Need Advice - Bloomington, CA

Well 2 things work for me that you might have already tried but just in case i thought i would mention them.
#1 find out something she loves so much my daughter loves fruit snacks she is only aloud to have one a day and when ever she is doing something she shouldn't or not cleaning up toys etc i give her a few chances and then i tell her i will count to 5 and if she doesn't stop or start doing it depending on what it is then she will lose her fruit snack for the day or the next day if she has already had it.
#2 a chart that rewards her doing what she should the first time with say a sticker and then when she fills it up or fills up a row then she gets something like a toy or a dollar etc.
I think it is important for kids to get in these habits like of brushing their teethe etc but then it is also important to not reward them forever slowly make it less and less the focus
good luck

Tell her how important it is to bruch her teeth. You have to show them who is boss. Make her do time out or stand in the corner if she does'nt listen to you. Or take something from her she likes the best until she does what she is suppose to do. You have to shew them who's boss. Because they will start running over you. I use to swat my boy when he would'nt do what I said after the 3rd time. But that's been 30 yrs. ago. now days it's different.

I have a six year old daughter and she is the same way. They want the extra attention. The homework i do stay with her while she does it. She loves to show me how smart she is and as much as i hate doing it becuase i could be studying i do it because she needs to love school and i want to encourage that. The tooth brushing i still have a problem with. I try to brush my teeth with her and get a toothbrush she loves. The toothpaste i chose. It's a game to see who can brush the teeth the slowest or spit the biggest.
It's hard and your young but she will not be soon. Do your best to slow down and enjoy every second you can.

Hi J., First of all you are 21, it is not to late to go after your dreams, you want to be a teacher, i say you go for it, you CAN do it. As far as your 5 year old. In the mornings brush your teeth together, just for a little while, at the time` you want her to do her` home` work, make sure all toys are put away, TV goes off, and you just tell her no TV or playtime untill all home work is done, if that does not work make her home work her responsibility, and talk to teacher let her know what you are doing, and the teacher will take privileges away, and when she see the others kids having whie `she's watching, i bet she will start doing her home workave . hope this helps. I have a son your age, if you ever need to talk about any thing feel free to write me. ____@____.com J.

All kids have trouble with this at some time or another, no matter what age, or how old they are.

My girl is also 5 years old, and she does this too sometimes. Many times she just wants company... and at this age, you do need to sit with them and help them study or do homework... no child, this age, is just able or mature enough to sit themselves down, and do their homework by themselves. They need parental involvement to do homework. Not saying you aren't, but... many times we just expect kids to do what we want... but "forget" that they are just so young and need us if even for company while they do their "chores."

My girl has even told me once in awhile, (when I am telling her to do something)- "Mommy, I'm just a little girl... please help me, don't rush me..." THIS is a real eye opener to reminding ME of how we go about our day, and the times when I just merely "tell" my girl what to do, especially when I am on "auto-pilot" and not thinking things out deeply enough because I am the one rushing around.

No matter what.. by this age, a child can certainly talk about how they feel, what they need. A child has a voice, and as a Parent, I try to make it a point to "listen" to my girl and validate any feelings she has or why she needs help. It really makes her feel better, and more prone to doing her "chores." It helps us to bond too... because then she "knows" that I am listening to her while trying to have her do her "responsibilities" at the same time.

For a child at this age, they have a lot on their plate too... and their responsibilities, with school and at home, are increased too. Sometimes they balk at doing them... because children can also feel overwhelmed with everything. Sometimes, they just cannot be expected to do everything as we wish. When they balk.. this is their way of telling us they are feeling stressed, or tired, or overwhelmed, or they may not know how to do something, or simply need a break to unwind etc. At least this is what I have learned from my daughter.

Many times, instead of just telling my girl what to do... I make it like we are a "team" and that she is "helping" Mommy...this makes it more appealing to her as well.. .and then she is more prone to cooperate, as then she feels she is doing something "together" with me.

All their lives, kids will need to learn to do things, even if they don't want to. But, with my girl we make it a point to just talk story and then weave "lessons" into the dialog as we go along... and that way, she "learns" too at the same time, without us having to "nag" her about things. It makes communicating together more fun too. We also encourage our girl to "do your best" versus, having to do things "perfectly"... so as to encourage them and make it fun and more attainable. My daughter's teacher also emphasizes this as well.. so that they don't get "burnt out" on the idea of learning or working hard....

