Need Help Getting More Parenting Time Through Courts Against My Parents

First I would have to understand how the court would allow your parents to take them? Going back and forth can be VERY confusing for children, especially if there has been trauma or a lot of stress going on in their lives. You say you moved 300 miles away, that was your choice, not the kids. I kind of understand if there was a bad situation your parents being aprehensive about letting the kids go 300 miles away. I suggest you in good faith show how much you want your children in your lives and move closer, visit without sleepovers and be an active participant in what is going on with them. Moving away to me tells me you weren't too concerned about how they felt.
If you feel you have a right and things are good and you can be good parents, then it is worth any amount of money to take it to court. Just realize whatever you do, the kids best interest and what is best for them should be the priority right now. I would think a judge wouldn't look too well on you moving so far away.
Just my two cents.

Hi H.,
Personally I think you move closer and bend over backwards to do whatever the court has said needs done to be with your kids. I would fix whatever the problem was that had a court take my kids away in the first place and do whatever was needed to have them back in my life on a regular basis.

If it is out of the courts hands at this point and your parents have full custody then I would make whatever changes in my life style that causes my parents concern to be with my own children. Courts don't just let grandparents take their grandkids because they want to, I would make whatever changes in my own life, no matter how costly, no matter how hard, to become a good, healthy, responsible parent. Depending on what has happened it may take quite a long period to convince your parents that the change is a trustworthy and long term change.

And no matter what, I would do what is best for my kids, even if it meant living with grandparents.

Good luck, let your kids know that you love them no matter where they live and let them think it is a positive that they are where they are. Even if it is not what you want and even if you and your parents are struggling with each other don't make your parents an enemy to your kids, that only hurts your kids.

This must be very difficult for you and I wish you the best.

S. M

i'm just making a guess here that the reason your parents have custody of your children is that it was decided at some point that it was unsafe for the children to be with you and your husband. so probably it is important to your parents to see proof that you have changed the situation for them to be willing to allow the children back with you. this involves swallowing your pride, but can definitely be worth it. whatever you can tell or show that you have improved-- counseling, rehab, self help or parenting books, a recommendation from a government agency, church attendance, medication, etc. sometimes we think that it's none of anyone's business what we do to improve ourselves, but in this situation, it is probably very important to show that you will put the physical and emotional needs of the children above your own.

People don't be so quick to judge that the courts were correct to take the children away..it so easy for someone to get wrongly accussed and it's easy to get into the system and extremely hard to get out...this may not be your case H., but people are sooo quick to make judgements about people. Don't get me wrong there is a system in place for a reason. Financially, mentally and physically I don't know your reasons in the entirety of why you moved 300 miles away. But somehow if you truly want a good relationship with your 3 older children you have get yourself in a position to prove to the courts, social services and your parents that you are in the good standing to mentally and physically first have a healthy relationship with your children and then possibly take care of your children on your own.
You may never have a stereotypical parent relationship with these children, but your job now as a parent is to the best healthy relationship you can with them.
Once they are older they will then be able to make the decision of what type of relationship they want to have with you. I would at least try the $200 court and then you'll be able to say you tried and then possibly get in some type of system for some type of relationship. Can you discuss with the children addvicate what you should do or can you?
Grandparents don't need to be raising children, they done their thing and need to enjoy their granchildren not reaise them.

H. I am concerned about the decision to move so far from your children. Your first priority is your children whether or not they live with. Your description, probably strict guidelines set...yes, by strangers...in calling them "games" raises a red flag that you are indeed angry, sad and not accepting what responsibility in this situation is yours. You've thrown your laundry out here...you may not want to hear this but my first piece of advice for you is to get counseling, work on yourself, work on the relationship with your parents if possible and turn this into a situation where you can be proud of your self and your actions/reactions. Write letters, draw pictures, send video..every evening if possible, short postcards...do not include subtle messages or promises you cannot keep, you have to show your children that you are the adult. BE POSITIVE no matter what is happening in your world , let these children get to know you in another role other than grandparents vs. parents...these children have picked up on it guaranteed! Be a wonderful 300-mile-away-mom before believing you are automatically entitled to uprooting their little schedules just to come to you-perhaps you can visit. It sounds like you have a job ahead of you proving life is different, that you have changed, however it still appears you have work to do on yourself, as we all do...before those in charge of your children can trust you again. Best wishes and it will take hard work, but you do owe it to your children, it was your choice to have them now it must be your choice to make each action and goal you set reflect your love and commitment to them.

