Need Advice on Feeding a Picky 3 Year Old.

What has worked best for me with picky eaters; make established mealtimes and snack times and stick to them. Do not offer any food outside of these prearranged times. Make it fun and cheerful, and sit with her (she should not be allowed to get up and walk around, but should sit in a highchair or booster chair) and have a cup of tea (or whatever you like) and visit with her. Offer her balanced foods she can feed herself, and when she loses interest, the meal is over, and put her down. No food again till the next scheduled meal/snack. She will look forward to these times spent visiting with you, and food is not the issue, so she will lose interest in a power struggle. She will not starve. Eventually, she should be looking forward to mealtimes, and will eat as much food as she needs to be healthy.

I....This is very common. Here is what I wrote to another mom having issues with a picky 3 year old. Again, it's very common! I think it's exciting that your daughter will even take 2-3 bites. Read what I have below. But also, you may require that she sits at the table until a timer goes off, say after 10-15 minutes. If she's allowed to walk away on her own, she has too much control. She doesn't have to eat, but she should be part of the conversation. Which brings me to another point. It's important to sit down and eat with her. Anyway, read below and see if there's anything there that can help. Good luck!

*****

I have a picky 3 1/2 year old also. She's actually been much more of a challenge in that I had to send her to occupational therapy at 16 months old because she refused solids. She is completely normal, just strong willed and opinionated.

What you're experiencing is very age appropriate. Don't worry. A book you may consider reading is "How to Get Your Kid to Eat: But Not Too Much" by Ellyn Satter. This is the book used and promoted by my daughter's nutritionist, occupational therapist, and psychologist as part of us trying to get her to accept solid foods.

My daughter is my second child and I fought with my son trying to get him to eat healthy foods. I've learned to no longer fight. First, I have a strict schedule of 3 meal times and 2 (some do 3) snack times. In the beginning a timer was used to limit the amount of time my child sat at the table to eat. Whatever wasn't eaten was removed and nothing more could be offered or given until the next meal/snack time. Eventually, she learned to eat what and when it's provided. When I introduce new foods she doesn't want to eat we reward stages. The stages are: touch the food, kiss the food, lick the food, bite the food, eat the food. There were times that I was just thrilled my daughter touched a new food. It took time, but she now eats a wide range of foods. Her quantities are still low, but I'm okay with 2 bites of banana.

I do hide foods also, such as pureed carrots in meatloaf, spaghetti squash (instead of noodles) with marinara sauce, etc. But, I also offer a challenge food with it. I also make sure she gets a multivitamin.

Many others will suggest dips. Dips have also worked for me. My daughter will now eat carrots with a dill dip. We were able to get her to take her first bites of banana by putting peanut butter on it.

The bottom line is that experts say it takes numberous times introducing a food item to a child before they like it (I've heard 17-25 times). I've learned how true this is by using the methods above to introduce foods to my child. Be patient and it will get easier!!! My 6 year old, who was picky at 3, is testament to that.

Good luck!

Don't worry! It is a control issue. She won't end up malnourished. The more you tie yourself in knots of worry, the more she'll do this.

She's old enough to understand rules and to start getting a feel for cause and effect. We were always very matter-of-fact about eating. If you didn't want what we were having, fine. You took one (real) bite anyway, and then waited for the next meal. No snacks, no juice, no milk, just water. Most stubborn kids will push and push for the first few days, to see if you'll really let them go all day with a few bites, or if you'll frantically start trying to bribe them. "Don't these strawberries look great? They're S-O-O-O yummy! Wouldn't you like some cheese cubes? If you have a sandwich, you can watch your favorite video." Make it clear that it's totally up to her - either eat or be hungry, and you don't really care which. When she finally figures out that pickiness means hunger, and that being hungry makes her miserable, it won't be as worth it to her to try to manipulate you.

just this: don't worry she won't be malnourished. she won't starve herself. i had one son who would only eat peanut butter sandwiches for a time.
on the control part, hmmm. a friend had a child like that and what she did was give her two choices. like instead of saying, "do you want an apple?" to which her daughter would say no, she would instead ask, "do you want a red apple or a green apple?" and her daughter would decide which one. she said it seemed to work. just talk to a doctor or even a counselor to see how to work around her control thing.

Hi, I., kids go through many eating stages, I went through a time when my now 21 year old was about two and a half, years old, alls he would want for breakfast every morning was eggs, I was concerned about the cholestrol he was taken in, so I talked to his pediatrician, he told me not to worry, that at that age give him what he will eat, with in reason of course, parents today have things we didn't have, you can give her pediasure for kids who don't eat right and vitamens that have came a long way since my kids were little. Also don't give her treats if she is not eating foods that you know she does like, their taste buds do change, I don't know how much, but at 3 you can tell you, when you finish all of your vegetables or what ever it is then you can have this, desert or some treat, and make sure the portions is something she can finish. I hope this helps, enjoy your little princess
I'nm still enjoying mine and she's almost 19. J.
____@____.com if you would like to talk further.

