Need Book About Bullying

My stance is that I tell my 9 year old that he doesn't have to be "friends" with every kid he meets, but he does have to be respectful. I often tell him that every other child at school has JUST as much right to be there as he does and that he needs to respect that fact. He understands this completely. So while it's "OK" to not want to play with so-and-so, it's NOT OK to say something like "No O. wants to play with you. Go away.", etc. And in a group setting (recess, for example) everyone has the right to join the game.

Sorry--no book reco's.

I teach my kids, that they cannot force or make anyone play with them if they don't want to.

I also teach them, that if they don't want to play with someone, they do not have to.
They can decline, nicely. They know how. They are not mean about it.
They are 5 and 9 years old and they know how.
I began teaching them about social skills and situations and how to CHOOSE friends, since they were 2 years old.

They know how to speak up, they know right from wrong, they know what bullying is (and because their school has bullying classes at school and their Teachers teach them as well).

Get your girls, the "American Girl" book series.
It has many topics, for girls this age.
Also on how to choose friends and about their body etc.
It is age appropriate and meant to also be read and discussed with Mom.
My daughter is 9.
She loves this book series.
You can get it from any bookstore or online.

Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-proof Girls in the Early Grades by Michelle Anthony and Reyna Lindert

haven't read it yet but I mean too.

My children have always been given the right to say no.
To a play date, a party invitation, a game at recess, whatever.
I don't expect them to play or be friends with everyone.
I DO expect them to be kind and compassionate and get along with everyone at school, or in any other social situation, to the best of their abilities.

You are right, in the real world we have no choice over who we work with, or live next to, but we DO have a choice over whom we socialize and form friendships with.

Also, try not to use the term bully lightly. A bully is someone who repeatedly and aggressively goes out of his/her way to target a specific child or group of children. Kids say and do "mean" things all the time, that's not the same as bullying. Especially among girls, they change their bffs like they change their socks. It's all part of growing up.

As far as resources? I think Girl Scouts, theatrical productions and team sports are all very empowering for girls. By age 10 or 11 boys become a huge distraction and source of competition among many girls. They should have lots of opportunities to work and play and compete without the boys around. They will form stronger bonds and be less likely to slip into mean girl drama later on.

Good Luck. tools in books to deal with bullies often just make the bullying worse. best is to teach them to ignore it or talk to you about it when they get home. don't do anything like call the school that makes it worse too. Most books are written by adults who think they know best, who were likely bullies of sort themselves when they were in school. The tools sound good to adults or to people who haven't been involved in such situations for awhile, when in reality, they just make life worse for the bullied kid.

http://www.zandahumphrey.com/books

this author is a teacher in my state that wrote these books.. they are for older children with chapters and pictures but its an excellent series for kids from about 7-12.

I believe that it is perfectly okay for a child to not want to play with someone. As long as they decline in a gracious manner. "I can't today, but how about tomorrow"? Or "No thank you". This is also teaching them how to be around others in the future. I am not going to force my kids to play with someone they would prefer not to. That is just a fact. Maybe they know something about this kid that I don't. You can teach your children humility without forcing them into situations they may not want to be in.

I always told my kids "treat others how you want to be treated". Its worked.

hi M.,

dr. laura markham's site (www.ahaparenting.com) has a list of recommended books including on bullying etc....
here is a link to a good article by her, as well as recommended books at the bottom.
good luck.
jilly

http://www.ahaparenting.com/Default.aspx?PageID=6074449&a...