Need Advice Desperately Please--Blended Family, Break-ups and Life... Aaahhh!!!

I totally understand what you are saying, i've been through parts of this situation, and i've thought about what would happen if i ended up where you are now. i have 3 kids he has 1 of whom we have custody, and we had his daughters half brother who wasn't either of ours for 2 years before mom showed up and took him, and we actually have none that are "ours" yet. you were together 9 years, and i don't know how old the other children are, but unless he is MUCH older than you i would guess they were failry young when you came into the picture. For the children you still being around and being that mother figure in their life is perfectly ok. it really isn't a whole lot different than when you both took in the two taht weren't yours to begin with. set up a schedual jsut like you will have to do for the two children you share so that not only do you still get to keep a relationship with these children you helped raise but so that they can not feel abandond. and they can then also continue to have a very good relationship with their two youngest siblings. married or not you were a family, and while i don't feel you should help pay his bills, after all you ahve your own to pay, the kids are innicent in all of this, you love them and they love you, blood is irrelevant here, i'm not talking you should pay support for them or anything like that but spend time with them, go about christmas and birthdays as you would if they really were your kids, and don't look at spending time with the kids as helping him out and doing him a favor, a breakup is hard on kids nomatter what, the goal for both of you should be to make the transition smooth for ALL the kids involved. good luck.

You have to figure out what you want out of this "new" relationship. I know couples that are separated but still keep a very good relationship. Setting boundaries in a relationship is important and only you know how much time and money you want to invest in your ex and the kids. Or would it be better to take a break, re-examine everything and then re-define the relationship that outlines what you are willing to do and what you are not willing to do. If he seriously wants you out of his life, then he cannot expect you to help out in any way. He cannot have it both ways. And if he is not paying the bills at this point, it might be b/c he knows that it will "get to you" and he can sucker you back into this situation to help him. First of all, you need to know that you have given the kids a good foundation for the past 9 years. So, even though you are all going through a rough time right now, the kids will be able to work through it. Secondly, you need to get a lawyer and some legal advice. I would get custody and child support taken care of for your two little ones immediately. If you want to continue to reach out to the other kids, then you figure out what you can handle and what is appropriate for your situation. You set the boundary. That you still worry about him, shows that you deeply care about him but remember that he is a grown man and he is able to handle this mentally and emotionally and he actually makes his own decisions and he will have to live with the consequences. I'm not saying to leave him and the kids "hi and dry" because I don't think that you would really want to do that. Just don't get overinvolved and overwhelmed. There is a great book I would recommend for you, called: "Love is a choice" by Dr. Robert Hemfelt, Frank Minirth and Paul Meier. It is one of the best books I have ever read and it will give you tools to be emotionally healthier and learn h/t set boundaries.

Help him out??? He kicked you and your 2 children out. Worry about you and your children only. The nerve of him! I know you have 9 years invested but you are still very very young to have gone through such a heavy type relationship. Please take my advice get help from your parents/brothers/sisters whomever and make sure you and your own are ok. Do not give him money he owes you money for the 2 kids he gave you. Do not remind him about his bills-how old is he 3? DO NOT HELP HIM PLEASE DON'T. He does not deserve it. Move on with your life I would run as fast as I could from a man like him. When did it become acceptable for the men in our society to shirk their responsibilities of family/children etc? Women need to stop expecting too little of the men in their lives. I wish you well I really hope things improve for you and your two darlings good luck to you.

NO NO NO NO do NOT help him out... and if you're afraid for the kids, you can call Children Services! I know you may still love him, but he chose this path to go down, he needs to step up and be a MAN and take care of his own life now. You don't have any of those bills in YOUR name do you? Because if you do that's bad... get your name taken OFF!!! You have to look out for YOU and YOUR kids now and it's hard, trust me I know! But don't you dare help him with his bills and stop worrying about HIM you will only make yourself sick and stressed out. Good luck to you honey... chin up, things will get better, stop stressing yourself over him, he's obviously not worth it, no man is worth so much stress :)

As hard as it may be, you need to just take care of you & your 2 little ones. YOu should also contact your local Child Support office and get the ball rolling on that. It doesn't cost you anything.

Meriah,

Just take care of yourself and your two kids. Let him finally be responsible and rise to the occassion. Don't let he manipulate your feelings and make you feel guilty about something that is not your responsibility.