Need Some Major Advice-thanks in Advance

I have been in your EXACT shoes before. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do I assure you but you have to tell him. The worst thing you can do is let it come from someone else. My husband and I were going through some rough patches, we had a family very young and were somewhat growing apart. I knew it would crush him but I also knew that our relationship would never grow if I was not honest. I did that because there was something lacking in our relationship. In order to fix it, you have to communicate. Our relationship was a struggle for a while after that but it became much stronger. The two of you did not get married because you "llike" each other. You are married because you "love" each other - through the good and bad. He should respect that you came to him but understand too that you have a long road ahead of you to earn the trust back. You will get through this.. but one thing I will say is the absolute KEY to a marriage is communication. You wont always want to hear what the other has to say but if you respect each others feelings, and (dont just hear them) listen to what they are saying and work together to make things better..you will have one of the greatest relationships every. It's scary, believe me I know.. but TRUST me, you want this to come from you.

He needs to hear about this from you. Men are funny in the sense that he would probably be able to forgive a sexual relationship more easily than an emotional one (research is interesting on this), so be careful how you phrase things.

Only you know the content of those emails. If they were overtly sexual or implied the possibility of sex, you need to be honest about that. If you openly discussed your marital problems, you need to tell him that too. Essentially, you brought a third person into the relationship and your husband needs to know the whole truth.

If he respects you, (different than trust) he will not discuss this with the family member who attempts to confront him. He will simply say "I am aware of it and we're working through it" and actively avoid inviting a fourth person into the dynamic.

Trust is earned, but it needs to be sustainable. Continue to work on your communication, spend time together, but don't try to change yourself. He loves you for who you are and you don't need to change you- just be yourself and see what happens.

Good luck.

What is the content of the e-mails? If they could be interpreted as between friends, then you could consider telling DH that you were feeling lonely and looking for a closer friendship but you thought it through and decided it could turn into more and you dropped it before that happened. If the e-mails say more, I don't know what you should do. Honesty might still be the best idea, especially as you and DH both recognized problems at the time. Where do the emails exist? Do you believe your friend shared them (some friend) or could they be deleted at this point?

I agree with the idea of taking away the power by telling your husband first--then *poof* no more blackmail potential.

Get to your husband first with the truth before your family member tells it in a way different manner than you want. That is what would bring the worst pain.

If you are on better terms with your husband, it should go fine since you made it thru this far in your marriage. If it does not, you SHOULD expect him to have negative reactions toward it as a consequence. Give him time to digest it when he hears it. Work on building back his trust and don't over do it by kissing up doing extra, just be yourself and do what he feels would bring back the trust...i.e, if he feels you should NEVER go out again with those friends, then do just that, etc.

Hope for the best!

I agree with the others, tell him NOW. He will go through a grieving process, but the fact that you stopped it on your own, have proof it didn't continue, and it ended when you found out you were pregnant is going to help you a lot. Good Luck. Please update and let us know how it goes. Be properly remorseful, too.

You need to talk to your husband as openly and honestly as you can about it before someone with a grudge against you does. If the whole thing went down like you said & there was nothing physical then the ex-friend will have nothing like that to report to your husband.

As for will he ever trust you again, nobody can answer that. You've got a long road ahead of you I would guess so be ready for it, but if you go into it openly & honestly & with good intentions, all should be well.

You should tell your husband before he finds out from someone else. I'm not sure how all these other people know about it. It sounds like this person you had an emotinal affair with is a blabbermouth and should not be trusted. When you come clean, be prepared to have no further association with that person again.

Tell your hubs first. If you were going through a bad patch, I'm assuming he was as well. Tell him it was all emotional, never physical and you stopped it dead in it's tracks. Depending on your hubs he could be hurt or ok, maybe he did something simialr and will confess as well and you can forgive him too. Then tell thet family friend, go ahead tell him, he knows and it will only make you look like the vendictive a**hole you are. Best of luck and be strong.

Who still has these old emails? You or the friend you had the emotional affair with or his friends (your ex-friends)? If it's your friend, can't you just ask him to delele them all? If it's the ex-friends, why do they have the emails? And why are they threatening to tell?
My first step, would be to try to get rid of the emails somehow. I suggest this not out of sneakiness, but to spare your husband pain.
If that's impossible, you'll have to tell your husband. It better he hears it from you than from anyone else.
Good luck!