I don't know why your children were taken away, but whatever the reason it needs to be fixed/changed. Even if it was because of false accusations or misunderstandings, prove it in the way that you act and behave. Prove that your children are a top priority in your life. Move closer to them, get ivolved in their lives. Find out about there school activies, homework, etc. if they do any sports, music, or whatever. Go to the games/performances. Prove to them, your parents, the courts, that you really do care, no matter wha the cost.

My sister had a situation where she almost left her husband. But then she stopped to think about her kids. Was it good for them to be away from their dad? So she finally asked them what they wanted. They wanted her to give her husband another chance and to try and work it out. So far it has worked. Let your kids help you decide what is best for them.
Call them, and discuss it. I know they are young, but you will be amazed at what they say. My sisters kids are younger than yours and they knew what the right answer was.

Being a parent requires alot of hard work and sacrifice. You have to be willing to sacrifice everything: time, money, sleep, hobbies, relaxing, eating at the right time, sometimes even your job if needed. You have to be willing to make every sacrifice required of you. If you are, prove it to them. If you aren't, then maybe it is better this way.

Whatever you decide, make sure it is what is best for your children. That is what matters most. What is best for them. Think about it, pray about it. And no matter what you and your parents need to learn to get along and be friends, for the sake of the children.

Good luck.

I don't have knowledge on this subject. But I do think that making sure you are trying to prove yourselves (or maybe just one of you, depending on the situation that caused the loss in the first place) would be very important.

Also, these are your children. You already mentioned that prayer has been a part of your decision making process. I like this little thought: Work/act like everything depends on you. Pray like everything depends on God. Good luck and God bless. : )

personal questions that you don't need to answer but consider. why did your parents take them away. consider the reason and see if you've improved in that area. like if you were abusive, have you found yourself being more patient and using healthier forms of discipline. talk to your parents. help them understand that you've changed. visit them when you can. Good luck! God be with you

I had a simalar issue. I was on every kid of state's assistance possible and was strapped for cash too. I thought that the fightwould be impossible, but if you love your kids and want them back fight for them it's worth it. I got help from legal aid search your local resources there is affordable legal help. You have every right to your children. Good luck and god bless.

Dear H.,

I am sorry to here that your parents are giving you such a hard time. How was it that they were able to take them away in the first place?
I am interested in your case, because this happened to my mom many years ago. And she was unable to get my sister back.

Also, I am a grandma of two boys 4 and 2. My daughter who is 24, married a jerk 5 years ago, and finally figured out that he was not the man for her, when he decided he wanted to have accomplished more than to play daddy. So she has come to live with my husband and I and her two teenage siblings.
It is difficult because she does not want to apply for any housing, or childcare benefits from the state, because the state will go after him for repayment. He "does not," or has yet to pay anything towards their care, but she says she has an "agreement" with him. She has said in the past that she does not want to hurt him, which I think is BS.

When she was married to him, the in laws lived within 10 miles of them, however they did not want much to do with the grandkids. The children s father, most of the day would play video games, while my daughter worked. He went to school in the mornings, and rarely picked them up from her job. He doesn't have a job, because he can't get one, because of a felony driving conviction.

My daughter now is talking about signing up for the National Guard, which would require her to go to 9 week training. Instead of leaving the kids with us, she says that she will just send them to their dad, and that the "other" grandparents can help him watch them. (The reason is because we feel that she should be applying for childcare, and housing to help offset the expenses of having them with us, and that we complain that they break things and whine too much.) She just does not understand. She feels that as grandparents, we should watch them for free, and that because she has no money, we should not require her to pay for rent here. (She does buy groceries with the food stamps the state has given her.) She most of the day spends time on her computer. We are retired and are trying to get our other kids raised.

I really don't want the children to go to their no good dad, and if she could pay for daycare, it would reduce the stress and help the 2 year old not be so bullied by his brother.

I have said enough, and probably have not helped you with what you are going on. But, at least you are not alone...

Hope things work out for you and your kids.

Blessings,
Cath

I'm not sure why your children were taking away. I think that you need to speak with an attorney. There are a lot of good attorney's out there that do pro bono work. You will have to contact you state legal aid. On another note if the state came in and took your children and placed them with your parents. You should have been given an attorney as well as your children.