Need Some Advise Fellow Stay at Home Mama's

I always got up before the kids so I could get a shower. If they got up first I sat them in little bouncy chairs in the bathroom so I could get my shower.

I hated it when they got up first - it felt like I had to be "ON" from the moment I opened my eyes... now my kids are 4 and 5 and thye can just watch TV while I take a shower.. so it was really just a couple of years that it was a problem.

no my house is a mess. I take the kids somewhere almost everyday. It is as much for me as for them. I cant stay home. I go crazy.

I get up 10-30 minutes before the kids (somtimes they wake up when they hear me) and I shower then. As the day goes on I try to do little things between stuff with the kids and going to the gym (when I can squeeze it in)

I look at it like this: They are only little once. Just because you don't have a 'real job' doesn't mean you will have more time to scrub with a toothbrush or even vacuum everyday. Do what you can when you can and let things slide occasionally. When they are in high school/college you can start keeping a spotless home.

I have 3 boys-8, 3 and 1. There is never a moment when I think "boy, my house is clean" but there are many moments when I think "aww, that game was fun" or "my boys are enjoying their time with me and each other"

I type this as my 1yo takes a nap and my 3yo dumps the toy bin in the living room all over the place!

Well your HUSBAND has to help too.
It doesn't matter if you are a SAHM or not... it is HIS kids too, and HIS home too. Which makes him responsible for helping too.
That is what a family, is.
It is not gender related.
The only thing your Husband cannot do is breastfeed.

AND he should be giving you time for yourself TOO. If he wants a "happy" Wife.
Nurturing his Wife, is HIS responsibility too.
His Wife, is not a 24-hour, maid and waitress and babysitter.
Taking care of his wife and making sure SHE has help and time to herself, is necessary. That is the "role" of a Husband too.

I am a SAHM.
To the best of his ability or tolerance, my Husband knows this. He helps the best he can or tries. He has lazy days too and irritating busy days too... but If I call him out on it and need help, he helps. He also spends time with our kids. Takes them out. He is busy, he works and goes to school. BUT he KNOWS, he is a Dad and Husband... and so that means HE has to be a PARTICIPANT In all of this too. His family.

Your Husband, should be helping. It is not a choice. It is a mandatory thing... since he is married, has a Wife and kids and a home. That is HIS role.

You should be able to take a shower.
Basic human needs.

IF my Husband told ME... that I need to wake up at 5:00am to get things done... I would be PISSED!
I would not tolerate that, at all.

Again, I am a SAHM... BUT I am not one of those SAHM's that believes the woman/wife/mom, does it all. I believe, that the husband has to help too.... BECAUSE, he is a family member too. And, I am not a 24-hour maid or babysitter. It is HIS home too, his kids, his family, his Wife. HE needs to take care of all of that too. Even if he works at an office and I don't.
ALL Spouses, has to be a PARTICIPANT in the family.
AND he has to realize... that every human, needs 'me' time too. Especially a Mom who is toiling every day, 24 hours a day, and does not get paid 'vacations' or weekends or holidays, off. Like a working person.
AND the KIDS... needs to do chores too... and learn to be a part of the family too. Not that Mommy does everything. Kids need to learn, independence too, and the role of 'helping' their family.

all the best,
Susan

Are you serious about him telling you to get up at 500am??? I would recommend throwing the alarm clock at him...

My favorite part of the day when the babies were that small is when they would toddle down the hall and climb into bed with me for cuddle time or nursing or just talking about our dreams last night.....then we would saunter upstairs for breakfast.

A lot of women love: "The FlyLady" she has lots of daily tips on how to stay on top of the clutter and cleanliness....

But here's my real 2 cents...when I was working full time, I used to dream of the perfectly clean house if I could just stay home....it was a fantasy. The house is much more lived in now versus then. When I was working we were all out of the house and it stayed just the way we left it. Now that I'm home and using all parts of the house...it's very lived in and we are here all the time and unless you are super uncluttered and have a designated place for everything...the house looks loved and lived in all the time no matter how hard I try....there's back packs, and sports bags, and school projects on the dining room table, and the costume preparations for the school play, and music books all over the piano....and the kitchen??? something is always cooking....

So, just love you kids and your life and check out Fly Lady....

.

I know for me getting my kids involved with keeping things cleaned and organized helped a lot. I too sleep until my kids get up, I shower at night so I get it in. It was the hardest when my kids were little like yours are, but you will make it. I am expecting #3 in August and not looking forward to the changes of having a new baby. I know it will be hard again. I tried to do some cleaning when my kids were napping too.