PLEASE do not stress about this! As long as she is growing and healthy, then it is not worth it to create an issue with food. My daughter is 10 and just ate her first hamburger. All she ate for YEARS was plain pasta with butter or peanut butter and jelly. I refused to make an issue about food and she came around when she was ready to add new foods to her diet. She is growing, healthy and willing to try new foods. Some kids just do not have hearty appetites and that is OK. You will make yourself nuts if you stress about this and it will turn into a control issue, so just let it be what it is. Good luck to you!!

You may want to rule out any medical condition, like reflux. If eating hurts, she won't want more than a few bites. Could you imagine if you were hungry, but whenever you ate, it hurt?

So that being checked out and overruled, She may be having a power trip. There are 3 things that you can't force a child to do: Eat, talk, use the potty. They have absolute control over those things. As long as there is nothing medically wrong, she will not starve herself. When my oldest went to preschool, the preschool served the food and they all ate family style, using proper table manners (please pass the grilled cheese, etc). After rejecting the food the first couple of days and coming home in a wicked mood, she surrendered and just ate the lunch. It was great - she even ate raw veggies with dip!!!! Just keep serving her food and giving her no alternative and eventually she will eat something. You will probably want to include at least one item on the plate that she likes and will eat along with the rest of the meal. Good luck (check out the medical reasons, though)

My son will be 3 years old in a few weeks. He to is an extemely picky eater and doesn't eat very much at all. To make sure he is getting proper nutrition I bought those pedia sure drinks and I try to fill him up on anything he likes. Right now he loves peanut butter and Jelly so we eat that all day long at every meal. and his doctor says he is a little under weight but over all doing great. she will come around on her own time

Hi as a Mother of three grown children I wouldn't worry about eating patterns at different growth sages. If the doctor saw signs of malnourishment he would deal with that. If the pediatrician is not alarm nor should you be. If there is a control issue with a child it is great to give them acceptable choices. Like ask them "should we have green beans or salad with dinner". She can even help prepare food by doing small jobs, tearing up the lettuce or breaking the green beans into bite site pieces for you. The more of an issue you make this the more resistance you will come up against. Just relax she will eat when she is hungry.

I am hoping the appetite stimulant was given to you by her pediatician.
She will eat when she's hungry. I agree with your dr. 100%. As a mother of 5 kids, I've been through that exact situation a few times myself-haha! One of my kids actually ate nothing but cheerios and her dr said the same thing!
Try not to worry about it. She will be fine!!
Have fun with your princess, they grow fast!
T.
Momma of 5 (28,23,20,15 and 5)

FANTASTIC BOOK: Just take a bite

AWESOME AWESOME!

i was the same way as a child (so mom says) and my 11yr old son was exactly the way you describe your daughter. he only recently started eating a lot as he's going through a growth spurt. he's still thin, but was never malnourished. the doctor told me that he'd "eat when he's hungry". my other 2 boys are 4 and 2 1/2 and go in and out of the same phase. i wouldnt worry. there was an article in parenting magazine that said that parents who tried to force their children to take more bites after the child was 'done' had the more underweight kids, compared to the parents who just listened to the child and took the food away when the kid was done. my 2 little ones will want sweets and treats a lot. if it's been a while since their last meal (or bite of real food) then i give them a choice of 2. you can pick whatever your daughter is most likely to eat or something you know she likes. in my case it's scrambled eggs or rice and meat, and after they have some protein then i'll give them something treat-y. if they say theyre not hungry then i tell them no treat. 8 times out of 10 they will eat their food. otherwise we wait longer until theyre more hungry. as for my 11 yr old, he cooks his own food when he's hungry. lol.
good luck. things WILL get better.

First of all, you are the parent and you decide.
Provide her with healthy food (a balanced diet) that is the appropriate amount at every meal. If she doesn't finish it, let her know that she will be finishing what's on her plate at the next meal.

Don't provide snacks between meals. She will be more than happy to eat her meal.

Just imagine you are in a country with few resources and not much to put on the table. She would eat anything that comes in front of her. It's when we have too many options that we become picky.
Remember, you are her guide. Don't let pickiness turn into manipulation.
Good luck

It is heart wrenching, I know, Control is a big issue. She will not starve herself. Stay strong and continue to only offer her nutritious meals. Don't allow her to snack on junk. Carrots, celery, fruit is great. Don't let her fill up on juice-lots of sugar there. Keep your cool at meal times. When she gets a big reaction from you, she wins. It is a tough time!

