I just recently started back to school and had to put my children in daycare for the first time ever. My son, who is 5, since all this started has changed completely. He is now a smart alec who doesn't listen to a word his father or I say. He talks back, doesn't listen, says snotty things that I know he didn't learn at home or on PBS which is all he is allowed to watch! He is now stealing whatever he wants, be it objects or food/candy. Really just all around has a poor attitude I'm not liking and not seeming to be able to change. He's even began cursing.
Anyways, his daycare provider has children. They seem well behaved enough when I'm around. Never seen them be anything more than children... but I'm there for no more than 10 mins every day. My son has told me that most night, as best as I can understand it, he goes to the play room with her oldest child and plays with his sister and her other children with just the oldest child’s supervision. The oldest child isn't even 12 I don't think. He's also mentioned that she goes out to her automobile to smoke again leaving them with her other children, I've never seen her smoke or even smelled smoke so for all I know he is lying or exaggerating. Plus they come home every single evening saying they are starving. She's mentioned nothing of them having eating issues so I can't comprehend this change either. I can rationalize that they are being very active and thus being more hungry than they use to be.
Anyways, I like her. She seems like a very nice lady who is competent and they haven't been hurt, maimed, or abused since I've started them there. . . So I really don't want to find a new daycare provider. Everyone warned me that no one else can care for your children like you, nor will they. But is this just too much? Could his behavior be something else besides lack of supervision? Or is it just from observing other children who are allowed different behavior liberties than him?
Quite of few of my relative also noticed the change in him and asked why he was acting like this. I had no answer. What does everyone else think?
I know some kids exajorate but the hungry issue I would look into that before something happens. I am a in home provider and none of my kids go home hungry.
I am also a returning student, my youngest is 12. I know that is quite a bit different than the ages of your children, but my son too goes through his moods when I am studiying or have a class and have to miss something he wants me to do. He gets defiant, snotty, crabby, has thrown things, stomps around like a small child. I spoke with my aunt who is a psychologist and she said they are letting me know that they miss me and my time. That I need to still put aside "our time" but that he has to know that his behavior is unaccecptable and be held accountable for his actions. I take away his t.v. time and he has an earlier bed time when he acts up. It has really improved. When he first started acting up I felt guilty and babied him alot, I felt like I was abandoning him and that I was a poor mother. That only made it worse, they are very smart!! This is only a suggestion, it worked for me, I wish you luck and good for you for going back to school!!
I am so sorry. I would check into it by asking the provider. And I'm not sure what the one mom was talking about having the 4 year old get thier own food at day care, and if they go hungry it's the child's fault--I'd hate to have kids in that home:( If your child is not being fed, that would be grounds for a licensing complaint!!
If all he is saying is true I'd pull them, and fast!
I hope you find a solution!
First off, I'm sorry this is happening! I know that there's lots of other things to worry about when you start school, let alone questioning what it is doing to the kids.
It is normal for a child who has never been with another care provider to act out when they go to a new environment. It's not THEIR home, not THEIR toys, not THEIR mom. Everything belongs to someone else. And from the daycare providers kids' points of view...they are HAVING to share THEIR home, THEIR mom, hopefully not, but maybe even THEIR toys. It's tought on them, too! Is your son there during the day? Because if he is, how would the providers kids even be home? I know it's a common cliche to say that nobody will care and love your children like you do, but if you find the right provider, they do a bang up job. Couldn't we say the same about sending the kids to school? We teach them everything the first few years of life, then we hand them off to someone else... I get tired of the guilt moms are fed over working or going back to school (I'm a stay at home mom and former daycare provider!!). In a good environment, kids can thrive. I did love one of my daycare kids just like he was my own (I have been back to see him four times since moving in mid September and have called to check on him to see how he's adjusting AND took him for a day while in the cities for free just to play with him). I did not click that way with ALL of the kids, and, matter of fact, some kids you just CANNOT click with. I don't know how to tell you to figure out if your kids are adored, liked, or tolerated! lol Just know that they CAN be adored.
The cigarette smoking, come outright and ask. A provider, licensed, is not supposed to smoke during daycare hours. You get a lot further and build a lot more trust when you ask the provider about your concerns in a non-confrontational way. The hungry thing...I gave my daycare kids breakfast, snack, lunch, and snack. If they did not eat what was offered, they simply did not eat. Maybe your kids are being offered something that they do not find appealing. Ask! With being with a group of other kids, definately more active!
I wouldn't put everything on the provider, but do keep talking to your son every night, show a lot of interest in his day, drop in unannounced (it should be allowed, if not, I WOULD find a new provider) just to see how things are going on a day when you can take the time off cause your kids will WANT to leave with you. Your son may or may not be lying, it's hard to tell when so much has changed for him. Hang in there... I am going to be doing college starting in January, but I lucked out, only one night per week at the school, rest of the time from home... So no daycare for any of mine... Too many kids to be able to afford it anyways!
I know I might get some flack for this but it is ok, If a child hasn't been faced with what is out in the real world, ie, things that might be seen on something more then pbs or other child type t.v shows, once they enter it things can seem so cool and knew to them, which is actually what happens with a lot of kids who first enter school or daycare, He is starting a whole new learning phase of his life, how to apply what has been taught to him early on with what is happening out in the world, I don't limit what my children watch, for the most part obviously thier are somethings no child should see, but everything they see on t.v is a learning tool, we see someone stealing we talk about consequences, we hear cuss words and we discuss how those words should never be spoken cause they can be hurtful ect, Hold firm to what you believe show your son that thier are consequences to his actions, this is a new learning phase he is immitating what he is seeing and hearing from other people, I wished we could wrap them in a bubble sometimes but we can't, the world is out there and there is nothing we can do but help steer them in the right direction, it is an everyday thing.
As to the daycare provider, sit down and talk to her, let her know that your son has said some things of concern and you were wondering if they are true or just the figment of a very imaginitive child, this is your child so she should understand if you came to her with these concerns.
