Thank you all for your continued support as I try to wrestle a new quiet time for my two-year-old. Today we read, sang two songs and I put her in her crib with her two favorite animals and favorite book.
She has been crying for 10 minutes now. When do I check on her? Do I really let her cry it out? I feel like this is so mean but know that she is like this because my husband and I both would rock her to sleep for 45 minutes. At this point, I don't feel that's necessary for a two-year-old but neither is all this screaming.
I guess I'm almost resigned to never having time to myself--not even 10 minutes.
Is this correct?
Just an FYI: We are TV minimalists. And she goes in her crib wide awake at grammas with no fuss. I believe she is acting out because I'm her mother! **Not sure I understand what you mean Dawn.** I don't expect her to sleep on demand but I don't believe that letting her scream 30 minutes is giving in eitiher. I'm done with naps. I'm just going to stay out all day and let her sleep in the car.
She won't break - she's fine.
Put it into context - what if she could talk and just kept saying that she wanted candy. Would you give in just to quiet her?
I have a rule that the kids stay in their beds for 1 hour minimum - regardless of if they actually nap or not. It will take a while for her to get used to a new routine of not being rocked to sleep. I think you have to give it some time or just go back to what you used to do now because it will never work if you give up after 10 minutes. Let her cry it out for a while, she will be fine! I know its hard to listen to, so I do feel for you on that. She should start to adjust after about a week.
It's a change for her.....for her whole life she was used to doing it one way(with you) and now it's different. She just needs time to get used to it. There is nothing wrong in letting a 2 y o cry for 30 min (IMO) .........honestly it will only take couple of days if you are consistent . If she still takes naps in the car than she is not really ready to give them up.......Stay strong you can do it:)
We used the Ferber method, it worked for us. It calls for "graduated waiting" with cry it out. go in at 1 minute, then wait three, then 5,10,15,20 on day 1, then on day 2, wait 3 minutes, 5,10, 15, 20 etc. on day 3, start at 5, then 10,15,20, etc. and on day 4 at 15, then at 20.
so if on day 1, you put her down at 12 noon, and she cries immediately, you go back in at 12:01, 12:04, 12:09, 12:19, 12:34, and at 12:54. Most get the hang of it by the third or fourth day.
he advocates sleep training for naps and for night time sleep. however, he doesn't recommend making naps a torturous affair. If she doesn't sleep within 30 minutes (check the book for the actual number), declare naptime over. If she falls asleep on her own because she is over tired, great (this means she is learning to sleep without being rocked.
You are quite right that she is capable of differentiating between you and grandma. Our boy sleeps well for us, no questions asked. Not so though at grandmas ( go figure).
good luck to you and yours,
F. B.
Go in and make as little fuss as possible. Lay her down, whisper to her that it is nap time, pat her back a few times and leave the room. The less engaging, the better, the same with bedtime (when you also don't turn on the light.)
When she starts crying again wait 15 minutes, repeat, next time 20, adding 5 minutes each time. No, the screaming is not necessary and she needs to learn that. She may not learn it today, but in time and with your consistent response she'll learn being put to bed means it's time to sleep (or at least to be quiet and relax.) Give in and you'll be repeating this at some point ; )
I'm trying to answer your question but I am stumped by the fact that you would sit and rock a two year old for 45 minutes just to get her to sleep! I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just a huge chunk of time out of your day. I know I never would have the patience for that, I have a hard time sitting still for more than 20 minutes, even with a newborn, lol!
Anyway, you can either let her CIO over the next several days and see how it goes, OR you can accept the fact that she has dropped her naps. All mine did by age two. They still had quiet time, though they were in regular beds, not a crib, so I don't know if that makes a difference?
As far as time to yourself, take it wherever you can get it. I got mine on the evenings and weekend, when daddy was home. Even when my babies were napping I never really felt relaxed because I was still "on duty" and I knew they could wake up any minute.
Oh, we mothers must be very flexible....and it ain't always easy :(
You have to "train" her that quiet time/nap time in her crib is ok. If you've been rocking her to sleep up until recently you hae a big mountain to climb. She's not going to get over night. Keep at it. If she needs naps, or quiet time (as you do lol) just keep at it. You can go in there, comfort her QUIETLY don't say anything, and lay her back down. It may take a few days, or weeks. But eventually she should get it. Good luck
I haven't read through the previous posts you mentioned but if she's fighting you that badly (10 mins isn't horrible...but if it's 20-30, I'd say give it up!) then maybe she is giving up naps. You can still have her have quiet time (cartoon maybe?). Because she is conditioned to having you rock her to sleep - it's going to take some time for her to learn to put herself to sleep. Why don't you rock her? Maybe for 1/2 the amount of time and put her in her bed....or start with rocking her for 5 mins and put her in her bed (tell her that you are only rocking her for 5 minutes). Then leave the room. If she cries - give her time. After X amount of time (that you deem appropriate) go in, rub her back and then leave again. Do this over and over again. You'll have to teach her how to fall asleep on her own or you'll have to rock her. Your choice :)
Why does quiet time have to be in her crib? She seems clearly ready to give up napping (not what any parent wants to hear, but if often happens between two and three, and you can't force her to go to sleep). And if she cries and cries, sure, she'll nap -- out of sheer exhaustion from crying, and that won't be wholesome sleep.
Also, she will start to associate her crib with feeling trapped and with crying and no one coming to comfort her, if you leave her there to cry it out. That could make bedtimes in the crib tougher.
