Need Help Understanding Why?

You need to cut the contact with him 110%, that will be one good way to get over this. This hurts I know, to not be trusted by the one person that you should be able to depend on. But sounds like to me, he's not matured enough to realize what this ex is doing. And the sad part is your sweet little one in the middle of it all.

So time to DELETE. Delete him off your computer, phone & life. There is someone out there that will trust you completely and wont listen to the ravings of a jealous ex-wife. You and your daughter deserve better.

Often in instances such as this the heart is slow to follow what the head already knows. Give yourself time for the one to catch-up with the other.

And when this guy realizes his mistake and comes to you trying to get back with you - listen to your head.

It sounds to me like it's about the drama. An ex still having so much influence over a person's decision-making might mean that the drama is still being played by both people. I believe you have made a good decision ending this. For the sake of your daughter (and at 7 she is probably very observant) be strong! You must remember that she will be affected by the decisions YOU make, especially about bringing another authority figure into her life.

I think the fact that he is willing to believe his ex over you should show you a lot! Loving someone is not a good enough reason to be with them. When you find yourself missing him or thinking about trying to work it out, remind yourself that your daughter doesn't need that situation in her life. She needs a stable support system in place. You need to find a man that can give you the love and support you both need!

Shelly,
You need to do what is best for you and your daughter. To me it sounds like getting on with your life is the right thing to do. It is better to find this out before you marry him...it makes for a clean break. You need to cut your ties and when he comes crawling back let him know that there is no room for him and his ex-wife in you and your daughter's life. It hurts...but pray to god to take the burden off your shoulders and it will get easier everyday.

I wish you the best of luck...and remember that he is NOT the right person to help you raise your daughter. Time will heal and provide you with the man of your dreams.

Jen

sounds like the stalker ex did you a favor. Some times blessings come in disguise!

OK BIG GIRL pep talk!
More power to you for telling the loser goodbye. Honey, if he is still talking to the "ex" after 1 week, there is a problem. It's HIS problem though, not yours. What a life long message you are sending to you'r 7 year old daughter! You be strong and teach and show her how to be strong. Don't let anybody drag you along and don't teach you'r daughter that it is okay for people to do that to each other. You two live you're lives for a while, the right one will come along.
Hang in there! D. G

You owe it to yourself to have a man in your life who will stand up for you. He could block her calls if he really acknowledged that she was a trouble maker. Your daughter will be watching how you handle this situation and it will affect her decision making skills in her future relationships. Broken hearts are terrible and I'm sorry you've gotten hurt. However, it appears you are better off putting this one in the past and looking forward to a new love in your life. Be excited for your future!

Shelly, This young man doesn't deserve someone like you. He sounds very insecure and confused. You need to turn all your attention towards your daughter, as she can sense your feelings. Then you need to turn your life over to God , as when your relationship closes, God will open another relationship for you , that is meant to be. This relationship just might be right around the corner, and it will be right for you! Have faith and patience, will well be worth the wait! Pray about it, and ask God to help you, as he loves you dearly. Just keep in mind that a prince charming is looking for you!
Hope this has helped alittle.
Memaw

What you have to realize is that it is not your fault!!! Another truth you have to look at is this, whatever is in a person comes out. There had to be something with in your fiance' that allowed him to fall prey to his ex-wife's tactics.The best way to get past the heart ache is time and realization. Realize the Truth for what it is.He likes drama. If you are not that type of woman then you shouldn't settle for that type of man. Yes, you love him. You have invested quite abit of time into him. Love goes along way and you can go your way and still have love for him. I would suggest taking some time to yourself. I don't mean going out with the girls. I mean some personal soul searching time. Gain yourself worth back. It takes a lot from us when relationships don't go right. Being that you have a daughter, that in itself is a responsibility to handle. Find out what relaxes you and do that in small time spans(healthy relaxation)exp.(bubble baths with music and maybe a glass of wine,not the bottle)(rent your favorite movie,go shopping, take your daughter somewhere and enjoy her)These are just examples. You know what you like to do.Start keeping a journal and put it in a very safe place.(you may have a weak moment and he may come over) you don't want him to find you personal feelings and thoughts.Shelly,time is very key.

