Need Help - Mc Lean,VA

S.:

Do NOT call CPS unless you have sufficient evidence. If you are keeping a spreadsheet with the times you have her, you should be able to account for bruising, diaper rashes, etc.

Your BF is the ONLY one to make the full custody decision. It only becomes an issue for you if you are his wife. GF?! Nope. No say.

Toddlers get bruises all the time. Oh my - my daughter could be playing and fall, out on the playground and messing around? Yes, even at 2 years old. They are still new to walking.

If the bruises are in ODD locations (top of the arm (finger prints, buttocks (hand shaped) or face - ASK the toddler how she got the bruises - DO NOT coach her. Just ask her "Jana how did you get the boo-boo?" DO NOT say "Jana did mama hit you?" DO NOT give her leading questions - have her tell you the story.

Diaper rashes can be common in children. if the mother is not changing her as often as you do or she's eating differently with her mother than with you - it could be food sensitivity, laundry detergent sensitivity, etc. TALK with the mother - find out what she feeds her, how often she changes the diapers, what her schedule is like - if you are turning into her primary care giver, then these are all things you need to know in order to take better care of their daughter.

If your BF is hiding his head NOW, IT WILL NOT CHANGE in the future. SO YOU need to decide if this is who you want to spend your life with. If he hides his head about THIS - what about other issues? What if the car payment is late? All of these issues are IMPORTANT, if he hides his head and ignores it - you never know what you could walk in on one day if you married him....(or walk out to...no car because the car was repo'ed)...seriously. think about the long term with this one....you already have your rose colored glasses off, now you need to do the HARD stuff - if he won't stand up for his daughter, what will he stand up for?

Calling cps won't resolve it...you'll just look like an angry gf. And I'd have to
ask why you've been with with this "boyfriend" AND taking care of his child and participate in paying his child support...when your married I'd say you have more of a respectabl say, but you really don now. And documentation is important! So it's great you've made a spread sheet. I have a leatherbound journal I keep all my recordings of visits and calls and reactions ect...judges will really listen if u pull out notes... But it's your bf concern
and involving CPS will get them more in your life an your bf... If ur living together the babys mom could stop all visitation until you move out if she wanted bc your not married.
The best thing to do is consult an attorney for custody bc if the father has proof she been in his care the courts will look at that for primary care, it's hard to take a child from the mother, also, if you make the mom mad you could loose the little girl, the mom may not let you have her 90% of the time, So if it's paying child support your worried about go forward.

Take photographic evidence and take her to the Dr. to check out anything suspicious, make sure the Dr documents the injury and knows where it occurred and how. My sons are covered in bruises all the time, but they are brought on by my boys being rough ,so it depends a lot on placement and severity of bruising as well as the child's nature and if she bruises easily or is a little clumsy at your home as well. Are there behavioral changes when the child goes over there, she comes back acting a little off or doesn't want to be left with her mother? Write any of this down if so. You may need to call cps for an investigation.

As for the child support, seek the aid of an attorney to go to court and continue on maintaining the spreadsheet of who is the primary caregiver.

Well, you can't really do anything. You aren't married and have no rights. If you think she's being abused you can call CPS, but be prepared that will open a huge can of worms!
Your BF may be taking the best approach, by not rocking the boat and continuing to pay the child support he gets his daughter most of the time. If he goes to court, more than likely, the mother will make sure that is no longer the case.
Hard decision.

Probably need to speak to an attorney about the child support issue.

You should take her to the doctor and have them check her out. Document this stuff, take down dates and pictures of the bruises. I'd get as much proof of anything before you call CPS. Make sure that you get enough to make sure that you get her. Good Luck!

Yes, document with pictures, dates, and details written down. Take her to the doctor for both the diaper rash and bruises, if they are more than typical kid bruises.

It sounds like the first person you'll need to convince of a problem is her father. The documentation and pictures may help you do this.

You could call CPS on your own, they have to investigate every complaint they get, it doesn't have to be "serious danger" (I know, we've been investigated for nothing because of a neighbor's complaint). The more evidence you have, the more action they can take. But, your complaint will carry more weight if both you and her father present the same story. If he doesn't think anything is wrong, they will have much less to go on.

Another option would be to skip CPS and get a lawyer to review your documentation and see what could be done through the court. The court has more power to make a change than CPS does, but there is always risk in putting your situation in the hands of the court, so be sure that you have a case first.

Good luck. And don't let anyone tell you that because you haven't married her father, that you are any less important in this girl's life. I've been a stepmom for over 25 years, married for 17 of those. I was no less a "mom" before the marriage ceremony and after the divorce, than I was during the marriage.

I hate calling CPS they can make your life a nightmare. The better choice is to talk to her father and have him set an appointment with his attorney for both of you and seek full time custody. The court should appoint a guardian ad lidem (sp), who is an attorney appointed to look out for the child's best interests. They usually don't contact CPS but will interview both parents and make sure both homes are child-safe and the parents have the child's best interests at heart. The Mom may have to take parenting classes and or go to counseling. She may love her child but she may not know how to parent. There are a lot of people out there who were raised in very disfunctional homes and truly don't know how to do things differently. Give the Mom a chance to learn how to parent.
Right now you seem to be the only rational voice to protect this little girl. She needs you, document everything, with notes and pictures, dates and times. Good for you to be willing to champion for this child.

Call CPS right away-hang on to your documentation-keep fighting for this lilltle life-you are all she has-good luck!

If she is coming to you with diaper rash and bruises (more than one!), you have to call CPS. The occasional diaper rash hints at neglect but, even with the most attentive parents, it does occur. Toddlers do bump into things and fall but I don't recall my children having any bruises when they were younger and definitely no more than possibly one bruise at a time. CPS really needs to get involved in this issue for the child's own safety and wellbeing.