Sounds like she's not hungry.

Try leaving snacks out during the day that she can pick at as needed, and don't worry because this is normal toddler stuff. They are too busy discovering the world around them to stop and eat.

Maybe you can give her a multivitamin to help ease your concern.

I.,
Do not push food on your kids! I learned this from a neighbor. She was the type that always pressured her daughter to eat. One day, she said to her daughter, "Eat just one bite for Momma." That child kept that one bite in her mouth for HOURS. I learned so much from that moment.

So with my own kids, I let them be. I always give them healthy meals and I let their hunger dictate what they need. I have never said to them, "Just 3 more bites". Can you imagine not being hungry and having someone trying to force you to eat??? Unless there are medical problems, her little body will tell her what she needs.

Today, my 5 and 7 years olds are great eaters. They are adventureous. Kids learn to eat what you eat.

Good luck and stop stressing!

Hi I.,

Your pediatrician is right. The worse thing you could do right now is make an issue out of getting her to eat. It's important so she doesn't develop some kind of eating disorder. She'll eat when she's hungry (which may be less at times) so just continue what you're doing about giving her good choices and let her choose what and how much. Don't try to stimulate her appetite, her body will tell her when to eat. Also, don't have unhealthy snacks around. My daughter would go through phases where she would eat a lot, then hardly eat at all. She is now 24 and has no weight or body image issues at all.

V.

please take all the good info from the other responses. but from my point of view (mom who has a picky eater), be joyous about your phrase "take 2-3 bites" - my daughter won't even do that.

also take a look at a real malnourished kid for an eye opener. i had the same fear. then i thanked my blessings.

Hi I.-

My husband and I came up with a pretty fun idea to get our daughter Cassidy who is turning 3 at the end of the month to eat more at every meal. She is a big fan of Elmo and his goldfish Dorothy. We bought fish and let our daughter name it (Ariel) then we set the fish bowl on the kitchen table. Whenever we ate together my husband and I would take turns saying, "hey Ariel, watch me eat my dinner" then take a bite. Then we would say, "hey Ariel, watch Cassidy take a big bite of her dinner". It worked every time! After a while we didn't need the fish on the table to get her to eat. But there are days when I am introducing something new at the dinner table and I bring the fishbowl trick back so Cassidy will try the food without question.

Another thing I do is always have a few different types of food she likes cut into bite size pieces on her favorite plate. She likes being able to have different things to choose from and usually ends up eating everything....it just takes an hour for her to do it.

Now if you have the time and skill in the kitchen I highly suggest letting your daughter cook with you. If you get her involved she will be much more interested in food altogether.
I let my daughter spread the sauce, and sprinkle the cheese on homemade pizza. Help whisk eggs in the morning, pick the leaves off of basil, oregano, rosemary or whatever herb I am using. If we are having pasta or rice we practice counting noodles or grains before I cook them. Before adding fresh cut vegetables into a recipe we talk about the shapes and colors of the pieces. Even letting her put frozen pancakes in the toaster oven and then letting her push the start button makes her think she's made the meal herself.

Until I started using these tricks our daughter would take one bite of her dinner and refuse to eat anything more. Good luck!

My middle child is 3 and is pretty picky. Not as bad as some, but my husband and I always joke that if there's ever a famine in the land she won't even notice :)

What I do is just make sure she's eating healthy when she does eat. Then the times she doesn't eat a BITE of lunch or dinner, she get NO treat and she's totally fine with that. That's when I realized she really must not want the food or must not be hungry...if she's willing to pass up a treat. But when my kids do eat their food I just make sure that snacks/treats are healthy ones. I've noticed that kids totally go through phases of 1)being really hungry 2) being kinda hungry and 3) not being hungry at all and these phases go on for weeks at a time sometimes.

Good luck!

