Okay, so yesterday my daughters and I were out with my parents. My oldest daughter had her new AVID shirt on so I asked her to take her coat off to nanny and papo could see it. She got a little embarrassed and said she had reasons for not taking her coat off. Well, I started talking with her and she mentioned her breasts are too big. I told her we would talk later in private. When we got home she was telling me that the guys at school are talking to her breasts and she wishes she didn't have them. Now granted she is 13 and is in a D cup. I just want her to be happy with herself and how she looks. What do I say to help make her feel better about her breasts? I told her there was nothing wrong with telling people she is up a little bit from where they are looking but it just doesn't maker her feel better.... Please help!!!
Thanks everyone for all the advice! She has found some bras that she loves and is comfortable in. She noticed the problems with sports bras and has requested not to get any of those again. Riley, thanks for making me laugh!!! Jazmine is so shy and quiet and frankly probably hasn't noticed any of the comments being made because she always walks around with her nose in books. Everyone always tells me all she does is read! I even had a friend come to me and ask me to ground her from books! lol Her little group has some guys that she has noticed looking. Yesterday was the first time she has shown any discomfort with them and it just caught me off guard. She does pretty good about getting clothes that don't show off that area too much but she also slouches alot to help cover them. I called them breasts and she told me not to do that, I asked if boobs was any better and she told me not to name them! lol I will work with her on those come backs Riley. It would be so great if she will learn to stand up for herself like that. Yes, I have talked with Jazmine about sex and all the changes she is going through, and so far she has been very good coming to me with questions. Ihave also talked with her about unwanted touching, etc. because her school has been having problems with that sort of thing. She swears that she hasn't had any problems but I reminded her that her school has a box to anonymously report those types of issues. Thank you all so much!!!
Look for some minimizer bras. I loved them when I wore them. The sort of flatten out the breast and not so much of it sticks out to the front. It really makes it look like there is less there.
When my dad was in Veterans hospital with a heart attack I was maybe in Jr. High and I was hit on by several guys at the hospital who thought I was much older. I was humiliated. I understand how she is feeling.
Ugh. Been there. has taken me a lot of years to make peace with my boobs.
And that age is the WORST because the boys are hyper-focused.
Just help her to pick out flattering clothes that actually FIT her bustline.
I was very big chested from an early age. Ididn't notice it until the church car wash. I went braless and apparently gave a great wet tshirt contest without realizing it. No wonder guys that never talked to me before were being so nice to me! One serious th ing to talk to her about is all the extra wattention she is going to get from guys. SHe will end up getting all sorts of attention that she is not ready for. Help her by telling her all the dirty tricks guys pull to get up a girls shirt. She's going to be crazy embarassed, but tell her anyway. Your voice will be echoing in her head when some guy pulls one of those cheesey lines on her.
I started with tight sports bras that flatten you out. That truly helps. My uniform throughout all jr high was a baggy tshirts, jeans, and tennies. I was 16 before I had the nerve to wear anything form fitting. I had to wait for the other girls to catch up to me to feel comofrtable. Help her build self confidence, by showing her things she is good at. let her accomplish some things, like volunteering, taking an outside class at the community college. Get her a hobby she is proud of, so she knows who she is when people treat her like nothing more than a pair of breasts.
I haven't been in this situation, but using common sense and other life experiences I would say that the best we as parents can do is nourish our kids' self-esteem, in a general sense. There will always be something that other kids or others will make fun of or disapprove of, that is life. If our kids have a healthy self-esteem, they will be able to withstand these insults throughout life and not let them effect how they feel about themselves. On a practical note, you can try to come up with a clever/witty way your daughter can respond to the boys who will inevitably notice a D cup on a 13 year old girl. Or tell her it's ok to ignore them for now. She will eventually figure out a way to use her "gifts" to her advantage.
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I'm sorry! I was totally flat as a 13 year old and got told jokes about the carpenter's wife who is as flat as a board. I was horrified at that age! Just keep reassuring her and pretty soon, all the other kids will be big too and she won't feel so self conscious. Kids can be cruel and I hate it!
Sigh. I had to beg my mom to let me get a training bra (and endure her saying, "but you have no breasts") because the boys were snapping bras and I didnt' have one. :( I may have reached an A by graduation...
What she needs is the rock solid self esteem to wear her frame with pride and fend off all untoward onslaughts with a rapier wit and a nonchalant air. But. What 13 year old has that? NONE.
I say honor her modesty, don't make her take off jackets etc, let her wear what she wants (be glad she's not insisting on bursting out of low cut tops like some teens), but do encourage her not to be ashamed. Tops that FIT without being tight, etc. I hope you get some great advice from ladies who have been there. I certainly wouldn't know what it's like. :(
I agree with Riley, if she can get the gumption to call people out for being inappropriate by turning the ridicule on them for not being able deal with boobs, it will scare off a lot of the bad behavior. "I'm up here" would go a long way for the boys with their eyes on her chest. Sometimes they ogle to be "funny" (because for real, anyone CAN control that) if there is no resistance, but feel stupid if they get called on it. Remember, bullies and rude people usually prey upon the weak. So she needs a thick skin and bravery to speak up.
