Hi
I have a very intelligent 3 yr old son whom we started potty training the first of August of this year, just before his 3rd birthday. He seemed to pick it up immediately, going pee pee & pooping in the potty with in the first few attempts. We had done a lot of research & did all of the suggested things including stickers, charts, positive reinforcement, dancing & celebrating etc etc but he only pooped in the potty the ONE time (in mid July) & never again. It seemed to me that it really traumatized/surprised him when it happened & although my husband & I made a big deal of it & he appeared all excited & proud of his feat, telling everyone he saw; it is clear that there is still fear behind doing it on the potty.
It's been 4 months with no pee accidents (except occasionally in the night) but when it is time to go pooh, he refuses to sit on the potty. (Typically he'll tell me he is going but will not allow me to get him to the potty (but has a temper tantrum & break down.) I've tried everything to overcome this fear with no avail including having him sit on the potty & eat a Popsicle (or something that take him a while to finish) at the same time he goes each day.
He speaks quite well & we have had discussions on his fear & he agrees he is scared, but I also fear his intelligence is getting in the way & he is just plain getting lazy. Usually he'll demand me to change him & immediately have a breakdown until I do-but lately he has also been doing the opposite, where he won't let me come near him & occasionally not even tell me he went.
I tried everything suggested to me-any help woudl be much appreciated!
Thanks so much!
Jack's mom
So in response to the great answers thus far:
He has been in underwear for 4 months now & does not seem bothered about pooping in them. he goes to daycare 4 times a week & all of his friends in his class have recently moved up to the next classroom as they had already passed this milestone. We thought this would be the 'trick'-when his friend moved up to the 'potty trained' classroom with out him-but again he does not seem bothered. He uses a training seat on the regular toilet at home & the toilets at school are small enough for him to use on his own. We both (mommy & daddy) poop in front of him & when we clean his underwear we make him drop it in the toilet & flush it. I also went to great lengths to create a story about where it goes when the toilet flushes- ( outside when the water goes down & into the ground & it comes up outside-nourishing the plants & tress & helping them to grow) He likes this story & we talk about how it is important for us to do our part to help the flowers grow. He even agrees every time I ask him if he will TRY to tell mommy when he feels it (he can tell) coming 'next time'-but he does not. All of these were suggestions from daycare or other moms who have tried them with success-he just seems so resistant.
Do you have him in underwear? Pooping in underwear is not fun, he may realize. My friend, as a last resort, would take her son who would poop out of laziness in his underwear, still him immediately in the bath and clean him off with coldish water. Not to be painful, just not a fun experience.
Aww poor little guy.
Even when they are smart & intelligent kids, I remember learning in my
Child Development classes that this step is huge for most kids because
they feel they are "leaving" a part of them in the toilet.
It drops out, it goes down the toilet hole.
As lame as it sounds, they are traumatized that they lost a "part of
themselves".
Cognitively and developmentally speaking, it does "come" to them one day. It all just makes sense.
I say you are sooo close.
You may have some setbacks but keep up with what you are doing.
Great job.
Good work!
Keep trying, keep doing what you have done.
Keep at it.
Give the break, let up a bit, go back to it.
That's probably the most important part: don't punish & the "going back
to it".
It WILL HAPPEN! :)
Give it a little bit of a break so you don't end up "harassing" him.
My 2 year old also had a strange reaction the first few times he pooped on the potty. I could tell he didn't quite like it, although as you said, we also got excited, did the song and dance, and he seemed to enjoy that. He refused to sit on the potty for a while, but we didn't insist and let him come back to it on his own. I should mention that those first couple of times he pooped, it was using a toilet seat on the toilet, not the small potty chair. I wondered if the "plop" of the poop was what scared him.We backed off for a while and eventually, he did voluntarily sit and poop in the potty chair and has been doing it for a few months. Lately he prefers to sit on the toilet using the toilet seat. What if you drop it completely for a few weeks, don't even mention, except perhaps when the adults in the family need to use the potty, so he is aware that adults use the potty for pooping. He may eventually come around himself.
You've received some great advice already, all I will add is this site that helped my guy get over his fear of pooping and he's now going on the potty:
http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm
Elaine, ewwwwww
My older son had this same issue. They say poop is actually scarier than we realize. God knows how they figured this out but they say the kids are afraid part of them fell off. Yeah, gross. S'anyway my son hit almost four and just started going like nothing had ever bothered him. Never had this issue with my girls mind you.
Strange
I think you are just going to have to wait it out. Sounds like you have tried everything possible, but the truth is he just has to get to that moment when it just clicks for him. My son showed some interest in the potty a few months or so before he turned 3. Finally, made the connection that the pee goes in the potty about 6 weeks after his 3rd birthday and had some successes. Then his successes only came when we were out in public places. It seemed he refused to go at home. Our doctor just kept saying to keep trying, but stop when my son (or I) became frustrated. It is a natural process, so you just can't rush it. My son turns 4 on December 2nd and it seems just this week it has all clicked for him. He uses the potty without being reminded (peeing and pooping), he can manage his own clothes on his own and is really taking great pride and delight in this new found independence. So, it just may take awhile longer. My son is very bright too, but some of these developmental milestones have come later for him than for some of his peers. Your son will get there sooner or later. It just takes a great deal of patience!
HTH,
A.
Hi B.,
I also have a 3 year old. Do you know what is helping? He just started nursery school and sees the other kids going potty. Now he wants to wear real underwear and go potty like his friends. It is not perfect...but this has been great.
so...to apply to your situation. Maybe try to share with him when daddy or mommy or xxx goes to the potty. Let him know others do it and don't pressure him. Maybe eventually he will want to do what he sees others do...
Anyhow, I think if we relax a bit they do too. I am very high strung when it comes to health and safety, but with this stuff I try to relax.
hope this helps a tiny bit.
jilly
I would let him be present when you and your husband are pooping. While it's not the most pleasant thing to talk about, I think sitting there while you're pooping and talking about it openly could let him know the sensations are "normal". Somehow whenever my boys do things like that it's always better if my husband deals with it. For little boys, some things are better explained by Daddy....
I have no answers but I empathize with you!!!! My daughter is three and pee trained but refuses to poop in the potty either. I have tried EVERYTHING just as you have. Let's just hope and pray it clicks for them very soon. It is a bit comforting to know that someone else out there is stuggling with this just as we are. Good luck.
Is he pooping in his underwear?? If you have him in a pull-up, get rid of them. Underwear only.
What worked for my son at age 3.5, stubborn little guy, was to allow him to use his cool Leap Pad toy/storybook thing ONLY while he's on the pot. If he sat on the pot to try to poop he could play it. Eventually, he would say "I want to try to poop mom" and he'd play the game and sit on the toilet for a while. Almost always he'd get something out. Now, a couple months later, he will tell me he has to poop and say "Can I play that game too?"
My grand daughter was terrified of toilets after seeing "Flushed Away". It was horrible to see her struggle with going. But she eventually forgot. We just let it go and let her wear pull ups and one day she was going potty and never looked back. Sometimes the more YOU focus on it the more it brings her fear to her mind and she can't forget about it. So my advice would be to not talk to her about it, not mention it, just let her go about her business and wear pull ups and let it go. She will eventually forget about it.