Hi I., I work with an inspirational mom and celebrity chef Domenica Catelli that wrote a fantastic cookbook called "Mom-a-licious"--in here, she has an intro from Dr. Alan Greene who is an expert on pediatric taste bud research! His research shows that it takes up to 10 times of introducing a child to new flavors to get their taste buds used to it--well, as a mom of two, I know there is no way I'm going to have the patience to try something 10 times! Domenica's recipes have only been taking 2 or 3 times to be popular with kids--this I can handle! Her Brussels sprouts recipe is a favorite in my house with my two boys (at the time I tried this they were 5 and 10yrs old)--my youngest literally asks for Brussels sprouts for breakfast! The first time it was kind of new and different and he just took one bite--but the second time he ate half a plate and was sold since then! So, I guess the bottom line, is to plan on trying more than twice and just have patience. Domenica also suggests to engage your daughter in the grocery store and pick out a color --'orange' vegetables today or 'yellow'--and find a great recipe you can engage her in (even pulling the tops of carrots off at her age)--then let her know you are having this for lunch or dinner and she is going to help you make it. We are revamping our site, but we will have many more recipes and tips for parents at www.bemomalicious.com --take a look and tell me what you think. Thanks and Good Luck! C.

try hard to ignore your feelings. the more you try the more she will resist. if there is something she likes ie. bacon(my grandson loves) try to get organic. don't bribe don't keep asking. take as much of pressure off and control of you away from her as you can. i know it is tough but the more of an issue you make the harder it will be. she will eat when she's hungry.if your pediatrician says not to worry that means she is healthy. so try not to worry.anything she likes that is some nourishment go for it.good luck. M.

hun, this too, shall pass. it is the age, your ped. is right. my daughter went through the same thing, and sometimes she still goes through it at 5 years old.

the thing to remember is, do not make a big deal about it. kids will eat when they are hungry enough, and if it means grazing on a few bites here and there all day, then so be it. just make sure she is getting healthy options to graze on.

as long as she is still gaining weight, and is still thriving, then you don't have much to worry about. have you tried giving her Pediasure or some other liquid nutritional suppliment?

Do NOT make food an issue. Give her food at her meals, let her eat or not eat, and make her wait until the next meal. Eventually, hunger will kick in and she will eat. Trying to encourage her to eat will make this a control issue and you will have constant eating problems forever.

I have the same problem with my own 3 year old and I experienced the same thing with his 6 year old brother when he was around 3 years old too. Your doctor is right, it's normal and she will get over it. As much as it feels like she must be starving, when she really wants to eat, she will let you know. My 3 year old is offered food during all the regular meal times and snack times, but sometimes he refuses to eat. He is finally starting come to me and say, "Mommy, I'm hungry." When he does this, I simply offer him the exact food that I offered at the earlier meal time. Sometimes he eats it up and sometimes he decides that he isn't so hungry after all. It will get better, and hunger will eventually drive her to eat. I have also started sneaking some vegetables into my sweets (read The Sneaky Chef). That isn't about helping a picky eater to eat more nutritious foods, but about taking the worry out of allowing my boys to have a brownie once in awhile. At least I know that my boys will eat brownies, and I don't worry about making sure they get all their veggies as much.

When my daughter was little the doctor gave me this plan. Give them 2 TBS of each item you are eating. They have to eat all item before they can get seconds. They can only have water or crystal light, so they are not drinking their meals. No in between meal snacks until they start eating meals. Juice and snacks are appetite killers. Then they only get 30 minutes to eat, yes they have to sit for 30 minutes or until they eat. If they won't eat they still have to sit, if they start eating after 29 minutes the plate is still taken away. This is so they can't leave the table so they can play and it keep you from being held hostage at the table. My doctor said the longest it ever took was 3 days to work and that was his daughter! I still have one picky eater, and both my kids are petite as pre teens. But they eat when it is on the table and they know sometimes new things are not what you were expecting not that you don't like it. So we have a rule to eat three bites regardless. Hope this works for you.
N.

I have a picky eater, too. Let's see, what did I do...
I put things in a cupcake holder--lots of little healthy snacks that she could eat for meals and snacks. I gave her choices--eat this or this--you decide. Helps with the control thing. 3 year olds are smart.
What is she drinking? If she has over 20 ounces of milk a day, it's too much--maybe not even 20. Kids get anemic from filling up on milk. How about juice? Empty calories and filling.
Watch her weight and urine output. If she is slowly gaining-great. Her urine should be lighter as the day goes on and she should go at least 3 times a day. Relax and let her help make up the menu for the day. Get aprons and make food together.
My picky one is still picky, but she is getting better as she ages. I have 2 other kids who eat everything. Go figure!
Best of luck. Keep in touch with the Pediatrician. An occasional visit for a once over will help you relax. Visit every 3 months so he can be on top of weight issues, possible allergies, etc.

Definitely typical behavior for 3. She won't starve or be malnourished...she will eat when she wants to eat. Our son went through this too and I would use cookie cutters on his sandwiches and decorate them and he only ate when he wanted to. It would probably be a good idea to supplement with a vitamin if she isn't eating enough fruits, veggies, whole grains and dairy. Only allow healthy foods while she's going through this phase and try to limit the treats to times when she eats well. Some parents switch over to yummier and less healthy foods when kids get picky and all that does is enforce unhealthy eating practices.