It's hard, but have you tried to teach her to stay in her room for a quiet time? It does take a lot of patience and is a new routine, meaning it will not be an instant success. The key is for her to be content for a while in a room without you present, and to stay in that room. It depends on the kid (mine was usually OK with being on her own in her room if there was enough to engage her quietly). Have you tried: A soft music CD during this time? Getting her some age-appropriate books that are in a reader device (many different ones out there) where she turns real pages but the device "reads" the book to her? That can keep some kids busy for quite a while. Something she can do with her hands that doesn't need your supervision? A book on CD, if she responds well to being read to?
Don't expect more than she is capable of doing at first. If she spends five minutes on her own, happily engaged, great, and don't push for more. Then if it's 10 minutes -- even better. It takes time for them to learn to be alone happily but it's a vital skill. Yes, she will come out of the room, but you can try what some parents do and put up a good gate in her doorway so the door can be open but the gate keeps her there (if she is a good climber, forget this one, as she could hurt herself.).
Don't try to do a lot of chores etc. in her quiet time -- try being quiet too, maybe in your room across the hall. If she hears you moving around downstairs or in the kitchen, she's going to feel that other, interesting things might be going on and she should be involved. Don't engage her by talking to her -- if she comes to the gate, just say, "Quiet time now," and nothing else.
I know this won't work for every kid but I also know it worked for ours and I've had friends whose kids did OK if the kids had enough to occupy them and the rest of the house was quiet -- but they knew mom was close at hand.
ETA: per your SWH - I'm going by what you said in another post, ES. You said your mom lays her down and walks out. This is the same advice I gave the last time. It's okay if you don't like it. But it's pretty straightforward - at least I thought so. Your mom is consistant and it works. However, if you'd rather let her sleep in the car, by all means, do what you want. I'm not the only one here advocating CIO, but I'm the only one you fussed at.
Original:
Well, if you go in there, you are just telling her that all she has to do is keep crying and then you will give in.
Your mom just walks out and she sleeps, right? There you go...
Dawn
No, don't bother with crying it out for longer than 5 minutes. Then go in and reassure her. In the end it CIO is not worth the sorrow in my opinion. It is not necessarily because you used to rock her. Kids are more flexible than we think sometimes. She is being a normal 2 yr old. And she can learn to take a nap in the way you have set things up for her. Her daytime sleep schedule is going to change a lot in the next 2 yrs as she outgrows the need for naps. Yes, it stinks, but it is growth. It is a great plan to have a daily nap/quiet time, whether she sleeps or not. You are teaching her a good thing. Maybe you can start out by reading your own book in her room while she is in her crib. Or push her in a stroller right after lunch to help her get sleepy. She may fight this a lot so stay flexible and keep calm.
We quickly learned that if the kids cried for more than 15 minutes, sleep was not going to happen.
In our house my son napped until he was 4 1/2. I had to wean him off napping, because he was going to be in full time kindergarten. He was easy. On days he didn't nap, he did do quiet activities. He was allowed a small toy or book. Nine times out of 10 he drifted off.
Now our daughter was the exact opposite. As soon as she learned how to climb out of her crib, she refused to nap. And she learned this trick before turning two.
I spent weeks trying to get her to nap. Routines. Tricks. Black our curtains. Sitting by her bed. I just knew we both needed her to nap. Nothing I did worked. Even days I KNEW she needed it, she would NOT nap. Occasionally, she'd doze off in the car. But it was nothing consistent. She'd also nap at my in laws house, which I found infuriating.
So after a few weeks of fighting and getting frustrated, I gave it up. At two, she didn't "get" quiet time. All she knew is she wanted to play. And at this time, her brother was still a napper and modeling the behavior for her!
I came up with other ways to get a little break. I would make reading "nests". Pile up blankets and let her "read" in her birdie nest. It may have only last 15 minutes...but it was 15 minutes. I also started trading babysitting time with my neighbor (whose son also refused to nap). I'd watch the kids for an hour one day and the next day she'd watch them for an hour. We did this at least once a week, but often more. Cuddle time. We'd crawl in to bed for quiet cuddles. On rare occasions she'd fall asleep and I could sneak off. Now she is three and we have reinstated quiet time. It's not always successful, but most days I can get about 30 minutes or so to myself.
Hang in there mama!
We dropped my 2 year olds nap when he turned 2. Instead he goes to bed earlier, sleeps his 12 hours and I get an hour to myself every morning. He watches tv with his older sister for 60 minutes. I get a break, they have some quiet time, everyone is happy.
My boys were not ready to give up their naps at 2. Is it possible her nap needs to be at a different time? I also rocked my boys to sleep at that age. When I transitioned me older one I would sing to him and rub his back until he fell asleep. Once he got used to this I shortened the singing time and began sitting quietly while he fell asleep. Once he got used to that I started leaving the room (I'd tell him I needed to go to the bathroom or something - some excuse) with the promise of coming right back. I always did, but I kept lengthening the time I was gone until we were at a point that he was always asleep by the time I got back. Now he falls asleep after a quick "good night." It may sound like a lengthy process and it did take me a couple of weeks, but it was something I was comfortable with. Maybe it's something you can work with.
Have you read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley? She wrote one for babies and one for toddlers/preschoolers. She has a lot of ideas to help you out.
Hang in there! This can be so frustrating. As a mom who does not want to do any form of CIO but also wants alone time (and sleep), I really feel for you. Good luck!
