Need Advise for a Friend

I had this same problem with my daughter. I swear I held her for the first 6 months because she screamed any time we put her down, so she was delayed with both sitting and rolling over. Her pediatrician referred her to Early Intervention and they gave us a lot of help and encouragement. My daughter is now 18 months old and -- knock wood -- she is running around with the best of them! Early Intervention is a free service by the state -- or at least I know evaluation is free. Treatment or whatever other follow-up might have a small fee. I think they ended up billing my health insurance for part of it but we never paid a dime. As far as how to say something to your friend, that's a really tough one. I guess it depends on whether she's concerned about the baby reaching her milestones or not. Maybe I'd wait until she brings it up and then ask her what the pediatrician has to say about it or whether she's heard of early intervention. Depending on how close you are to your friend and how much you want to become involved, you might even contact your local Early Intervention office for tips. Good luck!

she might just be doing things on her own time. I don't think carring her is bad, if so all the babies in other countries that wear their babies would also be in the same spot. I wear my little ones but I also take time to play with them on the floor but I have not had any problems.

Hi Colleen -

You don't say if your friend is concerned about her baby's development. Babies develop at vastly different rates - my son started trying to move around on his belly at 2 months, rolled over by 3 months, achieved a fast crawl at 6 1/2 months, was doing "furniture walking" at 7 months, but didn't take an independent step until 13 1/2 months. My son is pre-verbal (constantly babbling), and has 6 teeth (they came in early), with his one year molars beginning to poke through. Another boy at his day care was walking at 8 or 9 months, but is fairly non-verbal and has fewer teeth than my son. Each child is different, and will develop at his or her own pace. Every nurse and doctor I've spoken with has said that it's impossible to "spoil" a child younger than 6 months by holding him or her too much.

That being said, experts advise anywhere from 5-20 minutes of "tummy time" at a time to parents of very young infants, to help exercise the neck muscles - there are a variety of activity mats that are available to help stimulate a child's attention. I would be very cautious, however, of giving your friend any advice (unless she has specifically asked you for it, on this particular topic). If she is concerned about her child, the best thing to do is to advise her to talk to her child's pediatrician. You can also suggest a baby activity gym if she doesn't have one (Baby Einstein, Tiny Love, Lamaze and Fisher Price all offer baby activity gyms/playmats). If she is ready to try this, she'll want to put the baby down for a short time at first, to get her daughter used to being on her tummy (or her back), rather than being held by mom.

However, remember that your friend's child is likely not sleeping through the night at this point (so your friend is sleep-deprived), she's probably already received TONS of unsolicited advice from well-meaning people, and may not appreciate your opinion on this matter, if she hasn't specifically mentioned it to you - so I would proceed with extreme caution!

Good luck -

B.

I'd be wary of saying anything at this point. All babies develop on their own schedule and may not reach these milestones at exactly the same moment. If the baby was premature or has muscle tone issues she may simply not have enough neck strength to stop being a bobble head. Also keep in mind some babies hate being on their bellies and can't be coerced to raise themselves up (my youngest is 5 months old and doesn't roll over yet). I don't think the mom holding that baby is detrimental in any way. The more cuddling and interaction the baby has with people the more her brain will develop. As long as your friend is keeping up with the well baby visits I wouldn't sweat it.

I have always heard that every baby develops differently. I have three sons and can say that is absolutely true. Dhe'll do it in her own time, and if she appears to have slow development the doctor should pick up on it at her well child appointments.