Need Advise or Suggestions/opinions

You can look up the tolls online. Ask her to pay you for the tolls that are not related to the visits. Tell her that you are on a budget and that you gave her the ipass for visiting the sick relative. Another option would be that she gets her own ipass if she uses the toll roads a lot. On the other hand, if she travels twice a week, and it really helps you that she visits that relative, maybe you should let it go. After all, she spends the time and also pays for her gas to visit.

I would start by mentioning how expensive IPASS is. How maybe its becoming tougher for you to the foot the whole bill. That maybe you were thinking of getting rid of it, if thats ok? then she will probably offer to help or return it. but in anycase, you were honest. and thats alwasy best.

how can you tell her?
how can you not?
boundaries.
use them. work them.
khairete
S.

I would just say that you have reviewed your I-Pass statement and noticed an uptick in the usage and wanted to remind her to please use it only for the purpose of visiting the relative. Let her know that if she wants to use it for other trips, thats fine, but you will send her the bill for that amount that she used. If she gets upset, tell her that's fine why don't you give me back the I-Pass so we won't have any quarrels regarding the usage of the pass.

She might not realize that you are able to monitor her movement like this, maybe not understanding how the thing even works, that it charges for each time and not just a flat monthly rate with unlimited use.

"Hey, my I-PASS bill is getting more use than I expected for your visits. You might not realize this, but I get charged for every time you go through a toll booth. My bill tells me when and where and how much for each one that you go through, and I can't afford it. Please only use it for the visits that we agreed on, because that is what I factored into my budget."

She might be amazingly aware of the effects of her travels once she knows that you can monitor her whereabouts. I would guess that she hadn't put much thought into it but will now that she is aware of Big Brother. I would NOT give her the option of paying for the other usage. These need to remain separate. She can tend to her other business on her own dime.

If there is a way to do a prepaid I-PASS account, you could let her feel the effects of her going over the limit. That woudl probably still cost you, though, since there is no immediate "punishment". I would LOVE to know that she could be stopped in her tracks while trying to go through and told that there is no money on the account to cover this trip. She could be embarrassed enough in the moment to get shocked into awareness that this does cost actual money.

ASk innocent questions. Tell her you jsut got your credit card bill and ipass statement. Ask if someone is borrowing her car. Tell her that you've got a tight budget to live on and that you wish you could afford to let the charges go but it's just too expensive. Tell her that you realize the convenience of using the ipass is great and that if she wants to keep using it for the convenience she can but you must get payment from her for the tolls. Then ask how she wants to handle it. If she claims ignorance let it go this time but tell her how to cover the pass so the charge won't go to your account.

Good luck mama. It's not a big deal and the family member is expecting your call anyway. ;o)

I don't know your relationship with this person so I can only answer in the abstract.
A person can not take advantage of you without your permission. You gave this person an IPASS so they could help take care of an elderly sick relative. But they are using it for their own purposes.

I think the only way you can put a stop to this is by saying something. If offend them it doesn't matter. You are being taken advantage of in some way it's like stealing. If you invited this person over for dinner and caught them putting your spoons in their pocket --- you would say something. Using that pass is sorta like that --- say something.

Maybe you can go about it like 'I don't know if you understood that when I gave you that pass I meant you to only use it to go visit Aunt Helen. I thought you would be going twice a week and my printout says you are going 4 times a week. The extra trips are costing me X amount of dollars a week or month and I'm sorry I really can't afford it. I need the pass back and you are going to have to pay the tolls on your own from now on.'

My first question is, "Does this person realize that you are charged for every trip through a toll, and not just a flat rate unlimited usage fee?"

That is where I would start. Since the person doesn't have their OWN pass, they may not understand how it works. Start with explaining that aspect. Then explain that there were "x" number of toll trips charged to the pass you are letting them use, and you can't afford to pay that many. You are will to pay 2 per week (or whatever the number is) but that is it. If the person uses more than that, then you will have to take the pass back, because you just can't pay for that much usage.