I am really sorry that this has happened. However, you need - and DESERVE - a man who stands up for you, takes your side, and protects you. It sounds like he has not been doing that, and as much as it hurts now, you may be better off without him.

I went through a lot of the same things with my DH's parents and sister. They were horrible! DH would come to me with things that they said, of course I got defensive. They'd tell him partial truths and do things like not telling him that the reason I got snippy with them was because they were instigating things!

ONE DAY.... He called me at work asking me why I slammed the door in his nephew's face; I said "nope - absolutely not". Ends up, either his sister or her son fabricated some junk about them coming to our house on a Saturday - it never happened. They all tried to cover it up by saying that he knocked on the door, rang the doorbell, and poked his head in the door and hollered in. Baloney - DH, DD, the dog, and I were all at home and no one ever heard anything! Our doorbell works sporadically, but that's the only thing I'll give them. There is NO WAY he opened the door without my knowing because we have an alarm that dings and tells you what door has been opened. Plus, I was working in the end of the house practically all day where that door is located.

Anyway, I absolutely LOVED it and felt totally vindicated (and made a point to tell DH that!!!), and nothing has happened since. So hang in there -- the ex-wife may just hang herself with her own rope!

Sweetie, if he ever really was in love you, his ex wouldn't have even been an issue. Try not to beat yourself up about it. Use the free time to spend some extra time with your daughter, then get a sitter for at night and round up a couple of ppl & go get a big fat margarita!!! Go do something that you love, or that makes you feel good. That'll remind you of what you're worth, and then you'll realize that you are too good for him anyway. If you love him that much, though, your feelings won't go away overnight. It will take time. Just stay active & don't just sit at home on the weekends...that'll make it a lot harder.

Hey Shelly,
First off, PROPS to you for what you are doing to stand up for yourself AND that 7 y/o daughter of yours. You are modeling for her what a healthy relationship should be like, and that you should never be "2nd choice." Your guy is getting some sort of emotional pay-off with his ex calling and getting in your biz all the time. The first clue is his saying that he "knows she's a troublemaker!" If he knows, then he can stop her. Whether it's his ego or whether he just doesn't want to let go, it is HIS problem to deal with, and you have given him the space he needs to deal with it. There are many ways to stop someone from harrassing another, and legal actions one can take, too.

I know your heart is bruised and you are shaken up, but standing firm and tall in your identity is key, and you can bet your daughter is watching every move you make. She'll respect you more for standing up for yourself than for settling for having this other woman's issues in your life. Keep it up and things will work out one way or another--maybe he's not the one, or if he is, maybe he'll handle his business and give you his best efforts at making things work! Good luck and God bless!

You can't give up what you never had.If you had him totally in your life there would of been know room for her to come back into his.As with all things this to shall pass.One day you will look back on this situation and laugh.Right now your saying "right".I only know this cause of my experience in the same kind of relationship.When you start looking at the hole picture and not just the center you will go," What was I thinking".Just think of your daughter, get into her life and your job and as time passes ,so will he and his ex and there problems.S.

Well, hmmmmm I really don't understand why he is still taliking to her. I think if he really knew she was a trouble maker and was really over her he would tell her to not call and to stay out of his new life. It sounds like you are better off knowing this now. There are lots of single men out there that will give you the respect you deserve. Talking to an ex when children are not inolved in my opinion is a no no. I would pick up my head, put my shoulders back and look at the blessing that God had just bestowed on you! Life is too sthort to have to deal with someone who is not going to respect you and a drama queen!! Live and find someone who wants to live as well, not be stuck in the high school drama!
You owe yourself a real man!!! Angie

Dear Shelly,

You were so right to get out of that situation, as he is NOT over his ex-wife yet. The good news is that you WILL get over him. It sounds like you are moving in the right direction by keeping busy. Remember to focus on the reason you left him and how toxic the relationship was and how glad you are to be free of the drama. You will find a new focus soon and this time in your life will be in the past very soon. Start getting into social get-togethers with your friends and just have a good time. The heartache will soon be a thing of the past.

