Need Some Advice

One thing that was hard for me to accept was the day that I realized I was an adult and no longer under my parent guidance but my husbands. That I no longer had to obey my parents but honor my husband.

So, you can stand up to your mother and let her know that as long as she is going to be-little you (much less in front of the children) you and the kids will not be visiting. (I do understand that having grandparents willing to watch you kids is a wonderful thing; however, it is more important for you to set the rules of these visits). I had to do that with my father a few times and let him know if he was going to speak to me in the way he was speaking, we were leaving and would see him another time. I would pack up the kids and go...he would call a few hours later and apologize.

Christians are just humans like everyone else. Hopefully they are trying to live up to the standards set in the Bible. We can never actually do it...that is why God forgives us. To err is human to forgive is divine.

I am sending you a great big hug {{{{hugs}}}}.

First I have to agree with you on the fact that alot of church going people are hypocrites. I have experienced it first hand with my mother in law and all her friends on a different level though. My mother in law hurt me REAL bad before I had kids and it wasn't until I confronted her and actually called her a hypocrite to her face that I started getting the respect I deserve. I would definitely confront your mother and let her know that it is not acceptable ESPECIALLY in front of your children. If this continues your children will start to disrespect you as well..not to mention who knows what she is telling them when you are not around. You need to protect your kids and yourself from this and stop it now. Confront your mother and let her know that if she is going to continue this behavior then she will not be allowed to see you or the children. I definitely would not let my children visit with her without me being present. I don't allow my mother in law to watch my children..we go to visit them but she will NEVER have them without my presence I feel this is for my own and children's own good. Please confront your mother and stop her from hurting you any longer.
If you need to talk I am here!!!!! (BIG HUG)

One very important thing that you need to do is pray for your mom and your step dad. As leaders in the church, they are held accountable for their actions also. Ask God to give you what to say to them and how to say it. It sounds to me like you really love your mom, but there are some things that you need to straighten out together. You can only do it with God's help. As far as working, sometimes little convenience stores will pay in cash or housekeeping jobs. You just have to know where to ask. Private companies hire housekeepers and pay cash sometimes. Good Luck and I pray all will be well with you.

This is your life and your kids. If other people are constantly putting your down and making you look bad in front of your kids, then you shouldn't be around them. Tell them directly that if they continue doing what they are doing, then they wont be able to see their grandchildren any more. I wouldn't put up with it myself and neither should you. It's not worth it. Good luck to you.

First of all, I do feel the need to say that not all "church going people" are hypocrites! You can find mean nasty people in church, and out of church. We are all just human, regardless of wether or not we attend church.

Secondly, if my mom talked nasty about me to my children, or in front of my children, I WOULD NOT LET HER SEE THEM. PERIOD! That's not okay, and you have control over it, they are your children, not hers!!! :)

Good luck!!

R.,

Your question is "How can church going people be so much of a hypocrite?" Well to answer your question is easy. It isn't if they go to church or not, it is that we are all very HUMAN and humans make mistakes. It is easy to see others faults just as you are easily seeing your parents faults. The thing is R., when we are pointing fingers there is always 3 pointing back at us. Let God be their judge as well as yours.

Why is it you want to work for cash and not a pay check? I work and work hard, and I get a pay check each month and with that pay check, I pay my taxes, bills, buy food, clothing and any extra I may need. I am a 58 yr. old woman and work as a school custodian. And very proud to work for a Pay Check!

Pray for your folks and for yourself. I feel that the problem is not one sided.

Hi R.,

You have to take action before your children start to learn that it's ok to disrespect you. I would advise that you have a one on one conversation with your mom and start off by letting her how important having her in yours and your children's live is, but that the way she treats you in front of your children is not acceptable and that you don't want that kind of example set for you children. You'll also need to decide what you want to do if this unacceptable behavior from her and your step father continues and let her know that as well. I would suggest keeping this negative attitude away from your children by just avoiding them, but that's easier said than done. This is a very hard situation to be in and I wish you the best of luck.

If the environment you are providing for your children to live in is a healthy one, then you should confront your mother and tell her she won't see the grandkids until she learns to treat their mother with respect. I don't know your situation or the problem your mother has with you, that is why I qualified my first sentence re: the environment.

Christians are supposed to build up and encourage one another. We are all human and will continue to sin. Unfortunately, when we sin it sets a bad example for unbelievers and non-church goers. We are all at a different level of spiritual maturity. Maybe they don't realize what they are doing and how it is affecting you and your children. It might help to write them a letter and include some of the negative comments they have made, tell them how it makes you feel, how it teaches your children to disrespect you and that this is not the way christians are supposed to act. If you look in your bible index for the word tongue it should list several verses that might be helpful and write down those verses for them. If they are truly christians and are striving to be better then hopefully they will see the light and start treating you with the respect you deserve! I pray that the situation gets better.

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