My WILD CHILD - :/ Feeling like I Suck....

My son's 3 1/3 and in my opinion 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 is the WORST stretch. When he was 18 months old I started letting him go to Grandma and Grandpa's one weekend a month. SANITY SAVER!!!!!!

He sounds like a normal almost 2 year old. I have an 18 month old myself and she is also a wild one. Pick whatever corrective route you are going to go with and stick with it. You have to be consistent if you expect him to learn what is appropriate and what isn't. He is going to test you constantly. That is how little ones learn. It sounds like you are doing well...he is just persistent. Keep up the good work.

I just want to say you ROCK! I have trained for half of my life to be a teacher and have worked with kids of all ages. I can tell you that all the methods you have tried above is exactly how you should handle these situations. Redirecting, holding him accountable, modeling behavior- these are all highly recommended and even though it doesn't seem like anything is working right now...it is. I remember when my son and daughter were around the 18 month age. It was hard. We stayed home a lot from play dates because my son has always been a solid kid with lots of energy and I was concerned he would knock others down. Like your son, he wasn't malicious or a bully, just sort of like a tornado at times! I remember we went to a story time at a library once, shortly after my daughter was born. And to my son's credit, he really had only been exposed to "free play" type activities, so he thought it was ok to wander around the room when it was expected to sit quietly for this activity. What seemed like a roomful of parents and their angelic kids sitting patiently in their laps listening to the story, here's my kid running all over the place! He managed to find the can full of markers and other supplies in the back of the room. After redirecting him a couple of times, there was no way I was going to sit there having this battle with him, so I scooped him up and steered my limousine of a double stroller with one hand out of that place as fast as I could! The point is, you will have days like that, but the stage does pass. I can even say the dreaded terrible twos weren't so bad for us either. Just hang in there, give yourself a lot of "pampering your soul and sanity time". One day it will all come together and your little guy will have grown into a nice young man too. Good luck and congrats on baby #2!
A.

find some indoor bounce houses, childrens museums, indoor water activities, or places with no limits...I remember my one friend has a kid like this and the doc said pic your battles wisely if it wont hurt them then limit your no's. if not you're going to be saying no a lot...if the pond water wasn;t dirty i'd let him touch it and feel that its cold...bring extra clothes for changes...kids get wet all the time in the snow...
i used to put out diferent foods like flour, rice...and water and let my daughter go to town and mix them
or put out water and toys and let her clean them
think of things indoors he'll be amazed by, creating a mess and enjoying himself that won't drive you bonkersmaybe he needs to be stimulated and needs to "help" like help cook, paint...
goodluck..mines pretty easy=)

I think that if you just try to change the way you see this, like feeling defeated, as you said, that it would help you. He is barely out of babyhood, still a small toddler. He will start to make connections with his behavior if you stay totally consistent. It's not something to feel defeated about. You just have to find what works to help start the behavior to change.

Give him two choices as often as you can. Make sure either choice is fine with you. If he fights about it, put him in his room or just force him to do what you need him to do. (Putting on his shoes to go out to play, something akin to that.) Reminding him that you are transitioning to another activity is good, mama. You could use a timer to help with that. Maybe he'd fuss less with a timer.

At places like the park, put him in the car the FIRST time he continues to do something you have told him not to do. Instead of taking him home, strap him up in his carseat, and then stand outside the car. If he is crying, do nothing. Only when he isn't crying anymore, do you open the door and ask him if he is ready to listen to mommy. Don't unstrap him until he says yes. And as soon as he misbehaves again (getting into the pond water), scoop him up and repeat. Do it all afternoon if you have to, until he gives up the behavior. It will show him that you are boss. Make it be a battle of wills that you WIN on this. I think that this is the right way to handle him given what you said about him not seeing it as punishment because he's not getting what he wants. Sitting in the car is boring. Having mommy plop him down in the car over and over will finally make him give in, and that's what you have to get him to do. It is a safety issue too, mama. If you turned your head or were distracted, and he fell in the pond, that would be terrible, and you need to fight this thing of his tooth and nail.

However, keep your cool while you are doing it. I can't tell you how many times I picked up my older son by his Osh-Kosh-Be-Gosh overalls, like carrying a big pocketbook, and removed him from "the scene of the crime". Over and over. I might have been upset inside, but on the outside, steel nerves and calm exterior. I knew that he was still little and had to learn.

And yes, this IS part of his personality/temperment. And you have to do deal with it.

I wouldn't have too many playdates if he is acting like this. Certainly not long ones. Kids don't play together anyway at this age - they play alongside each other. And they take each other's toys away and hit each other too. And you have to correct them each and every time, and just know that it takes several years for them to grow out of it. And if you consistently teach him that there are consequences for acting wild, he will finally figure it out.

Look on amazon.com for a book called "The Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmees" and buy it. He's a little young now, but it will be a good book to read to him. It shows one of the kids pitching a fit in the grocery store floor, and your child will see how silly it looks for someone in the book to do it. He will also see how Mama Bear handled it.

