My Soon to Be Ex Has a Temper

I would get a lawyer fast and a custody plan that allows only supervised visits. Also, if your daughter is still upset, she may not want to go. She shouldn't be forced to go if she doesn't want to. I would be very careful and insist on the supervision piece. You don't want the kids to be hurt becuase he's mad at you.
Good luck,
M.

I know what you are going through. I am a mother of 2 sons. When me and my husband split they were only 1 and 3 at the time. He had a huge temper and even though you wouldnt think he could turn that anger to the children there is always that chance that he will. My ex did the same thing, blaming me to the boys about him not being there and all kinds of stuff. One time he broke all the windows out of my car while the boys were in the back seat and I was in the front. He was doing all kinds of crazy stuff like that. I finally couldnt take it and I went to the Courthouse and filed for full custody of the kids. This way that if he did get visitations they were regulated through the courts on whether they need to be monitored visitations. They have a social worker that is at the court house to talk to and help you. Its been since 1998 since I did all this. They ended up giving me full custody, he was allowed weekend visitations but they were revoked after about a month. He didnt bath the kids and they told me he left them in care of his dog. Just make sure you start a journal of every day and every incident he does or event that is effected by him. That can be used in court for your benefit as well in the case you get a divorce. Good luck to you and stay safe.

T., you MUST get a good and experienced lawyer immediately, and if cost is a concern, get help from family or whatever you must do. Don't try to go without experienced legal help. You must work out a formal, written custody agreement ASAP and ensure he sticks to it and it's court-enforced. For your ex to bad-mouth you in front of your children is entirely, totally, and completely out of line. Is it possible for a legal settlement to include a written prohibition on both parties bad-mouthing each other to to the kids? One parent talking about the other like that can truly sour relationships -- my cousin lost her two sons' respect because their dad spent their growing-up years bad-mouthing their mom whenever dad had the boys, and as a result the boys never took her seriously by the time they hit their teens. Protect yourself and your kids and make this all legal so there's no "he wants to take the kids" whenever he feesl like it but instead you both have legally created rights and a fixed schedule a court knows.

Wow...it sounds like you're in for a nasty divorce. My advice would be to get an attorney NOW so you can document each and every time he's abusive. Just because he's not hitting you does not mean he's not abusing you AND your children (by hearing it!).
An attorney can also work out a visitation arrangement. Maybe it would be a good idea to have your mom (or someone else you trust)drop the kids off so you don't get into it with your husband in front of your children??
Good luck!! These things are never easy.

You need to go see a lawyer in the area you are in with the kids right away. If your husband has always treated you this way (even if you only just realized it) he will definitely treat the children the same. Under no circumstances should he be saying anything negative to the children about you. Adult issues need to be kept to the adults. If he cannot do that, then he may need to start with supervised visitation. See someone and find out your rights. Your kids need their father and he has a right to see them, but maybe he'll need some counseling to help guide him in the right direction. He may be thinking only with anger right now because you left him (and we all know how a man's ego can't take rejection!!). Do whatever you have to to protect your children.

i suggest you seek advice from an attorney, if you keep him from the children without an attorneys knowledge it will be used against you however if you hand them over and then you claim he is unfit in anyway for say 50/50 custody you handing them over will be contrary to that and you will be admitting he's not unfit. or you could hand them over and not get them back so consult with an attorney asap!

Hello T.

You cannot control what he says but you can talk to your children to have them understand that because of the situation he will says some things that will be hurtful. Keep it in prayer and seek counseling if necessary.

You can go to the courthouse and file for emergency custody rights of the child/ren. You fill out the paperwork, the judge grants it to you, then they set a court date, giving you and him both time to get a lawyer. I think this is your best bet. You don't want to wait to file for custody, do it now and then you know you have full custody until the actual hearing.

You may want to get in touch with Social Services. If for no other reason than they will sit down with him and explain what he is doing is harmful to your daughter. It may startle him to realize that you would take some serious action to protect your kids, and know that he is being "monitored." Whatever you do just make sure that your babies stay safe. If you really believe that it is a dangerous situation for your daughter, (and by her reaction I'd say it is) you can file for emergency custody. You would have to explain your reasons in writing to a judge (the court will help you through the process) and even if it isn't granted they may have send someone out to speak to your husband about appropriate behavior with the kids. Just be sure to protect them.

you should think about mediation, and getting this documented.

documentation is the key to everything.

also think about supervised visits. just to keep him in check. but becarefull this might make him mad.

spin it back on him.
tell him that your bad decission was to yell at me infront of the kids, now they are afriad of you and want some one with them .
you want to keep it neutral so the court can order supervised visits. but you need to get it documented.

and bty no man should ever dissaplin a grown woman.
dont let me rule your life from a distance.too.

you need to get a lawyer, a protective order, a divorce agreement and start a custody case immediately. He's abusive. Do what you can to keep him out of your life.

Get involved with professional help. He may very likely want to "teach your daughter" what 'bad' things mommy does when he has them. He'll have no concept of the torture he'll be giving his children and he won't believe anything you say or anything a relative would say. He should be able to see his children, but find out what you can do to protect your children from the "parent" conflict by talking to someone who has professional training in abusive relationships and separation.
Good luck, this journey does not need to be taken alone, and I've found that keeping NO SECRETS is the only way to keep moving forward - and learn the dividing line between what is your business to keep to yourself ( and those you trust) and what is others' business to hear.

I don't have any advice that others haven't given already, just wanted to congratulate you on this GIANT first step. A lot of women don't make it this far.

I would like to strongly agree on two thing and add one more. Legal representation, and documentation, very big! Plus, are there any witnesses to what's going on besides you and your kids? Friends, neighbors, family, maybe even his family? I know, the last one is not likely but I've heard it does happen. Have the cops been called to your house?
Any scrap you can bring to court will help. It's not fair, but you have to prove what's going on.

It might also help to do without childcare payments or alimony from him IF you end up getting full custody. Cut yourself and your kids off forever from this toxic person. But ask your lawyer of course, I'm not one.

And yes, he will do it to your kids and anyone else he can get away with. He's not a happy person and he'll take it out on whoever is around. By the way, this might be one of those situations where you're kids will be on your side. Kids aren't stupid and they'll resent him thinking they are, if not now, then later. Just make sure you keep your dignity. The kids WILL notice that contrast. Keep your head up and in the game.

Good luck and let us know how you're doing. -S. Kav

I wouldn't let them go. Seen the news of these dads who drop kids off bridges or harm/kill them other ways in retaliation (or "discipline") to their moms? Talk to the police & get them involved early. Talk to your mom, wise women, your pastor if you have one but it's not worth the risk. Probably good idea 2 get restraining order and only supervised visits till he's "disciplined"