Need Help ....... Helping Son!

The school, the hospital/dr office/PT, etc should be able to give you the tools you need. Don't forget to go to the library.
Find things to celebrate, things he can do,

I remember when I was a STNA that some of my residents had devices that made buttoning, zipping, etc easier for them. Maybe you can get some assistive devices? (IE for the buttons; use a loop of plastic thread similar to the "TopsyTail" to grab the button & pull it through holes)

Emotionally; this is going to be a tough road. I just wanted to give you a BIG HUG. Talk to a counsilor about how you feel, let him go to a counsilor to work out his feelings, and give it time.

Accidents happen... that is why they are called accidents = you couldn't have planned for it, or prevented it, because you didn't know it would happen, till it did.

S., Your story is touching and brought tears to my eyes. As a mom the worst thing is watching your child struggle and not being able to help. My heart goes out to you. I don't really have any advise, but just wanted to let you know that I will keep your family in my prayers. I didn't read all of your responses but Dana's response seem to be right on target. It seems that you have the strength to get through this and I'm sure with time and love, things will work out. Best of luck to you. T.

So sorry for you guys! Hang in there. Someone mentioned a pediatric occupational therapist. That would be great! They specialize in fine motor skills (while physical therapist are more gross motor skills) like buttoning, etc. Also I went to college with a gal who lost her first and middle fingers in a farming accident and you couldn't even tell unless you really looked at her hand. She did everything including writing with this hand! She really amazed me. Of course it had been about 10 years since her accident but she wasn't self conscious and talked to anyone about what happened if they were curious. I hope this is a little encouraging. And it is okay to grieve even if it could have been worse. You have all suffered a loss and it's okay to feel bad about it. Getting some help can help you work through that grief and accept the way things are now. God bless!

S. you do not say what hand or what fingers.

I pray that he is obtaining some typ of physical therapy.
Make sure that you encourage and help him and all ways possible. Make sure that he continues any therapy he receiveds. It is hard, but with time he will be able to do many things that are thought impossible.

My heart goes out to both of you.

God Bless

I have no good answer but I have seen this kind of thing portrayed in movies and they have been successful using humor.

Its a long shot but I can assure you, crying for him daily will not help, it will only harm. Maybe you could tape your fingers together and try to duplicate what he is going through and see what his challenges are through your eyes (the physical ones). You are both suffering emotionally so I would look for counseling for that aspect.

That is tragic! And it will probably take quite a while to get used to your new circumstances.

Maybe you and your son can start with some baby steps, by putting aside a few moments each day to focus on the good things (things that make him happy each day). Maybe at meals or bedtime, you could just talk about some happy things (playing a game, visiting a friend, something good at school). You might only find glimpses of your happy little boy at first, but maybe he'll find a bit more each day.

S., i believe the first step is for you to get a handle on it. Our kids feed off of the emotion that we as parents have. They will most times mirror our emotions. I think you have to go back to the fact that it could have been so much worse. God is an amazing God, He gives us the ability to work thru all things that are allowed in our lives. You have to get to the place that you aren't traumatised by this situation only then can you help him thru it as well. Good luck in your fight...it is a fight but you have a lot of control over how this ends. Take care, keep moving forward. R.

Have you talk to your Dr about this maybe he knows some one who has gone thought this who would be willing to talk to your son about how to move on and someone who can help you as his mom know the best way to deal with this. Also you and your son may gain from seeing counselor who can help you deal with the many questions you both have. I know when my hubby had a open operation and when I was told I had diabetes these steps help us. I would also go to the public liberty and ask for kids book on people who have over come this type of life changing problems. Also give you and your son a little bit of time to readjust. It will take some time. Also if you are a woman of pray ask God for wisdom in this matter he would love to help you.