Good luck!
Dawn

You definitely don't suck. Be consistent. At his age, don't necessarily look to a change in his behavior for evidence of successful parenting. Decide what your boundaries are, and enforce them (gently but FIRMLY.) This is a long-term process, and the kinds of things that work in the short term aren't necessarily going to be teaching him the independence and executive function (fancy phrase for "self control") that he will need for the whole rest of his life.

I've also heard a number of early childhood educators talk about the half years (6 mos, 18 mos, 30 mos, etc) tending to be a time of disequilibrium: your kid has fully mastered a certain set of milestones, and isn't quite ready yet to tackle the next set, so they're stuck in this place of being bored with the things they're competent at, and totally awkward and incompetent with everything else. That'd make anyone cranky!

You might want to think about "firming up" your language with him, too. Just a firm "no" instead of "no no." Fewer words are better at his age. Another teacher said to me, when my oldest was about 18 mos, "he hears your first three or four words, and the rest of it is blah blah blah." Not that you shouldn't speak in complete sentences or anything, and use lots of descriptive language in other contexts, but when you're asking him to do something, keep it short and simple and direct. Three or four words.

Be patient with yourself. Be firm and consistent with him. You're doing great. By the time your second is born, Henry will be past 2 and be a totally different child - until he's not, again ;-)

Oh yeah, been there! I've told people repeatedly that I think kids are born EASY (we just don't know it with #1!) and get progressively harder as we get better until about 22 months. That was the magic number with my first; it was a little earlier with my second, and I don't know cuz my third is only 10 months! But it seems like they get into more mischief and understand less until they're almost 2. But at 2, I finally felt like my discipline was sinking in, like I could leave them alone for 2 minutes so I could pee without taking them with me without them getting into major mischief, like they could play and NOT make more mess in five minutes than I could clean up in five hours! It looks like you're in Iowa...I was going to recommend getting out this winter, so you have directed activities. I still would, but going outdoors will not be so easy when you're locked in snow! But--I would try to find things to do. Swimming lessons...story time at the library...a regular grocery shopping trip. Do things where he is able to see new things and be involved, without creating havoc. I'm reading a book now that talks about creating a "yes environment"--meaning a place where kids hear yes more than no, and not because we are overly permissive but rather because the place is set up to allow kids their fun. Our houses, it points out, can't really be this way--but a preschool is. Anyway--I'd strongly encourage you to find those places where it's NOT as much a challenge to parent, where you can finish laundry and dishes and LEAVE your house so he's not a terror in it! My kids love running errands with me, and getting out is so good for all of us. I forget how worth it it is to leave and find something to do, but it's so important.

Did you ever read, a year ago, my posts about my devil child? If you have time to search, it might make you feel better :) My son was/is awful. I love him, but I speak the truth... he's a holy terror. He would throw stuff in the fireplace, tear the floor vents out of the floor, rips pictures off the walls...

Things are much better now :) He's 22 months old and is finally learning the power of the word NO!... he's actually quite the little helper. Replace negative behaviors with positive ones... No, we don't throw toys, here, help me clean them up, that's right, put them in the bin, good job buddy! What a great helper!... etc...

Also, time outs WORK. You want to pitch a sh!t fit? Oh no sir. Do you need to sit in time out?.... he usually flips the tantrum off like a switch. If not, he sits in time out. I'll ask him 'Are you done?'... he nods his head, gives me a hug, and he's over it. Be consistent, it works!!

Start getting him excited about the new baby. Small chores give young kids a huge sense of accomplishment. Ask him to put diapers in the diaper bin, or hand you laundry as you fold it. Make a big stink over positive behaviors... I promise, IT WILL GET BETTER!! ;)

Oh, mama. Welcome to the terrible twos! He is exhibiting all of the normal behaviors for this age group. It is developmentally normal for him to test you (does mommy REALLY mean I can't go in the pond water? If I keep doing it, what will she do?). He has just realized that you and he are different people, that he is independent, and that he can make decisions. This is both scary and exciting for kids this age!

Just remember, you're the mom, and if you state a consequence, you'd better be prepared to back it up... over and over and over. Therefore, pick your battles. The battles you pick, you have to win (otherwise, it will reinforce to him that if he keeps pushing you, he will eventually win, and that is NOT a place you want to go!).

It is pretty exhausting having kids this age, but eventually your little guy will get with the program as long as you stay consistent. Generally by the time kids are 4, they become much easier to deal with. I know that seems like a long time from now, but hang in there. You will find what works for YOUR kids. What works for your little hurricane might be different than what worked for my tasmanian devil, and that's okay! :)

You might enjoy John Rosemond's "Making the 'Terrible' Twos Terrific!" That was a lifesaver for me when my youngest was 2. She really gave me a run for my money at that age! But she has turned out to be a wonderful child, so full of joy - it does get easier, I promise!

Honestly, he sounds like any normal kid that age. No reason to feel defeated - toddlerhood is exhausting. Don't forget that he is still very much a baby, is still learning & will eventually figure it out. Another huge tip is to learn how to pick your battles, especially with a less than agreeable child. There is no use is fighting every single little thing.