Well just some ideas and what I experienced with my girl. Good luck... if anything, you can talk to her teacher and see how she is performing in school... or if there are any problems.
All the best,
~Susan

Good that you are interested in becoming a teacher-you will be able to start with your 5 year old.

She is too young to be told to do something and expect it to be done...she needs you to help her move on from one activitiy to the next. And she should be doing her home work with you, not by herself. She is only 5 and needs your guidance everyday, all day. She is not lazy. She just needs help to follow through.

My best advise is to check into having your self, your fiance and your 5 yr old to take the 5 week Redirecting Children Behavior class. My husband and I took it and my 4 yr old who just turned 5 last week took the kids class. It changed our lives. It has made such a huge difference. We are learning every day and getting so much better. It is the first and only thing that has given me the piece of mind to get through the teenage years. I actually feared on a daily bases the teen age years because I so do not want my kids to grow up and hang out with the wrong crowd, use drugs, hurt their bodies, and not feel worthy of themselves to make the right choices for the life they are meant to lead. Now I have an amazing sense of confidence that taking the class has not only changed my life, but it has changed the course of my children's lives and I am now ready and excited to share the teenage years with them. My daughter who is 2 is saying "Mommy, I am capable to do that" , now that is amazing!

We are sending our Nanny to the class when it fits her schedule in the fall. It was a true blessing! I think every parent and child needs to take the class and we plan on taking a refresher class annually just so we can keep fresh and not forget, or resort back to bad habits. From now on anyone we know having a baby will be getting RCB as a class from us.

Congrats on starting school!

If your child does this consistently and it's not a new behavior you might want to have her evauluated by a speech and language specialist for auditory processing issues. A child with these issues has a break down between the physical act of hearing and the ability to organize it in her brain. Try this, after you make a simple request ask her to repeat it to you, and tell you how she's going to do it. For ex. you say, please brush your teeth. OK, what did I just say, child repeats it, and then you say, how are you going to do this, child say's I'm going to go to the bathroom, take my brush, wet it, put toothpaste etc etc.

If she does have auditory issues this it's not the end of the world, the specialist will share ideas how to approach your child etc. Remember,this is not being lazy, nor is it her choice.

I have a responsibilities chart as well for my 6 and 3 year old boys and that works great. I also made something using microsoft paint which is more simple. I made little steps like stepping stones using ovals. At the top is a circle with a prize that my kids really want like going to Chuck E. Cheese or to the LA Zoo or have a picnic at the park. When they do something good, they move up a step. I place this on the fridge and I use a small magnet to move up the steps. When they get to the top they get their prize. You can also make this with construction paper. Everyone has offered great advice. Good Luck!

I'm not an expert on the issue but have you tried incentives or taking away toys or things she finds fun? If you do the incentives try not to give to many or one every time she does something you ask but rather at the end of the week. Also be persistent don't give in, your in control, your the mama. lol I hope you find a solution to your problem. Good luck in school, your gonna love it and your gonna learn sooooo much. Have fun

I would try an incentive chart/job chart. List things like brushing teeth, making her bed, homework, or whatever other parts of her daily routine you want ot include. Give her a sticker or a smiley face each time and, when, at the end of the week, she has mostly (notice I didn't say all) stickers or smiley faces, offer her something as an incentive (this doesn't have to be something that costs money....it could be doing something extra special with you; you probably know what will motivate her). Good luck with school and your goals; that's fabulous!
L.

Hi J.:
Your daughter is an energetic,active,impressionable young girl. During your studies to be a school teacher, you will learn,how to entertain,amuse,and keep the attention of young children. Until then,You need to try and make these demands,sound less like a chore,or boring into something (FUN) This is what gets kids modivated. Instead of merely saying go brush your teeth,or do your homework. Include yourself. (Lets you and I) tells her you want to do something with her. She doesn't feel like she has to tackle these things alone,and she won't feel like your just enjoying giving her orders.She is wanting to feel her independence some now, but,,,,she also wants to know your there for her. "How bout we go brush our teeth,then put on a little blush so we look pretty" "Lets work on this homework together"You may have to show me how this is done".....I'm not sure I remember...: ) I wish you and your darlin daughter the best.