I know this sounds wrong to some people, but I was desperate to get my kids to eat healthfully. I thought if they started by at least nibbling they may acquire a taste for certain healthy foods. So I started bribing and bargaining with them to at least try one bite. Like one chunk of pineapple or one broccoli flowerette. I even went as far as giving my son a dollar to try quacamole. And again and again. At the fourth time he said, "Will you give me a dollar?" I said, "Nope! Not this time!" But by then he'd grown to like it sand ate it willingly. You don't have to go that far, but start by saying "Ok, eat this piece of broccoli and I'll let you watch your show" or something. Now both my kids 4 and 8 girl and boy love most foods and I no longer have to beg them to eat. Also, don't fill them up on drinks and absolutely no snacks before a meal. Their tummies are so small. :) Good Luck! C. Trenholm

It's the age... and it does not stop there. It does up and down in terms of their picky-ness and eating even when they are older.

My kids are like that too. It's all about ages and stages.

What I do...is I give them vitamins. Natural vitamins I get from my natural food store. I give my daughter- kids calcium(because she hates milk and diary), Omega-3/DHA for kids, and a multi-vitamin. So, for me and a lot of my friends with this same problem, this is what we do.

If her health is fine and the doctor says she does not have any physical problems...then, you can assume it is the age & picky eater stage.

Yes, it's an emotion based thing... BUT their taste for things is STILL developing too. Even at this age, their are still developing.

Just don't force her too much... I know it's un-nerving when our child does not eat like we want... but at the same time.. we don't want it to turn into a "hang-up" and battle.

Just make sure she is hydrated as well. Not just filling her up with juice and sugar drinks.

For my girl also, when she is tired, she can't eat. If the plate is too big and her portions too big, she can't eat. So, it's a "visual" thing for her too. If she has favorite foods, let her eat that, even if it's everyday. At least she's eating.

Talk with her... in a way that is not "scolding" her. Just let her yammer on about food and what she thinks and what she likes.... let her know you are "listening" not just barking reprimands. Perhaps, make a "list" of foods she likes...survey her and make it fun. Perhaps, let her "help" you make something to eat. My girl went through a phase when she liked peanut butter & jelly with Olives on top! (those were her favorite things). Okay...so I let her eat it. That was fine and it was funny for all of us. (at least she ate). So, sometimes it's just like that.

Or, make smoothies for her. Kids often like smoothie drinks.

My daughter is now 5 years old, and she still gets picky here and there.

Take care, I know it's not easy with a picky eater.
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

I.,
Your daughter will be fine. She will not go hungry for long. If you don't give her so many choices, she will get the idea that you are in control. If you want her to remain a princess, don't let her turn into something other than a princess. I am sure it is hard to watch her not eat, but she will eventually eat. Stay strong! You can outlast her, and then she will start eating something. This is only the first test, she will test you in other ways her whole life. Enjoy your baby girl.

E.:)

Dear I.,

It will get better. It is temporary. Your daughter will eat when she gets hungry. The things is also determine whether it is behavioral as opposed to physical. Dinner time is dinner time. If she doesn't want to eat what you are serving, there isn't anything else later. My daughter hit a phase around the same age where she didn't want to eat (she wasn't picky beforehand). It was physical. She wasn't hungry. After two weeks of not eating much (usually dinnertime) I took her to the Dr., and she was anemic (iron low). So, he gave me iron drops for her that you can buy in the store too! It is a sure way plus a regular chewable vitamin, that her body is getting what it needs even when they don't want to eat it to make sure it is there. Within a week, her levels were all normal again. It took a few more weeks for her appetite to start gaining traction though. God Bless!

3 year olds are typically "grazers"- meaning they often eat two or three bites of something and then walk away. Stop stressing out about it! if your doctor says she is not malnourished then she is probably getting enough calories for her daily activities. Try to make sure that the foods she does eat are quality foods and limit her juice intake since this can cause little ones to eat less solid food...juice is really just sugar anyway...would you let you princess eat spoonfulls of sugar? I doubt it.

Also..the more you try to force her to eat and challenge her control over her food intake the more chance she will have "food issues" in the future. when our babies are little they grow at exponential rates so we are used to them consuming sometimes large quantities of food. In the toddler years their food intake decreases as well as their rate of growth. try to look at your daughter's WEEKLY food intake...if this is balanced with the right amounts of veggies, fruits, carbs and protien then she should be fine. I'll bet she starts eating again right before her next growth spurt!

about me: I was a nanny of twins, toddlers and two infant boys (different families), for over 11 years. I am now a college English teacher and expecting my first child, due in october!