Need Advise - Los Angeles,CA

Go in with her, of course. Even if it is against the rules, the instructor should understand since the "accident" was due to her inattentiveness. Years ago the local Autism support group enrolled our children in the city's swimming lessons for typical children. They allowed it as long as each special needs child had a parent in the water. It worked out really well, it was a one or two week class that went 5 days a week. My son refused to do any of the activities the instructor was demonstrating, but the very next night (during the lesson) he would do the activities she taught the night before. He learned 10 out of the 14 skills she taught. Not enough to "pass" the class, but he is now an excellent swimmer. So, the point is, even if she only clings to you in the water and won't do anything, just be happy and relaxed, and don't pressure her but pay attention to the instructor and try a few of the things yourself (as much as you can with a toddler clinging to you), and she will probably begin to feel secure again. B.

Hi, S.,

I was a swimming instructor and coach for a few years. I recommend asking the instructor to let you sit near the edge of the pool until your daughter is comfortable again. If that is not allowed at your pool, then tell your daughter that you will watch her in her her lesson, so that she knows she can get immediate help if she gets into trouble. I recommend acknowledging her fear but making a BIG deal out of it. Making a big deal out of it might make her more reluctant to get back in the water. If you participate in water sports, continue showing enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is contagious.

Good luck,
Lynne E

S.,

Tell her it's okay to take a 'break' from swimming lessons. I think fear is a very thin line with toddlers. Either we teach them how to deal with it and understand it and nurture them through it or we push and create more intense fears that can effect other areas.

Just be patient. Take her to the pool, and tell her it's okay to not go in if she doesn't want to and when she's ready she can get back in.

Good Luck!

i agree with the other moms in taking it slowly. did you explain to her that she did the right thing by paddling in the water to stay up? also did you have a talk with the istructor? i dont know how those classes work but i would think you would need 2 people at all times teacing the class of younger children like that. i would have your little one continue with the class and get in the water if you need to with her so she feels safe. the instructor shouldnt care due to what happened. thats a scary thing for a child to go through. my daughter last summer (she was 18m) fell in my inlaws pool while we were with her. she stepped right off the step into 3ft water. i stayed calm and grabbed her quick and said its ok but lets put your water wings on (she wont wear i life jacket in the pool because she freaks out over it flipping her to her back). oh speaking of life jackets they do sell swim trainers for kids your daughters age they are small and aide in just keeping them afloat and they are like 10 bucks or less i think (walmart has them). try that until she feels more comfortable. good luck!

Hi S.:
I agree with the other mothers here.I know,your gut reaction,is to help her get over the fear,and move forward,but if you push her,it may give her more reason to hesitate.Take it nice and slow.She has every right to be a bit scared after that.Summer will be here before you know it,and she will begin relaxing and enjoying the water again. I wish you and your sweet girl the best.J. M

Hi S.,

I started my son in baby swim classes before his second birthday. We didn't have a pool at home, but I love the water and I wanted him to, also. It was a Mommy-and-me type class, so I was in the water with him the whole time and it was one-on-one instruction, mainly because the swim teacher was guiding the moms in teaching. The first thing she taught was how to teach your child to blow bubbles under water (so they wouldn't breathe in), and the second skill was water safety: how to teach the toddler to pop to the surface and grab the side of the pool in the event of an accident like you described, then "walk the wall" back to the point at which the child could touch bottom.

The class was great. My son was swimming like a little fish within 6 lessons, even diving to the bottom of the pool to retrieve rings. I think it made a big difference that I was in the water with him -- emergency help and general security was always right at hand. I used the same method with my daughter shortly after she turned one -- same results. Neither of my kids are particularily fearless when it comes to other physical activities in general, in fact they tend to be on the cautious side (my daughter still refuses to learn how to ride a bicycle at age almost 16!), so I'm pretty confident that their comfort with the water came from those early Mommy-and-me classes and the security of having mom right next to them, all the time.