Then, give the person another chance and see what happens. If the usage stays higher than you specify, then take the pass back. Don't ask the person for the difference, or take the pass back and then give them cash for the tolls. Just take the pass back, the end. Those are natural consequences, after fully explaining them in advance.
:)

Does this relative have a credit card? If so, you should just have her register her credit card to the iPass so that she can pay for the replenishments from now on. If you want to give her money for the tolls to see the sick friend, just give her cash.

You should probably just take the iPass back from her. It doesn't sound like that arrangement is working out.

Did you and the relative clearly establish up front that she would go twice a week and no more--or was that your assumption? Is it possible that having the pass means she feels she can visit this person even more often? (Which is a good thing and not to be dismissed because of a misunderstanding). Did you clearly tell your relative that the pass is "charged" every time she goes through any toll gate? I think probably not, and she is completely ignorant that the pass works this way. She likely is assuming that the pass is paid for by some flat, monthly fee and that means she can use it as much as she wants under that one fee. Maybe she simply doesn't know that instead, the pass racks up a new charge every time she goes through a toll gate.

I would see her in person, and say, "I'd like to talk about the pass. I get the monthly bill for it, and it's very high. I'm sorry if I didn't make clear how the pass works. I don't pay one flat fee and that covers all trips. Instead, every single time anyone in your car goes through a toll gate, I get charged, and the charges have been much higher since I gave it to you, which tells me maybe you didn't realize that that is how the pass works. We had talked about your visiting (loved one) twice a week so I had figured on that amount being on the bill. I can afford to give you the pass for the two trips a week to see (loved one) but I can't afford more tolls adding up on the pass. If you're making extra trips to see (loved one) now, and that's all the extra tolls I'm seeing on the bill, that's nice of you, but I can't afford that level of tolls each month. Let's work out a plan where maybe you can get a pass of your own, and I can pay X dollars a month toward that, instead of giving you my pass."

If she is just unaware of how the pass works she may be mortified to realize what she's been doing, and she may indeed have been visiting the sick person more because she though it was "all covered" under one fee that was already paid. Also, she has a loved one who is sick. That would make me scatterbrained and forgetful. It's possible she just isn't thinking about "business" things like tolls and your pass right now, so keep that in mind when you bring it up, and be kind.

And do ask her if the pass is being used when someone else is using her car for other trips, or even if it's been stolen, if she seems upset when you bring it up.

It doesn't have to be a big deal if you are just direct and have a good, calm script in mind of what you will say. Is this person someone who gets defensive if questioned over things? If so, prepare well and be ready to have an offer like the one above -- maybe helping her apply for her own pass and giving her one flat amount each month to help pay her tolls.

Ask her if she lost it, that you were going to report it stolen when you saw all the usage.

If she claims it as hers, plead poverty.

It's not a big deal. Just tell her like you told us - too much activity - you can't afford it - only use the transponder for the visits to the relative and please pay cash for any other trips.

After you tell him/her, if it continues, I would take the transponder and just give her cash to cover cost of two trips. If she uses the cash for other purposes, that's her problem.

Here in Illinois the tolls are cheaper if you have an I/Pass. The tolls are almost double if you pay cash. I'm sure that is why it's being used. Also, your I-Pass will work (in many cases) even if it's in the glove box.

I would play it off as if you think it's an accident that it's being used for more than just the sick visits. Tell her that you got/ looked up your statement and there are several extra charges on the account. Tell her that you understand that it is cheaper to use the I/Pass than cash, but the tolls are really adding up and if she is going to use it more than x amount of times, you really need her to pay for the extra tolls. I would hope she would either repay you (Or start paying you) or avoid the tolls more often.

Good luck!

pay the $10 for a new transponder and help the relative link it to their account.

I would send them the bill and highlight their usage.. so they can reimburse you.