Need a New Book - What to Expect for 8 Yr Olds

He's at an age that he feels emotions that he isn't yet equipped to process. He needs affirmation of his feelings first ("I'm so sorry it rained and we didn't get to swimm for as long as we had planned.") followed by a positive twist on the events ("I'm glad we got to go. I can't wait until the next time."). While he needs to learn to cope with disappointments since they're always going to be a part of life, he also needs to know that his feelings are understood.

I don't know about 8 year olds-- my oldest is almost 5, but he sounds a lot like my son. I have a friend who is a child psychologist and she recommended a book to me called "raising the optomistic child"-- it's really inexpensive but she uses it in therapy a lot with parents--- you might want to check it out. I plan to purchase it myself this summer to give me some tips.

Mel

The Optimistic child by Martin Seligman may be helpful for you to know how to help your son.

Hi J.,
If you are not familiar with Sensory Processing Disorder, please look it up on the internet and/or look for the book THE OUT OF SYNC CHILD, by Carol Kranowitz. SPD can co-exist with ADHD or it can look so much like ADHD that it is misdiagnosed!!

Your daughter my have perfectly normal hearing, but may not be processing what she hears..which is why she may appear to be "in her own little world" and have the comprehension difficulties you discribe. Often if one child has sensory issues their siblings will also have issues (altho' they may be completely different issues)...so perhaps your son's negativity is really perseverations---which is also a part of Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD)

You can have your children screened my a good Occupational Therapist to see if there are areas of weakness which can be strengthened thru therapy. While Pediatritians are becoming more knowledgeable in this area, they often do not have as much information as is necessary to completely diagnose.

The good news is that is with simple, FUN, activities (therapy) your children's neurological systems can be stimulated and can become stronger! The younger they are diagnosed and begin therapy, the easier their academic and social lives will be.

Please explore this issue in depth. It is very easy to look at the extreme examples that are described in books and on websites and think that SPD does not apply to your child, but, as you read, remember that SPD is a spectrum disorder which can vary greatly from individual to individual and can even vary from day to day for the individual child!!!

If I can help or share more information, please email me! I would be happy to answer any questions you may have...or help you find someone who can!

Good luck!
V.

Louise Bates Ames and Frances Ilg have a series of books literally titled "Your Five-Year-Old," "Your Six-Year-Old" and so on. They're WONDERFUL. A caveat: I believe they were written in the seventies, so you must be willing to disregard the no-longer-relevant information. But that aside, I often feel like I'm reading a book specifically about my child...it's uncanny.
If your son is JUST 8, I'd recommend starting with the 7 book. It deals quite a lot with the "woe is me" negative attitude typical of this age. I was at least a little relieved to learn my daughter wasn't the only one; while that knowledge in itself isn't helpful, it at least eases your mind somewhat to know that perhaps some of it is just a developmental stage. Good luck.

Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves is a wonderful book. How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk is another great book. The Natural Child: Parenting From the Heart is another of my favorites. All three of those books explain why children act the way they do and how to best respond so that you can have a fulfilling relationship with less conflict. They are easy to read and have plenty of real life examples of things that might happen and how to handle the situation to give it a positive twist rather than arguing or punishing.

Is it possible your son is just looking for confirmation of his feelings? When he's upset that he couldn't swim maybe you could say something like, "Your pretty disappointed that it stormed aren't you? I know you were really looking forward to an afternoon of swimming." Even if it seems silly to you to be upset over storms that you have no control over, it's a serious thing to him because in his small world swimming is a big deal...

.

Louise Bates Ames, the Gesell Institute. Lifesavers!

8 yr old (link is broken, fix manually)
http://books.google.com/books?
id=ig7ZAAAACAAJ&dq=inauthor:Louise+inauthor:Bates+inauthor:Ames&lr=

6 yr old (link is broken, fix manually)
http://books.google.com/books?id=Pj6XdP9sh24C&dq=inau...

I think all these books are valuable reference for any family.

Incidentally, I didn't like the "What to expect" books because they are written by pediatricians and doctors with highly medical backgrounds, and what with their breastfeeding, birth, and babywearing advice, their POV and mine don't often mesh.

The Gesell Institute books above are written by child psychologists and researchers, who spent more time studying what children naturally do as they socialize than trying to rigidly control their socialization. This is why they apply so well to every child, no matter what your parenting style. IMO they are an easy read for everyone.

HTH

This is not a flippant response but I am in a hurry to get out the door this Sunday morning! There is the GREATEST book I know of and you can communicate daily with the Author in real time! It's called the Bible and the Author is the Holy Spirit! He will lead you into ALL truth and you will know from minute to minute how to respond to your child and or how to take authority over the negative influences that attach themselves through bad TV viewing, movies, toys, or friends! The best part of it all is the Wonderful Counselor is FREE! God Bless and have a blessed day! Join me at church today at www.rwoc.org! 9 am & 12 noon! ;-) Wed 7 pm too. Click on "LIVE" at the bottom of the homepage and Watch Live once you're inside. Enjoy!

Dear J. ~ The books by Ames & Haber have stood me in good stead over the years. They are somewhat dated with examples and verbiage, but they offer good sound insight. They always brought me some peace of mind as well as a camaraderie at that 2 in the morning time when one is alone with worry. They are called, for example, "Your Eight-Year-Old", with a subtitle as an interesting tease. Good luck. As my mama used to say, "This too shall pass."