Hi J.!
A lot of the mom's had good advice! I thought Sarah S's was particularly good for explaining the way a sticker chart can work (Leah & Jennifer, too). I recommend that as well - I have free tools for making your own chart on my website gomommygo.com. You just printout out the pictures of the activities you want to reinforce and it makes it a lot easier. I tried to make it easier for the moms so they wouldn't have to draw all the pictures, just paste them on the chart.
You can see the info on making a chart here:
http://www.gomommygo.com/thankdontspank.html
If that doesn't work then I would think Jenn's advice is good - to take her to a specialist next. But maybe the charts will do the job! Some kids just need motivation!
I am so happy you care so much! My daughter is a 1st grade school teacher and she loves it!
Best,
R.

I use a job chart and it has worked out great. My "job chart" is just a piece of construction paper taped to the wall. My 4 yr old and I made it together. You can make new ones easy or do it a little more complicated (with days of the week or whatever) depending on how much your child understands. She gets a star sticker every time she does something I have trouble getting her to do (like get dressed quickly and brush her teeth by herself, etc.) I just use those metallic star shaped stickers you can buy a pack of 200 at an office supply store. Of course you can use whatever stickers your child likes. And then when she gets 20 stars, (or whatever works for your system) she gets to pick out a new toy. I give them generously, sometimes I offer her 3 stars if I am especially impressed. But the thing is it works so well! It has saved me from yelling at her so many times! All I have to do now is threaten that she won't get a star, or the other way around offer her one or 2 or 3. I introduced the job chart as a reward for getting older and being such a big girl, that now she has to learn to take care of herself, instead of making it like a punishment so she was excited and happy to do it, also because I told her it was a way to get new toys. And it also is a handy way to deal with the issue of buying new toys. So have fun with it. I hope it works for you. PS- you are not too old to go back to school! Good luck with that too!

Just wanted to quickly reply to your comment about "not wanting her to get use to it or grow up lazy". On the contrary, I believe that being right there with her and being consistently "on" her about completing her task/work etc...is actually setting a high standard for her to follow for the future..and she WILL grow with those same standard of expectations and work ethic. It's giving up on her or letting the important things slide that will actually make her lazy or unambitious.

The key, though, is to do it in a way that won't make it SUCH A CHORE! However, it's okay for a child to experience discomfort from time to time because not everything is about fun and play -- there is a thing called life's RESPONSIBILITIES. She will soon understand this..and will be able to deal with life's responsibilities (including its ups & downs) and accept that it's just the facts of life.

take care and all the best to you.

She doesn't get a choice she's 5, when she turns 18 and moves out she can do what she want's. The end.

If she doesn't mind then take major things away, like birthday parties, friends coming over or her going to their house, dance, sports or parks.

If she can't do what you ask her to do, then you can't do what she asks you to do. This works on my kids, I don't ask them to do alot, because their way is never good enough for me, but sometimes I get doing things for them to much and can't get to everything I need to do. This is when I ask them to change the laundry through, or vacuum a room or what ever. I give them a time frame and then when it's not done, I decide I can't help you. You need a ride (I don't want to), you need money (I don't want to), you need something from the store for school (I don't want to). This makes them realize the give and take part of life. Because they really need you to do things for them. I would start playing this little game with your daughter. She will realize quickly that it works both ways.

Sometimes we don't see how we are acting, because we are to caught up with what we want now. So acting like them opens their eyes, they will see that it's quit annoying and try harder to work together. And at age 5 they start showing us more independance. (at least what they think).
But put them in there place again, remind them who's boss and they get back on track. They try this every few years so just remember the rules don't change, put them back on track with a reminder and wait for the next one. Good luck! J.

hi..my son is 5 and he's like that..everything I have to tell him what to do, but now he's becoming more independent...if he doesnt brush teeth I tell him it will rot ang he will have a dragons mouth and I tell him his classmates will make fun of him if he doesnt brush his teeth, now everytime he eats he will brush his teeth, I dont know whats the impact of the words I told him..hehe..regarding homework I give rewards, if he finished all his homework, I will give him something as a reward, I dont know if its right but he follows instantly, he will do homework after school immediately, becuase he knows he will get something good if he finish his homework like a biscuit, a candy, a piece of cheap toy,stickers,a pencil, a new psp game which I downloaded online so its free..this is just my personal technique.=)

My kids love to have a check off list of tasks that need to be done. My hubby printed each child a to do list of daily activites on the computer and had it laminated so it can be used with a dry erase marker. 99% of the time it works great. It really helps him out in the mornings. We leave the marker down so they can check of as they go. Sometimes they race to see who can finish first. My son was 5 when we started this.

