Need Advice on How to to Prepare Myself for a 2 Year Old & a Newborn

firt i have to say that i was soo less stressed out the 2nd time because i knew what i was doing. there isn't near as big of a learning curve with the 2nd child. So relax! you've got this.

The one thing i really love is my joovy sit n stand tandem. A sit n stand has been a really good stoller choice for us!
Good luck!

Honestly, every kid is different so it's really hard to say. My sons were 2.5 years apart and one thing we did that I think helped alot for him in accepting his new brother was to get him involved as much as possible. He got to push me in the wheelchair (with assistance of course) when we brought the new baby home and he always got his time to hold the baby from day one after he ate - I used the nursing pillow for this. I put it around my older son while he sat on the couch and then put the baby right there. We did this for ages, until my younger son was just too big. Also, I would read to my older son while nursing my younger son. And, I would make sure that I would get one on one time with him everyday = when Dad got home, it was his time with the baby. Also, it can be helpful to have some extra hands around for the first two weeks - either Dad should take off or you need someone to come stay with you. After that, I didn't have difficulty (relatively speaking, of course) managing both sons.

Being organized can be helpful, but honestly in these early days, the most important thing is to spend time with your kids (and I am compulsive about organization and planning in general). But, I tended to let my sons' needs determine the schedule - I think it's difficult to plan and predict those needs. My younger son was on a regular nap schedule (based on his needs) by around two months, so I made sure to work around that - i.e., I found that he did not nap well when we were out and about, so I planned errands, etc accordingly. I kept meals very simple then and my house wasn't nearly as clean as I liked it and there were times when none of the clean clothes were folded. But, my boys are very close to each other and to me, so I think the time was well invested.

My best advice...relax!! You can totally do this, and honestly, no matter what you read, or how much you try to prepare, days come and go, and the best you can do it take it one day at a time. I can also say that I disagree that you need a lot of help. Now, I realize that for some, adding another baby is very overwhelming, but I am about to have my 5th (the oldest will be nine) and I have never needed anyone to stay with me, and my hubby was lucky to get a week off most of the time! People bringing food is helpful, but make sure it is people that you like the way they cook..we had some meals brought in that we just could not bring ourselves to eat. Maybe you could begin freezing some of your favorites a month or so ahead of time. One thing I have always done was buy healthy snack foods that I could put where the other children could get them. I would bag grapes in ziplocs, or buy peanut butter crackers, cheese sticks, etc. Oh..and paper products all the way!! I also use juice boxes a bit more around then too...just for convenience. I also go to the dollar store and load up on all kinds of stuff that can help occupy your older one when he gets bored. I have never had a c-section, so that would obviously change things, but really, I think parents worry so much about adding another baby to the mix, while still making the older one feel special, and it is sort of not that big of a deal. He will be fine, he may react, but he will get over it, and no long term damage will be done:) Just try to enjoy the lazy days around the house, go with the flow, and take lots of pictures...the more kids I have, the less pictures of each one I end up with:) Good luck ~A.~

Hi S.,
I have a 22 month old and am expecting my second in June, so welcome to "the club" ;-).

I just posted something similar the other day. Here is the link to my request, for which I received many helpful responses from these lovely mamas...

http://www.mamasource.com/request/5512623844403183617

Thanks, mamas!

Good luck, S.!

Hi S.!
I read a few of the responses and agree with what others have said! I am currently pregnant with my second boy, I have about five weeks left! My son will not be quite 20 months when brother is born. Something we have done so far is to talk to him as much as possible about it. We have also gotten him a few dolls that he calls his baby and kisses and loves on.
I hope it works! I will let you know! Good luck with everything!

Hi S., my daughter was 19 months when my 3rd child was born. The first few months are difficult, especially if you plan to breastfeed...but so worth it!! It does get easier, just take it a day at a time. If your husband is able to take a week or two off when the baby is born, than you should try to do that. If not, then I would really suggest having a friend or family stay with you for a few weeks. Newborns require so much attention, and you need to try and sleep when the baby is sleeping(which is impossible to do with a two yr old, my daughter would not take naps anymore at 2 yrs old). Having someone to help take care of your two year old would be a huge help!
Good luck, and congrats on the new blessing!

My son was almost 2.5 when his sister was born and he adjusted pretty well...but has always been one to love babies. I did do a few things to help him feel special once the baby arrived. I had a few gifts from his baby sister to him (at the time he was in to Thomas the train and books). Also, when baby was napping I went out of my way to give my son all of my undivided attention...even when I was exhausted! Every child is different, but this really did mean the world to my 1st born and at the end of the day it made me feel like I was doing a good job as a mother of 2!