Good luck,
AJ

Hi Shelly! It will be hard right now and for a little while because you do love him. But you have to think do you really want to be involved in a relationship w/ all that drama?? Life will get better if you keep your head up and believe. There is someone special out there for you. Just pray about it and God will help you through this:0)

Arlene

Shelly,
I know that it is really hard but you can do it. Go on with your life and keep yourself busy. Try a new hobby, go out with friends. The busier you are the less time you will have to think about it and before you know it you will be over him. Also exercising really helps and also makes you feel really good about yourself. I walk and it really helped when I went through my divorce. I also lost weight and look great!

It's may not be easy but it sounds like you need to move on. If there is this much chaos before you guys get married imagine how much worse it could get. Just keep yourself busy with your daughter, family, church and friends. That will help and don't answer his calls you need to make a clean break, if you are sure that's what you want to do. And DON'T listen to that sad breakup music or watch breakup movies, listen and watch some things that will keep you uplifted and move on. Take care of you and your daughter. Consider this a lesson learned and watch out for the red flags next time.

I am so sorry that you have had to experience this, but I know from experience that this could be the absolute best thing that has happened to you. it all depends on how you choose to look at it, and how you choose to deal with it from this momment forward. I think that walking away was the right decision for you and your daughter. Both of you deserve to be in a better situation than you were in with him. It is obvious, that for whatever reason, he still values what his ex-wife says, and feels compelled to go along with her view of your relationship. You say that she wants him back, but it seems to me that he probably wants her back too. You deserve a man that will be there for YOU and YOUR DAUGHTER NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE HAS TO SAY. My advice would be to move on, count this as a learning experience, and make sure that you never let yourself get into this situation again. You deserve better and I'm sure that you have realized that by now. It will hurt for a while, but be content with being with yourself until you find someone who values you and your feelings, more than his ex-wife or who ever else. Good Luck to you and if you ever need to talk my e-mail is ____@____.com!!!

Bless your heart. First thing that you do is keep telling yourself that it is good that you found this out and got out of it now ....can you imagine what kind of trouble that she would cause if you were married and how much harder it would be then.
Second, TIME.... will heal all wounds.
Third, in the mean time... you have to find yourself something to take up that time. You and your daughter start an exercise program and do it religously EVERY night. Don't think about him... start thinking about how good you are going to look and he is going to die... and then when you find this HUNK of a man, he is going to wish he had treated you better.
Fourth....go to match dot com..find a pen pal and start taking up your time chatting or writing to someone else. Go out on the weekend with a friend to Starbucks or someplace that you can sit and talk and possibly meet someone else. Get out. Usually someone else will fill that void but don't jump into anything quickly.
Take your time and enjoy.
That is what I did. I totally got it off my mind... exercised and looked good and made up my mind actually that I didn't want anyone else that I was happy and as soon as I did that... BOOM.....that is when it hit and I have the best hubby a woman could ever dream of.......
Just be thankful that it happened now and NOT after you got married or something. Listen, if he will believe her then you don't want him... you want someone that will stand up for you. I have already been there and done that it you don't want someone that WILL NOT stand by you. If he will sway now it will only get worse.
Good luck... you will do just fine.
Concentrate on the daughter.

Many of us have lost the one's we loved over our life time. You can get over that. What you can't get over is losing yourself.

When it comes to men, I am all about Girl POWER! Cut him off completely, he left, his ex pushed him away and you tried everything to get him to stay. You have done enough.

You have a daughter to think about, and if he tries to come back, there must be rules. I don't know if he has any kids but you need to set some guidelines to shield yourself and your daughter from a Yo-Yo (in your life one minute and out the next).

Take some much needed "Me" time. No new men, no ex-men and no BS. Take care of yourself, your daughter and your job. Clear your mind, find out what you really want out of a man because you do not NEED one. If he can't give you what you want, he has got to go!

Good luck to you and if you need anything else, just let us know. :-)

Oh my friend I understand. Having been there myself there are a few things you need to do. First as was suggested, you have to remove all reminders of him from your life that you can. Picture put away, don't leave his voice on the phone message, and anything else. Next make plans to do things you love with your daughter. Simple little things, but you need to have things to look forward to. A mother daughter trip to the beauty shop for a mini make over. Lastly make sure you are getting enough sleep. Our brains get all out of wack when lacking sleep. Dont be affaird to cry and let your daughter be a comfort to you. It will be good for her to know that hugs from her help make you feel better. Good luck and it will take time.