Total transparency: I have the sense of humor of a teenage boy. And I was not a delightful/delighted pregnant woman. I was really, really unexcited about being pregnant (I was very excited to become a mother).
So, my husband (then boyfriend) and I enroll in a birthing class. We did it since we were first time parents, were hoping for a home birth, and I wanted to better understand the process ahead.
The class was, at times, pretty outside of my comfort zone. I mean, in most ways I'm reeeeeeeeeeally crunchy. Other ways? Not so much. Some things just make me squirm, giggle, or flat out roll my eyes.
Our birth class was on a pretty extreme end of the spectrum. Ever seen the show Portlandia? Well, it could have been taped and used as part of the show. We discussed eating placentas postpartum, elimination communication, and I was one of thirty people who planned on using disposable diapers (one of the topics discussed).
No worries.
So then, the "birth ball" is brought up. It was really hot that summer, I was cranky, and I wanted to go home. I did not care about a "biiiiiiirth ball". Nor the ways my partner could center my breathing from my fifth chakra. Or whatever ;-)
I told my mom about it and she said, "Oh, I have one of those. They're just fitness balls right? I'll bring it over, who knows, maybe it'll come in handy."
Okay. Here's the important thing:
THAT fitness ball was a GODSEND. I don't know if I could have made it through my labor without it.
My water broke the morning of day one. Day two, still no baby. Second night, no baby. NEXT morning, my daughter was born. It felt long, hard, and intense. She was turned around sunny side up, and had to get turned around during the contractions.
I hung my torso over that ball and rolled my hips into my mom's legs, over and over and over. It was the only thing that gave me relief, like scratching a really good itch. The ball supported me gently and allowed me to contort my body into positions that best supported my labor process.
I got into the tub a few times and let the hot water work it's magic too. That really helped me to relax. I walked around a lot, and didn't make much sound. I didn't have the energy to put into it. I just let my body breath in a way that felt good, and tried to listen to the part of my brain that extends through my limbs, sans intellectual thought.
I tried to disconnect from the concept of time. When I thought about how long it was going to last, I would start to panic and loose hope. Instead, I just surrendered to the pain, and sort of visualized an ocean rolling me in and out. In my head, I kept a constant stream of encouragements to myself. I kept on saying to myself, don't fight it, just let it come. And I prayed a lot, because it helped me not feel alone.
What Hazel described, about acceptance, is really accurate for me too. She said it well, I think.
I think one other thing she hit on, that was huge for me, was to feel supported. I felt safe and supported. Like Laura, I was ready to do something different if it seemed something was medically wrong or alarming. I was attended by an experienced nurse midwife and felt comfortable with her. I trusted her big.
Most of all, the reason I wanted to have birth at home, and without the pain relief, came from a genuine desire of mine. I didn't feel pressured or guilty, I just went with what felt right for me and my family. Pain medication doesn't have much affect on my perception of physical pain, but it does yank me out of my experience. I have a hard time feeling really awake and present when on it. In birth, I wanted to be fully in my body, using only my natural endorphin and responses, so that I could feel more there. I feel scared and upset in hospitals (bad memories I suppose) and I wanted to be somewhere that I felt safe. And surrounded by people who I trust.
For me, that's just what felt good.
I have a friend who had a natural birth because she felt shamed into it. I think it was a really nasty experience for her, because she didn't get to emotionally consent to the process. I think it's really important that a woman feels safe and respected when she's giving birth, so if that's at a hospital with pain medications, I support her.
Congratulations and Good Luck!