I agree with some of the others that counseling may be in order. You and your son will have to make some adjustments in your expectations and there will be days of frustration. Frustration is OK - but I think children learn how to handle difficulties by watching their parents. If your son sees that you think this is a horrible, life- altering situation, then he will view it that way as well. If he sees you with optimism and confidence that this is a challenge that he will overcome, then that's how he will view it. I have a son with an eye condition that leaves him with much less than perfect vision. We have never made a big deal over it or excuses for him. There are likely going to be things he can't do as well as others, but that's just part of who he is. The process will different for your son, because he has experienced a loss (my son has had his condition since birth). But I think as parents, we set the pace and the expectations. Show him your confidence that he will re-learn to do the things he could do before - just in a new way. That confidence and optimism will begin to rub off on him.

I'm so sorry that you and your son are having to go through this. Both of you will be stronger for it in the end!

Hello S.. Your story breaks my heart. And yes, you do need a way and a place to blow off steam and process all of the fear and the frustration you have about this, because these are things you can't do in front of your son. Just because it 'could have been worse' doesn't mean it isn't awful. With any loss, you have to give time for grief and anger and then move on. For a child, with little concept of the future and how time heals, it must be awful.

I have worked with kids facing terminal and long term illnesses. Keep it normal. He HAS to adjust, and given time he will, learning to do everything he did before and more.If you are babying him, stop. I don't mean be harsh, or don't help if he needs it, but lose the protective vibe you have had going since you had the worst scare of your life. Make sure that you have your attitude straight, which will give him an example to follow. Encourage him, help to show him that he can do things, be there when he fails and show him that there is always another chance to try and get it right. Don't solve things for him, help him discover a way to solve on his own. Let him voice his frustrations and fears, and then talk them out, show him a light at the end of the tunnel. Find examples of people who have lost limbs and gone on to do amazing things.(Gotta love the internet!) Help him see that it is not the end of the world.

For you. Let the fear go, let the anger go, let any guilt you have go. You can't help him move on until you forgive yourself. All mommies fell responsible, accidents happen, this wasn't your fault. If you need to scream...go out on the back porch, put your face in a pillow and do it. Cry, rail on and then fix yourself up, slap a smile on your face and pretend everything is fine, until it is fine again. You can set the tempo for him, let him know it is all ok. This is a chance to help him learn and grow, it just might be an opportunity to grow even closer to him as you watch him overcome his loss and he learns how to cope and come out on top with help from you.

Good luck, Mommy. I know you can do it.

D.

It Will get Better But You Are Heading Down The Road, I Can Sense Depression In Your Words. You Need To Be Strong For Him. When I was 18 I Worked At A Snow Cone Stand And i HYad Brought My 8 Year Old Sister With Me On A Pretty Regular basis, well one day not to go into deatils but she stuck her fingers into the snow cone machine. She lost part of two fingers, they were able to reattach one of them because it had landed on the ice. I took it so much harder than she did. Not to say she did not take it hard because she did. It was rough at the beginnining during the bandaging,etc. Are you still at that point. Once everything healed outside(fingers) so did her inside. She started becoming her old self and her fingers they were just like some old war story. Honestly, we never even think of it much anymore. This is obviously still new to you guys but I promise it will get better. I am so sorry It had to happen, ofcourse it is a huge issue. Your going to have to be able to talk about it with him.

I Am A 23 Year Old Working Mom Of A 4 Year Old Girl.

S.,
Has anyone mentioned the possibility of Occupational Therapy? The work with fine motor skills, sometimes buttoning, hand writing, etc. I would ask his doctor if this is a possibility.
D. B.

My husband has to deal with a messed-up knee and has had bad chronic pain ever since his accident. He used to love soccer, and now he can't do most sports or types of exercise. So I kind of know how you feel.

I think your son could benefit from counseling - not only to help deal with his new challenges, but with the trauma that he has experienced, and at such a young age, to boot. You can, of course, join him in some or all of these sessions, depending on what you, the therapist, and he agree on.

Good luck.

L.

How awful! I cannot really begin to understand how that must feel for either one of you! I'm so sorry that happened!

I agree with the poster who recommended counselling. Your son (and yourself and the rest of your family) experienced a real loss. One thing that he lost was his picture of the future. It's not that he can't relearn things and won't be able to do things. Heck, give him a year and he'll probably be every bit as capable as before, plus some from the effects of growing and learning that a year brings :) But the image of the future is different to him.

