Need Advice - Petersburg,VA

I too have 1 boy and 3 girl. I don't think you have anything to worry about it sounds like he is a homebody. He is still young, he has plenty of time to be a boy.

My son was the same way, except I didn't I have 3 girls but I had 1 girl and babysat 3 others. He played Barbie's with my neice, or with the baby dolls, or his video games for along time. I just left it alone and didn't make a big deal of it now he is 13 and ALL boy. He skateboards, rollerblades, and hangs out with the boys in the neighborhood.

Hi T.,

Have you tried limiting the amount of time he's allowed to spend on this video game or watching TV? If he's bored, he might go out and play (and get some exercize while he's at it). I've noticed that my boys make better food choices and sleep better when they've been outside running around than when they've been inside all day.

Good luck!!

I would not be concerned about not wanting to rough house with the other boys, however he needs fresh air, and sunlight and that is where you should be concerned. I would limit tv/video game playing to less than 1 hour per day, and on school days maybe even less. He needs to be active and out doing stuff. The outdoors provides some many good benefits for children and well all people, just vitamin D, is vital and a great source is the sun. Even if you have to go out and play ball with him I would make it a priority when it is nice enough to get him outside for a bit.

I don't think you have anything to worry about when it comes to his being in a house full of girls and what not. I think your may concern is him spending a lot of time playing video games. Whether he plays with other kids or not, he really needs to have very limited time indoors sitting in front of the tv, in my opinion. Some kids would much rather sit down and watch tv/play video games rather than go out and play, because they are more introverted. Nothing wrong with being introverted, but help your son find things he can do to entertain himself outside, without having mingle with the other kids, because that may make him feel uncomfortable. Just make sure he knows you don't expect him to play with anyone, but you do expect him to spend time outside, or at least away from the tv. That's my opinion, and that's the reason I haven't gotten an XBox or playstation or anything for my son, because I know that would be an issue. He loves to play outside, but if the tv is on, forget it! As much as he loves to play with his friends, he could care less if his favorite show is on. That's when I have to just cut it off and say, go play, inside or out, I don't care, but use your imagination!

I would be more concerned that he's not out getting exercise if he's just playing video games! He might just be shy! My son (also 7) wants to zombie out and stay on that PSP, but I take it away and tell him to go out and run around with the dogs. If he sees other kids playing and knows them from school, he'll go play, but if he doesn't know them he won't even talk to them. I'm not totally shocked because when he meets friends of mine for the first time he's usually quiet and a little withdrawn. I think thought that if you're divorced, he's probably just taking up his role as man-of-the-house and may feel that by staying in with you, he's somehow protecting you.

Good Morning T.,

I don't know if you are aware that obesity among our youth is growing every year. One thing my husband and I have notice that there are no kids outside playing as when we were growing up. My advice for you is to limit you son for the TV and Video games. For example. One hour of either one prior to bedtime. This will be difficult at first because he is in a routine to watching TV and Video games. Initiate with him by going outside with him and throwing the ball outside(you don't have to be good at, just play with him). Sign him up in the local community centers for basketball, baseball, football. Again he will resists at first, but will learn alot about himself and assist him with his self esteem. Also you may want to consider signing him up in the Big Brothers and Big Sister organizations. He will be mentor by male who can be a good role model for him. I say this because I am a Big Sister to a little girl who is 6 years old. Good Luck, I hope this will advice will help.

Hi T.,

Is your son's father in the picture at all? Does he have a good male role model? I don't know what kind of "concern" you are talking about when you say he'a in a home full of girls. Are you concerned that that will may him gay or what? Is he physically active or does he only show interest in his video games and tv? That's what I would be concerned about. Does he have health problems or issues that prohibit a lot of outside play? If not, then he does need the benefit of fresh air and exercise--AND the interaction with peers to develop physically, mentally and emotionally. Not all boys like to rough house. Some prefer the arts, music or some other form of personal expression. But he does need to learn to fit in with boys his own age. Have you asked him why he doesn't want to play with the boys in the neighborhood? Maybe he's getting beat up, picked on, bullied or made fun of by them. Or maybe he thinks they're just dumb. Does he have any friends at school? I'd be more concerned about him becoming a loner and isolating himself from others, especially with the tv and video games--not the best source of a healthy environment for any child. I would definitely make sure all of his video games are age appropriate and limit them to a total time limit each day--same with the tv. I hope he doesn't have a tv in his room. Try to find other interests for him. Introduce him to a variety of sports and try to get him involved in activities at school or church. How about the scouting program? He's old enough to join Cub Scouts. When my oldest turned 7, we joined Cub Scouts together and I was his den leader for 2 years. We both had a ball! When he turned 6 we took him to the rink to roller skate. I love to skate. After the session I asked him how he liked it and he said, and I quote: "That was the worst, the absolute worst time I have ever had in my entire life!" So roller skating wasn't his thing but he loves just about every other sport there is. I also took him to art classes, dancing classes, little league baseball and soccer and taught him (and my other 3 kids) how to cook. Anything is better than video games and tv! I have a 48 year old roommate right now who is anti-social and spends a fair amount of time playing violent video games. You don't want your son ending up like that. Abuela

Our 8 year old was similar until about 2 months ago - hated outdoors, complained of bugs, etc. Wasn't acting like the typical boy about outdoors! I guess we expected him to want to go get in the dirt and play!!! We backed off, allowed indoor activities, but made variety for him - we have k'nex, leggos, building activities in general. Xbox is allowed on days when homework and chores are completed and no issues arrised at school - and for 30 min per day only, weekends we allow 2 hours per day but not all at once.

We created family park time each weekend, to slowly get him outdoors to just unwind... and didn't push so much on the voluntary activities outdoors outside of that. Now he asks to go out when it rains!! Its almost as if when we stopped paying so much attention to him NOT doing these things, he found interest!

By the way, indoor activities are different from laziness!!!Our son eats very well, is tall and skinny and not obese for playing indoors. We walk together as a family 2-3 times a week for 1-2 miles in our n'hood, or my son's and I go to the mall to walk. I guess by being an involved parent, we choose to avoid the negative outcomes that are mentioned! Our son chooses cantelope over cake anyday - so not all kids fit the mold of staying indoors=obesity! Just paying attention to his needs, and making sure he's getting a fair amount of exercise, even if that's a walk w/ you and your hubby if your n'hood accomodates it.

Good Luck!

Hi T.,
I am a mother to a 5 year old daughter and am expecting my second child in May. I would suggest that you not worry about your son's behavior. I have two nephews who are 7 and 8 and all they are concerned with right now are their Playstations and Gameboys. Just yesterday, they opted to stay inside versus going outside to play in the leaves because they had a new video game. I think that it is fine that your son stays in the house and I think it's normal that his interests are in video games and television. In many ways, it could be a blessing that he likes being around you and your daughters. He'll probably grow into a man that truly understands and respects women.