I created a toy closet. All of the kids toys go in there in rubbermaid tubs according to what they are, examples: trains, blocks, playdoh, coloring, little people, cars, barbies, ect. My kids know that they can only have 1 tub each out at a time and if they want another one they must clean up or help me if they were too little to do it by themselves before they can get a different type of toy out. This helps with not having a big mess of toys at the end of the day and teaches them to be responsible for their toys.

Both kids age 5 & 3 help me sort clean laundry to be folded. I pile them according to each persons clothes and fold all of one persons things and then they help put things away. My 5 year old puts all of her own clothes away and my 3 year old does his socks and underwear, and daddy's socks, since those are easy for him and he can't mess them up.

Before dinner each night I call both kids and assign jobs to clean up any remaining clutter. Both kids take stuff to their rooms, put shoes away, straighten pillows on the couch. I give them a job and they do it the come back for another one until the house is in order again.

Okay, so I had three kids ages 4, 2 and brand new years ago and I agree with your husband, get up early if you want that shower. Otherwise take it the night before. Personally I still get up before everyone and have my quiet morning time. The only chores I do with this personal time is make coffee (if I forgot to set it up the night before) and feed the cats b/c they will drive me nuts if I don't. That's it. The rest of the time is for me to drink my coffee in peace and read the paper, email or whatever. I agree with the designated chores. If you cook dinner, hubby cleans up afterward. Your 6 yo can set the table and help daddy take out the trash (have her do the bathroom trash) I agree with Kristina on having a 10 minute cleanup every hour. Have the kids do their clean up right before lunch (I know a bit difficult with the really little ones but make a game out of it.) I sweep and mop during nap time. Otherwise they tromp all through it. With young kids it's really really hard to keep everything the way it needs to be but you can have it under control at least. Remember some day the kids will be grown and the mess will be gone. Enjoy the time you have now with your kids and clean later!

Oh my. Your babies are still very young, so don’t feel bad. I am a new stay at home myself. I have a 2 year old and a 4 yo with autism. Our days are very stressful in general but it has helped IMMENSLY that we decluttered and simplified considerably. We are also striving to live waste free so we’ve changed our eating habits (for the better) so that there is no waste. It’s amazing, very easy and no clean up necessary (except for the dishes). My hubby takes out the trash and washes dishes. I never have to ask him because those are his only two jobs. He feels this is fair and I feel it’s fair for me to do everything else. We got rid of a lot of “dust collectors”, things that I had to spend time cleaning or maintaining that were not really necessary. We got rid of a lot of rugs and furniture and I LOVE it because I don’t have to waste time shaking the rugs out or dusting end tables, bookshelves with knickknacks, etc. In addition, we got rid of a hoard of clothes. The kids now only have 10 out fits and 2 pairs of shoes each. I only have 14 outfits myself. This has helped tremendously with the time I was devoting to laundry. I also got rid of most of my makeup. I now only keep a powder foundation, blush, eyelash curler and mascara. I am in an out of the shower in 10minutes, makeup is another 10 and I’m ready for the day! Oh, I’ve also got a good hair cut that only requires a quick brush through. I love it! :)

Here is our daily schedule. I do get up early enough to work out, shower and have breakfast ready before kids and hubby wake up. My mama & grandma always had breakfast waiting for me when I woke up so it’s just something that I feel I need to do for my own family. However, if you are still nursing, I wouldn’t recommend a schedule until your youngest is at least 1yo.

7:30am: Breakfast
8:00am: Sesame Street (I use this time to clean)
9:00am: Circle-time: calendar, weather, color of the day, story-time, sing songs
10:00am: Snack time & (letters) flashcards
10:30am: Crafts/Art/Sensory activities & clean-up
11:30am: FREE PLAY (I use this time to cook lunch)
12:00pm Wash-up and prepare for lunch
12:15pm: Lunch time - followed by singing & flash cards (animals) while seated at the table
1:15pm: Wash-up, brush teeth and prepare for quiet time
1:30pm: Nap-time/Quiet time. (I REST during this time. Kick up my heels & watch some LMN and nibble on some chocolate covered almonds – which we buy in bulk in homemade cloth sacks and transfer to glass jars when we get home. ZERO waste!)
3:00pm: Snack time & (numbers) flashcards
3:30pm: Story time (my babies love books! We bring books home from the library every weekend so we don’t have to be driving around during the week.)
4:00pm: FREE PLAY (Cleaning time for me)
4:30pm: Music time! Kid friendly/age appropriate instruments, dancing and singing
5:00pm: PARK or Water Time!!
6:00pm: Cook and dinner
7:30pm: Bath time, read, brush teeth
8:30pm: Lights out for kids! Wine for me! lol We trained our babies to sleep in their own rooms in their own beds, so this has helped a lot too!

