Need Help with 4 Yr Old Acting Out

That sounds like my son, no time outs in school usually,but very active and yesterday he hit his sister with a soft baseball bat in the head like 5 times in the row. My guess with my son is that he is just exhausted, we have been away for three weeks the whole family. He has jet lag, his best friend in pre-school changed to a new school, I have just started working full time...etc. I would say, just hang in there,I think you are doing all the right things. Try to hug him a lot and say that you love him. And maybe send him to Karate class or something to get rid of that energy a bit more. Or swim class? Hang in there!!

I'm a mom of 2 boys who frequently bicker & it's drving me nuts! Our boys are 7.5 yo & 3yo. I know for our older son, it's jealousy. He will hit his little brother completely outa the blue & for no reason. I expect him to be more mature & tolerant & it just doesn't always happen. What has worked for us over the past 3 yrs is to praise the positive big time. Every time we see him doing something nice w/his little bro, even just sitting together on the couch watching a movie, we praise him. Then we add stars to a chart for all those postive comments. Once he gets the agred upon amount, he gets areward. Maybe you could try this w/your oldest. I know for us, when we start getting too punitive, our older son gets resentful of his little brother which could start happening in your house so keep this in mind. At 4, our oldest loved having 'jobs' of any kind maybe so try to give him some that make him feel important & responsible. Good luck & hope this helps!

Dear M.,

Since nothing you are doing seems to be working and he is exhibiting the same behavior at school, a “MILD” swat or two on his little bottom might get his attention, along with the continued time outs and letting him know what is NOT acceptable at home or anyplace.

Blessings…

Hi M.!

He just wants to play!!! :o) I understand that what he is doing is not to be tolerated, and you somehow need to get his attention that you are serious.

Is there an "outlet" for him to be allowed to play at his age-level? Soccer? Karate? Cousins? Anything to allow him to play at his level will help him settle down with his little brother.

He knows he's too aggressive for his brother, but he just wants to play :o) Try to get dad to wrestle with him or something to let your son get it out of his system.

He sounds like he will be your boy that will always need an extra-cirricular sport in his life :o)

Good Luck!

:o) N.

Consider that with all the adjustments this too shall pass.

Keep consistent in your disipline method and try not to give your 4 year old too much attention for the bad behavior. I always try to remind myself that whatever I focus on will expand. Some bad behavior needs to be ignored especially if he appears to be doing it for attention. When he behaves badly and it is obvious to you that it is for attention, tell him, "I see that you want my/daddy's attention that we're not paying attention to you, but that's not the way to get our attention. We're busy with (you fill in the blank) and when we're finished well give you our attention." --This works with my 3 year old.--

With the agressive behavior toward the 2 year old, remind the 4 year old constantly when he nears the sib to "use his kind and gentle hands." Show him by taking hold of his hand what that means and touching the sib gently. Remember you will have to do this over and over and over. Also tell him that if he does not use his gentle hands the consequence will be an immediate time out.

Remember to tell your husband whatever it is you decide to do, so that he follows through too.

Try to get your son in bed at the same time nightly. I know it's hard, it is a challenge in my home, especially at summertime. Is your son still taking naps? If he's not, be sure he still has some down time. This may mean 1/2 hour of quiet time in his bedroom reading (looking at books) or playing quietly, but he has to stay in his room.

Lastly, I always think about what I've fed my child before he starts acting wild. Has he had enough fluids, protein? Does he maybe have a food alergy? Some kids react differently than expected with food alergies. It is certainly something to consider.

Good luck,

I have 2 boys one is 4 1/2 and the other is 6 1/2 when my older boy was 4 I had a lot of the same problems, he is much better now thought still a typical boy and my other son now being 4 is going through the same stage and just thoroughly embarrassed me yesterday in church. I am no expert but from my own experience he should grow out of most of it and until them the thing that works best for me is the time outs(1 min. per year of age) and don't forget to have him tell you why he is in trouble and apologize. Also for me taking away video games and TV. Another positive reinforcement is a quarter rewards jar, when he does something nice and/or good give him a quarter for his jar and on the other hand you can also take them away for bad behavior and if you have to take too many away maybe give him 2 or more for the good things especially if they are real good. The idea is that when the jar is full then he can pick an activity to do as a FAMILY and use his quarters to do it. I hope this helps, Good Luck!