You both need time and space to grieve and hurt and cry and heal. It can certainly be done on your own, but a counselor can provide guidance on the path to acceptance and healing.

Remind your son and yourself that it's okay to be sad and frusterated and angry and anything else you feel.

My youngest fell when he was not quite a year old and broke two of his front teeth very badly (one will require a nearly surgical repair in another year or two). It's a temporary problem, so I won't BEGIN to compare his accident to your son's, but it gives me a glimpse into what it's like have a very hurt child. There's a rage and a hurt that it's YOUR baby that has to experience such a thing. The visual reminders trigger those feelings for a long time. But time does heal, with cleansing tears and a concious effort to allow healing to happen.

You will both come through this. With every small skill he regains, offer praise and encouragement. Cheer for yourself when you gain a new way of helping him to help himself.

Your son is so fortunate to have a mother who cares at the deep-down, ache-with-him level like you do! With love, you can BOTH do this!

Counseling is definitely not a bad idea. There are rehab counselors who specialize in life-changing injuries or illnesses. They tend to work at rehab hospitals or bigger medical centers. You didn't mention what kind of trauma, but he might have some fear or nightmares to work through as well. You might even find a support group of kids with similar issues to make him feel better. Even talking to one kid who has successfully coped with a smiliar trauma might really help him feel better about himself.

Another person who could possibly help a lot is a visit to a pediatric occupational therapist (OT). They have lots of tricks and tools that might be able to help him figure out how to do things that frustrate him differently or easier.

The good news is that this should be temporary. Once he heals and gets used to his new appearance, it will probably be like nothing ever happened physically! Best of luck!!!

S.,
First off let me tell you how sorry I am for the struggles your family is enduring after your son's accident. I can't imagine how you must feel or how hard it is for your son. Saying that, I just wanted you to know that my younger sister grew up with a little boy with only 2 fingers on his right hand. He grew up to be super athletic, not "different", he ran track, played baseball, basketball.. anything he set his mind to. I will be praying for your family but just know once your son adjusts he will do just fine.. and still can play any sport or do anything he wishes!
Maybe get him the Dr. Seuss book "Oh the places you'll go!"
It really seems encouraging to children. Good Luck and if you would ever like to just talk, I'm all ears!
Give him tons of love and let him know your there to help with anything he needs.
God Bless & Good Luck

Hi S.,
I wish I had answers for you. I know that saying it could be worse or you were so lucky does not help. You have a bad situation. I have had things happen to me and people have responded with those "helpful" words and attitudes. I told the doctor once "I know that in the large scheme of thiings, this is just a little minor thing, I know there are people with real problems, but this is my life. This is what I have to deal with." It can be so hard and feel like a dream. You keep thinking you will wake up and life will be back to normal. Well, you will. Your son will learn to overcome his difficulty. Kids are so resilient and they can recover so much easier than we can. I know you hurt even more because this is your baby. Just keep plugging on, it will be okay. One of these days, you won't cry and that will be the beginning of better days.

I am saying a prayer for you. You are not alone.

B.

I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to your son! Acknowledge his frustration by telling him that it really stinks that this happened, then tell him that he is such a smart/able little boy that with lots of practice he will figure out how to overcome this obstacle! Remind him of all of the things he has had to learn, even learning to walk, etc. Be there to help him, but don't rescue him. It's sort of like letting a toddler figure out how to put on their shirt or do a puzzle. You can help, but it is sometimes best to back off and let him get a bit frustrated. It sounds like he has such a great mom, and I know he will come through this challenge doing ok!

You need to read "The Power of Now" by Eckart Tolle. It will shift your way of thinking just slightly. That is all you need. I will bet it will also give you some insight on the attitude you should exhibit to your child about it while showing him how to handle stress and frustration. Read it.

I agree with those who recommended counseling to help him manage his frustration levels and his reaction to frustration.
I would also recommend checking with your insurance company to see if they would cover physical therapy for him, specifically with a therapist who has xperience with amputees. S/he can help him figure out new ways to manage things like buttons, and also help him strengthen the other fingers to compensate for the missing ones.