During the week I have specific nights that I do certain chores. IE: Monday = Clean kids’ bathroom. Tuesday = Laundry, Wednesday = Grocery Shopping, Thursday = Clean master bathroom, Friday = RELAX!, Saturday we don’t keep a schedule and the kids are usually in their PJs until noon time. heh. I use this day for misc chores and they get to watch Redbox movies since I have them on a tight schedule during the week. Sunday is our family day. We drop all to spend the day together. :)

I do run a tight ship but it works for us. I am able to get down with them on their level and play, interact and teach them (they are learning to speak & read Navajo). Plus, they know what to expect, I know what to expect and my hubby can do what he needs to do to keep the bacon in the fridge and take care of the dishes & trash when he can so I can continue to cook and keep the kitchen clean.

Don't be down on yourself. What I do is pick 1 room of the house a day to clean, then I spend time playing with my kids. I do laundry as I go as it can be running while you are doing other things. Don't get down on yourself for not getting something done. You have kids and it shows that you enjoy your kids. Only time I do a real good cleaning is when my hubby is home to help and it is usually when we have a party or something. I got my shower when my kids napped when they were younger like that. Baby proofing can be done as you go along as well. slip a cover on an outlet as you pass by and do one room that is big and put a gate, then do the rest while your kids are in the gated room.

Just don't beat yourself up about the way the house looks. I mean with 2 kids I have a hard time getting my house clean. You have 3 wonderful kids and so it is more important to love and play with them. They will never forget the times you played with them instead of doing a chore. You are not a bad Mom or Wife because things don't get done. It means the people in your life are more important to you then the things.

D. P.

My trick to cleaning house is every hour I take 10 min out to clean up. I am not a clean as I go person or pick up right after myslef ... I have found that when I take 10min out of every hour to clean up I do not feel that I have only cleaned house all day.

Yes, you do need to teach your kids to pick up after themselves, you are not a maid. Setting a schedule as if you were at work helps but allow yourself flexibility or you will give up on it real quick. As for the up at 5 uhhh.....mine are a bit older now but they are out of bed before me, I am awake but seldom out of bed first. The fact of the matter is you could have the house spotless before they get up but the 1 year old is going to wake up and destroy it all with in 10 minutes time. Husbands have a hard time understanding that. If HE needs it clean at 5 am, he is a big boy and can handle that himself. It took mine a day home alone with our now 2 1/2 year old to understand. She walked into the kitchen, picked up some obscure thing and then went into the living room and played with it for a bit, then she put it down for something else and walked down the hall with it, and the scenario just kept repeating. Shortly there after he installed the baby gates that I had been asking him for for months. (I am always up before the 2 year old, she is a gooooood sleeper.) I try to keep the mess confined. Before we go into another room we clean up whatever is out. As far as chores for your 6 year old a chore chart is a WONDERFUL....OPPS posted before I was done...I made one with clipart and poster board that my kids could write on and wipe off, so that they didn't have to read in order to know what needed to be done and then they could check it off as they got it done. At the end of the day if all of their stuff was done it was marked on my calender. After a week the got to do something special but after a month of the got to have a "date" doing whatever they wanted with mommy or daddy, they got to pick. By a month I mean 30 days not just once a month but when they had done their chores for 30 days.

I don't know about 5am (depends on when your kids get up, I guess), but I do have to get up before DD wakes up if I want to get a shower in and get a head start to the day. I only have one kid (until my second is born this August), so it may be a different story with 3 kids....but I find that cleaning up as you go is the easiest way. We always put toys away before moving onto a new toy/activity. Major straightening up happens during DD's naptime.

I agree with splitting up chores. I know I felt like *I* had to be the one to do all the housework since I was at home while my husband was at work, but please remind him that he is part of the family too. You are "working" at watching/teaching your kids during the day. He can pitch in and wash dishes/do laundry/etc. I know my hubby needs a list of things, though. He won't just "see what needs to be done" and do it. I also get a lot of things done once DD goes to bed.

check out www.flylady.net
The whole program is a bit too intense for me, but you can take what works for you

Your husband is right on about getting up earlier. You would get up at five in the morning if you needed to get ready for work, wouldn't you? Well, being a sahm is now your job. TAdjust your schedule accordingly. Spend time de-cluttering and organizing your stuff. Then it will ne so much easier to pick up quickly, as everything has a "home'

