I have a child who is six years old and over the summer he has started to not want to go to sleep unless I am sitting outside his bedroom door. In addition, he has started to wake up several times throughtout the night and come into our bedroom. I am no longer sitting outside his door at night--when I put him to bed, I go to another room nearby and he will fall asleep but he is still getting up at night. He says that he is scared. I put him back to bed and either lay down with him until he falls asleep or sit outside his bedroom door. If he is afraid how do we help him through this??? Any help is greatly apprecaited.
nightlight, a 'banish the monsters' ritual, and then a talisman of some sort, ie a stuffed animal whose job it is to keep skeery things away.
khairete
S.
Hi D., my son is 6 snd is doing the same thing. I gave him a little spray bottle with water and told him its to keep the monsters/ nightmares away, and that worked for a couple weeks. My situation is a little different in that his dad just returned from Iraq, and now my son can not crawl in and sleep next to me, which he liked to do, when he was scared. Unfortunately, I let him do it sometiems when I was too tired to bring him back to his bed, and I know that did not help. He also has a flashlight by his bed, and soothing music on the player at night. He shares a room with his older brother, who almost always falls right to sleep, so I cannot turn on the light and show him that everything is okay, and there are no monsters, etc. So, I hope you get some good advice that I can learn from also...
When my son was 6, he did about the same thing. He always wanted to sleep with us, and used to cry and not sleep. I started a routine with him, of reading 2 stories, singing our bedtime song, and tucking him in. I also let him pick out a night light of his choice, and let him sleep with a bear that he picked out to keep him company. On nights that he was really adement of not sleeping, I let him read until he fell asleep, which was usually about 45 min before he was fast asleep! I had to assure him that we were right across the hall, and that no one was going to 'get him'. Now my son is 8, and sleeps alone, but sometimes still likes to read until he falls asleep, which I don't mind. I hope this helps!
i would start asking questions of what is he afraid of. what does he watch on tv? the little brains and minds in children work differently than ours and so they process things very differently. ddi something happen at school, playgroud or sporting event???
i used to have nightmares till i was about 10 yrs old when mom realized i was reading fantasy material like grimes fairy tales and they were messing me up. she took those out of room and actually threw them away--nightmares stopped.
also in addition my mom prayed with me before i went to bed. lay me down to sleep and the Lords prayer. were of great comfort
D.,
Have you asked him what might be scaring him? Sometimes a shadow can look like a monster they have seen somewhere. I recommend getting a flashlight and before you put him to bed have him take the flashlight to look under the bed, in the closet, etc. Also, have you seen the VeggieTale episode "Where's God when I'm scared?" It's a really great way to help teach kids that it's ok to be scared. I'd also recommend letting your son know that being scared is ok because it is a natural safety alert in our brains that tell us something might be wrong. An unnatural sound or a feeling that something just isn't right. Then you can reassure him that everything is ok after taking a look around. Also take a look outside his bedroom window to see if there is anything that might scare him at night like a tree rapping on the window or bees flying around or something. After a little while, he'll feel like he can sleep through the night again. Hope this helps. God bless.
I think you have some really great suggestions here. We have stuffed animals that stand guard outside their door. We also tell them there are no monsters b/c the monsters are afraid of Daddy and me so they don't dare come in. Our girls also have flashlights by the bed and we play music when they go to sleep.
If either of them comes to us in the middle of the night, we try to get them back to their room. In the end they know they can stay with us if they are scared, but they will be in a sleeping bag on our floor. Good luck! I've spent many hours with my older child trying to get her to sleep when she was much younger, so I know how you feel.
i know how you feel i have a4.5 year old daughter she has just started being afraid of everything she wont go even go to the bathroom by herself i need help too
I've found that my boys have needed special nighttime attention from time to time. What has worked for me is to make them feel welcome, say that I'm glad to see you but that we need to sleep. I'm comfortable letting one of them sleep the rest of the night with me but when the child has shown up for more than a couple of nights, we've gotten out a sleeping bag or blanket and let him sleep on the floor. His bed is more comfortable and he usually heads back after just a few minutes. I've found that coming to me at night or having trouble falling asleep is always tied to some stress in their lives - school or camp or a vacation starting or stopping, health issues (his own or a family member), learning something new (swimming, biking), or a problem with a friend. With extra attention and cuddling, he is soon off on his on and back to being independent. Sometimes, the child figures out what's upsetting him but not always.
My goal is always to meet the child's needs, recognize that much behavior is temporary, and to get as much sleep as possible so I can be "nice" the next day!
I think the first course of action is to find what he is afraid of. If it is a "monster" or something along those lines I have used a couple of things with my boys (different things have worked at different times). My oldest son made his own dreamcatcher at school and hung it on his window to keep his bad dreams away. Sometimes I will suggest that they sleep with one of their scarier stuffed animals (like a dinosaur) so that he can chase the bad things away.
Every kid is different and it is all in what you can convince them to believe. Hang in there - I can't tell you how long I sat in bedrooms until the kids fell asleep but it does get better!
D.,
Does he enjoy listening to music or stories on cds? I have 2 sons, 3 and almost 5 and they both enjoy listening to stories on cds at nap time and bedtime and if either of them wake duringthe night they ask for their story and they go back to sleep in their own beds. This may help take his mind off the fact that he is scared.
Hi D.. That is really tuff. As I was reading, I said to myself, he is scared and then you wrote, he says he is scared. I knew b/c as a child, I did the very same thing. I would hear things that were on the news or read a book that had monsters in it near bedtime. I didn't understand the things I heard and read enough to ask questions about them. I would have those things on my mind when I was lieing in bed by myself at night and then dream about them. It was a stage that I eventually grew out of. My mom started to play the radio at night on low and choose a soft rock station. It helped drown out noises. She also gave me a flash light that I could keep in the bed and when I thought I heard something, I could turn it on and shine it where I heard the noise. It helped b/c before the flashlight, I just stayed in the bed scared and thinking. You could use a flash light as well. The more I thought.... it ended me up in my parents room. She also made sure I only watched kids telivison before I went to bed too and nothing with violence of any nature. (not batman, spirder man, TMNT, but more like nemo or cars) Just some suggestions that helped me and I wanted to share with you. I hope some of it helps you. Good luck. Let me know how it turns out.
~K.
Mother to a wonderul 3 year old boy
Ps. my mom also took me around the room before she put me to bed and we looked in the closed, looked in the toy box, and looked under the bed to make sure there were not any monsters or anybody in my room before she left and turned the light out. (I would try to find out what it is that he is afraid of too and you two can talk about it. But I suggest doing that when he comes home and not at bed time so he doesn't hink anymore on it.
My four year old does this as well. He says he has bad thoughts in his head... bad dreams. I remind him of something fun he did that day or that we'll do tomorrow, or something fun he likes to do or look at. Last night it was looking at the Zoo calendar we got in the mail and he said he would keep thoughts of those pandas and lions and elephants in his head and that would keep those bad thoughts out of his head. I put the calendar next to his bed to remind him if he needed it. He was looking at it this morning when he got up. (After sleeping all night!) :) Hope this helps. Good luck.