Oh, yeah, and keep her focused on the good qualities about her that DO matter!
I was 22 before I accepted my D cups! Got them at the end of 6th grade! Men (including my husband) still talk to them! Once in a while if it's a guy I don't know, I ask "do you think they are going to answer you?"....but I'm a smart a$$!
Honestly, when my mom talked to me about the "oh you have other qualities that make up who you are, you are more than just your boobs, you are..." BLEH...I already knew that! It went in one ear and out the other. Unfortunately, I hid them from everyone...but in the 90s you could wear super baggy clothes and not look like you were hiding something.
I don't have a solution excpet that the undewire sports bras push them in...not the regular no hlep sports bras...those just turn Ds into a giant uniboob!
ETA: there was a girl in our class who was at least a DD...they called her Dolly...I like Riley's idease if you feel she and you can handle the "fall out" give her some one-liners. Once you make the boys and girls feel like Jackasses they start to leave it alone.
Guys seem to think that we detach them and re-attach them in the morning...so they think they can touch. If someone does that she needs to immediately talk to the teacher or you. Let her know that you will listen to it all...no matter what is being said to her.
Again I go back to the one-liners...
Make sure she has comfortable bra's and tshirts to wear. nothing really low cut. if she is uncomfortable with her size then having v necked shirts or shirts that button up but won't button high enough will bother her. and make her feel self conscious.
welcome to my world!
I was a 36C-DD cup all through HS. 20y later and I'm holding steady at an H cup! When I loose weight I actually go UP in cup size instead of down.
First thing that will help is to find a good support / minimizer bra. You should take her to a place like Lane Bryant or somewhere that specializes in undergarments to have her properly fitted. Brand and size means EVERYTHING! For years I wore Playtex 18h, no wire bras. I got to where I was popping out. When that happened, I would just go up a cup size. I got to the point where I was wearing a 42DDD. I would still end up at the end of the day with bra dig-ins and one massive boob! I got a proper fitting, and changed to soft sided wire-bras and I'm a 40H. Actually I've lost some weight and am really a 40I (eye), but can't find bras that size that aren't $60 a piece.
Second is to find the right type of shirt/top. For larger chests, tops that have a wide top cut, or a squarish neck top look better than crew cut tops or even tank tops. An example is:
A top like this
http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/girls_716/tops/longsleeve...
will look nicer than
http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/girls_716/tops/longsleeve...
or
http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/girls_716/tops/longsleeve...
Cap sleeves or sleeves above the elbows help minimize, while sports bras and tops and crew necks maximize.
Layering also works.
http://www.kohls.com/kohlsStore/girls_716/tops/longsleeve...
As for guys looking at the chest instead of her face. Just tell them. 'My eyes and ears are up here'. If they won't meet your eyes, walk away. If they say why did you walk away, tell them, sorry, didn't realize you were talking to me!
I hated, hated, hated my boobs until I FINALLY got to use them for their intended purpose (which is to feed a baby, NOT to entertain the male of the species!) No real advice here except to teach her to stand up for herself, to be assertive and how to properly deal with sexual harrasement!
She's at an very difficult age. Kids her age aren't comfortable with their bodies especially with the changes they go through. It's why girls tend to carry their books in front their chests and boys tend to carry them down lower.
If you haven't already, be sure to discuss all the changes her body will go through. Remind her that boys are also uncomfortable with their bodies, and girls that haven't developed wish they had, and girls that have wish they didn't. Remind her that in a few years, she will be glad she isn't flat chested.
Outside of that, it's just something she'll have to get through.
I agree that the most helpful would be to emphasize her good qualities so that she thinks well of herself in other areas.
She's at an age when what she looks like is new to her and newly recognized by others. Have you talked with her about how this is a stage in her growth and it will pass. There will be a time when everyone will accept themselves and others as they are. It's new now and kids notice.
I also suggest that she wear sports bras that help to hold in or flatten out the bust line. Then it won't be so obvious she's a D cup. At the same time tell her that it's a matter of perception and that she's just fine as a D cup but this could help her size be less noticed.
I have teeny, tiny boobies so I have never had this problem but don't they make bras that make large breasts at least "appear" smaller? I think I've seen them and thought...gee, what a problem to have! But maybe that will work for her along with the other suggestions. Good luck!!!
I had the same problem, but one good thing about me was I was a tomboy. Big tshirts and sweatshirts......or mens flannel shirts were the norm. That was the only way i was comfy. Maybe if her tops are a bit bigger then she wont feel so embarrassed
my friends daughter is having the same issue. i hope to hear good advice