Please read the Happiest Toddler on the block" by H. Karp
Hope it helps!

mines not as much wild as stubborn and whiny.. I have a 4 year old that has mood swings so bad its amazing. One moment she is snuggling me and telling me she loves me so much, the next she is sitting on the floor screaming cause her dad tied her shoe in a different way than I did. She whines, she screams, she screams loud then there is her whiny scream, then her little scream, her tired scream, her tired whine. I dont think she knows how to talk normally anymore. I dont like to take her anywhere, or do anything with her. I love her to death she is my Snoogly moogly. I just cant stand the attitude any more. My other two are so easy going and well just normal so I dont know how to handle her day to day. I want to join a bad parent club.

Oh Henry's Mama! You are not a failure.
You do have a spirited child.
I have read your other posts.
My firstborn (DD now 6) was/is very much like your son. Smart as a whip and seemed very strange compared to her peers-not saying they weren't smart-she just had very different interests. She very much was the odd duck out.
We started school work 3 hours ago now (homeschooling) and she has been sitting here in time out (3 hrs.) because she refuses to learn.
Sigh.
Have you read "Making the Terrible Two's Terrific" by John Rosemond?
Lots of people poo-poo him-I can't say I love him or hate him...I simply found this book to be super insightful into the toddler brain-even my atypical toddler.
It's hard. I know it is. I hear ya' and I sympathize! I felt so alone when my daughter was that age. Well...I still feel alone-she is still...different than her peers. Right now she's screaming because I told her she's grounded! ;)
BUT I will offer you a little glimmer of hope. My 2nd (DS-18mths.) is her polar opposite.
Thank the good Lord!

It sounds like you are doing everything just fine. It's redirect and remove him from the situation and model the appropriate behavior. Removing him from a situation he cannot handle happily is NOT punishment - it's not supposed to be. It's just a way of keeping him safe. It sounds like he is doing his job - exploring his world and testing boundaries. It sounds like you are doing your job - setting boundaries that keep him safe. It's just a hard job. You will both get through this because he will mature with time. No matter what you do. And it will be on to the next set of challenges.

lol you have your hands full. My grandson who is 22 months old is a lot like that without the fits. He gets it in his head he wants something or wants to do something there is no stopping him. I watch him closely because he will escape outside as soon as your back is turned and locking the door doesn't work, he knows how to unlock it. Getting him to stay in the play and pack isn't possible unless he wants too. I watched around the corner as he tried to pull himself up over the corner of it and when he wasn't tall enough, he piled his blanket into a heap and stood on it to give him enough height to be able to pull himself over. I finally resorted to giving him a little (light) swat on his bottom when he went outside. I hated doing that and even though it wasn't enough to even sting especially through the diaper, he was brokenhearted Grandma would do that. I haven't had trouble with his going outside alone since. I felt it was to dangerous since we don't have a fenced in yard and live on a busy street so the lesson had to be learned. I find that with him, he has an imagination and working with that helps a lot. Taking time to finger paint at the table, or even carving pumpkins with his helping clean out the seads helps him focus. He is still a handful and I love him with all my heart but I know if I am not consistant and if I don't sound have authority in my voice, he thinks it is a game. When he was throwing cars, I told him "we don't throw cars, it breaks things" When he threw it again I said very strictly "We don't throw cars, if you throw it again, I will put them up" When he threw it again I picked the cars up and put them away. He was mad but when he finally got to play with them again he picked one up and looked like he was going to throw it but stopped and looked at me and I said "Sean, We don't throw cars" He put it down and played with it right. When at the park tell him once that if he goes towards the water that you will go home. Then do it if he goes there. Following through is the most important thing you can do as a parent, whether it is a promise you make or a threat.

Hello,
I have seen other moms recommend this book very highly for spirited children. Maybe you could give it a try:

"Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic"
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Percept...

You already received good advise but I just wanted to offer my thoughts. I have three children and often have felt defeated. I have two great resources that I return to: my pediatrician is fantastic about providing insight and suggestions about development. She has helped me understand and cope with difficult behaviors and ssee us through transitions such as new babies. Secondly, are you in minnesota? If so, check out your local ECFE.

Pick your battles, as one poster noted below, is probably very good advice. I always notice when we go to stay at my father's place, where there's a lot of "no,no,no" (fragile items, big dogs, dangerous stairs, you name it), my son's behavior deteriorates. Kids sometimes need a "no-free" zone where they are comfortable.

Also, I think your son might be old enough to start time-outs. I'm pretty sure I started at around 18 months. Get down on his level, tell him immediately, in the simplest terms, what he's doing wrong, put him in timeout for 1 or 2 minutes (1 minute per age is the norm), get on his level again, repeat again what he did wrong, ask him to say "sorry" (if he can yet - this is non-negotiable when they are 2 and up) and then ask for a hug. If he keeps coming out of time out, keep putting him back in until he learns to stay put for the full 1 to 2 minutes.

Best of luck - I'm sure you're doing fine. :)