what's right for you.

Don't worry. Your family will be fine, and so will you. :)

i only have two kids But... my sister is in your same boat she is 35 and she is now pregnant with her 4th child.. Her kids we not to happy in the beginning (ages 15, 10, and 6) the teenager was worried about money and time and her being older. but after the first trimester now being over they are all excited, what love you think you lack comes rushing back, and they will have sibling love like none of the other children had. the money you are stressing about is met by giving up things maybe only eating out once a month and not buying name brand cereal. And if you are lucky too your family will always help you were you need it. Being an older mom doesn't mean your older than the other moms is means you have been through all the trials already and are more prepared and calmer You have so many answers this time you'll be in awe of your self. as for the c-section, i think you'll need to talk to your dr. but i think 3 is all they recommend so you should be fine if anything you may need a little more time this time to heal. but the good part is that your kids will be able to help you... Good luck and congrats. I'm always shocked when i hear my sisters kids fighting of all things over who gets to change diapers more.. and who gets to hold the new baby when it comes

S.,

I raised 5 kids in the 80s, when things were very tough, especially because my husband was active duty Navy, and military pay was very bad! Let me assure you that it can be done, just trust your self, your good husband, and your God.
Strange as it may seem, there is always enough, and more, love for each new child in the family. Congratulations on this one, at this stage in your life!

I, too, had 3 c-sections, the last 2 were 17 months apart (not good), and I was into my 30s for the last one. It isn't as easy as when you are younger, but your body will handle it!

Now is a scary time, before everything happens, but all will be fine. Once again, trust yourself, you are obviously a loving mom, you can do this. You may want to look into a home business to help out financially. There are lots of them out there. I am part of the Womens Dream Team, and we work on line, and there is a great opportunity there. Check my site if you are interested.

Best of luck. I'm willing to chat if you need more support.

A.
www.ACWomensSuccess.com

I unexpectedly became pregnant with my third and gave birth at 35. I was definitely more tired with this pregnancy than my previous 2 - but it all went fine. The other two were great help with the new baby. She's now 6 and all is great. It'll all work out. Quit worrying about something you can't change. Enjoy the moment and cherish it. God Bless.

Congratulations! I was 38 when I had my son. I worry a lot about various things, but I have found that praying helps with worries like you are having. Best of luck. Pray and try to spend 1:1 time with all your children and your stepchild. They may need reassurance that you will still continue to be there for them.

Dear S.,
You really are not an "older" mom. Many people have children after 40 years today...My niece just had her fourth and she is 40. I only had three....all boys and very rambunctious too!
You will just have to get organized while you wait for the baby. Much depends on how old the others are. If any are in school, make sure you do the housework, wash, etc while the littler ones are napping. That allows you to have time for helping with homework. A schedule is good for all the children. Employ them as helpers. Mine set the table by 4 years and helped prepare the meal with me by 6 years. They all helped pick up toys and put them on the shelves or in a toy box when done playing. Also set a schedule so the little ones go to bed before the older ones. It gives you time to spend with the older ones.

You certainly will love another baby! I wasn't sure I wanted my last one, but he has been a total blessing. Your love expands to fit all the children God give to you!

Handmedowns are fine for babies...people seem to think they need a lot more than they really do for babies. I purchased most of my first sons clothing a a thrift store because we were on a very tight budget. My children always use handmedowns if they were still in nice shape. If you belong to a church or have friends with children older than yourself, they usually very willing to share the clothes the youngest has outgrown. Although cloth diapers are more work, I used them and they were a lot cheaper. As far a clothing, most people have far more than they need.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, banana and peanut butter sandwiches, hotdog, macaroni and cheese, hamberger helper stretch the dollars for food. Make sure you also buy things on specials...fruits, etc. Freezers are great for meat on sale too. Make two casseroles at once and freeze one to bake later...takes lot less time in the end and makes a nice supper when you are really busy.

It would be nice if you would be able to have your mom, sister, or a friend come over the first week or two to help because of the C-section. I really appreciated having my mom at that time because she entertained the older ones.

I wish you God's blessing on you new gift. All children are a gift from God and the new one will certainly fit in fine, just will take a little more planning. I am sure that after you have the baby you will find it easier after a few months and things will settle into a routine:)
H.

Just a quick note of encouragement. I can't imagine life without 4 kids! There is something magical about that number. There will be plenty of love to go around as you will have 3 other children helping you love that precious baby too. Our 4 are adopted, and we have never had much money to make things easier, but there are so many fun ways that are very inexpensive, to surround them with love and traditions. Be creative, and ask the children to help you. Two of my daughters learned to sew, and so when the youngest grows out of things, they use the material to sew doll clothes, pillows, pillow cases, etc. That saves on quite a few things. Feed them well, hug them lots, and celebrate each other!