I am a SAHM and have an 18 month, plus my husband (its like having two kids with him) anyway, I was so frustrated , with just one child, i couldn't find time, i didn't know how to keep the house clean and still attend to my son. Well, I pretty much have a schedule. Breakfast lunch and dinner are at the same time everyday, laundry is on the weekends, i clean and shower at night, my son is in bed by 8pm , i'll pick two or three days out of the week to take him out to the park, indoor playgrounds, etc etc..and thats how i go about my day, planning planning. About looking nice, i wear yoga pants, but i try to dress it up LOL, with cute tops, a jean jacket and my sneakers, I have to bend , play, dance, jump, so i only dress up when i leave the house. other than that...i really can't. I use to try to squeeze cleaning and washing clothes during the day and it just wasn't working for me, it was stressing me out because I had to make food, play with my son, plus clean. I was caos. But cleaning at night and washing during the weekends works sooo well for me. And i figured that one out by trying different plans/schedules. Good luck

In my experience, youngsters learn most effectively by example. You need to be able to "clean" with them. Picking up toys, putting dirty dishes in the sink, putting their snack wrappers in the trash. Making it fun and be sure you praise them for a job well done. I have a 5 year-old, and 2 year-old twins. I'm a working mom so it's extremely important for me to have my little ones help me around the house on things like that. If they can throw their own little snack wrappers away, that's one less thing I have to do in my busy schedule. When it is time to put toys away or make the bed, make sure you do it with a smile on your face and make it sound like a game, "It's clean up time!" in the beginning, get down and pick up with them, teach them where their toys go. Give hi-5's as they are doing it. That way when the time comes when you need to get dinner on the table, you can just holler (in a happy positive tone) "ok kids, time to clean up!" After dinner, my kids all put their own dirty dish in the sink or on the counter.
As far as getting up at 5 am to get a "head start" on the day. I personally don't think it's necessary unless you have a days plan such as a trip to the zoo or to the park. What I missed about being a stay at home mom was getting up with my kiddos & snuggling in bed with the little ones while we watch an episode of Blue's Clues before getting out of bed and getting the day started.
Finding a routine that works for you and your kids is important. My kids has nap time after lunch, they have tv time and snack after nap time. After dinner it's baths. And they know this. By now, evertime they put their dish in the sink, they grab their sippy cups and head up stairs. It helps give youself that time you need to get things done for your self.
Good luck SAH Mom!

Your kids are little, cut yourself some slack. They are going to grow up fast and then you have the house you've dreamed of.
That being said the house isn't 100% yours, everyone lives there so everyone can pitch in. I have a 2 year old and he helps put toys away, helps put dishes away, wipes the table, and puts laundry in the dryer for me. Sure these tasks take longer with him but it's teaching him there are things that need to get done in the house. Just start simple, if each kid puts away a couple toys be happy and praise them, eventually you can work up to they need to pick up all the toys. Don't get too picky about it. I was a little anal about sorting toys then realized I needed to pick my battles, now I am happy if my sons tosses them all in one bin. When I have extra time I can sort them.
As for chores I think your 6 year old should be able to help with putting away towels and tupperwear, things like that. Don't make it an option, just okay now it's time to do this then we'll do bubbles (or something fun).
As for the shower I am NOT a morning person, my alarm clock is the kid. I moved my shower to before bed and then I just fix my hair in the morning and look pretty. My son brushes his teeth and his hair and plays with stuff upstairs while I'm getting ready.
There are also times in the day when he can play on the computer, like after lunch so I can clean up and make the house look a little better. Or I can set him up with play-doh at the table and get a lot done before he needs me or wants to get down. It's a treat for him and he doesn't need any help from me like with many of his toys.
I do stay busy when the kids are up but shhhh don't tell my husband when kiddo is napping I don't do housework...that's my break! :)

I hope I can keep this up when his little sister is born in a couple weeks!

What time does your husband have to be to work? Can he watch the kids for 15-20 min while you hop into the shower? Also, I know you are not a morning person but if you do get a jump start on your day you would feel more organized and a sense of accomplishment. Your 6 year old is in school? Then when the 1 1/2 year old and 6 month old are napping you can complete more projects of your choosing. I would also create a to do list and be realistic about which ones and how many you want to accomplish each day.

I get up about 45 m before my kids to shower and have some coffee. It helps me feel better ALL day long if I can do this! Yes, if your kids will do it, have them help clean up always. It will give them good habits for life! My son never would (I'd have to take his hand and "help" him to pick up a toy and put it away when he was little) and my daughter naturally wants to clean up. Every kid has such a different personality! I tend to pick up/clean as I go along all day long. I don't save it so there are a bunch of messes at the end of the day. On a rare day where I veg out and leave the messes I just feel completely overwhelmed by the end of the day. Not good! For me it is better to do little cleaning jobs all during the day. It's very tiring being a stay at home mom but also very rewarding!