My step son died in january from a car wreck I won't go into long boring details. My husband went to grief therapy for a while. I have been protesting having a game system in the house due to way 3 oldest boys did. played games didn't do homework or chores blah blah blah same kid fight every parent has. Any way the grief counselor told ray to buy a xbox to help heal. The problem is hes obsessed with it. He doesn't do chores doesnt spend time with his 2 yr old. This is why I didn't want one to begin with but his grief counselor told him he needed one but she doesn't live with him. It's causing problems between us and not to sound cold but playing a video game isn't going to bring his son back.
He has a 2 yr old that is alive and needs his attention. I need ideas I don't want to be a cold b***** but its all he does. because it will help him heal. For those who are wondering I am going to grief counseling with him but everyone who thinks I am being mean you have to realize hes not eating, showering or anything else that is taking care of himself. they consider the game an linking object. how much is too much
I have him redirecting his mind to something useful trucking school. He actually seems happier not playing the game. If I notice he is low I suggest he plays it but just a couple of hours. as long as hes busy hes happy trucking school makes him study and redirects his mind so he doesnt have to think about it.
I think it is a little soon for him to be over the death but I also think he should be trying to deal with things instead of playing video games. I think you should try to go to counseling with him and speaking with his counselor so that maybe you can try to help him understand his other child needs him too.
I am close to this situation. My fathers wife lost her teenage daughter in a horrible car accident 4 years ago and she is still grieving. She functions, but she will never be the same. She is an inspiration to me, she is full of grace, but she is as fragile as a crystal glass. She still goes to therapy every week at least once a week.
I do not think I would ever get over the death of my child. Yes, you both have a 2 year old, but he had the other child for how many years? It was tragic accident, so not a long illness to prepare for a death? How would you truly feel if your 2 year old died?. How long do you think you would need to get over it? 3 months? 6 months, 12 months? Ever?
I think you need to also go to counseling on your own you sound very angry (which is a natural way of grieving a tragic car accident) and then the 2 of you need to go together. I am thinking your husband is extremely depressed and needs to continue to see the counselor he feels the closest to. Depression makes a person exhausted, unmotivated and distracted. Things run through your mind so quickly and so consistently, he may just need the break in his mind.
The xbox is a distraction. Maybe you could make a deal with him to only play on the xbox when your 2 year old is in bed. Please be there to listen, not to be upset about his behavior, what you think he should be doing. You are his wife not his mother.
I am sending you strength and patience. You can be his biggest supporter, he needs you now more than ever.
I don't mean to sound like a cold hearted b**** either but you are complaining about the way he is dealing with the loss of his son and it has only been 3 months!
You might want to check yourself
Definitely needs to get a DIFFERENT COUNSELOR!
I don't even know if I can believe that a counselor would be so stupid to say that he needs an xbox to heal?????? Did your husband just say that because HE wanted something to take his mind off his sons' death?
Maybe you could go to some counseling WITH him (and perhaps by yourself) to get some ideas on ways to help him through this......
D.,
Are you being serious? He lost a CHILD 3 months ago. News flash for you: He's NEVER going to be "over it" or "back to normal" again. Have you been living under a rock that you are not recognizing the signs of clinical depression in your husband? He needs medical help--sooner rather than later. It also sounds to me like he might benefit from a different counselor or YOU might need clarification on WHY this gaming system was recommended--sounds weird the way you explained it. He also needs to find a grief support group as soon as possible. Again--don;'t mean to be harsh here, but your 2 yo, while important certainly, is not the important issue going on here. Get used to the idea that this is going to be a long and painful journey for your entire family...for better or for worse, remember?
I think your husband needs to find another counselor. How could he possibly be dealing with his grief by immersing himself into a video game. He is disconnecting from the world and the family he does have. I cannot imagine how your husband must feel I couldn't bear loosing a child but I do not see how playing video games is going to help him. I get the whole distraction thing but how is that going to help him heal. I am concerned that he is pulling away from his son. Is it possible that he feels afraid to love this little boy because he may loose him someday as well. I am not a counselor by any means but this is how his current behavior strikes me. Is it possible he has chosen not to feel and to pull himself away because he would rather not love someone that close again so he won't have to feel such loss. That in itself is very alarming to me. I think the circumstances of how he lost his son is so tragic and something no one can control so he would rather pull away then risk it. Not that loosing a child to illness would make it any easier or less tragic. I would encourage him to seek another counselor, or better yet why don't you go for you and also to hopefully find ways to deal with what is happening in your marriage. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope things get better for you soon.
i totally agree with you D.. what game system helps you through grief? please. this grief counselor needs counseling. your husband needs to seriously go to a group of grief parents and talk his way through his situation. thank he needs to seriously pay attention to his 2 yr old and his wife. you both are alive and breathing. if he does not see this soon, you both may be gone. and he will really be lost. good luck!
It seems odd that a counselor would recommend a game system, however maybe he does need a distraction from his life right now, being that his son's death is so very recent. I know that's tough for you and your 2 yo, but I would think about giving him some time before you complain about the video games, time is the only thing that will help him heal. Maybe if he is still wrapped up in his games in a couple months then bring up the issue.
Think about making a temporary sacrifice in order for your husband to heal just a little, then try to slowly pull him back to reality. Losing a child is the worst thing that can happen, in my opinion. If you totally blow up at him about the video games then he will probably just pull away from you. I would also try to see or talk to this counselor, I think it would be important for you to understand why he/she recommended this. You really need to be on the same game plan since its affecting your family life.
