Need Guidance to Help My 5 Year Old Get Ready for Kinder

I have a 4 yo grandson that was having similar problems and diagnosed with ADHD, the daycare said my daughter-in-law had to put him on medication or take him out. We found a health drink called Original Limu and since he has been on he is a totally different kid. He is no longer aggressive and has really become a loving sweet child.

I think he will be fine i too had a daughter that was in the speech program through the district and she is in kinder now and doing good she is still in speech that she has 30min on monday and wednesday at school. she was a very shy little girl herself and is just starting to come out of that. I think he will be fine when he gets over the intial going to school everyday. i hope that this helped.

We should have an older boys playgroup. LOL
My son is 4 years, 4 months and he is going through that now.
I swear, his mouth gets him in so much trouble... but everyone I know with a boy my son's age says "it's a phase"... Hopefully we all live through it... hahaha
I have a theory that they realize their time with mom at home is limited... the thought of going to school all day, EVERY DAY, is daunting to them...
if you go to http://www.tea.state.tx.us/teks/ you will find a guide for each grade for "essential knowledge" in Texas schools.
Does it help to know you are SOOOOOOOOO not alone?
Hugs,
E.

I think he's probably going to be ok - my B O Y has had nothing but excellent behavior reports from his PK teacher.

I'd like to second the advice, though, about getting him screened for autism - or more specifically, for Asperger's. The combination of speech difficulty, aggression, and social withdrawal is enough to raise that concern - the availability of intervention to limit the effects is reason enough to check. The earlier intervention begins, the more successful it is.

I also whole heartedly recommend www.nogreaterjoy.org - they have a wonderful section on bringing up boys - even when they are B O Y S.

S.

Hello K., I taught kindergarten for year. It is much harder for boys to start at 5. They seem to do better and feel more like a leader if they are held back a year. I feel after reading your story that would be the best for your son. My daughter started kinder with a speach problem. It was hard for her and I both. Spelling test, reading homework...a lot of work and frustration! My daughter went to speach theropy and also went to a special class that did cup stacking (you can buy these at walmart or online). This helps them learn to use both sides of the brain. There is a dvd that comes with them so that you learn to use them properly. THere are also groups all over that meet up to compete. Your son would LOVE this. It will open so many doors for him. Releive his aggression which is coming from frustration. My daughter is in the 5th grade now and is a staight A student and has been since that class. She doesnt strugle at all in school. I never thought that would happen. Thank God! I bought three sets so that my two daughters and I could compete against each other at home. Fun way to learn. Check out http://speedstacks.com/ Good Luck and God Bless.

You might want to have his evaluated to rule out Aspergers Disorder. Its a high functioning form of Autism that exibits some of the same symptoms you are mentioning. Also, Make sure you ask for Special services to extend to next year as well. so he can receive special services in kindergarden.

Good luck, A. J

Hi K. - I have had problems with my five year old son since he was 2. Extremely aggressive and mean to me, but was not to his father. He lost his father last year so the situation has only increased. I have had him in counseling/Psychiatric care for four years. They have labeled him with Bipolar and Aspberger's. Not to say that is what your son has but maybe I would suggest seeing a counselor who might have a different view of the situation. It is common for the mom to receive the butt of it all and then the other parent gets treated like royalty. It is very frustrating and heart breaking I know! I know of some good play therapists if you are interested.

My son has responded somewhat well to medication. He started kindergarten this year but will have to repeat. He was slow in speech earlier but now is fine. It is his fine motor skills and focus that are lacking. I have heard that sometimes it is better for boys to repeat or start kindergarten at age 6. They are more developmentally ready for the high demands our school system has. I am looking at this year as "training."

Hang in there! There is only so much this world can do and then it is in God's hands! That is where I have had to leave mine.

-E.

I know you work and your boys go to daycare. But my son goes to speech therapy at the elementary school. He will go there to kinderguarten next year. I am so happy I chose to take him there instead of the preschool. I am hoping he will feel more comfortable next year when he goes. I take him into the office when we drop off my daughter and we sit there for 15 minutes until his speech therapist gets there. He gets to know the office staff, principal and assistant principal. It might be too many transitions before school next year, but see if you can do that to get him better aquainted...I am worried about my son. His name is Cooper and with fronting his letters it comes out as Pooper. I am so afraid the other kids will taunt him. But I know I have done everything I can. Good Luck, L.

You son will be ready for Kindergarten. It is more about learning to get along in a classroom environment. They will learn things in a fun way. I'm not sure how you are on dicipline, but you have to set rules and teach your son there are consequences to his actions. Hitting you is NEVER acceptable. My son is 7 and he will probably be bigger than me by the time he is 13. I do not play rough with him. No pushing, no tag, no wrestling. Those are games he plays with his dad. Determine what is important to him. If he likes playing with certain toys, take them away until he starts treating you like he should. Be consistent. When he says mean things, tell him that is not the way to talk to mommy. Do not be your child's friend, he should always speak and act respectfully toward you. You must be firm. Good luck...

