Need Help with Transition to Toddler Bed for 21Month Old Daughter

I would put her back in the crib. she is telling you that she is not ready to sleep in a big bed.

yu can buy a used crib for the new baby or use a pack an play or bassinet.

you will be tired enough with the newborn.. you need to be able to put the toddler in her bed and have her stay there.

My kids are 18 months apart. I have 2 cribs... my son is 23 months still in a crib.. my daughter is over 3 and still in a crib. they have never climbed out.

we will probably buy my duaghter a big bed by the time she is 4.

I am/ was 100% in your shoes...but my second is due later in June. I started this process in January because I figured it may take a while. I went straight to a twin bed with bed rails on either side (only way in/out is at bottom of bed where we place pillows so she doesn't fall out). The SAME behaviors you mentioned occurred with us too... I didn't let it go past 1 week (that's all I could handle) before we went through the "cry it out" phase. Thankfully this lasted less than one week. The first time was 13 minutes, second time 7 minutes, third night was 5 minutes, and so on. After that week we were also able to successfully get rid of the pacifier! She's been sleeping great UNTIL recently (is now 24 mos. old)...all of a sudden she refuses to go to bed about once/ every week... on these nights we again have her cry it out (after getting every excuse in the book from her including "mommy want to lay by me?") You can comfort them, meet all their needs, communicate with them, replay their day, sing songs, etc.. it's the same thing each time. I believe it's part power struggle as they grow & part due to various things like: getting 2 yr molars, seasonal allergies, anxieties of a new sibling's arrival, being scared of something from a tv show/book, her own imagination working over time, etc! Follow your gut feeling... and try not to create a pattern that will be unhealthy for YOU especially as the new baby arrives. When I hear her cry I think to myself "what if I was feeding the baby right now? I can't just stop and tend to her needs...she's got to wait/she'll be fine"... and usually after 10-15minutes, she's done crying. If not, check in on her at least once...but don't stay or talk much if possible. Reassure him/her, wipe their tears, and tell her it's "time for night." Good luck!

Oh, M.,
this is your sis. I don't have any advice cuz we haven't done it yet. I can just say take a deep breath and I'm sure one day it will all smooth out:) I know you have so much going on right now and this is something you don't need, especially with a brand new one coming. If there is anything I can do let me know. Xoxo

Whatever happens, I absolutely would not let her cry it out. Something's going on that is important to her. Can her dad deal with her? I'd increase special times with her during waking hours and also try to tire her out with a nice walk or trip to the park in the evening. Don't know what hours you work. My guess is it has to do with baby #2. You could return her to the crib to see if that works and keep the new baby in with you till he/she is a few months old. That'd give her time to mature a little. I would do a lot of talking with her and try to reduce the tension over this. Some toddlers love a battle!

Good luck, M.!

You have to let her cry it out. If she gets out of the bed pick her up and put her back in it without talking to her about it - just do it. If she can open the door like my daughter can we put up a gate so she could not get out of the room. After a week or so she stopped trying to escape from the room. If she wants to play and hang out in her room for a while before going to sleep, I would let her. We went through this recently when we had our third child. I had to get #2 out of the crib when the baby was 3 months old and our daughter was about 27 months old. You could wait until she is a little older to transition her, but you will have to still use these same techniques. Our 2 1/2 year old now goes down for nap and bedtime without leaving her room.

Good Luck!

I had this fear with my daughter as well. I finally decided to skip the toddler bed and go straight to a twin. We have a side rail that keeps her from falling out. She has a step stool to get in and out with, but so far she's only gotten out once or twice in the month she's been in it. It did take about 4 days of us rocking her to sleep before we felt comfortable letting her fall asleep in there.

Its hard to give them all that freedom after being caged in a crib before. However she NEEDS to learn that you expect obedience from her. If you put her down in bed she HAS to stay there. No toys, no books, no getting up. You'll have to put her in there and walk out of the room and close the door and wait, returning EACH time she gets up and putting her back. Tackle this before the baby comes. She's old enough to obey you and needs to learn to go to sleep alone. Throwing a tantrum is almost a blessing sometimes because they exhaust themselves and fall asleep faster. My worst problem is if she is content to play with her stuffed dog for hours and not sleep. :)

Best wishes, you're just going to have to be consistent and firm with her that she MUST stay in bed and at least be quiet during nap time and bed time.

shes doing it for attention. You need to be firm and get upset tone in your voice with her so you mean business at bed time. You might want to let the nap thing go but bedtime is bedtime and she needs to go to sleep and you cannot stay with her she is big enough to do this on her own. For about week you need to stay firm she may cry for the first couple of days and let her know there are consiquences if she gets out she gets something taken away because she is not listening to her mom. Be firm after a week of firmness she will learn. She is doing all this because of your belly. She knows shes not going to have mommies full attention soon. Kids sence things and thats why they act out. You just in ways need to reassure her that your there for her even if baby is there or not. She will be fine and so will mom your doing great and Good luck!! with the new bundle.

You need your sleep. I would reccomend putting her in a twin size bed with a two sided bed-rail system. She may feel too "open" without somes sides. All my kids (7,5,3) sleep habits changed temporarily when we put them in their toddler beds(we started at the same time too). But when we put up a twin bed for them it was magic!!!
Also taking her toys out of her room would help too!
Good Luck!!
T. K.

I say put her back in the crib. She does not have the self control to follow through with your instruction. I have a friend that has two kids 10 months apart. She put them both in toddler beds early like you did and everyone was miserable cause sleep habits changed so much. She went out and bought two cribs and put them back in. They were much happier and well rested. The oldest in is 3 and still enjoying that crib. There is nothing wrong with that unless they are uncomfortable in the crib. I have more tip and ideas written on my blog www.shapinglittlesouls.blogspot.com
under TRANSITIONS. It offers ideas of how to train children before they transition to a bed so when they are in the bed they are better set for success!