Dear M.,
You have gone through a lot of changes. Unfortunately, part of our jobs as parents is helping our children handle them without acting out. I think you need to take a firmer stance with him. Ask him....if someone jumped on him for no reason or poked him in the eye...what would he want mommy and daddy do to punish that person. Then give him that punishment. Obviously if he says something strange like they should be sent away to to moon, you'll have to improvise by sending him to his room....or a corner...the equivelant of a desolate exile.
If he loves the trips to the park with daddy, then he can have that fun when he's gone 4 days without hurting his brother or throwing blocks in school. The good thing is, that school will put him on time outs too, so it's not just you. Certain behavior just isn't acceptible. And if he throws something in class, then his 4 day count to go have dad time starts all over.
He can have one on one time at home. Then be willing to behave and take turns when the other kids get one on one time. You'll just have to structure it in such a way.
See if you can get him to at all empathize with how he would feel if someone bigger did things to hurt him or how it must make other children at school feel when he throws things.
I wish you the best of luck!

I use corporal punishment. It works. People have gotten so friged about using it because they have been brainwashed into beleiving it is bad by an atheistic movement. In the old days it was often done wrongly, in anger, and it was abusive. But it is not suppose to be done that way. When done with a loving heart, it is highly effective. The Bible tells us it brings a harvest of peace and prosperity for the entire family when done properly. and it does. The Bible also says a man who loves his son disciplines him.

TIME OUT DOESN'T WORK. What do you think would deter you from speeding? Having the cop tell you to sit in your driver seat for another 2 minutes and think about what you did ? Or everytime you got caught something very unpleasant for you would occur.

Poking in the eyes, throwing objects, jumping on a child whos already down....dangerous behavior.You can't let him keep hurting others, especially your own other child. You need to protect your young son! You are the only one who can! You could get this curbed very quickly with the right kind of response.

I really, really reccommend the book: "Sheparding A Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp. It can teach you how to punish "in Love". It works. Your kids will respect you, eachother, and authority in general when you correctly use a biblical method.

Another thing you could do is try to find a person who has two siblings that totally love each other and watch out for each other and let him watch them play and discuss how he has a big responsibility to look after his younger brother and take care of him and make sure that no one bothers him etc. And that it is a huge responsibility and then give him a paper medal of honor when he watches over him.

Hi M.,

Congratulations for your new addition! I have two boys (a 3 yr. old and a 10 mo. old). My oldest is an all boy type (rough and aggressive at time). I have had similar experience with you. Instead of giving time out, I find it is more effective when I am being positive with him (e.g. try diverging his attention, give him a huge/stroke his back to calm him down, try to give him some one-on-one attention, take him out for a walk, reading a book or play a game, etc.) When a child misbehave, is typically a cry for attention. I have also try to give him breaks from school from time to time for a fun day with mommy. It seems like it is working for me.

Your husband is giving your son some individual time. If possible, you might want to switch role with your hushand and try spending more time with him. Since you have a new born, he might see that you are spending a lot of time with the baby but not him. I also recommend that you talk to your son's teachers to let them know the changes he is facing. I don't believe that they should give him time out without consideration.

There is a book called "Positive Timeout" by Jane Nelson that I highly recommend. She has written a lot of parenting books. A friend of mine who is a long time kindergarden teacher recommended it to me. Teaching kids through love is far more effective than punitve punishment. I know it is hard for you. I share your pain but it is a phase that will pass.

Good luck!

C.

My son was reacting badly to dyes red yellow blue in the food he ate I can't afford to go organic so I check the lables. Between the juices, chips, cheese and some breakfast cereals he was getting 5/6 helpings of dyes a day. now he is much more calm and responsive when we talk to him. I hope this helps...

J.