I am a preK and a sub teacher. I have seen a lot of kids. It sounds like you are on the right path. He is in speech with your school district. The best advice is to talk to the school he will be going to. They have more experiance and can place him with the best teacher for his needs. Trust me when I say the Kindergarden teachers have delt with simialr situations before and will be able to help your child.
The issue of him saying unkind things to you needs to be delt with quickly. He needs to know that no matter what he says to you you will always love him. If he says "I hate you" Your response needs to be , "I understand that you may feel that way now. Thank you for using your words, but I am your mother and I will always love you". In this way you are communicating to him that he is important to you. That you are hearing his words (wich many people are not.) His feelings are important. You are not mad at him and, you will be a place of comfort for him.

I hope this has been helpful.

T. B

I am a kindergarten teacher and what you are describing is totally okay. Speech will come when his mouth is trained. Alot of times speech doesn't even hinder their reading. As for being selfish, it's in a five year old's nature to be selfish. If he prefers to hang out with you, other than children his own age, consider it a blessing. Also, gifted kids sometimes prefer the company of adults, other than children so he may be gifted and you don't even know it. Regarding the aggression, here is what I suggest. Go to the teacher and explain your concerns. Teachers like to know ahead of time so that we can make a plan of action. The right relationship with the parents (with open communication) always soothes a teacher's troubled heart and helps your child be successful. Have a good day.

Okay just relax. I am a teacher in training and I know for a fact that teachers overcome these difficulties easialy. Don't worry the speach issues will deminish in time besides when he starts school he will quickly correct his speech with peer help he will find out how to correctly speak. I'm sure that you will be amazed at how fast he will catch on. The aggression will also change as he connects with other children and develops a relationship with his teacher. You will find that children about this age show more aggression in the home than they do outside the home most districs have what is called bell work which is a way of training students key stone traits that benifit one through out life like manners, respect, getting along with others, and so on. Remember just relax mama he will do okay and know it is harder for mom's to prepare than it is the children.

It will all work out! My son was "out of the box" in elem. school and we finally went with the school and put him on ADD medication. Looking back, that was a mistake. He was just a boy who learned a little differently. He's doing great now. Just love him and spend time with him. He is special and a gift from God.

I teach kids camps during Spring Break and all summer. I had some kids all summer last year that had ADHD and were on medication and being outdoors with the other kids was great for them. We had an autistic as well as deaf child. I take time to work with those needing a little extra tlc. Feel free to give me a call ###-###-#### or visit the website www.adventuredaycamps.com - taking some extra time this summer working with your son...he'll be just fine...blessings!

K., all children respond better with boundaries in place. Since your child acts better with his dad who is tougher, it sounds as though you are being too lax or coddling your child. Children need structure and boundaries and they need to learn that inappropriate behavior will reap consequences, such as time out in a corner or a swat on the bottom.

You should NEVER allow your child to hit you or speak to you inappropriately without a swift retribution. In allowing this behavior, you are teaching him that his behavior is acceptable and it is not.

Mimi

Who would have thought someone out there has a son just like mine lol. My son has a speech problem and is aggressive. He started kindergarden this year and has been doing a wonderful job. His teacher is great! She also told me at this age the schools are not to worried about their speach but when they hit 1st grade is when they will have concerns about it. With my son had to be become a "meaner" parent to get him to settle down with me and his older sister. But at school he has no problems unless someone gets in his space and then he acts out and the teacher handles it like a champ. I know you feel like your at your wits end with him, but give him time and he will come along. I hope this helps.

Maybe consider waiting on Kinder. I have several friends that have found this helpful with their 5 yr old boys, even without other issues (speech or otherwise). If you child goes to school with these issues unresolved, it could affect the potentional relationships with friends he will grow up with in school. Also, Dr. James Dobson is EXCELLENT! I would head to Barnes and Noble or the library to get Bringing Up Boys or another book you think suits your situation.
Take Care,
~K.

Hi, I'm D.. I have 3 kids, 2 girls and 1 boy. Their ages are 9,5 and 2. First of all let me just say that boys are completely different than girls and my boy is just 2. But I did worry about my 5 year old daughter starting school this year. She had slurred speech as well and hadn't attended day care since she was a baby. Also to top it all off she has bladder problems and still has to wear pull-ups. I debated over wether or not I should home school her. And then I realized that I wasn't putting my faith in God and trusting that He would take care of her. So she began school this year and has started to read and can count to 100 and she absolutely loves school. I know this isn't actually advice but just don't worry he'll be fine. As for him being meaner to you than his daddy, my boy listens to his daddy better than me. To be completely honest I think it is because my husband is better at discipline. My husband is more consistant and I think my boy has learned to call my bluff. I think as mamas we tend to baby our boys a little too much. But what can we do we are their mamas! There's no perfect advice to give anyone on parenting. Everyone has their opinion but he is your son you know him better than anyone else. So if I had to give you advice I would just say PRAY, PRAY, and PRAY some more. God Bless You and Your Family!