Good luck!

M.,

My oldest had alot of trouble going to sleep on her own. It was my fault, not hers, as I had gotten her to sleep by holding her for the first two years of her life. MY BIG MISTAKE. :) What finally worked for us was we started by reading a book. She had to stay in her bed for the reading while I sat in a chair closeby. Then I stayed in the chair while she drifted off. If she didn't cooperate I had to leave the room. As the weeks went by I moved the chair closer and closer to the door until I was sitting in the hallway. Of course I left the chair after just a few minutes at this point but occasionally she would wake and ask where I had been. I would explain to her that I had to i.e. go to the bathroom, get a drink, etc. This would satisfy her and she would go back to sleep. Eventually it got to where I would give her kisses after the book and tell her I would come and sit in the chair as soon as I did my ironing for work the following day. Most of the time she was already asleep by the time I finished this task. She's now 7 years old and sleeps on her own. But, she does listen to a Disney Princess CD everynight when I tuck her in. It's almost like she focuses on the music and relaxes. I hope this helps.

We had to do the cry it out method with my son at 9 months. He got the idea pretty quickly and started sleeping on his own. I have to say the earlier you make the change the easier it will be as they get older and it's harder to explain to them. They start reasoning with you and wanting to talk about it when you're just trying to get them to go to sleep. :)

Don't feel bad about letting her cry it out as you won't be able to cater to her every whim once the new baby arrives.

Take care and congratulations!

C.

Hey M.,

I have no advice, but would love to read what others say b/c soon I will be in your shoes!
We are expecting our third son in September, and will be moving the oldest two (who will be 39 months and 20 months) in one room. Yikes.
I have a feeling we will be in the same boat as you - so I'm sending my empathy!

Blessings to your growing family!

B.

Hi M. -

Do you have some type of side rail to go on the bed? She may need to feel like she's enclosed again. Worked like a charm for my youngest when I finally switched him over.

Congrats on your new addition! Good luck - S.

Hi! I like the advice of putting her back in her crib and I also like the stick it out and be firm advice of letting her cry it out. My advice would be look at it from the standpoint of what is best for your daughter, physically & emotionally/mentally. Physically: Will she be safe in a bed where she can roam around her room or get out of her room? Is she old enough to be trusted alone in a room at night? Did she show any signs of trying to get out of her crib, if you put her back in a crib what are the chances that she will try to get out in a few months? Emotionally/Mentally: Because the transition is close to when the new baby is coming will your daughter associate this stress w/the new baby? She might have a hard time accepting the new baby and she needs to be excited and happy w/the changes that are occurring and not scared and unsure. Is she mentally ready to handle the responsiblity of a big girl bed? Is she emotionally attached to her crib or is she just upset w/the change in general? She could have a big problem w/the baby getting her crib, or she might be fine w/it. Talk to her, find out how she feels. Do a trial w/dolls and see if she is accepting of a doll being put in the crib and you giving attention to the doll.
If you come up w/too many answers that point to her not being ready for this transition then I would say she is just too young for the change. Save up some money for a few months while the baby is in a bassinet and try and buy a cheap but sturdy crib. Or you might find that she really can handle it and you just have to push through, maybe let her cry it out and try to make this change fun and exciting and show her how cool it is to be in a big bed. What can only big girls in their big girl beds do that little babies in cribs can't? Find something to entice her with. Be firm and stick w/it if you do go w/the big girl bed do not slip even once. Show her you love her and you are there but this is the new way and it is for the best and she will be ok.

Sorry so long, I have a degree in child development psychology and I can get a little wordy :) Hope this helps :)

Let her cry it out, I know that sounds mean but its usually the only way, my daughter was the same way. About 10-15 minutes before she was to go to bed I told her its almost time, then I would read her a story say the I love you's and kiss and hug her, then I would walk out. The first couple weeks where Bad, I'm not going to lie to you, your probably going to hate it and your child will try everything under the sun to not go to bed or stay in the bed but you need to keep putting her back in, its not a fight, trust me I went through that too, arguing with my 2 year old it was not a pretty sight and it just upset the both of us and made things worse, make sure she knows who is in charge. She will learn that she wont be able to get away with it and will start going to bed and sleeping through the night. Good luck

HI M.: I really wouldn't see anything wrong with putting her back in the crib, except for the fact that you probably need it for the new baby? I have been away from this age group for quite a long time, but I know that for twin beds they have those "canopy fort" type things that go on top. I'm not explaining it very well: they are like little tents for the top of the bed that kids can hide in. I am wondering if they make something like this for a toddler bed, and if this would be something fun for her and make her feel more secure? I would say make your own long canopy to go over the bed, but i'm not sure how safe this would be with a 21 month old. Beyond that, if you are going to stick with this plan, I agree with the bedtime story and then a firm rule that she does not get out of bed again. Letting her cry a little each night for a few nights won't hurt her, and she will eventually begin to get the idea. What about one of those baby toys in the bed - like the aquarium thing or something? Good luck and I hope you can get some sleep!

I would put her back in the crib explaining that it's because it's your job to help her sleep and obviously she is having a hard time sleeping in her new bed. Try it and see. I would also post some bedtime rules to read before sleep so that she is clear as to what is expected of her. So a lot of preparation work with her & talk about it. Your new little one, congrats by the way, won't need the crib right away so I think you have some time to show her you expect the same behavior as in her crib. She's testing the limits of her new freedom. :o) If she really wants to be in her new big girl bed I think she'll see the light!