Hi, S.. Congratulations on the pregnancy! My dad told me once that the cost of kids goes down proportionately with each additional child. This is true. You use hand-me-downs, know what you actually need/use, etc. As for being "older": well, you may get tired, but you're wiser and more experienced and you appreciate the little things and each blessing more. I am so excited for you!
My husband I together have 9 kids, five of which are at home full time. They are now 7,8, 9, 13, 13, 16, 17, 20, 21. They are each other's biggest hecklers, supporters, friends.
My parents had 4 kids and told me once that the only thing they regretted is not having more. I thought that was the nicest, truest sentiment. We have a houseful and, while we struggle a bit, God provides and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Congratulations!

Just enjoy it all. Love multiplies and you will all be happy if you see the positive side. . and 37 isn't all that old and is certainly better than being a teen. Be yourself...
B. v. O.

You might want to check out MOMYS.com. (Mothers Of Many Young Syblings) It is a Christian moms group for moms with larger families. To be a full memeber you need to have 4 or more children in an 8 year time span but there are many who are unofficial momys with less children. It is a great place to ask questions and get advice.

I just had my 6th baby at age 38 eight months ago. It's been great! I never would have thought that 5 years ago, but God has really changed my heart and has provided everything I've needed. It's completely amazed me. Pray for strength, guidance, and faith to trust him for this next season. Children are a reward from the Lord!

Oh my gosh -- imagine being 39 and discovering you're pregnant (surprise) with twins (surprise again) after you've already had two kids. The biggest moment of hyperventilation? Picking up the twin car seats and looking in the rear view mirror and seeing FOUR car seats. That'll send you into a tizzy! The good news is that the first child is a huge adjustment, the second is more than twice the work, and after that, it's all logistics. In other words, three is not that different from four! You'll be fine. As for money, kids need attention, not stuff. You have hand-me-downs, and breastfeeding is free. Strollers are just useful for carrying your gear, and since you have older kids, use them as Sherpas! (okay, I'm joking on that last one, but you get the point.)
We moved to a much smaller house, and we are happy as very cramped clams. Four IS a lot, but you're getting them one at a time, so it's doable. Just announce that you won't be "accomplishing" anything else for the next year, other than feeding, chauffering and caring for kids. Make sure you get a shower every day, and everything else will be a plus! Good luck -- I'm 43 and have an 11, 8 and 3.5 year old twins. They keep me in shape and young!

Hi S., I have seven children, the oldest thirty-six, the youngest ten. I was worried about have so many children and the finances associated with them. I have found that everything works out fine and I did not need to worry. They love to eat so the food bill is larger than most I guess. I have three still at home and the average cost for food is around four hundred a month. They never need new shoes at the same time, so that exspense does not hit all at once. I try to set back enough to make sure I can buy the clothes needed for the change of season. Thoughts are always bigger than the actual. Don't worry, things have a way of working it's self out and kids are wonderful. I think that when the last of my children are out on their own, the house will be to quiet, I will not have enough to do, days will appear lonely. Children are a blessing in ones life and the more kids, the more blessing you feel. Don't get me wrong though, there are days that are crazy, without peace and you want to scream, but, the blessings far out way to hetic days that are normal in life.Congratulations on your pregnancy and you have love that has not even began to flow. the supply is never ending.

WOW, you will do great!!! Love is the one emotion that expands as needed. In fact, the biger you get the bigger your love will grow. Find out if you really need to have a C section. Too many people have them and don't need them. Turn your face and fears to God, the money will stretch, the love will be there and you will be wonderful!!

First of all, you need to relax. I am a mother of 3 beautiful girls. I had a c-section at 20 years old, a c-section at 36 and the last one at 37 years. The last 2 were definitely harder but, well worth the wait. I raised the oldest as a single mom, I finally found the love of my life and that is when we had the last 2. You will do what needs to be done and miraculously if you do not know how things will get done, a way will be opened up and it will all be okay. I was the only one working when I was pregnant the last 2 times. I was working in a school as a sign language interpreter, not making much. There were times where it came to having gas for the car and diapers for the babies and food for us. Well, gas and diapers won out. Gas was so I could get to work. My husband has now been blessed with a great paying job and I am able to stay home with the girls. My girls are now 17 years old, 21 months and 10 months. So, it was not that long ago that I was in your shoes. I was worried also, but, things just seem to work out how they are supposed to and the right way for you. Best of Luck!
K.
____@____.com
If you would like to talk more.