Try taking things, toys, TV time away. This woks with our girl. She gets the thing backs if she behaves.

Hi J.,
First off, know that this is very normal for that age. What works with my son, and I saw other moms say the same, is a chart. We have 7 colomns:
*Brush teeth at least twice today
*Make Bed
*Chores (any chores)
*No time out all day
*1 hour of school work, (we're home school right now)
*Ate all 3 meals today (without wasting food)
*Dry pull up this morning
Each colomn has spots for about 10 stickers. He loves to pick out stickers, (I got a book of them at WalMart for $2.50 or so in the school supplies like paint, glue etc.), and when he fills a colomn up he gets a treat, (Dollar store works GREAT for that).
Also, he knows if he doesn't get things done, he will not have fun things, like going outside, playing games, watching TV. Aftter things are taken care of then he can do something more enjoyable. At this age they like to be rewarded for good behavior and not punished for bad.
She'll catch on. Have fun with it, I'm sure she will. Good luck.

Good evening J.! Your 5yo must have started school recently? Praise the good, Ignore the bad! This is your mantra (little prayer). I can't stress this enough. She is exerting her independance, testing her bounderies. Give it to her . . . with moderation. You chose the things she has a choice of. IE: Do you want to get dressed first or brush your teeth. she'll feel empowered, and you don't have to fight her. Same with any situation... do you want to . . . first, or . . . first. or which outfit do you want to wear, this one or that one? The next important part is: to praise her for making a choice, and following through. I like it when. . .
you brush your teeth, you complete your homework, etc. anyway I hope this is helpful. There is a great book on this subject. Becky Baily's "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discapline". Most importantly, go to school and finish school. It is never too late to accomplish your dreams. These skilld will help you in the classroom too, teacher.
Best of luck to your growing family! Ciao, M.

P.S. Halloween is almost upon us, I give a costume workshops starting the first week of September. These classes fill up fast. If you are interested in attending one, or hosting your own, please feel free to contact me for details. M

Try an incentive chart with stars or stickers. Each time she accomplishes a task that you want her to complete she earns a sticker. A certain number of stickers = a prize of some sort. The goal would be to have her complete the tasks without be told to do so... but I would start with her earning a star/sticker by completing the task with only being told once. Start with the reward being easily met... like when she ears 5 stars/stickers she can get a reward. Then work you way to having her earn more star/stickers for the reward. Take small steps first and work toward the ultimate goal...self sufficiency! As far as rewards go... pick something easy for you and inexpensive. One idea is to go to Starbucks for a Mommy and me outing or go on a Mommy and me picnic together. If there is something she really wants then she can earn it with her stars/stickers. This system will only work if the both of you are committed to it! Good luck!

J.,

First you're never to old to start school trust me 21 is not to old to pursue your dream! Even with a child I am a special education teacher with a 7 month old daughter whom I adore! In my profession we use rewards. Maybe make a chart of all the chores you would like her to do and then let her chose a reward for doing them (at your discretion). In the beginning let her earn a reward for each chore she does then progressively make it much more difficult to earn the reward. She has to do 2 chores or all her chores to get a reward each day to each week, etc. Pretty soon she will forget about the reward and do the chores.

I know it's easy to say, but put your foot down YOU ARE THE BOSS! Being consistent and sometimes a tyrant will help her in the long run. Like you said you don't want her to grow up to be lazy.

Good luck,
M. P

There is a great book called How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids will Talk by Faber and Mazlish. It is a great introduction to bridge-building communication. Works like a workbook.

Another is called Kid Cooperation by Elizabeth Pantley.

My favorites are the 4 book series by Richard and Linda Eyre called Teaching Your Children Responsibility. The other three go over Values, Sensitivity, and Joy.

If you plan to be a teacher, a great book to competely sink your teeth into, so to speak, is Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World by Glenn and Nelson. This one contains excellent food for thought.

J., all I can say is DITTO! Both my 7 and 3 year olds don't want to do stuff, but I just do my best at modeling it for them. We brush together, and floss... it is making me take better care of myself. I am a teacher, I do school work at the same time, but my daughter does a majority on her own. It might make it fun for her if you work on something too, even if it is copying her homework so she sees you doing it too. And, when you go back to school, which is AWESOME, she will see you do work. You might try to keep some sort of routine to do work together. Set a timer for her of 10-15 minutes, then she can take a break, then let her set the timer again... just ideas. They won't all work all the time. Good luck to you, you make all teachers proud!