Now I'm expecting # 3 in June right before my daughter's 2nd birthday...so I'm trying to figure out how everything is going to work out. Should be interesting! Good luck to you. Just take it one day at a time. Some days will be easier than others, but it's all worth it in the end :)

Get him a teddy bear or little doll that he can try and mimic caring for while you are, tell him what a helper he is if you have him go get you a diaper or anything else that is needed for the baby, just if he thinks it is fun, but this usually make them feel real important. Try, as busy as you'll be to take time out to read him a story or a little one on one time, even if it is just 10 minutes, he'll feel special, and not neglected. Still have a special good night time, even if you havae to be holding the baby while tucking him in. But it would be great if you could just hold him on your lap a bit and sing or read to him. It will be great, I wish you well. My two year old liked doing for the baby, but some kids just want to go play, and thats o.k. too

Congratulations! Here is are some random thoughts for you.

I had a bigger age gap to deal with so I finally tried a sling. It's awesome! I wish I had it with my first. They are not all ugly since there are pretty slings. My intent had been to keep us mobile at the playground, stores, events, etc. Not only is baby with us and big kid doesn't feel too pushed aside by a stroller, but my son loves being close to me. (We got ours at Peppermint Baby Boutique in Richardson. I couldn't quite understand the directions so they taught me how to use it. 5 minutes with them made all the difference. Also I do have a Baby Bjorn type carrier, but the sling doesn't hurt my back/shoulders like the front carrier after 30+ minutes.)

This time around I also prepped food and kept it in the freezer. I knew I'd be too tired or sore to cook for a bit. My husband is a re-heater. He would rather buy food than do any prep.

Looks like you got good pointers on the sibling jealousy or feeling unloved. Even my 6 year old went through a tough time feeling unloved once her brother was here. Also when folks come to visit the baby, ask them to pay attention to your son first. The baby can wait.

This second time around my husband did a great job of running interference, too. Instead of letting us be bombarded with visitors he had folks wait about a week after we got home from the NICU. (Yeah, our birth didn't go as planned since my son was huge and my body hadn't grown there to make room. Oh well. We did what we had to do to survive and be healthy.)

If this is your first birth, take a Bradley class even if you aren't planning to go all natural. I was turned off by the naked birthing in the books, but those are really old photos from the 70s. The information was so valuable. My husband was great last time, but he really didn't know what to do to help me during labor. This time he was much calmer and felt like he knew what to try. Also if you are thinking of using painkillers, this is the time to get the information about the risks and side effects. During labor you will be too preoccupied to weigh any risks vs benefits. (I like having information, too, and I really wish I had taken this the first time. We took with Linda Worzer of Natural Beginnings) I really like that my husband was so valued and respected in this class.

Also remember you can get nice things on Craigslist and garage sales... as awesome as some of the baby things are, you will only need them 6-12 months.

It has been a while since my kiddos were so young, but I remember 1 thing I read that really helped. When you are busy with the baby and the older one wants something, don't tell him you are busy, tell him your hands are busy right now - it helps the child feel less neglected if they can get the idea that even though you can't be hands on at the moment, you are still there for them.

I now have a 2.5 and 4 year old and they are a BLAST! I dont even remember the first year or so of it being difficult. My oldest was almost 2 whent he baby was born and he looooved him. We played, we went on walks, we "taught" the baby. The best thing now is that my oldest is my baby's teacher. They fight, play and now even sleep together. Its wonderful to have these boys lean on each other and learn from each other. Congts! Its going to be fun. :)

my oldest is just 20 months and youngest 8 weeks this week...so it is a busy time, but if you have ANY questions, feel free to email me...it really isn't terrible at all. i will say the biggest struggle is FEELING like i don't do anything well, just because it is soooo constant. more than 2x the work...but worth it.

the book "i'm a big brother" has been really fun for my 1st...he loves it...i'd recommend getting it..

My first 2 kids are a few weeks shy of 2 years apart. I've gotta run so I didn't read your other responses, but here are my thoughts:
Your baby will not remember you letting her cry some (take care of the basics, of course) while you have some uninterrupted time with your other child. I even told the baby that she was going to just have to cry for a bit because it was my other child's turn for some mommy-time. I said it where my 2 yr old would here and that made them feel very important. Also, I froze a ton of meals ahead of time. I made sure to make a bunch that were the size that just me and my other child would eat. It was so nice to have a real meal without all of the work.
Also, I breastfed so I made that our special reading time. Since the baby is occupied, we would always snuggle on the couch and read books. It helped to include my daughter and kept her from acting up while I was stuck in one spot.
I now have a 5.5, a 3.5 and a 2 year old so I can say that I survived and threw an extra one in for more fun :)

Well I have a 19month old and a 4month old, I was so scared,wondering how am i going to do this.
It all some how works out. I cant really explain it, but it does.
It is hard at first, but you will get into a routine, and from then itll be fine.

Once I found out I was pregnant with my second, I started making sure I weaned my son off the things that he'd miss once his sister was born. For example, I'd start having him walk more than being carried and praise him for being such a big boy. I also moved him to toddler bed well before the baby would need a crib. A friend of mine made the mistake of telling her daughter that the reason things were changing was because the baby was coming and all that did was cause resentment between the oldest and youngest. I learned from her--nothing is because of the baby. It's all because he's such a big boy, a bright boy, etc....