Hi S., I have had 3 kids, if you can raise and love 3 kids, I believe you can raise and love four kids, I think at the moment you are just feeling a little over whelmed. If you kept everything from your other children, crib, blankets, clothes ect. that's an area you don't have to worry so much about, if you didn't, go to yard sales, this more than likely will be your last baby, so make the best of it, yard sales can save you a lot of money, also have a couple people throw you a baby shower. As far as formula and baby food, you can get WIC. As far as c-section goes, I've never had one, so I don't know much about those, but medical proceedures have come a long way, and you can let your doctor know about all your concerns. You didn't mention the ages of your other 3 children, depending on their ages you may have a lot of help with this baby, at 37 you may tire easiaer, recovering may take a little longer than when you were younger, hey more time for your huband and children to pamper you. I was 32 when I had my third child, and I would have loved to have had a fourth, another girl, I have 2 sons ages 25 and 22, and I have a daughter who will be 20 in May, all 3 were planned, a baby that was not planned, is a bonus baby from God, I think you just need help thinking more positive, family is such a blessing, and 4 kids is not really considered a large family, five kids, six kids, I have a friend who has 7, those are large family's. I hope this has helped you, if you would like to chat more you can e-mail me at ____@____.com, or just use mamasource, what ever you feel more comfortable doing. J. L.

S., I think the feelings you have are normal! I have 4 children (16,13,3,1.5) and a step-daughter, (15) and some days I am very overwhelmed, but rest assured, I know it is normal. You will have enough love for this baby, especially if it is your last and the other children will take part in raising him/her. Financially, well that is a tough one, you will do what you have to do to make ends meet. I stay at home and work part-time from home, my husband works fulltime and doesn't want me to work outside the home until the little ones are both in school. I have never had a C-section so I cannot help you there, except to tell your OB how you are feeling and hopefully he/she will have some encouraging words for you.

Best of luck,
M.

Hi S.,

I know you have concerns but they will fade away the moment you see your child's face!

I wouldn't waste a moment being concerned about being "older". In fact, in some of the mom's groups around here you'd be one of the younger moms! (I have a eight month old and am turning 41 this month) : )

If you want a little encouragement I'd recommend spending some time on the Above Rubies website: http://rubies.articledirectoree.com/ There are some articles there written by women with really big families (One has 11 children!). The information from Above Rubies has really helped me to approach motherhood from a place of strength and joy.

Give yourself some time, put your trust in God, surround yourself with positive people and ideas and I'm confident that you will overcome your present concerns.

Congratulations!

Love,
S.

The only part I can reassure you with is your age. I had my first child at 39 and my second at 42. I've survived. They are 12 and 9 now. You may not have as much energy but you will probably have more patience and definitly more experience. Don't worry.

I'm 37, trying for number 3 and will have to have a 3rd c-section. It's easy to get caught up in the what if's. Don't do it to yourself. If this is your last pregnancy - enjoy it. Things will all work out. Besides, 37 is the new 27, right? wink wink (-:

We were going to put on hold having a 3rd due to the econimic times, however, I'm not getting any younger! So, if it's going to happen, hopefully it will happen before I turn 38, at least that is what I am hoping for. As long as baby is healthy and all - the first few years have minimal expense when you've had prior babies. For us, we've got clothing, baby gear, I breastfeed and cloth diaper - so really - no expenses, aside from copay's at the wellness visits and the occasional Target (I really don't need it but it's so cute and on sale purchase!)

It WILL work out!
M.

Hi S., I was 38 (3 months from 39) when I had my 4th baby. My oldest is a 15 year old girl, soon to be 16. The second child is a 7 year old princess. The 3rd child was a boy. Get this....my two boys, the 3rd and 4th, are only 14 months apart. So, it goes 15, 7, 4, and 3 years old.

S., I won't lie, at times you will wanna just scream your head off, but you won't. Because you are gonna relax and take a deep breath.

ENJOY ! ENJOY ! ENJOY ! ENJOY !

There is never a dull moment in this household, BUT i LOVE everything about it.

You can do it ! I always give each child "special time " from simply reading a book with the baby or watching CSI late at night with my oldest.

LIVE EACH DAY TO YOUR FULLEST !! ALWAYS !

P.S. Enjoy your bathroom time, that will be YOUR TIME ;-)

Hi I was worried just like you. I already had 2 children when I found out I was pregnant with twins. I wondered how we would have enough time for all our kids and how we would make ends meet and how the older kids would adjust to the babies. Yes, life can be hectic at times but I love it! I can't imagine my life with out the kids. After the first few months of sleepless nights and my older kids adjusting to the babies, things got much easier. We make a few sacrifices to make ends meet. But I believe everything worked out for the best. I have 4 boys who are now 7, 4 and the twins are almost 10 months old. Enjoy every moment with your family. And congratulations your pregnancy!

Well I would first like to say congrats on the new baby...All these concerns are normal...everyone goes throught them. I would like to say a few things. God only gives us what we can handle..I am sure you will do fine. Also it takes a VERY strong woman to raise children that aren't hers (step-Children) it is not an easy task. I have a feeling you will be just fine. And, is anyone ever really financially ready for any child? Times are tough but keep faith in God that he will take care of you and your family and give all of your children including the new baby all of your love. A mom's heart is a huge thing, your love will always be enough for even 50 more children...be blessed.