Dear K.,
I decided to homeschool my daughter 15 years ago and found out a lot about learning differences. I am not necessarily an advocate of homeschool vs public at all, but I did learn a lot. My daughter did not stay in homeschool.

He will have a learning style and differences like most kids and this may present a challenge. Boys are developmentally slower, too. My daughter was not ready at 5 but she was ready at 6. We ditched half of kindergarten to keep her out of any system until she was ready and then because she was wiggly and kinesthetic, she did better without workbooks and too much desk time. You may have to investigate a local homeschool group or other support group. I would google learning differences, local homeschool support groups and private academies to get started on what he needs, rather than mainstreaming him too soon and creating a tsunami. Preparation is the best security, but this is not too hard. I may have a reference number somewhere in all my old stuff if you cannot find help. I finally found out that I am in charge of my child and no one else, and then it became easy. She is now 20 and doing great. No worries. You should have the same experience with a little detective work in your area.

I had a son with speech problems too . Lots of kids have them. They will continue speech therapy in kinder. Try Karate it really helped our son

Hi K.. I think if he already goes to daycare and being around other kids will not be "NEW" to him, he should be fine. If it was his first time away from you and his dad--then maybe that would be a hard transition. But since he has already been in daycare--he'll probably be fine. And--he still has a few months before school starts so his speech may improve a ton by then! Good Luck!

K., I'm not sure about getting your 5 year old ready for kindergarten but, after reading you message I do feel you need to work with him on respecting you. Don't allow him to hit you or talk to you in a disrespectful way. Make him share the toys with his brother. Playing rough and tough is aboy trait but aggresiveness is not. We all need to learn to get along with everyone. As far as kindergarten I would talk to his teacher about his speech. A good teacher will work with him and make an effort to understand him. If he starts school being aggressive with the other children he may become labeled as a bully and from what you say and asking for help now I don't think this is what you want. Mother of a 10 year old.

I also had a child that did speech therapy through the school district. If you are already seeing improvement then I would not worry too much about it. There is still plenty of time before school starts.
As far as his behavior my recommendation is to just set boundaries. I have worked in daycare for over 8 years and have found that boundaries are your best defense. If he knows he can't take advantage of you he won't push so hard. He will test you but stand firm and you will both make it through.

Good luck!

My five year old is speech apraxic and I had the same concerns before he started kinder this year. They were laid to rest within the first month. He socializes fine according to the teacher. Somehow kids understand each other, thankfully! Also, with speech therapy he is coming along really well! You will be surprised that being around the other kids will help his speech more than anything! Good luck!

I think your son is acting out in aggression due to his frustration of not being understood at times. My twin sister and I were born hearing impaired and we had extreme tantrums since my parents could not understand us. After years of speech and my mother working with us, the tantrums decreased dramatically. My special needs child is 6 years old and has no speech at all. He would have these fits and I would try to understand what he wanted. It was frustrating. Now he knows to scoot over to the refrigerator if he is hungry or to the bathtub when he wants a bath, etc. So his aggression has decreased since we have established some form of communication. I could be totally wrong. He may be crying out for attention as well. When my kids hit me, they go in time out immediately. About the sharing, tell him that his brother would like to play with it but it is still his and he will get it back. It worked wonders for my daughter. Another thing that works is the "trading" concept. If he wants something his brother has, he can find a toy that his brother wants and "trade" for it. It worked great with my neices and nephews. Hope this helped out. Good luck!

Hi K.,
Why would you let a 5 year old be mean to you, his mother and you are an adult? He needs to know right from the start that meanness in any form is NOT allowed. If he can't be nice to you, do you think he will be nice to the teacher or his classmates? Respect is taught at home and modeled for our children, which is how they learn this valuable trait. When he is mean, time out, a swat on the bottom, and/or a good mouth washing with ivory soap should be a good place to start. I urge you to work on this now, or he will be in for heart ache down the road, and you will too. It will not get better as he gets older, and will bring grief to the entire family. I wish you good luck as you try to steer him in the right direction.
M., former teacher and mother of 3 grown children who were never mean to me.