When we did tell him that he was getting a sister, he was excited and didn't make the connection between big changes and the baby. The two are great friends now--currently 2 and 4.

Congratulations and best of luck!!!

I have an almost 9 month old and an almost 3 year old! Hang in there! Just don't expect too much of your 20 month old (especially in the potty training department.) Don't push it too hard there, both you and your son will be disappointed if you do. My best piece of advice is to keep your sense of humor and to find a support group of other moms who have been there. My church offers a wonderful dinner once a month for moms of young kiddos (e-mail me if you are interested in more info: ____@____.com)

My son was 19 months old when my 2nd baby (a girl) was born. During the last few months of my pregnancy, I talked to him about the baby in my tummy and how he was going to have a baby sister, and especially how I would need him to be a good helper. Before I went to the hospital, I took him shopping - just the two of us - and I let him pick out a gift for his baby sister and he was very excited to give it to her. I also picked up a gift for him from his baby sister. My parents (who live out of state) came to stay with us for a few weeks. They kept my son very busy with trips to the park and playing outside during my hospital stay and for a few days after we came home. He met her right after she was born and fell in love. I was pleasantly surprised me when I saw him lean over and gently kiss her on her little forehead (he did this even when he thought I was not looking). The important thing I read about this was to include him as much as possible when taking care of the new baby. He can stand close by you when you are changing a diaper and hand you the items you need - diaper, wipes or even a pacifier. Praise for helping is always important - telling him he is such a great big brother! When your baby girl naps/rests, try to spend some good one-on-one time with him participating in his favorite activity. Don't worry - You will be great and I'm sure you will figure out perfect balance.
Now when they get older and are fighting to be in your lap at the same time - that's another story ;) Best wishes to you!

S.,

first let me say congrats on the new baby! second, wow that was hard. I had a 2 year old when my second was born. My advice is to be VERY organized. Plan a strict schedule and try to stick to it as much as possible. You will need help, ask friends and family for help upfront, for the first few weeks or even months. You will be so tired and your 2 year old wont stop because of it, he will still need much attention and will have his usuall energy. Ask hubby to get on the schedule and help out a few nights a week so you can "me" time, I cant stress how important this is. Often we think we can do everything and then end up burning out. The key to the next year is planning and organization. good luck.

My daughter turned 2 then I had our son. Just include him in getting the baby things ready. The one thing we did at the hospital was have my daughter come in and see me before they brought the baby in. I had C-section so he was not in there. She got to asses me and ask questions. After we felt she was comfortable with me being in the hospital we had them bring the baby in so she could see him. (only a few minutes we waited). As soon as they brought him in she said that is my brother and loved him. I made sure that there was at least on day were it was just her and I and I still do. We usually have all Saturday morning together so she feels that she still has that alone time and not share my attention with anyone else. It is really an wasy transition. Good luck.

Congrats on the new baby!! I've been in your shoes twice :). I have a 2.5 year old, a 1.5 year old, and a 3 month old. My best advice to you is:

1. Don't sweat the small stuff. It's ok if the dishes don't get washed, or if the floor doesn't get vacuumed. Just take on what you can one step at a time and trust that you or your husband will get to the rest soon.

2. Allow your son to "help" you as much as possible. This will make him feel that big brother role, and will help ease the transition with the new baby. I would have my big boys bring me burp cloths, diapers, wipes etc...easy things that they could handle that would help them feel like big helpers.

It's not a cure all, but it helps. I bet that it will be easier than you think once you're in the thick of it :).

There were two very similar questions very recently, so look for a few days and see if you see those responses. My kids were 26 months apart, and YES it is a challenge. The best advice is to definitely get help in the beginning as much as possible. Also, try to institute a special time with your son without the baby. It doesn't have to be anything special. I just took my son to Target and left the baby home with daddy once a week. We'd just walk around and talk about things and I would buy him one little Matchbox car when we went. I feel it really meant a lot to him to have some fun mommy time. You'll need a sling for #2 and probably a double stroller too. I would not suggest a sit and stand stroller because of his young age. And if you haven't already, invest in some educational DVDs. There will be times you just have to put your 2 y.o. in front on the TV to be able to tend to the baby. I try not to, but they can be a life saver. Congrats and good luck.

Two years apart is perfect...in the long run. My boys are now 4 and 6. A few weeks before little brother came along, I used a Baby Elmo my oldest had gotten as a gift and we practiced holding and being gentle with the baby. It is very important to let big brother know that things aren't changing because of the baby. Jealousy is not as big an issue at 20 months as it is at 3 years. Let big brother help with whatever helps you keep him occupied. I also had my husband or my mom (or whoever) sit with the baby so my oldest and I could have some snuggle time. It will work out just fine. Now they get along great and are wonderful playmates!