You probably should get in the water with her until she feels comfortable again, if the class won't let you in is there a time where you can be in the pool with her? My husband was bathing our 4 month old in the bath and she wriggled free from him and she went completely under the water and even at that young she has had an issue with water, she is almost 5 yrs old and has just finally become comfortable with the water!

My son was about two when he was at the pool with his dad and fell in it was just a minute and he was fine BUT he never really got over being afraid of water. I tried lessons many times and he would just scream. I decided to pull him out and got lectured by the swim teacher that I was the boss and should make him do it. Anyways he was not interested in being outside his comfort zone in the water. When he got to be about 6/7 and all his friends could swim much better he decided he wanted to learn. He learned fast because HE wanted it. I don't know if that was right or wrong but I think you should not force her to do it until she is ready. Good luck

I have taught swim lessons for over 15 years. You need to let your daughter get going again at her own pace. You may spend a lesson or two sitting on the side of the pool with her playing with the toys. The more you expose her to the water the better off she will be. You can also try getting in the water with her. She trusts you! Right now she does not trust her instructor and she needs to rebuild her trust with her. This is a process and will take time.

Hi S.,

My son had a little scare similar to this at about the same age, when he had previously been a fish in the water. What I did was to get in the water with my son along with his instructor for the next two lessons. Yes, he was hysterical at first, but I didn't want him to develop a major anxiety--I figured if I all of a sudden changed my reaction and approach to swimming, that then I would give him justification for his new fear of the water. I just remained calm and encouraging. The third lesson I did not get into the water. He cried for two minutes with the instructor and then forgot about it. She was very calm too. He was back to being a fish again within four lessons, and now it is two years later and he is a great swimmer.

I actually think it's not terrible that kids get a little scare in the water at some point--they should have a healthy fear--drownings happen!--but with respect for the water and proper swimming lessons, we can all have a great time in the pool.

Happy Swimming!
:-) D.

Our son slipped while sitting in the tub and I was right there, but he ended up getting submerged. I didn't react, but just retreived him calmly from the water and sat him back up, telling him that he was ok. He was calm and stayed in the tub for another few minutes and then bathtime was over. He had 2 more baths over the next few days and then refused baths or showers. We had to bathe him, so Daddy took him in the shower. Eventually, he wanted baths again. Maybe give her some time to get comfortable with that idea again???

Hi S., the water can be a very scarry thing for a child, I would not force the issue, but ease her back into the water, buy just siting on the edge with just your feet in the water, she needs not only to learn to trust the water but also the swim coach, while she is sitting there with you and see' how much fun the other kids are having, and that they are safe, she may on her own want to get back in the water, be patience, she will over the fear, especially if before this she really loved the water. I pray it all goes well and she's back in the pool soon. J. L.

With all due respect, take her to a different instructor! And make sure you inform them about the incident - and excercise patience as she re-gains her trust in the water and the new instructor(s). That kind of incident is devastating for a small child. I'd recommend the new instructor give her the assurance that they will not let the same thing happen, that they'll be watching her closely at all times. You may want to consider one-on-one instruction now.

I agree that you should not force her, but I think you should continue to go to the lessons and at least sit near the pool and watch (if nothing else) just so that she doesn't get the impression that YOU think it was so scary and dangerous that YOU are removing her from the class. I think she needs to feel from you that it was scary, but not something that she shouldn't continue to do. And try to stress to her in a gentle way that that is WHY you are taking her to swim lessons, so that she can learn to be safe in the water, if she ever falls again in she will know how to swim and she will be safe! (our swim instructor always used the words "save yourself" which I thought was great...instead of "swim to the wall" she would say "turn around and save yourself" which stuck with both of my kids. It gets them thinking, even at a young age. Good luck, I hope it works itself out!!

get in the water with her, but not during class--do it during open/rec swim hours---don't let go of her until she asks and just have fun together in the water. keep taking her to class and encourage her, but don't push the issue. if it's too much for her, maybe you can sit at the edge of the pool or she can sit with you and watch the rest of the class. like the others said, she'll come around in her own time. it might be a few weeks or months even, so be patient

-ex swim instr, coach