I, too, have a son with a speech problem. He did speech therapy for years before entering kindergarten this year. He was extremely hard to understand for the longest time and I was worried about kindergarten. I found that he was aggressive in order to get his point across (like physically moving someone to do what he wanted them to do). My savior was Integrative Pediatric Therapy. The website is www.integrativepediatric.com. Sally Fryer is the founder. I can not begin to tell you what a difference it made in his life. We did 6 months of PT, OT and craniosacral therapy, along with his speech therapy through the school district. He TOTALLY turned the corner during those 6 months. We enrolled him in karate once he was released (which did wonders for him, too). He is now thriving in kindergarten. He has a ton of friends (his teacher told me last week that he is a class favorite), he is excelling in the acedemics and is a sweet, happy brother. I must warn you that it isn't cheap, if your insurance doesn't pay for it, but it is totally worth it. Good luck!

is there a reason to rush him in to school? have you considered home or unschooling? my 4.5 yo daughter has some speech delays so in some ways i htink i can relate. she si the sweetest girl i know but there is also a certain amount of frustration that comes with speech delays...having to repeat onesself etc.

my gut reaction here is to urge you to keep the boy home with you and honor who/where he is today. in 10 yrs, none of this will matter, kwim?souds like some of his struggles are out of frustration...giving him time and patience may be the best gifts you can give him. i am happy to guide you to dallas' homeeschooling community if you are consideringthis. there is no good reason to rush to kindergarten - whjatever you decide.

gg

Consider asking the opinion of your speech therapist. Also, many school districts provide home training and parent training for helping teach children to manage their behavior and helping parents learn to respond firmly and consistently to inappropriate behavior. Make sure he has some structure and rules to follow with incentives for following them and consequences for breaking rules. Apply a natural and reasonable consequence and do not allow your child to talk you out of it. You are the boss! Don't worry too much about his lack of talk about friends and daycare buddies. Friends do not become so important until the first and second grades.
Could he be angry with you because of the time you have to spend with your 15 mo. old? Just wondering. Good luck

Hi K.,
A few things you could try:
What if you were to "practice" or act out dealing with things at home that he would normally deal with at school that may cause aggression. For example, say to him, "Let's pretend you are at school and somebody takes your toy away, what can you do?" Help him understand he has lots of options, try to talk it out, find something else to play with, or tell the teacher.
Also, I would suggest letting his kindergarten teacher know your concerns at the beginning of the year and talking about ways you two can work together to make his year a great one!
Last but not least, once you get his class list, or if you already know of other children that will be in K with him, try setting up play dates. You could even try to meet his new classmates someplace neutral, like the park, to make things easier. That way, when he starts school, he will have made new friends, or at least have met some of the other children and it won't seem so scary for him.
I have to tell you, I used to teach Pre-K and I had a few kiddos that were struggling with speech, but so often their piers were able to understand them very well!
It sounds like he is very lucky to have such a concerned Mommy. Don't worry, he'll do great!

Hi K.,
I don't know if anyone else or your speech therapist has recommended this but I think the best thing you could teach your son is basic Sign Language. I use/teach very simple and basic sign language (there are many videos/books/classes out there)
with babies and children who are not not adept at communicating w/parents and caregivers because they are too young to speak or because they are unable because of a handicap. It gives the children power and helps ease their frustration. Your son may be frustrated about not being able to communicate and that may cause him to be more agressive than usual. Learning simple signs will help him be able to "say" what he wants to say w/out so much stress of no one understanding it. Many Pre-K/Kindergarten teacher already know these signs so you shouldn't have to teach them any when he starts school.
Good Luck!
D.

Hi K....you have received some great advice and all I want to add is to use your school district. Ask your speech therapist for a full psychological evaluation and try to get it done before the school year is over. This evaluation will look for any autism spectrum disorders including Asbergers. And I know you won't be scared of this, because if you are like I was, you are just looking for what is going on with your son because you know something is.

Communicate with your teachers and school staff. I have 3 elementary school sons in 3 different schools. One GT (3rd grade), one sports star (2nd grade) and one in Special Education (kinder) and they all have there individuality that their teachers want to know about.

Pray and have faith that you will find the right answers.

B.

K.,

Have you had your son tested for any autism problems? I won't lie, it sounds like there's a lot more going on than simple immaturity. If he does have a problem and its diagnosed then the school can get him the special accomadations he needs immediately, instead of waiting and having everyone - mostly your son, suffer. Please consider it.

Hi K. - My advice comes from someone who has tried both worlds: being a stay-at-home mom and being a working mom. The best advice I can give my friends is to sit down with your husband and determine if you really must work outside the home. If you can stay at home with your children, it greatly reduces the stress on the entire family.
Also, according to many child experts, boys are not ready to leave their moms until at least age 8. I have found this to be 100% true.
Kindergarten is just glorified day care and if your child is resistant it can cause learning/school problems down the road.
As far as being "sweet", the reality is he's a boy and he's not really supposed to be sweet. Read the books Wild at Heart and Raising Sons and Loving It for some insight into a boy's heart. We girls are just wired differently!!